No one cared about me. I thought all I needed was my vengeance, but then something happened. My enemies became my family. And that’s when I finally felt happy.

Regina Mills

Okay, real talk. Regina, you’ve started to get less intolerable and I’m overjoyed because God help me I don’t think I could survive another Breaking Glass or The Price. But… really?

‘No one cared about me.’

Off the top of my head: your dad, Snow White, your mother (after a fashion and in her own twisted way), Sidney, Henry (even after everything you did he still didn’t want you torn limb from limb by an angry mob), Katherine, Owen and Kurt (before you tried to kidnap them), Maleficent and Tinkerbell (who practically flew you, free of charge, to the man of your dreams).

That’s a hell of a lot of ‘no ones’. And most of them knew you as the Evil Queen or at least as a rather nasty individual who felt compelled to try to murder a ten year old. You were never completely alone with no one caring for you, even at your worst, so wtf girl?

‘My enemies became my family’

True, they were your enemies. But do you know what they also were?

Your victims.

And this is what gets to me. You’re stepping up? That’s great. But this redemption trip you’re on has missed several key stops on its route. The most glaring of which being you consistently acknowledging the massive power imbalance between you and nearly everyone you’ve ever wronged.

A word like ‘enemies’ is safe and neutral. Anyone can be someone else’s enemy. It flows both ways regardless of hero-status or morality. But victim? That’s typically a one way street and we all know which side of the pavement you were on when you were smearing the word ‘tramp’ on Snow White’s car because apparently robbing her of her family and first born child just wasn’t funny enough.

Sure you could argue, Regina, that you were only framing the issue this way in order to reach Zelena and talk to her on her level. Except this kind of whitewash (the whole ‘I’m gonna focus on my own feelings even when talking about the people I slaughtered so I end up coming across as the real victim here’) is pretty much par of the course no matter who you’re talking to.

You don’t hate the Evil Queen. You’re embarrassed by her like she’s the braces you wore in school or the bad poetry you wrote when you were fifteen. She wasn’t all that bad, she just stopped serving her purpose and became obsolete (until you want to use the persona to threaten someone that is).

When you put it that way, it makes it easier to call a witch a ‘child muncher’ even when more than one of her meals was delivered to her door courtesy of you. It makes it easier to brush aside destroying Emma’s childhood because ‘meh, Snow got her back, so wevs’.

Because the EQ’s biggest crime was never what she did to other people. It was that she never made you happy enough.

You always had a family. Your father. Your step daughter. Your son. One you murdered. The other two you put into a death-like sleep. It was only when you felt you had enough (enough adoration, enough affection, enough privileges, enough of them looking the other way when you hurt them) that you changed the way you treated them. So in the end, they were the ones doing all the work.

Your victims ‘enemies’.

That may be a happy ending to you. But my heart has not grown three sizes hearing this. My heart is recoiling away from you, you strange, self-absorbed creature.

Yours etc etc.

A Oncer Who is Tired of Hating You