Hey Jieun, currently my loans for Uni are stacking up and it's giving me the worst anxiety. While my mom is paying for it partially, I know that it's tough on her financially. I just feel like such a failure bc I'm not going after a more lucrative~ career. I'm an English/Writing major rn and while I'm not that passionate about I know that it'd be a lot worst had I taken let's say the medical path. God, I just feel constantly guilty and I feel like I'm constantly a burden to my mom (1/?)
And she’s so frugal with her money and again constantly feel at fault for putting her in a situation like this. I wanted to go to a private school so here I am. Idk it’s just eating me up inside and every time I think about my situation rn I feel miserable. I also have this relentless fear that I’ll never make it up to my mom for all she’s done for me. It terrifies me to no end and I’m just so tired. I don’t know what I’m going to do in the future and I’m just so afraid (2/2)
hi bud, i know exactly how you feel. while i may not have been in the most extreme financial crisis while attending college, believe me, my university fees were ridiculously beyond what i could’ve afforded to pay for myself (even buying plane tickets to and from ny/cali stressed me out i stopped coming home for holidays). my parents never really said anything or made me feel bad about it bc they genuinely believed it was their financial responsibility to pay for my education. but like you, i always had this cloud of guilt looming over my head every time the email for the semester bill came.
i know that you may feel like all you’re doing is wasting your mom’s hard-money, especially bc there hasn’t been any immediate response hinting success let alone promising one, but i just want you to know that any good parent wants to do everything they can for their child. the fact that your mom allowed you to major in english/writing, is supporting your career dreams, and is working rigorously to help pay for your tuition shows more than enough how much she loves you and believes in you.
so think of yourself and what you are doing now in college as a long-term investment. work diligently to be the best english major/writer you can be, absorb as much knowledge as you can from both your peers and professors, and create invaluable experiences beyond the classroom during the rest of your life as a uni student. those four years fly by soooo quickly so take advantage of every opportunity (and free food event!!! haha) while you can.
i think both you and your mom will be just fine. the mere fact that you are not only conscious of situations like this, but actually want to actively do something about it, tells me you’re very ambitious and responsible. you just want to be a good daughter and give your mom everything bc that’s exactly what she’s been doing for you since day one…. but you just don’t know how to or where to start or if you’ll ever be able to. but you can and you will bc you have potential. i know it, your mom knows it, and now you know it 😊😊😊