So today I had lunch with some friends and one started talking about relationships. Her coworker had just broken up with a guy after 5 years and admitted that she had sex with him like only 8 times. In the millisecond that passed before we had to react to this apparently shocking statement, these thoughts went through my head: ‘That’s 8 times too many. Why is this a big deal? Crap, get ready to pretend to understand what’s going on an react appropriately. How surprised am I supposed to be again?’
After that I just played along, watching while my other friends acted really shocked and went “Whaaaaaaat? How is that possible? That is a bad relationship, how did she let that happen? You’re not happy if your relationship doesn’t have good sex!” Now I’ve heard this on tv a lot, but hearing it in person from people close to me brought a stab I don’t usually feel.
They have no idea about me. They don’t even know asexuality exists. I’m not about to bring it up to them because it’s my business and I don’t want to have to defend how I feel.
Anyway, my friend said this girl had apparently thought sex was not all that great or maybe it just wasn’t for her. Then she quickly went on to say that now she was having this ‘sexual awakening’ with a new guy and realized that sex was great. All she had needed was to find the right guy. Other friend agrees.
This other girl in the story was not me, she doesn’t have the same life or feelings as me at all. And yet this story instantly made me doubt myself. I analyze myself now and find no sexual attraction to anything. Yet my friends agreeing about this makes me doubt everything I feel. How is that possible?
It is you guys all constantly posting on here about having similar doubts and feelings of insecurity that is reassuring me that asexuality is real and valid. That I’m not missing out on life’s greatest joy(which is what it sounds like the way my friends were talking about it).
I love my friends, and they are great, kind people. But this is one thing I am thankful I have this ace tumblr community for. I honestly need to know other people feel this way too. Thank you guys.