again so grateful for this experience

CANCER: Lately it seems like everywhere you look there’s another promise shattering at your feet and you can’t even think about cleaning it up yet because that makes it official. That makes it irreparable. You want to hang onto the person you were when these pacts were made, when you still believed that the people you loved were incapable of hurting you. I know it’s difficult to accept that the summer night buzzing with cicadas in your chest is going to fade to autumn, and then to winter. But sometimes you need to let things die in order to try again, and that doesn’t mean you’re giving up. It means that you’re choosing yourself over the shards at your feet.

LEO: It’s terrible that no matter the length of time that you manage to hold onto something beautiful, it always takes twice that amount of time to forget about it. It’s been weeks since your heart was ripped from your chest and you’re still dreaming nightly about icicles and dark movie theaters and other things that can’t stay. I know that this is something you’ve heard before and have refused to believe, but you deserve people that don’t leave. You deserve people that know what to do with everything that you give them. You deserve more than what you think you do.

VIRGO: You’re starting to wonder if you really made the right decision, all of those months ago. Forgetting the love that you buried under an unmarked gravestone has been more difficult than you thought it would be, even with your cement-infused heart. How long has it been since you’ve washed your mirror? You should know better than anybody that trying to evaluate yourself under a sheen of dirt is next to impossible. It’s okay to go back through the photo albums just like it’s okay to discard anything that makes you feel as though you’re trying to run through quicksand. Choose for yourself.

LIBRA: There’s a big part of you that wants to climb atop the nearest mountain and scream until your voice gives out. Scream until your efforts make a difference. Scream until your family decides to let you make your own choices. Scream until the world notices you. Scream until something, anything, works out. I don’t blame you for feeling angry or upset, or as though you’ve been shorted happiness that you deserved to get back. Things haven’t been working out but you need to remember that it isn’t your fault. It isn’t always your fault. Don’t bottle up your frustrations.

SCORPIO: You’ve brushed so much under the rug that it’s become noticeable. There’s now a lump to avoid in the center of your floor and the only thing left to do is confront it. But it’s been so long since you’ve let yourself ruminate on the cobwebs in your memory that you’re scared to acknowledge the spiders that made them. There’s no telling what’s waiting for you, and putting it off is so much easier, I know. You’re so much stronger than you think you are, though. You survived the mess its first time around and you’ll survive it throughout its victory lap. The house will feel so much safer once you get this done.

SAGITTARIUS: The best and worst days of your life tangle up so often that you’re beginning to wonder if they’re secret lovers. It seems like you can only ever be rewarded after something is taken away, like your happiness is a set of scales that somebody with a bad sense of humor is in charge of regulating. The fact that you manage to prosper despite these odds is a reason to be proud of yourself each and every day. I know that you don’t hear this too often, but I mean it when I say that you’re doing incredibly well despite the moonless nights you’ve had to endure. Don’t be afraid to let joy run rampant in your life. She’s kind.

CAPRICORN: The future feels like an avalanche that’s barreling towards you without any sign of slowing down and lately laying down in front of it has been looking like a better and better option. I know that it’s discouraging to see people younger than you are putting their life together without an instruction manual, but it’s okay to not know how everything is supposed to connect yet. You have so much time to determine who you want to be, and where you want to be it. Anybody that pushes you to think faster isn’t worth the effort to think about them. Stand tall when the storm hits, you’ll be surprised by how much you can handle.

AQUARIUS: It’s difficult to mask your impatience when it comes to personal reinvention. You’ve been waiting for so long to feel this free and susceptible to the world, you want your skin to pick up its pace: shed and regrow into something that feels more like a home and less like a body. You’re forgetting that everything meaningful takes time to reach its zenith. You know, you deserve something that doesn’t bite back when you try to feed it. And this time the universe is actually attempting to give you that. Good things are here, embrace them.

PISCES: You’ve been feeling more grateful than ever for the experiences you’ve had and the people that you’ve met, and I’m so happy that you’ve been feeling that type of light. Too often you’ve found yourself in situations not worth remembering and with people not worth your friendship, but not now. It’s okay to let your guard down, to bask in the rays of what you’ve sown. It’s improbable to believe that you will never again feel the wound of sadness, but it’s okay to live as though you won’t. You’re allowed to be happy about what you have.

ARIES: You’ve never felt this free before. It’s almost as if the past few years were all just leading up to this current era of your life. With all of this change I know that it can be difficult to decide what you should keep in your life versus what you should discard, but you have to trust yourself and your instincts. It may be easy to prioritize the happiness of those around you but prioritizing yourself should always come first. If something is causing you great stress, you’re allowed to get rid of it. You’re allowed to do what’s best for you.

TAURUS: Lately the past has been digging into you like a shovel to the earth and you’re tired of waking up with new reasons to remember what you’ve been trying to forget. The good news is that these incoming negative thoughts are no longer a cruel surprise. The bad news is that these incoming negative thoughts are no longer a cruel surprise. Sure, the distance between you and the last person you gave a piece of yourself to might be endlessly fluctuating and uncertain in its boundaries, but that doesn’t mean its grip is powerful enough to stop someone like you from thriving. Go on a road trip. Control your own space. Tell yourself that it’s okay to let go of what’s already let go of you.

GEMINI: You’ve been finding yourself on your own a lot more than usual and this isn’t something you’ve been coping with in the healthiest of ways. It doesn’t seem fair that you always have to wonder about your expiration date, about how long it’ll take for people to deem you rotten and toss you in the trash. I don’t want to lie and say that this will definitely be the last time that you lose someone you believed to be permanent, because it most likely won’t be. But I can assure you, the people that are capable of meshing with your vibrant personality will know how to stick around. You don’t have to worry about being alone forever.
Get Out.

Originally posted by tess453

Peter Parker x Reader

Request: Yes

Summary: Deciding to stay in for a date, Peter and the Reader are faced with annoying and embarrassing comments from the whole team, who are unaware of their relationship.

Word Count: 2,428

Warnings: language, fluff, annoying avengers (??), embarrassed!Peter, embarrassed!Reader, cuteness, LOTR trilogy. (Let me know if I missed any)

A/N: Alright homies, I apologize it has taken me so long to upload something. I’ve been reaally stressed. So hopefully this is okay? For the anon that requested this, I hope you like it. I’d love some feedback, as always. Enjoy reading!


Dark, gray clouds blocked any source of light from shining through the big, thick glass windows surrounding every inch of the building.

The entire tower was filled with a solemn mood that spread into every corner and room.

Most of the team dreaded days like these, since it put a damper on their mood, (especially Steve).

You, however, cherished days like these the most.

It’s where you find your peace and inner self, no matter how depressing that may sound.

It helps you relax and release any stresses that corrupt your thoughts.

But the best reason of all is that you don’t have to leave the house, even if you had a date with Peter tonight.

However, thinking that idea through, you realized something.

The whole team would be here.

With Peter and you.

During your date.

Well, fuck.

Keep reading

We were such a small moment in time you and I; Like a freeze-frame in a life sequence or a snapshot of a perfect happy moment frozen within a painting. And when all you have is that painting… that single unchanging image of the past, you look at it over and over again imposing different things on it every time.
For me – that painting was everything. It was as if being with you was the whole reason for my existence… like loving you was the one thing I was always meant to do. It was my one single perfect creation… the one thing I ever did right. And I’m so obsessed with it I keep repainting it, over and over again – every day. Just that same picture of you and me in the past, over and over just with different emotional filters imposing different meanings on it each time depending on how I’m feeling.
When I’m happy I feel like it all meant something. I’m grateful for the experience and I wish you nothing but happiness… When I’m sad I feel like I’m being punished for something I did wrong… like I wasn’t good enough and I just want to go back and set things right… When I’m angry I feel like it was all a lie and you never cared about me at all. I feel like I was used and abused and then thrown away like a toy you didn’t want anymore. But – like it or not – we are in the past now… So it is always the same unchanging picture… it’s just the way I’m looking at it at the time that changes how I see it…
And though I tell myself to move on… to paint another picture without you in it like you are undoubtedly doing with me… I can’t help but wonder how often you look back at what we used to be… and just what light you see it in…
I’m really excited about the Louis record because it’s like the… I usually write a lot of my own music and in this case I didn’t. He sent the record over to me through email and he was like ‘just check it out’. So I listened to it and in the first five seconds it immediately caught my attention. I went to go take a shower and while I was in the shower I could not stop thinking about the song that I just had heard. So like after I got out of the shower I went back on my phone to listen to the link and the link expired after like one listen or something and I was texting my manager like 'I need the song! I need to hear the song! Please, send it back to me! I need the link again, I need the password.’ Ever since I heard it I was obsessed.

And working with him as well was just… it was such a cool experience. Very nice guy. Because you just don’t know what to expect. Especially like you know, he’s a part of One Direction and you don’t know… but he is so chill and like so cool and like just still seems grateful and humble and that’s I think really really cool.

Just watched Gaga Five Foot Two and it made such an impression on me. I knew that it was going to be personal, but wow… It was so strange to see her like this. I thought I kind of knew her, through her music and following her carreer for so many years, but seeing her actual daily life was so different. It made me sad to see that she goes through so much pain on a daily basis. But also so proud that she keeps going, ‘cause she’s doing what she loves most. Making music for her fans. 

She’s one of the world’s most famous people and you assume that that means that her life is perfect and that she is happy, ‘cause why wouldn’t she be? It was eye opening seeing a woman of her status go through her daily life, dealing with so many struggles and still marching on. 

It was inspirational, sad and funny. I feel like I’ve learned so much about her as a person and I’m so grateful that she’s willing to share this side of herself with the world. 

I hope that she’s taking all the time that she needs to heal before going back on tour. I wish that I could tell her that she isn’t dissapointing her fans and that all we want is for her to feel better. I’m even more excited to experience her live again when she’s ready for it. What a woman. I’m proud to call myself a Gaga fan and I’m excited to spend the rest of my life supporting her and her carreer, if that means that I can pay her back even a little bit of the love and comfort that she provided for me through her music throughout the years. Wow.  

life hack: if someone has commissioned you and it’s taking you Kind Of A While to get to it, please remember and don’t be afraid to offer small updates! Some people (myself included) are more than content to leave an artist to it for however long bc it may be understood that art takes a while, and life can get in the way. However, some commissioners really appreciate check ups, even if you don’t have anything to show yet. If it’s been a couple weeks or a month+ since you last contacted your commissioner, it may be to your benefit to shoot them a short status report of how things are going! Even if you haven’t started on their stuff yet because you’re working on other things first, they’ll like being somewhat in the know and having an idea of how things are going and when you’ll be getting to their stuff~

I’ve always been incredibility lucky, having commissioners who are extremely patient with me. I’ve had commissions take more than a couple months to get done, but keeping up regular communication with the commissioner definitely helps keeping them feeling reassured and happy. 

So, if you’re doing a commission that’ll take a bit of time to finish, or it’s one on a long list of things you have to do, don’t be afraid to communicate with your commissioners and let them know how things are going!

Some news...

The first time I heard about The 100 I was driving home along the winding Coldwater Canyon. Jason called me after his development meeting with Warner Bros., where one of the projects they mentioned had caught his interest. All it took was the two-line pitch and I was instantly on board. I don’t remember exactly what I said as I tried not to drive off that twisty, poorly-lit road, but it was something to the effect of, “That’s so great you have to do it! I know you’re busy with the movie, but that will get on the air. It will go five seasons! Or more!”

And now, as The 100 goes into its fifth season, I’m leaving it behind. I’ve decided not to return to the show when it comes back, intrigued by the idea of doing something new. For those interested in the TV writing business, it’s often considered advisable to get experience on multiple shows, learning the different processes and room dynamics.

Given all that, I find myself thinking a lot about the early days. For the longest time the show lived on paper, just a potentiality. Eventually it got picked up to pilot and we cast a bevy of brilliant actors, who gave faces and voices and hearts to these characters. And then it gelled into something special. It’s been an extraordinary ride and I am so grateful for it. And for all of you. So thank you. May we meet again. 

Fan Submission: Meeting Dylan O'Brien - My Experience

Okay so on Wednesday 26th April I was able to visit the set of the death cure because I won a short film competition last year! And I was able to chat with Dylan on set.

The first thing that happened was Dyl waving at me.
I was walking up an area of set & he was filming a scene. I was just there and I smiled at him because I saw him looking at me. I wasn’t really expecting him to smile back since he was filming but then he did! And the next thing I know is that he’s there WAVING HIS GOOFY WAVE AT ME. I wave back (blushing and totally in shock) and Dyl just keeps waving at me.
When I have to walk away from watching the filming I can’t help but continue grinning, heart pounding, because Dylan waved at me without any prompt or anything. I can’t describe how wonderful that was.

So we were about to leave set (I’m still smiling from Dylan’s dorkiness) when he arrives through the door! First of all, all I see is his hair because he’s actually so small & fragile looking like I just melted.

The first thing Dyl did was shake everyone by the hand and introduce himself to them like we didn’t know who he was - I mean he is so humble. I was really nervous and I think he could tell that but he was so sweet and caring, my
mum came to the set with me and when he shook her hand he was just like “Is this mom?!”
He was asking us where we were all from & started putting on accents (Italian, Irish) and he was so funny and sweet! We chatted a bit more & he was so genuinely interested about the competition. I was so happy to see him so happy and healthy.

I then plucked up enough courage to give Dyl the drawing I drew him of Thomas (the character!) and his reaction was the cutest thing:
“Woah! You drew this? This is insane!”
I then told him that it was for him and he said, “This is for me? Oh my god, you’re super sweet!” I literally just melted I mean being called super sweet by DOB is the most heartwarming feeling ever, his smile just radiates me. He even knew it was from the first movie and was so kind. I thanked him again for taking the time to meet us and he replied “No problem - I really wanted to meet you guys, I just hope you guys like the movie. I can’t wait for you guys to see it!”

After that, he hugged everyone and wow his hug was so warm and strong and safe.
He thanked me again for the drawing and could see how nervous I still was so just made me laugh by saying “Thanks again for the drawing of my face!” Then Dyl did that laugh with his dimples and his eyes were so bright and happy. When he walked off he was showing another guy who worked on set the drawing and was looking at it. I was just beaming, my whole body was so light and my heart was so whole but then… Dylan came back again!

He wanted to wave us all off but ended up having another conversation before that, just chatting about Cape Town and being so casual and cool whilst I’m just internally melting. When he says goodbye this time he shouts “Enjoy your time on the party bus!” and I couldn’t help but laugh because he was being so normal and chill with us.

When I was walking towards the bus I turned back again and smiled at Dylan and he looked at me straight in the eyes and gave me the most beautiful, reassuring smile that I have ever seen. When we were driving away he waved at us with two hands again.

Honestly, Dylan is such a genuine, honest, beautiful human being and I am so grateful.

anonymous asked:

i was wondering, do you think sebastian and ciel care about each other in the manga?, i would like to hear your take on this, because till now i have seen multiple interpretation plus my own, and so i was curious

Care is a pretty loose term in my opinion. Someone can completely shatter you and still claim to care about you. But let’s assume you mean the romanticized term. Care is an understatement for the two. I think the Kuro duo share something a bit deeper than care.

It is something more along the lines of.. planet shattering, death defying, soaked in the deepest pits of hell and blackened by the core of both of their hearts NEED.

Ciel comes off as a child going on 35, cold and emotionless, stopping at nothing to reach his end goal. There will definitely be pawns piling up at the foot of his throne and I wholeheartedly believe Ciel will hold no remorse in watching them fall. The young master’s personality is eternally serious, unfaltering from his pristine reputation as the Earl of Phantomhive.

-BUT-

Ciel needs Sebastian. He does not only care for him. He needs him. He needs him, to be the only being he shows his weaknesses to. To be the one that comforts him when he screams from his night terrors. To be his cursed redemption and first class ticket to his own personal hell. He needs him. Ciel tends to be very unfazed by many things that happen but… what happens when the butler gets hurt..?

Look at those eyes. Ciel believed in that moment that there was a possibility that he could lose his demon. That he could lose everything. I see desperation. But what I see most is hysteria. He is about to completely lose it. Yes yes, I know, it can be because he really thought Sebastian would die. But look at this…

Ciel does not believe that Sebastian’s life is in danger. He understands that the demon will eventually heal. But then why does he scream out? He was caught by surprise from the demon’s painful grunt and his true emotions came out when he called his name. Why? Because he cares needs him. Wants him. Breat- let me stop. But this is also interesting…

Why? Why is the proud earl of Phantomhive giving rest to not only a servant but a demon that will heal quickly at that? Simple.

Because he is so utterly grateful and relieved that he didn’t lose him.

So… what about Sebastian? Ah, the demon. Yes, upon first meeting Ciel, he almost immediately regretted his decision to be with such a troublesome child. Until things changed. The boy grew on him. Sebastian has said multiple times over and over that he does not experience human emotions, right? Well he is right, of course.

-HOWEVER-

What happens when Ciel gets hurt?…

What happened to the oh so well put together butler? This looks like a lot of emotion to me. And yes, again with the whole he may be fearing the loss of his cultivated meal… but is that a reason to crack the carefully blown glass of his flawless outward appearance as the perfect butler?? And this one…

Look at him yelling. He is so desperate he cannot even help but scream like..a…human? –gasp- He could have held it together. Ran as fast as possible, got to the door, knocked just loud enough to wake everyone. But no. Hysteria has affected the demon as well and he is completely freaking out. Looks like emotions to me. Why? Because he cares NEEDS this boy. This soul. This life as a butler. This little inkling of interest he has found within the multiples decades he has lived. And let us not forget this…

Again, we have the butler spazzing over the safety of his young master. Again we have the butler losing just a bit of control over his rationale. And why the coat? Why did he cover Ciel with the coat? Looks like emotion to me. Now here is where Ciel first awakes in the Green Witch arc. Look at Sebastian’s face…

“Oh my devil, you’re awake, holy crap, are you okay?” I mean, his eyes and the sweat drip speak for themselves. 

Now let’s take out Ciel’s safety entirely. The boy is alive. He is awake. He is being taken care of. But Sebastian doesn’t seem so happy…why?

Because the young master has order him to “not touch him.” He does not only live to eventually feed off of Ciel’s soul. He now exists to yield to Ciel in any and every way possible. It looks almost physically painful that he cannot be near the little lord (who REMEMBER is still being taken care of and is in no danger). Sebastian is legitimately upset that he cannot be the one to cater to Ciel.

Not just because he cares for him. Not just because he wants him.

But because he NEEDS him.

All in all, I fully believe the two care for one another but on a whole other level than what others would think when they hear the word care. Their bond goes deeper than that. I believe that if they were the only two left alive in the universe, Sebastian would wake up, pour Ciel’s tea, the boy would sigh in content and proceed to tell Sebastian how lovely the morning air was in the dead of winter.

Even if they didn’t, per say, “care” for one another…

They definitely need each other.

                                       HOLY SHIT THERE ARE A LOT OF YOU !!!

so, this is my 1,000th post, and i’m currently sitting at 337 followers, which i’m sure doesn’t sound like a lot when you compare the amount that a lot of people have, but i’ve only had padmé since january second of this year. that’s not even two full months, and somehow, still, over three hundred people have decided that my padmé is the kind of content they want to see. i’m still not sure why, but since i’ve hit such an amazing number and this is my 1,000th post, i wanted to do something nice for everyone and gush about how much i love you all. so without further ado, here’s my follow forever !!!

                                              THE DELEGATION OF THE 2,000

@aftcrshocks​ / @icaryian​ / @imhiscarer​ : to the shock of absolutely no one, i’m gonna take this moment to yell about my favorite person on this earth, kells. kells is probably my most staunch supporter on this website and in life, and it’s really……awe-inspiring ?? it’s amazing to me, the kind of love that kells has to give to her friends, and the unbelievably selfless ways she continues to show it day in and day out. my entire aesthetic on this blog was crafted by her, and she’s always willing to do anything at the drop of a hat, which is just !!! so much !!! we don’t deserve kells. i don’t deserve kells. she’s so talented and she’s so supportive and kind and i’d take a bullet for that woman. 

@jedibetrayer / @warcompass : in addition to being the best smad egg husband a senator could ask for, chloe is about 85% of the reason that this blog even exists, and i’ll always be forever grateful to her for that. her enthusiasm for star wars and for her muse is off the charts 100% of the time which is just A+ in my eyes. her writing is beautiful, her talent is off the fucking charts, and i just. straight up. adore that girl. 

@kybercore : sen is one of my newer friends and i’m so grateful that padmé brought me this lady because honestly ??? idk how i lived without sen in my life before now ??? sen’s writing is so amazing and her characterization is so on point and she’s always making me question my life choices every time she brings up a plot idea, but in the best way possible. i love her a lot ok.

@demandpeace : haley is just….my salt sister. like a soul sister, only closer, because we get salty about the treatment of our fave ladies and it’s EXCELLENT. i love haley even when she’s using her perfect writing to stab me in the back with padtine feels and i love her for giving me the powerful sassy space nobility girlfriends that i deserve. 

@masterofcraft / @triggrhappy : lillie was one of my first new friends on padmé and i’ll always be so glad and grateful for that. she’s been such a happy influence on my life since entering it, and has given me so many obidala feels it’s unreal. idk how i got to be so blessed but i’m so moved and grateful and never gonna stop being emo about it.

@coughbot​ / @crdered​ : MY SON. zach is my son whom i birthed and raised from infancy and is genuinely one of the sweetest and most talented souls i have ever ??? in my life ??? met ??? they write with the kind of elegance and cohesiveness that writers twice their age struggle with and i’m like. constantly amazed. also so fucking kind like call out post for zach for being TOO PURE.

@sempermemoriia​ / @penitenciia​ / @harlemforged​ : tj is pretty much my favorite of all time ??? tj is, first of all, unfairly fucking talented, and second of all, so thoughtful and observant and it’s kind of the best thing ever ??? i never have to worry that tj hasn’t read my rules or my headcanons because not only does he read all of them but also he incorporates them in everything he writes with me and honestly i love that man more than sharks love blood.

@rosecrime​ / @trustfunded​ / @redeemself​ : maddie aka my other best friend i’m so !!!! i love that girl !! i would die for her !! i’m so blessed to have so many talented friends in my life and i’m sure y’all are tired of hearing that word but EVERYONE !! IS SO TALENTED !! I’M SHOOK !! maddie is such a fucking powerhouse with her replies it leaves me shook all the time, and her characters are always so multi faceted and amazing. no one makes an oc like maddie, like you could throw an fc at her and she’d come up with a well rounded character in under an hour, i’m sure of it.

                                                THE LOYALIST COMMITTEE 

@tachiisms​ / @ofalderaan​ : liesl is hands down one of the kindest, if not The Kindest, person i have ever met on this godforsaken hellsite. i am like 100% sure she has done nothing wrong in her life, ever, and i am, frankly, in awe of her skill at writing and of the amount of positivity and love she graces my dash with on a daily basis. also her siri is so good i’m fucking Shook at all times.

@rebelsacrifice​ / @ofeffulgence​ : lyssa is so incredibly lovely it deadass amazes me all the time like what a machine with her replies ?? how do you do so many replies so fast ?? how are they all phenomenal ?? teach me ?? her characterization is always spot on and her replies are always so good and honestly I Die.

@rcbelborn​ / @eireniic​ : val pretty much constantly has me screaming, if i’m being entirely honest. i have never, in my entire life, looked at another writer on tumblr as ‘goals’ as much as i look at val as my life goal. her writing is so phenomenal and poetic and beautiful while still being coherent and concise and i stalk….everything….and it’s all amazing……i can’t believe this….

@scarificed​ / @warbones​ : i’m pretty convinced miriam is actually satan at this point and i’ve sold my soul to the devil or something but honestly if that means i get to read all of her stuff about oak and also padmé gets to kiss his face i’ll take it ?? i care so much about miriam’s oc’s and i can’t wait to read more of them tbh.

                                                   THE GALACTIC SENATE 

@17000 - @afewmistakes - @aldcraanian - @allianceintel - @arebelnow - @arepure - @artcfwar - @bellassan - @betrayedjedi - @bloodthirstygod - @bluethreepilot - @boogcyman - @bredhope - @brehaa - @bridgrs - @brookesmxrt - @captaxn - @captcassiansandors - @catholiccrowned - @coldbattle - @cosmichymns - @cosmosbeing - @cuyanir - @dathomirborn - @diretales - @disguis - @dualknown - @efridcct - @empireworthy - @ersoteric - @fauxquccn - @fcrcepilot - @forcerebel - @fulcrumm - @galaxyslasthope - @godcoded - @halfworldborn - @heavcnsgrief - @helluvapilot - @hiddensteel - @hopeandrhetoric - @hotshotflyboy - @iinquiisitor - @illecebras - @ingenuitys - @inkwrittcn - @inusitus - @ironfistedwill - @itspersonalforus - @iviaw - @jaigsight - @jaigvision - @jcrso - @jedhaguardian - @jedimessianic - @jediheart - @jediswcrd - @kalofhouseel - @kaminosfinest - @khagaan - @khuravhi - @killedstars - @knightcrusader - @kybersung - @lasanguarded - @lastorgana - @legacyappetite - @lothrat - @menaceborn - @moonjeweled - @moranument - @mossofash - @ncrfherder - @nctapawn - @neverthedark - @obscvrc - @ofashandruin - @ofcloudcities - @oferiadu - @ofironandbeauty - @ofmillennium - @ofsoprano - @oftogrutas - @oftwileks - @ofvaliancy - @orscn - @ostardust - @paxjinn - @princessofwar - @rcguecne - @rebeliintel - @rebelraiised - @rebelvoiced - @republicdied - @roguecapt - @scruffysmuggler - @secretusreginam - @senthope - @shadcwpreacher - @sergeantstardust - @simplehunt - @sithshadow - @smugglerson - @snipisms - @sonnenkonigin - @soulscatter - @sovietperil - @spunstories - @starchillcd - @starrises - @stillsolo - @txrkin - @tyranusss - @underoosed - @unsith - @weaponexpert - @weiirdwitch - @withoutpeer - @ziinariya ( and my other blogs, @freedomscost , @poisonedtwin , and @wanderiingstars )

When I started cosplay I didn’t really talk to other cosplayers much. The talent and confidence of my cosplay sempai were so intimidating I just wanted to give up. Hell, I still feel that way sometimes, I think most cosplayers do. 

This post is a reminder: We are all, always, at a single point in an ongoing process of improvement. 

Evidence: (trigger warnings for some cringe-worthy photos)

Me, 2006:  I barely know how to operate a sewing machine, I bought my costumes from Ross.

Me, 2007: Bought from Hong Kong, took weeks just to style these wigs.

Keep reading

Watching this week’s untucked has reinforced my belief that there are no drag race queens who ‘played the villain’ (except maybe magnolia crawford) who deserve the level of hatred that they get. Alexis auditioned over and over again and cared so much - and even though it was extra or problematic at times, her behavior during the show was a result of how high the stakes and pressure felt for her in particular. She left the main stage more emotional than most, but grateful for the experience. And instead of the getting appreciation she deserves, she’s watching thousands of fans turn against her, sometimes for things that aren’t even her fault. She does not deserve to be sent hate and abuse. She earned her place in the top 5, and if you dislike her personality, then you can say that, and then refrain from getting in her space, or in mine. 

6

Emison vs Paily 5b + 7b

Can someone explain to me how we are STILL entertaining this love triangle??? The first set was from 5x05 in 2014 and in 2017 we are still doing this “lovers fighting over Emily” arc?? It’s even set up the same exact way from seasons ago! This is so unfair to both Emison and Paily shippers. Emison is supposed to be endgame but they are dragging in Paige for what? To torment the Paily shippers? For “closure”? It’s like the writers don’t know what to do with Emily so they constantly shove her with either: 1) new love interests every 5 episodes 2) when that gets old, drag in the good ol’ Emison and Paily tug of war. With only 10 episodes left, they should be focusing on developing Emison instead of half-assing it and expecting us to be grateful and on our knees like I already know they’re going to do.

I know Lindsey is only in a couple of episodes but this whole thing is such a tiring, redundant eyeroll of a storyline and I’m annoyed that this is being promoted as a versus battle once again as if we haven’t done this ALL SERIES. 

Early Morning

Description: "Why did I wake up to the sound of the blender at nearly six in the morning?“ aka Harry bought a new blender and it’s the loudest thing ever.

Pairing: Reader (Y/N) x Harry

Word Count: 601

You were tired. Dead tired. Yesterday, you and Harry had walked around, buying a few things and just enjoying New York City. It was a day that you could have again and again. You didn’t see Harry too often because of his upcoming tour and the premieres of his role in Dunkirk. So you were grateful for the experience of the city.

The plane ride back to London was long and you were excited to return home. The two of you made dinner and watched a short movie before resorting to your bed. As you and Harry walked to bed, you could feel your eyelids becoming heavy. It wasn’t normal for you to tour cities like Harry did, so the bed sounded amazing.

"I have a meeting tomorrow morning, but I should be back in the afternoon,” Harry mentioned.

You were so tired that you just nodded and crawled underneath the covers. Harry chuckled and kissed your temple before wrapping an arm around your side.

You were in a deep slumber when a noise so loud and terrifying made you jump awake. Your heart was racing and you grabbed for Harry. However, he wasn’t there. The sheets were cold and the covers were slightly thrown to the side. You glanced at the clock and realized it was five-thirty a.m. and Harry was using the blender to make his morning smoothie.

You breathed heavily for a few more seconds before tossing the covers off of your body. You stomped to the kitchen, watching your boyfriend walk around shirtless. You softened up a bit, but as the sound of the blender continued, you became more annoyed.

You walked over to Harry, tapping his shoulder. He jumped, clearly scared. You raised your eyebrows, motioning towards the very loud blender. Harry turned it off, grinning nervously at you.

“Why did I wake up to the sound of the blender at nearly six in the morning?” you asked. Your voice was nearly threatening. You weren’t mad at Harry, just annoyed that you could’ve gotten a few more hours of sleep.

“I’m sorry, love. I didn’t really realize how loud this new blender was going to be,” Harry admitted. He glanced at the blender, realizing he may not be making any smoothies right away in the morning.

You groaned. “It’s fine, Harry. I was just expecting to actually get some sleep.” You grabbed for a mug and a tea bag.

“You’re staying up?” Harry asked, indicating to your materials.

“I won’t be able to sleep. It’s fine,” you smiled at Harry. “I’m still annoyed, though.”

You laughed as Harry pouted. “I won’t use the blender this early anymore. I promise.”

He leaned in for a kiss. You quickly tried to peck his lips, but he grabbed your waist and deepened the kiss. He placed a hand behind your head. You kissed him back, enjoying the little intimate moment.

Harry pulled back reluctantly. “I would love to continue this, but my meeting is in an hour and the commute is likely going to take me forty-five minutes. Maybe when I come home, yeah?” he asked, looking into your eyes.

You laughed. “Of course. Text me what you want for dinner, otherwise I’m ordering pizza” you said as you gave his bum a few pats. He nodded. You grabbed your mug of tea and headed back to your bedroom to read for a bit.

“Love you,” Harry called out after grabbing his smoothie and heading for the door.

“Love you, too!” you responded. Not soon after, you heard the door close and you were alone in you and Harry’s home.

I believe that our lives have a purpose. Ideally to uplift and support others in our paths whether it be the person on the corner asking for help or a family member, friend, or someone you never personally meet, our influence however brief is there.

As I get older and have more experiences, I see how precious each being is. I am grateful for the individuals in my life as my life is richer because of them.

Today I saw Hacksaw Ridge again. This is a film that physically hurts me to see. But the lessons and experience are worth it. It is a great example of this puzzle of life as we know it. Each individual was doing the best they could with the knowledge, strengths, and gifts they had. We are so perfectly flawed. I am grateful for the gift of forgiveness when hurt another.

I admire Desmond Doss that he was able to remain true to his convictions just as I admire the soldiers on both sides that did what they thought they should do. How I wish war did not exist. But without the pain there isn’t as much joy.

anonymous asked:

Do you think the Galra took Shiro's arm or Shiro lost it in battle and they replaced it?

oh I 100% think they just took it. For one thing, Shiro’s Escape outright proves it. We see Shiro on a surgical table surrounded by things these things that look like giant saws and when he’s crowded by the medics he’s clearly hyperventilating. He’s been here before. And he literally says, “You took my hand. What more do you want?

Shiro also isn’t the only one with prosthetics or mechanical augmentations. There’s the guard in Beta Traz with his injections, Sendak’s arm and eye, even Rolo’s leg–ect. And Rolo also doesn’t say something like, oh, I lost my leg in a battle against the galra. He says, “I managed to escape, but not before I lost something,” which implies they took it while he was still a prisoner. Shiro agrees and adds, “I know exactly how that feels.” Again, it sounds like the galra were very deliberate about all this. 

There’s also Sendak’s whole attitude about it. He views these mechanical components as “upgrades”–as if losing a limb and having a weaponized prosthetic forced on you is some kind of reward. Something you should be grateful for. 

Sendak also says, “I see you’ve spent some time with the druids. They do love to experiment.” And knowing the druids, they’re not just gonna wait until someone conveniently loses an arm to test-run their new tech. There’s also this idea that galra prosthetics are better than flesh limbs. So as far as they’re concerned, they’re doing you a favor. You were already in need of medical attention even if you were “fine” because however you are now, they can still “fix you” so that you’re superior. “Too bad you didn’t get the latest model,” implies that Sendak’s arm is something to be sought after, an “upgrade.” This idea is further perpetuated when Sendak tells Shiro, “You’ve been broken and reformed. Just look at your hand. It’s the strongest part of you. Embrace it.”

Consider the little lizard that Haggar transforms into a monster. Like, that wasn’t a lizard that was suffering from some weird disease or anything. It was a perfectly healthy lizard and didn’t need any kind of treatment, and she still turned it into a monster. Basically, all the prisoners to her are like little lizards. They’re weak and useless as they are but if you work some magic and invest enough quintessence you can create a powerful weapon. 

If you consider everyone the druids experimented on to be robeasts in some capacity–beings that were corrupted with refined quintessence and mechanical augmentation–then I think Shiro’s unfortunate circumstances make more sense. There aren’t all these high ranking galra and generals walking around missing eyes or limbs due to just bad luck in a fight. They were singled out as potential candidates to become these super soldier type robeasts. 

Eren v.s. Yuu

(Based off the animes.) I can see the comparisons since they’re both dark-haired and green-eyed and angry but honestly the difference between them is that:

-Yuu’s vengeful attitude was a result of trauma. Eren was and always has been really fuckin angry that’s just one of his virtues

-Yuu’s outright hostility severely diminishes once he knows Mika is alive. He’s still an angry little shit but it’s also equally mixed with him being an affectionate goofy dork

-Eren when out-of-his-element still maintains his aggression. He’s passionate about his friends n shit but he always has that undertone of ‘I will seriously fight everyone here no questions asked’ going on with him bc that’s who he is

-Eren is a drama queen?? Like I know Yuu’s had his moments but Eren seems to go through each emotion he experiences like it’s a fuckin soap opera

-Yuu has a way more cocky, carefree attitude. Eren is pretty deadly serious about most things he does, probably because if he fucks up then everyone is screwed. Yuu is still learning that

-Yuu reacts more positively towards Mikaela being a worried overprotective little shit than Eren does with Mikasa but then again that’s probably because Eren actually had a mom and knows what it’s like to be overtly mothered whereas with Yuu and Mika both of them had shitty parents and Yuu lost Mika once so now he’s uber-grateful for Mika’s very existance

-Okay so Mikaela kinda looks and acts like some Mikasa/Armin love child so I guess he kinda constitites the rest of the trio for Yuu

-Yuu is older than him yet has a far more lighthearted, carefree attitude and generally seems to take things a bit less seriously than he should. Eren is way too serious with certain things.

-Yuu made it to the ocean after 24 episodes. Eren did not.

From the Dining Table, Pt. 4 (Ethan)

Summary: After finding out about your second wedding, due to happen tomorrow, Ethan makes one final attempt to convince you that you belong with him.

Word Count: 4, 772

Warnings: None

Author’s Note: Part four is finally here! I’m so excited to be posting this piece as my official return from my hiatus because I know how many of you have been asking and patiently waiting for it. I’ve enjoyed writing this mini series for y’all so much; I’m so grateful that it has made so many of you experience so many emotions and I’m praying that y’all will be satisfied with the ending. This final part is written in the reader’s point of view again, and there are two songs that have so heavily influenced the way I chose to end this series that they will be linked for you before their respective portions of this piece. Much love and happy reading!

Part 1Part 2Part 3


“Moon” by Sleeping At Last

“E, what the hell are we doing here right now?”

The light from the full moon shone down and illuminated the high planes of Ethan’s face, making his forehead, cheekbones, and chin sparkle. His eyes and lips, however, were shrouded in darkness by his browbones and nose, and you had a hard time making out the mischievous gleam in his irises. It was well past midnight and to surprise you for your seventeenth birthday, Ethan had flown the both of you home to New Jersey for the week to visit your family and childhood friends. The two of you had been in an official relationship for just under two years and staying true to the vow you made to him to follow him anywhere, you relocated to the west coast shortly after his online career exploded. While you were elated to support the love of your life in his quest to pursue his dreams, the move was tougher on you than you had anticipated. Homesickness rocked you to your core and you would spend nights crying out to your mother and friends in your slumber, only to have Ethan wake you from your nightmares and lull you back to sleep; naturally, finding out that you’d get to come home for a while threw you into a state of euphoria. Now, as you stood in front of the brick house with Ethan’s hand in yours, only two hours and thirteen minutes into your day of birth, confusion and nervousness consumed your body. What could he have possibly been planning that required the use of the house you long gave up on owning since moving away?

“Oh, come on, Y/N. You can’t tell me you’re not somewhat excited to be back here.”

A thin layer of sweat began to form on the palms of your hands, and you shifted your weight in between your feet hoping Ethan wouldn’t notice.

“I’m not sure if ‘excited’ is the right word. ‘Terrified’ and ‘nostalgic as hell’ might be more fitting.”

“That’s four words, not one.”

You threw your head in Ethan’s direction and knitted your eyebrows together. “You know what I mean.”

Ethan chuckled and began toward the door with you following suit. Once on the porch, you took note that it was missing its usual padlock that normally sat laced around the doorknob. You gave Ethan a sideways glance, a smirk crawling across his face.

“I called in a couple of favors to make sure this was absolutely perfect,” he responded, reading the question in your mind before you could verbalize it.

“Is this even legal?”

“Babe, it’s your birthday. Don’t stress out so much. I took care of everything, okay?” Ethan opened the front door for you with ease and you stepped into the dimly lit foyer, Ethan entering second and closing the door behind the both of you

“So… I’m taking that as a no, then.”

Ethan chuckled again as you inhaled the scent of the musty home and let your eyes adjust to your surroundings. The house was completely void of any furniture and the empty space caused both of your voices to echo off of the walls; old paint was peeling off of the baseboards and air bubbles crept under the aging wallpaper. Despite the apparent neglect of the house, however, you observed that the withering floors looked freshly mopped, the window sills were free of any settling dust, and small votive candles were lit and lined the winding staircase leading up into the hallway, illuminating the otherwise pitch-black space.

“E,” you breathed, a sense of intimacy filling the atmosphere. “When did you do all of this?”

“I may have slithered out from underneath you once or twice while you were sleeping these past couple of days,” Ethan whispered, using his free thumb to reach out and trace your jawline. “I also may have enlisted the help of my sister to work the details of this whole thing out. I had an idea of what I wanted to do for you, but she helped make this a reality. You can thank her later.”

“I’ll thank her when I know exactly what ‘this’ is… ‘This’ isn’t just standing here all night talking, is it?”

Ethan smirked, tightening his grip on your own and starting toward the staircase. “I don’t think that would be much of a birthday present, would it?”

You glanced down at your feet as you climbed the stairs behind Ethan, taking extra care not to kick the candles over as the both of you made your way up to the second floor of the home and down the hall. Once you reached the aging double doors marking the entrance of the master bedroom, Ethan stopped in his tracks to turn and face you. He glanced down to meet your stare and pulled you flush against him, his hands gently gripping the curvature of your waistline. You could feel his slow and even breath on your forehead as you melted into his touch, placing your own hands on either side of his face before standing up on your toes and pecking his nose with your lips. Ethan returned the favor by kissing your forehead, you closing your eyes in response and moving with his body as he gently began to sway the both of you back and forth. Inhaling his signature scent, you let yourself get lost in the feeling of Ethan’s lips on your skin as he moved them from your forehead to your eyelids, nose, cheeks, and jawline. You reached up to lace your fingers in his short hair (a style you were still getting used to after his curly locks were chopped into an oblivion by his twin brother) as the tip of Ethan’s tongue began to barely graze the tender surface of your neck, causing your knees to weaken and your breath to quicken. His grip on your waist tightened as he noticed that you were relying more on his sturdy frame to hold you up by the second, and just before he reached your collar bone, he pulled away from you entirely to find your eyes again. Disappointed at the sudden absence of his touch, you forced your eyelids open to see his face mere centimeters from yours, and he broke out into a cheeky grin before leaning down to whisper in your ear:

“Happy birthday, my love.”

With that sentiment, he turned around and flung the double doors open, revealing a sight so overwhelmingly beautiful that your eyes began to sting with tears the moment Ethan stepped aside so you could take it all in. Rose petals were scattered over the entire floor of the master bedroom and so were more candles, filling the room with soft yellow light that danced furiously on the bare walls and high ceiling. The bay window on the far side of the room, which normally was uncovered and bare allowing anyone to peek into the house anytime they wished, was concealed with a makeshift curtain made out of two dark sheets pinned to the wall, giving you and Ethan complete and total privacy. Catty-cornered to the bay window was a California king sized mattress that had to of been drug across town and up the stairs by Ethan and his siblings. It was littered with countless throw blankets and body pillows and sat contently next to a picnic basket filled to the brim with sweet treats and bottles of non-alcoholic sparkling grape juice. The entire setting was absolutely picturesque, and as you glanced at Ethan with an open mouth and tears running down your cheeks, he swept you off your feet, closed the doors behind the two of you, and set you down on the bed with a grace that was all his own.

“I’m in shock, E… I don’t… I don’t even know what to say to this.”

You kicked your Vans off as Ethan rid himself of his jacket before settling down next to you. Reaching into the basket on his left, Ethan rustled around until he pulled two marshmallows out and handed one to you, scarfing his own down in two bites as you nibbled on yours.

“That’s okay, babe. We have all night to eat, drink, talk or not talk, sleep… or not sleep…”

You almost choked on the last bite of your marshmallow as you shot Ethan a look, clearly caught off guard by his remark. Blood rushed to his cheeks and even in the deceiving shadows that were cast by the flickering of the flames, you could tell he immediately regretted his comment, the embarrassment evident in his eyes.

“You know what?” he spat out, seemingly desperate to take back his words. “Never mind that I said anything at all. This is your birthday, this is your night. We have the next twenty-two hours to spend here if you wanted and I’m not going to fuck that up before it even begins. Nope, not going to happen.”

You giggled and took both of Ethan’s hands in yours in an attempt to calm him down. The remark may have come out of left field, sure, but it didn’t bother you in the slightest. Dating Ethan meant that you had to be flexible and take things as they came, vulgar comments and all. You learned to let the majority of them roll off of your back, knowing he mostly made them out of the sheer attempt to get people laughing, but there were times, like tonight, where you wished he would actually follow through. You always craved Ethan in a way you were never able to fully comprehend, and while lots of your nights with him were spent kissing and exploring each other’s’ bodies fully clothed, there always seemed to be this invisible boundary laid out between the two of you that Ethan never wanted to cross. His chivalry and respect for you was unparalleled, something you never took for granted for as long as you knew him, but tonight felt… different. As you forced Ethan’s shy gaze to meet yours, a shift in the atmosphere occurred and you were suddenly desperate and determined to have him in the most intimate of ways. This was the night you would finally give yourself to him completely, you decided, to be able to call him yours in every way possible.

Staring into his chocolate irises, you took his hands and guided them under your shirt. You laid his palms down on your stomach and gasped at the way his touch simultaneously brought fire to your skin yet sent goosebumps up and down your body. Ethan recoiled quickly, pulling his hands out from under the fabric like a child who burned themselves on hot stove, but you protested and placed them back on your abdomen, holding them down and allowing him to feel the rise and fall of your quickening breath.

“I… I don’t…” Ethan stuttered, but you silenced him with a tender kiss, taking his wrists and moving them painstakingly slowly up your torso. Ethan didn’t move his hands anywhere you didn’t place them, and you stopped them right below your chest before tugging at the fabric of his shirt to pull him on top of you. He obliged hesitantly, his lips still connected to yours, and as he was careful not to lay all of his weight on you, you pulled away and delicately ran your fingers through his blonde tuff of hair. Ethan pulled his hands out from under your shirt to grab its hem, pausing to raise his eyebrows in question. You nodded, giving him permission, and raised your arms above your head as Ethan removed it for you, discarding it beside the bed and leaning back down to shower you with affection. His wet lips came in contact with your collar bone, leaving soft, meticulous kisses on the protruding skin and instinctively forced you to close your eyes and arch your back in pleasure. You reached behind you to unlatch your bra, but before you could shed it from your body, Ethan gently grabbed your wrists to stop you.

“Y/N, don’t think you have to do this for me. I just made a stupid comment, I—I wasn’t trying to imply anything and I don’t want you doing something you’re not ready for—“

You cut Ethan off by shaking yourself from his grasp and removing your bra. As it silently fell to the floor beside you, Ethan let out a shocked, shaky breath and you grabbed him by the back of his neck, hungrily pulling him to you. Your lips collided and performed a perfectly choreographed dance, the taste of him sending you into a state of euphoria. Ethan pulled away momentarily to shed his shirt from his body before kissing you again, and the feeling of his warm, bare skin against yours sent an involuntary growl up your throat. Ethan smiled into the kiss, giggling at the noise you made before pulling away to catch his breath. He placed himself on his elbows on either side of your head and let his eyes roam up and down your half-exposed body, completely in awe of your form. Never before did he think you could become more beautiful than you already were, but as he hovered over you in anticipation of the event to come, you somehow began to shine in his vision.

“Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?” Ethan inquired again, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I’m as sure about this as I’ve been about marrying you, E,” you respond, running your fingertips up and down his biceps.

“God, I can’t wait until the day I get to call you my wife.”

You broke out into a child-like grin, pulling Ethan down to you again for another peck on the lips. “’Mrs. Y/N Dolan.’ It has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”

“It really does,” Ethan smiled back at you.

“Now shut up and kiss me, already.”


“North” by Sleeping At Last

Being in the master bedroom with Ethan now, the atmosphere is anything but intimate. You can barely look him in the eye and you try to maintain as much distance from him as possible; attempting to make yourself comfortable on the bed, you crawl to the middle of the mattress and cross your legs underneath you while Ethan lingers up against the opposite wall, glancing out of the bay window at the quiet street below. You watch the rise and fall of his chest with each breath he takes and observe how the skin at his knuckles wrinkle as he forcefully shoves his hands in his jean pockets. His face is flushed and his lips are dry from getting sick just hours earlier, and even though you sent him to the guest bedroom to rest as you cleaned up (with Stella insisting to help), you doubt he slept much, if at all. The news of your upcoming wedding has thrown him into a state of shock unlike anything you’ve seen before, and while a younger version of yourself would have jumped at the chance to nurture and care for him, you now can’t help but find the timing of his dramatic return to be incredibly uncanny. Watching the boy you loved since before you ever understood what love was, who abandoned you without a trace in his quest for fame and stardom, reenter your life after eight years of silence and pout like a child about you choosing to finally move on, causes a burning sensation to rise in your chest and make its way through your body. The anger flows through your veins and fills your head with profanities you wish you could yell at Ethan, with unspeakable things you wish you could do to him for causing you to hurt for so long, but you pull your gaze from him and begin to pick at the skin on your nail beds instead. A deep sigh is elicited from Ethan and you hear him rustle before clearing his throat to speak:

“I just… I need you to tell me how you’re feeling right now, Y/N. Please. Give me something.”

You press your lips into a hard line, the anger forcing salty tears out of your tear ducts and onto your cheeks. Your gaze stays locked on your own hands, but you don’t need to look up to feel Ethan’s stare boring into your body.

God, that stare, his stare you’ve missed for so long…

No, no. He hurt you. You’re not going to let him have you again after everything he’s done.

“Is the letter still in your pocket?” you manage to force out.

“Yes.”

“Then you already know how I’m feeling.”

Ethan remains frozen in his place, silent.

“I can’t believe you have the audacity to come into my home unannounced after eight years, the night before my wedding, I may add, and ask me how I’m feeling,” you continue, your voice beginning to harden as the anger in your body turns to rage. “You’ve done a lot of fucked up things to me, Ethan, but this is, by far, the most unthinkable.”

“That’s not fair, Y/N. How was I supposed to know you were getting married?”

This time, it’s your turn to remain silent.

“Do you know why I asked you to talk up here after you put Stella down for a nap? We could have spoken anywhere; do you know why I chose this room?”

“To torture me even more than you already have?” you mumble under your breath.

“So, you do remember that night?”

You glance up at Ethan, completely stunned at his question. What in his right mind would make him think you’d forget about one of the best nights of your life?

Oh, right. He’s not in his right mind.

“I couldn’t forget it even if I wanted to, Ethan.” You take the cuff of your long-sleeved shirt and use it to wipe away the tears on your cheeks as Ethan pushes himself off of the wall to turn and face you. Suddenly feeling incredibly exposed, you pull your legs to your chest and wrap your arms around them, resting your chin on your knees and closing your eyes.

“Then please, please keep that night and the love we had for each other in your mind as I try to explain myself. I just want a chance to explain, Y/N.”

More tears wiggle their way out from under your eyelashes as your breath becomes ragged and uneasy. “It’s a little too late for that, don’t you think?”

“Maybe it is,” he responds, desperation rising in his voice. “But you also could have shut the door in my face, and you didn’t. You let me in.”

Ethan pauses and you open your eyes to look at him. The setting sun beams into the window behind him and casts an ethereal glow around his figure. His eyes look pained, frightened, and his body is tense and afraid. You suck in a quick breath at the sight of him; even after all of these years, in the strained state the both of you are in, he’s still the most beautiful creature you’ve ever seen.

“Please, Y/N. Please let me in again. Give me a chance to try and explain myself and prove to you why it should be me you spend the rest of your life with, not him.”

Your eyes narrow into slits as you watch Ethan cautiously approach your bedside. He places himself down on the edge of the mattress causing it to dip underneath you, and as he laces his hands in his lap, your vision begins to blur. You want to run away, hide from the years of pain suddenly resurfacing all at once, scream, be anywhere but here, but your body protests, keeping you in your spot on the bed near Ethan.

“I… I know this explanation isn’t going to be enough. It’s not a long sob story, it’s not one that will make you feel sorry for me, and it’s not one I’m proud to tell. At the root of this story, though, is pride. My pride was what ultimately took you from me. I don’t think either of us could have anticipated the life I was going to lead. You never asked for any of the things that came with dating me: moving, having to make new friends on the other side of the country, going to a new school, the constant jet set and being mobbed by people every time we would go out in public, often not seeing each other for weeks at a time… But you took it all and handled it with grace, grit, and style. You never once complained and no matter how often I asked you if you wanted me to slow down, pull back, or stop for the sake of us, you said no. You knew how much I loved what I was doing and that unwavering support… I guess I just got too used to it. I watched you deal with all of that and finish high school, graduate college a year early, find us a house so we could move out of the cramped apartment we shared with Grayson and Cameron, and juggle both of our schedules that I thought you were untouchable.

“And believe it or not, I fell even more in love with you during that time. Our young love was innocent, naïve, and fun, but it was leaving Jersey and navigating the beginning of adulthood with you that made me realize how deeply rooted my love and admiration were for you. You were everything I could have ever asked for and more. You were perfectly imperfect. You were mine. I never felt luckier in my entire life than I did then.”

“Then why did you leave me?” you ask, cocking your head to the side as Ethan gradually makes his way across the bed and closer to you.

“I began to feel inadequate,” he breathes as his hands begin to shake. “No matter how many movie roles I landed, no matter how much money I made, no matter how many people wanted something from me, I’d always look over at you… And I’d never feel like I was enough.

“So, I began to push you away. I stopped answering your phone calls because I couldn’t face you anymore. I deleted your texts before I even read them. I spent weeks away from you because I didn’t want you to see how consumed I became with doubt and self-loathing. I used other girls and drugs and anything else you can think of to try and fill the hole in my chest that began to form without you. I guess I lost track of time… weeks turned into months which turned into years, but I never forgot about you. You were the last person I thought of before falling asleep and the first person I wanted to see before even opening my eyes in the morning. I was consumed by the thought of you. I just became too prideful to reach out to you because I could only fathom how much agony I caused you, and I didn’t want to take responsibility for that.”

“I thought I was never going to see you again.” Your voice was small and ragged as you sat motionless, trying to process Ethan’s words.

“But you want to know what did it in for me? Why I came back?”

You raised your eyebrows in response to his question.

“Someone was blaring Stella out of their trailer on set and I broke down. I knew I couldn’t go another moment without seeing you so I stormed off without a word, found the note you left me, booked the next flight to Jersey… and, well, here we are.”

By now, Ethan’s body was so close to yours that you could feel the electricity sparking between your bodies. You felt like someone had punched you in the gut and you were winded and bruised, but your thoughts were racing at a million miles an hour.

He never stopped loving you. It’s been eight years but he never stopped loving you.

“I never stopped loving you either, E,” you croak. “I moved home because everything in L.A. reminded me of you and I was tired of hurting so much, but I never stopped loving you. I married Damien because I thought you were never coming back. We ran into each other at the grocery story after I moved, he helped me work through some of my grief, and treated me with dignity. He became one of my best friends. I was excited when he proposed; it felt like I was finally getting over you, but the farther into our relationship we got, I realized that I was just treating him as a surrogate for everything I wanted with you. I bought the brick house, he helped me fix it up the way I always dreamed, we got pregnant, found out it was a girl, and I named her Stella without any protest from him. I did all of these things because it was the only way to keep you close to me after you were long gone.

“And honestly, I think I did love Damien in a way, but I was never in love with him the way I am with you. But, holy shit, when I got the news that he died… I became broken all over again because suddenly it felt like I lost you again, E. While his casket was literally being lowered into the dirt, I swore off love for good. I promised myself I was never going to marry anyone ever again.”

“So, what changed?”

You shrug indifferently. “Stella is growing up. She needs a dad, someone to take care of her. Matt is very paternal. He can be that for her.”

“But you don’t love him?”

“No, not one bit,” you state matter-of-factly.

“You’re only doing this for her?”

“Yes.”

Ethan exhales slowly and licks his lips before speaking again. “What… what if I took care of her? What if I had all of my things shipped here and, with your permission of course, we started our life in this brick house like you always wanted? What if I promised to never leave you again and love you more fiercely than I ever have before, to support you endlessly and give you everything you could have ever wanted? Would you call off the wedding?”

You don’t even have to think about your answer. “Yes. I would in a heartbeat.”

“Then that’s what I promise you. That’s my most absolute, unbreakable promise to you, and I will spend the rest of my life working to keep that promise.”

You reach out to take his hand in yours and gasp at his touch, something you’ve been without and missed tremendously, something you thought you’d never get to experience again.  

“Okay,” you whisper, placing your head on his shoulder. “I won’t marry Matt tomorrow.”

“Really?”

“Yes, because you promised.”

“And I’m going to keep that promise.”

“I know, and I believe you.”

“Okay, good.”

The hum of the air conditioning fills the air as time lull on, both of you sitting silently while truly coming to the realization that you had found your way back to each other.

“Are you scared?” Ethan asks after minutes of silence.

“More than you know.”

“Me too, sweetheart. Me too.”

“I love you, E. I always have and I always will, until I take my final breath.”

“I know. I love you too, Y/N, and I always will, even after I take my final breath.”

More silence.

“’Ethan Dolan, my forever after.’ It has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?” you eventually mutter.

Ethan places a soft kiss to your forehead as his thumb begins to move back and forth across your hand.

“It really does.”


And Ethan kept his promise. 

You watched as he slowly gained the trust, and then love, of Stella, her soon throwing out the name “Mr. Ethan” and replacing it with “Dad.” You watched him put her on the bus the morning of her first day of Kindergarten, tears welling in his eyes as he commented on how she was growing too fast, him wanting her to stay young forever. You watched as he filed away his money a bit at a time for her for her education, never once complaining about his dwindling bank account since moving back to New Jersey and quitting his acting career. You watched as he worked diligently over the years to maintain the dignity of the brick house that you and Damien worked so hard to restore, taking extra care to cover the walls with paint and polish the wood floors with oil when needed. You watched as he grew softer and more kind when interacting with his own siblings (he told them it was your love that was the cause) and you watched as he cared for his continuously aging parents with a new found affection he never had for them before. You watched as he traced every wrinkle and sun spot you acquired over the years with nothing but love, still shuddering at his touch just the same as you did when you gave yourself to him for the first time in the master bedroom at seventeen years old. You watched as he spent the rest of his life proving to you and Stella that he was here to love you without condition and support you without complaint.

And every night that you settled in bed, even when you reached old age and it became increasingly difficult to raise and lower yourself to the mattress each day, you thanked God that he brought Ethan back you. 

You thanked God that Ethan kept his promise.

anonymous asked:

Yo I was wondering, how would Caleb and Chloe respond to/perceive someone else's nostalgia? For example, if someone was reminded of the smell of their grandmothers house, or a piece of their childhood that was extremely important to them but they know they'll never see again. Would Chloe see or smell the place they were thinking of (since memories are heavily tied to scent)? What color would Caleb describe nostalgia as?


So, first off…I’m going to answer this for Caleb. I’ll leave Lauren and/or Anna to answer on Chloe’s behalf…but I have thoughts on this. I’m going to mention a little story here…


A month or so ago I was out to dinner with my boyfriend. After our evening of IKEA meatballs and Lingonberry drinks, we decided we wanted to grab dessert somewhere. So we decided to go to a bakery in Burbank that I had never been to before…

After jamming out to some classic Cartel in the car, we arrived and walked into the bakery; I froze immediately. I froze immediately and in about five seconds I was crying. I’m not even kidding…I was full on crying. I was crying because the inside of that bakery smelled like my Great Gram’s house (she passed away 10 years ago and we were incredibly close). 

In that moment, when I stepped inside that bakery, I smelled a smell that I never thought I’d experience again; a smell that I didn’t know I missed. It all just hit me and I started crying. I was so grateful for that moment because in the span of a minute I was hit by this flow of happiness and sadness as I reflected on memories of me, my brother and my Great Gram.

So…the reason I bring this story up is because I don’t think “nostalgia” is necessarily an “emotion”…but I think it can be “a vessel that carries us down a river of emotions” (cheesy wording…but true AF).

…and therefore, my answer: While I don’t think nostalgia can necessarily be felt by Caleb as an emotion/color all by itself…Caleb, as he matures, has been able to begin to identify combinations of emotions and what those combinations might mean. Think of it like each color is a word in a sentence and the full sentence describes the complexity of a thought or experience (like nostalgia). Actually! Even better…anybody here see ‘Inside Out’? As the character Riley gets older…the colored globes in her head evolve from single colors (blue for sadness, yellow for happiness) to mixtures of them. I think Caleb in all of his fits and starts of emotional maturity (he’s a teenage boy…so…lots of fits guys) he is learning to translate combinations of emotions into more intangible concepts like “nostalgia”.

In The Bright Sessions, Caleb has said things like “Orange and smothering” I believe, to describe emotions like pride or protectiveness…and I think that’s a result of the emotions that make up that intention mixing together to produce a color that can be perceived and communicated to describe that concept.

So…there ya go! My thoughts on that. I Hope it made sense! 

- Briggon

Rewatching Yuri!!! On Ice, and seeing this face

is such an experience. like i’m feeling so blessed. so moved. so grateful. thank you kubo.. for this blessing