Do you know if there's any news about Tangled BEA or Tangled: the Series releasing an iTunes soundtrack?
I believe the only things that are going to be released are the songs, so far. That’s “Life After Happily Ever After,” “Wind in My Hair,” and “More of Me”. All of those are presently available on iTunes as singles. I’m sure as more songs come out, we’ll get them, but no news of getting the score. (Which is a shame, because I would love to have to score.)
Howdy, kiddos! The sun comes up and the world still spins and I still write you angsty Hamilton fanfiction. If you wanna read the previous installments, go here! TW for talk of past suicide attempt in a conversation. Your safety is more important than a fic, kiddos!
It was just past noon and Thomas was the only one awake in their small apartment. Alexander had been “heavily advised” to keep a normal schedule when he was released from the hospital. This schedule included going to bed by 10:30 and getting up by 8:00 at the latest. But last night hadn’t exactly gone according to plan. No. It’d all been one giant mess…
Thomas nursed a cup of coffee and dropped his head into hands. He really didn’t want to think about it, but at the same time it was all he could think about. And now he was left with a decision. A decision that he resented having to make. But he knew it should be made by the time Alexander emerged, whenever that would be. Considering the two of them hadn’t fallen asleep until past five in the morning, it might be a while.
Thomas stared down at his cup of coffee. He’d made it at least an hour ago, after his last cup had gone cold. He stuck a finger in it. Cold. He stood and poured it down the drain. He was about to take a shower in the hopes of warm water waking him up, helping him clear his head so he could think, goddamnit, think, when he phone buzzed on the counter.
Large Baguette: im outside open up macaroni
Jefferson groaned. Leave it to Laf to show up unannounced on a day like this.
Thomas pocketed the apartment key and jogged down the steps to open the main door for Laf. The Frenchman was standing on the front step, a pink scarf and pink earmuffs on even though it wasn’t that cold, with a wrapped tray of muffins in his hands.
Thomas stepped aside so Laf could enter.
“You are quiet?” Laf studied Thomas, who averted his eyes.
Laf furrowed his brow. “For you? Or for Alexander?”
Thomas shrugged. “A late night for Alex is a late night for me.”
Laf sighed. “Mon ami, let’s talk, non?”
What could Thomas say? He had nowhere left to go, really. Maybe Lafayette could help him. He may be Alex’s brother, but he was also Thomas’ friend. And he was great at giving advice.
Thomas waved him up the stairs. “But be quiet,” he said. “Alex is still sleeping.” He was grateful when Laf didn’t question why his brother was sleeping so late. He was grateful he seemed to trust Thomas. He hoped that didn’t all change after whatever came up in this discussion.
Once they were safely in the apartment, Laf set down the tray of muffins on the counter and unwrapped them. He held one out to Thomas and took one for himself, stuffing it in his mouth.
Thomas shook his head and chuckled. “Are you supposed to eat the food you’re giving to other people?”
Laf tried to grin, causing a few muffin crumbs to fall to the ground. This only made him laugh harder. Thomas shook his head again, the laugh that came out of him more genuine this time.
They sat on the couch in the living room. Thomas draped a blanket over his shoulders. That was the only way he was gonna get through this conversation.
“What is wrong, mon ami?” Laf asked once he’d swallowed the muffin.
Thomas dropped his head into his hands, running his fingers through his hair. “You’re gonna hate me, Laf.”
“I doubt that,” Laf said confidently. He took one of Thomas’ hands off of his head and held it. “You are also like a brother to me, you know.”
Thomas couldn’t help the sob that bubbled up from somewhere deep within him. From somewhere he’d long tried to forget.
“Is this about what happened last night?” Laf asked gently.
“Yes and no,” Thomas said. “There’s something I never told you, or Alex, for that matter. Only James knew. And, well, Alex found out last night. It led to a whole mess, Laf. And Alex. I’m so worried about him. I think I really fucked up. I really, really fucked up, Laf.” Thomas was hyperventilating.
Laf wrapped his arms around Thomas and sat him up. “Mon ami, close your eyes for me. Okay, very good. Now let’s take some deep breaths together.”
After a few minutes of just breathing, Thomas felt a bit more together. Probably as together as he could feel at the moment. He kept his eyes closed as he began to speak.
“So I never told anyone this. Not even James, technically. He found out. Accidentally.” He laughed, but it was full of fear, of something darker than a star deprived night. “James and I went to this fancy as fuck boarding school for high school. It’s how we met, how we became friends. We chose to be roommates starting our sophomore year.” Thomas took a deep breath. He didn’t like to think about high school. He didn’t like to think about That Year.
“It was the end of our junior year,” he said, voice raw. “I was captain of the debate team, which usually went to a senior, but Richard Lee just didn’t have it in him to lead the damn team so they voted for me. I was one of the top students in my class. I was dating this really sweet girl, Martha.”
“You? Dating a girl?” Laf snorted. “Sorry, mon ami,” he said through his laughter.
Thomas finally opened his eyes and smiled at Laf. “Hey, I can get with anyone, Baguette, and don’t you forget it.”
Laf calmed his laughter. “Okay, sorry, right,” he said breathily. “Continue?”
“Well the rest ain’t as funny,” Thomas said, his drawl suddenly appearing full-force.
“I figured that much,” Laf said. “I won’t interrupt again. I know how… how you say, uh, difficult, this must be.”
Thomas nodded. He let his eyes shut again. This was easier to revisit in the dark. He was hoping that this way, when he opened his eyes to the light again, he could leave it all behind him, behind his lids, where he’d wanted it to stay for all of eternity.
“Everything was great, basically,” he finally continued. “I had it all. I had every fucking thing a kid could want and more and I still did it.” Tears pricked at his eyes. No. He could not would not let them fall. He could get through this without breaking down. He was strong. He was strong.
“I still… well, I guess you need to know that James was hella drugged for our entire high school career. All legal, ya know, all prescribed to him because he’s always sick as fuck. So he had quite the medley of meds, you might say.”
He wasn’t proud of this. He really wasn’t. So why did he feel… nostalgic… for it?
“For all kinds of things. Like… everything, basically. And well, he left them on the dresser, just bottles upon bottles of them, some of them he didn’t use all the time, some he did, and I didn’t know the fucking difference. I just watched the pile dwindle and grow and dwindle and grow, ya know?”
His breaths were growing shallow again. He would not let that happen. He could not let that happen. He was going to get through telling this story.
“He didn’t know he was roommates with a psycho, so why would he hide them? How could he predict what I’d do that May night, late in the semester, when he was actually out with some of our friends, I think John Jay and maybe even Richard Lee. James got along with everyone.”
He shook his head. James. Poor James. James who had remained his friend through it all.
“I didn’t even lock the door. I wasn’t thinking. I just… swiped a bunch of them off the dresser, dumped a pile onto the floor where I was sitting, which woulda freaked James out but germs don’t matter when you’re dead, so, ya know. And I mixed ‘em around, hoping that the strange combo would just… do me in. And I took a handful.”
He’d always been grateful he’d been unconscious when James had found him. If he’d seen first hand the agony on his roommate’s face in that moment he was certain he could never live with himself. What he imagined was bad enough already.
“I woke up in the hospital. Just like Alex, I stayed there a while.”
“T-thomas,” Laf whispered. “Mon ami, I had no idea.” He pulled Thomas close to him and breathed in deeply.
“Why the fuck are you smelling my hair?” Thomas whispered.
“Because I just realized I almost never got to.”
“You’re so fucking strange,” Thomas sighed.
“Oui, mon ami. But mon ami, I take issue with one thing in your story.”
“That I tried to off myself?”
“Aside from that. You say you are a, how you say, psycho? That is not true. You were sad, hurting.”
Thomas felt a blush rising to his face. He didn’t know what to say.
“Does Alex know this?”
“No,” Thomas whispered. “He knows… he knows about the time after.”
“Merde,” Laf whispered.
“Hella merde,” Thomas echoed.
“It was the following year. I didn’t get far. James… James found me in time. Hasn’t let me have sharp objects around since. He even took them all from me while Alex was in the hospital,” Thomas said with a dark laugh.
“He is a good friend,” Laf said quietly.
“Too good for me,” Thomas said.
“Non, that is not what I said. You deserve good friends.” He kissed Thomas on the forehead.
“Alex is so pissed at me,” Thomas said with a sigh.
“How did this come up?” Laf asked.
Thomas groaned. “Not in a good way.”
“What do you mean?”
Just then, something clambered to the hallway floor. The two boys’ heads jolted upright to see Alex standing there, a blanket wrapped around his thin frame, his eyes owlishly wide, his phone on the floor.
“How long have you been standing there?” Thomas bolted up.
“Long enough to know you lied to me!” Alex shouted.
“Merde,” Laf whispered as Alexander took off and ran into his and Thomas’ room, the door slamming behind him.
Thomas couldn’t help it. He collapsed onto the couch sobbing. Everything was crumbling around him and he felt powerless to stop it. He felt powerless to do much of anything.
He felt a hand smoothing back his hair and a kiss landing on his forehead. Then there was emptiness. Nothingness. A blanket or two or three on his back. Something about a cup of peppermint tea on the table next to him and something about going to Alexander.
Would he ever be able to make things okay again with Alexander?
I was inspired to try and find the oldest piece of writing I hadn’t deleted and it’s from right after I turned 14. It… is the most pretentious thing… omfg. I was so proud of this shit. It was my featured deviation, back when the dA lit community was active and cool. I thought I was a fucking prodigy. At least I can confirm that my obsession with girls who have boy names and kiss girls has been ongoing for at least twelve years.
me: I don’t get too upset at tv shows, what’s the point in being salty over something fictional?
me: *thinks about how Suite Life on Deck had a prom episode and they didn’t have Maddie appear as a cameo role, even though in the episode of the original Suite Life series, after Zack had thrown together an amazing Circus Prom for her, Maddie asked him to dance with her and promised she would dance with him at his prom*
me, clenching my fist so hard people around me can hear the bones starting to break: I…don’t…get…too upset at tv shows…what’s :^) the :^) point :^) in :^) being :^) salty :^) over :^) something :^) fictional >:^)