after seminar

Going to go into town on my own for the 1st time today, which is kinda a big step for me but im going to make myself do it after my seminar at 9 x

#EDIT: I managed it, I didn’t die, although nearly had a heartattack at the close proximity of an attractive fellow bus passenger. But I didn’t die!

Today I am Grateful for....

Medical Science.

One of my friends is having her 2nd child today by c-section.  She suffered an ectopic pregnancy years ago and lost one of her tubes, so her and her husband ended up resorting to IVF to have children.  I am so excited to meet this little one!

But it made me think of my own journey.  To conceive our first - after years of infertility, tests, day surgeries, and one pregnancy loss - we resorted to IUI (intrauterine insemination) plus Clomid (pills)… AKA The turkey baster method.  It worked on our 2nd attempt and we were thrilled. 

We used this method 4 more times once our little man was about 18 months old or so - the first worked but we lost it, then the next 3 times, no go.  So they urged us to do IVF because I had Premature Ovarian Failure (I was 32 but my ovaries were more about 39 or so).

After more tests, a seminar with hundreds of other families, an appt with the psychologist, tons of paperwork and a huge cheque, we were called that it was our time.  They sent me my medication regime….

Needles, needles and more needles.  It was terrifying.  But I got the hang of it and after a week it was no big deal stabbing myself in the thigh and belly 3 times a day.

A week before the estimated egg retrieval, I headed to the city and was able to stay with family so they could do daily or every other day bloodwork and ultrasounds to keep an eye on things.  Then, the night of the trigger shot, my husband flew down.  The egg retrieval was painful but so freaking cool.  They got 11 eggs.  And after 3 days, we had 6 viable blastocysts:  1 was implanted and 5 were cryopreserved for future use. 

The first embryo didn’t work.  I was devastated.  But we tried again 4 months later - and the above picture is of the blastocyst that was thawed and implanted.  Pretty cool eh?

And that one didn’t work either.  So, 5 months later, we implanted 2 embryos.  Both took but only 1 was viable at the 7 week ultrasound.  And now he’s 2 years old and running around at daycare.

And this is just one corner of the medical science and technology field.  That’s not even including my c-sections (like seriously - they slice me open and sew me back up and I’m ok!)  That’s not including all the other areas of medicine, surgery, treatments, etc.  It’s simply amazing and I am sooooo grateful for medical science for giving families like mine and my friend the ability to have children - or at least try for them.  I can’t imagine my days without my boys (as stressed as I can get by trying to be a good mom).  I would do all the treatments, tests, surgeries, etc to have them again. 

Seeing The Doctor

After Rachel’s seminar at NYADA, she headed straight home. It was a good day so far and she was excited to see how Quinn did on her own. “Please, don’t let her have gotten into anything.” She chuckled as she rushed up the stairs and into the apartment. “Sweetie, i’m home.”

i am so unbelievably gutted about alan rickman. i cannot believe this. i’m sitting in my bed in new york city at 8:30 in the morning attempting to not sob with shock. alan was one of my great heroes. i met him at at a master class. he was such a charming and encouraging man, and warm, and took me in a great big bear hug when our workshop was over. “never give up,” he said. i met him again after his performance in seminar. he happily said “i remember you!” - even though i’m sure he didn’t, but was so determined to be kind - and gave me a hug once more. as he left, he patted my back - and again, in that sweet, sonorous voice: “never give up.” i won’t forget his wisdom and kindness towards me, and all of the roles that have inspired me to my core. harry potter. die hard. robin hood. an awfully big adventure. sense & sensibility… truly madly deeply is probably one of the greatest movies ever made, his performance in that changed my life. i am just completely devastated. i have truly lost one of my real, real, real heroes. i cannot process this in any way. alan thank you. i won’t give up. not ever.