after giving myself a headache because i am cool like that

AUs

Here are some aus, divided in different themes.

College themed

  1. I’m really passionate about this cause and I will give you this flier if I have to shove it down your throat
  2. My roommate’s boyfriend is staying over so can I please sleep on your floor
  3. We’re studying in the library and there are two people very obviously fucking in the stacks and we keep sharing embarrassed glances
  4. You peed on my car. You were drunk. I was in the car. There will be hell to pay
  5. My friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex quick make out with me
  6. It’s 3am, in the dead of winter, some motherfucker pulled/set off the fire alarm and I am being very vocal about how I’m gonna make that fucker pay
  7. I swear I’m wearing this Batman costume because of a dare
  8. Accidentally knocked on the wrong dorm room college au
  9. Heard a scream and thought you were getting killed but it was just a spider
  10. Somehow, we always end up sitting next to each other during the weekly gatherings to watch [Game of Thrones, SVU, Rupaul’s Drag Race, pick a show] in our dorm’s really good TV room 
  11. I took a bunch of free condoms from health services just because i could and they all fell out of my bag at once and now you’re staring at me weirdly

Awkward first meeting themed

  1. “This horrible umbrella won’t extend! Oh shit I just hit you in the stomach/crotch! I’m so sorry!”
  2. “I just tripped and fell face first into your crotch, god end my life now please.”
  3. “I drunkenly tried to fight you and knocked myself out but you were kind enough to take care of me till I woke up.”
  4. Trapped in a bank during a robbery 
  5. “I met you last night when you were drunkenly patting my dog in my backyard at 3 in the morning and when i asked you what the hell you were doing you slurred something about dogs being great and then you threw up on my feet and then fifteen minutes later you were passed out on my couch so that’s why you’re here right now also what the fuck is your name and why were you patting a dog in a stranger’s backyard in the middle of the night”
  6. “Last night was a haze for both of us and somehow we woke up hungover in a bed that isn’t either of ours and also neither of us recognize this apartment we should probably get out of here before someone calls the cops on us”
  7. “You found me hanging by my fingertips from your window and i don’t want to tell you i was trying to rob you but idk how else to explain this and i don’t want to go to jail and also you’re kind of cute we should make out when i’m not clinging onto your window ledge for my life”
  8. ‘you thought i was someone else and started making out with me at a club and you’re really hot so i just went with it and now we’re heading back to your place and idk how to break it to you’
  9. ‘we’re two thirds of the threesome we had last night and we’re walking awkwardly out of the last persons’s apartment together’
  10. ‘i’ve had a really awful day so i started kicking a car out of frustration and it turned out to be your car i’m so sorry’
  11. “I ordered pizza but the pizzeria got my order wrong so now I’m screaming at my really cute pizza delivery boy because I’m angry and very hungry”

Nobility themed

  1. “your country’s trying to take over/annex my country and you’re making it difficult to hate you because you’re so nice and attractive stop it”
  2. “we’ve been engaged to be married since we were three but this is the first time we’ve met and your portraits really don’t do you justice”
  3. “i’m a prince/ss and you’re a servant and we’re not supposed to hang out but we’re gonna fall in love anyways”

Opposites attract themed

  1. a hopeless romantic and a single-but-proud meet at a store on valentine’s day. the latter is buying valentine cards ironically, the former buying them sincerely in hopes of getting a date
  2. a scary-looking person who unintentionally makes kids cry and a daycare volunteer meet at a children-filled park
  3. rebellious teenager who’s failing all their classes is assigned a studious tutor
  4. really distinguished food critic and fast food chef
  5. a hopeless romantic and a horny beast are set up on a blind date

High school themed

  1. “We’re the only ones in detention”
  2. “I desperately need my books but my locker is blocked and you’re the only one in the hall”
  3. “Someone wrote I’m cute in the bathroom stall and your notes match the handwriting”
  4. “I twisted my ankle and you’re the only one here strong enough to carry me to the nurse’s office but we’re both really awkward”
  5. “We were both left out when everyone was picking partners and now we always choose each other when we have classes together”
  6. “I lent you my cool pencil months ago and you still use it”
  7. “I accidentally took your notebook thinking it was mine and you have really nice handwriting and cute doodles”
  8. “You started sitting by me at lunch because I’m alone at my table but we never talk to each other”
  9. “I was really hungry but had no money and you bought me lunch even though I don’t know you”
  10. “I left my phone number on the bathroom stall wall and you text me about your day and your frustrations for a month & it’s really nice and cute but I still don’t know who you are”
  11. “I fell asleep on your couch after a party but you didn’t complain and made breakfast for the both of us”
  12. sharing a textbook and leaving each other notes and answers in page corners
  13. found their phone number in a library book
  14. dancing partners
  15. younger siblings are best friends
  16. playing romantic interests in a play
  17. “yes i understand that it’s may and this classroom is stuffy but why are you taking your shirt off and why aren’t you in trouble (not that i mind)”
  18. “i can’t believe you dropped the frog we’re dissecting on tHE FLOOR WHAT THE FUCK”
  19. “i’m fightin this person and they shoved me into u im sooo sorry- oh hey you’re cute- oH MY GOD UR KICKIN ASS MARRY ME!!! PLEASE!!!!”
  20. “you asked me to prom by filling my locker with ping pong balls that say “prom?” on them but i tripped on one and smacked my head on a locker but thanks for taking me to the nurse!!! i still want to go with you!!”

Ridicously sentence themed

  1. “I’m going to need you to put on some underwear before you say anything else.“ 
  2. "Quick catch that cat it stole my wallet!”
  3. “I hope you know that my name is actually ________.”
  4. “That is the tenth demon summoning this week holy shit.”
  5. “Please put me down it’s just a sprained ankle" 
  6. “Why exactly do you need chloroform at 2AM?”
  7. “I’m like 75% this won’t explode on us.”
  8. “I understand the whole sleep talking thing but what I don’t understand is the princess dragon dream and why I’m in it.”
  9. “I’m sorry that I got way too into playing house and accidentally kissed you passionately.”

Height difference themed

  1. “I’m in a bookshop and I really need that book can you get it for me??? Wait you’ve read that book? let’s have an in depth conversation about it.”
  2. “You were trying to reach for a box of cereal and a whole shelf’s-worth of cereal boxes fell on you here let me help”
  3. “We’re both baristas and sometimes I have trouble reaching for things and I show up to work one day to find a personalized stool with hearts and my name on it i hATE YOU but also thanks”
  4. “You are very tall and I am very short so you run into me all the time and honestly this is getting ridiculous”
  5. I’m in art class and I just opened a cupboard to find a tiny person (you) squished inside and you just looked at and said “shh i’m hiding”
  6. “We’re on the bus and I’m really not trying to take up your space I’m sorry I just have rlly rlly long legs” 
  7. “You’re afraid that you’ll lose me in big crowds so you always hold my hand but now you just hold my hand when there’s only, like, five people around and I’m getting vry suspicious” 

Reincarnation themed

  1. I fell in love with you three lifetimes ago and I’ve been looking for you ever since but I’ve been starting to give up and my friend’s new crush has your eyes and oh god I’m not going to steal someone’s date just because I’m hoping you’re the person I met in a past life
  2. We keep reincarnating as people who speak different languages and it’s kind of pissing me off because I can never initially confirm if it’s you but at least I keep learning a bunch of cool new languages each lifetime

Mythical creatures themed

  1. “i’m a newly-turned werewolf without a pack and i can’t really control myself well on full moon nights yet and you keep finding me passed out naked on your lawn”
  2. “i got cursed and turned into an animal and taken to the shelter and ended up getting adopted by someone who is really hot OH NO”
  3. “i’m a history major and i keep getting into arguments with one of my classmates about things because they keep saying i’m wrong so i finally scream, ‘how would you know?!?’ and they’re like, ‘because i was THERE!’ and that’s how we all find out that there is a centuries-old vampire taking our British history class”

Funny meeting at a party themed

  1. “i was on my balcony and you started loudly quoting romeo and juliet at me”
  2. “spilled my drink down your shirt and then tried to drink it off you”
  3. “we had an impromptu rap duet in the middle of the party”
  4. “you kept asking everyone to play the cha cha slide then proceeded to pass out when the song started”
  5. “you keep shouting “THIS IS MY JAM” at every song that comes on i have a headache the size of nebraska you’re lucky you’re cute”
  6. “whenever you saw me you’d shout ‘WHOOOOOOOOO’ really loudly and then do finger guns at me before walking off to god knows where”
  7. “you thought I was your friend and pulled me up on the table to dance with you now you’re shirtless and grinding on me”
  8. “you got up to the mic and started singing and holy shit you’re really good???”
  9. “you’re really bad at beer pong but you do this really cute dance before you throw the ball so I’m letting you stay on my team”
  10. “our mutual friend dared the two of us to chug a whole pint of beer and I’m not going to let you beat me”
  11. “we both grabbed for the last bottle of the good beer and i’m not saying we’re going to fight for it but we are”

Competitive themed

  1. we’re both ‘team leaders’ at a summer camp for little people and you may be hot but goddammit my collection of twelve-year-olds are going to beat yours into the dust
  2. I used to be the best baker in the neighbourhood but then you showed up at Mrs Appleby’s 80th birthday with a stack of brownies which almost gave me an orgasm my honour is at stake and I’m going all out for the next event
  3. a mutual friend invited us to their laser tag party and we’re the last two alive on opposite teams and goddammit if I’m going down you’re going down with me
  4. you’re going to be at the halloween party and you’ve won best costume for the past three years but this year I am wearing the best costume ever if you defeat me I will eat my - wait you actually look really cute when did you turn hot what the fuck um
  5. we’re always making stupid bets like 'bet you can’t drink this whole bottle of BBQ sauce’ but then you did and now you’re sick and I feel really bad here let me look after you
  6. did you actually just blue shell me on our date you fucker

“We’re bad at dating” themed

  1. I can’t tell whether this is a date because you asked to see a movie but I’m still not sure you’re queer, and I’m toeing the line because maybe you’re just trying to make friends
  2. I decided to flip a coin about every decision in my life for a week and that’s how we ended up on a date
  3. We’re both meant to be going on blind dates with other people but we sat down at the wrong table and got our hopes up
  4. We had one really bad date and never spoke again and now our friends have set us up on a blind date
  5. We’re going on a blind date - but wait a moment, aren’t you that went down on me in a back alley behind a club year ago? … what do you mean “which one”?
  6. You’re my waiter and I’m on a really crappy date with an asshole
In This Light (Part 1)

Summary: Model!Bucky AU with Photographer!Reader. This is your meeting with Bucky, and how your friendship developed into something more.

Pairings: Bucky x Reader (main); Steve x Reader (side)

Word Count: 4,658

Warnings: None.

A/N: This is a re-write of  Dean fic series I never finished. Here’s hoping that I will have motivation to finish this storyline with Buckaroo. Hope you all enjoy! Also, I don’t claim to know how the photography/fashion world works, I’m just… Sorry if there are mistakes. 


“Alright, children, enough chattering!” A large woman with bushy blonde hair and overdone makeup stared down at her sixth-grade Earth and Space science class. She was frowning and it was only the first day of classes. She was already feeling the headache that was sure to make itself known by the end of the week. “Settle down!” she bellowed.

At her shrill voice, silence overcame the room and everyone found empty seats to call their own. She gave them all a wide, forced smile in gratitude. “Welcome to Earth and Space Science! I am Mrs. Paulson and I will not tolerate any unruly conduct in my class. You will be wise to be on your best behavior while you’re in my class. If you aren’t, a detention slip with your name on it will be waiting for you by the end of class. Do I make myself clear?”

A drone of agreements reached her ears and she gave a grin of satisfaction. Some kids thought her wolf-like. She clapped her hands once before picking up a stack of papers, licking her forefinger to separate the sheets. Oblivious to the grimaces of her students as she handed them their syllabus, her voice thundered through the room. “Learn it, live it, love it. I will always abide by the schedule you find there and everything that will be required of you is written on that very sheet. Is that understood? There are no excuses!”

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anonymous asked:

17&72 with yoongs? full on angst please 😊

YOONGI ANGST: 

PROMPT:“PLEASE” & “I’M SORRY”

I woke up startled. The rain drizzled down and hit the window creating a constant beating sound. I opened my eyes slowly to see the gloomy scene outside the window. I examine the room around me and see that I’m not home. I turn to my side and see Yoongi lying face down on my bed. I look down at myself and see that I’m no longer wearing the black jumper i was wearing last night. Oh God. I’m in his clothes. That’s all I need to piece the rest of the story together. 

I squirm away from Yoongi with a start. He being to stir and i just look at his shirtless upper body feeling queazy inside. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Not like this. I can barely remember last night over the throbbing headache and nausea I’m experiencing. I rmeber coming over here after Yoongi called me. He was upset. About what? What was he mad about- Oh. His girlfriend broke up with him and I being his best friend was the first person he called to be his drinking buddy. 

I start vaguely remember confessing my feelings for him after we downed countless bottles. Looking back over at Yoongi I figure this is where things led. But this isn’t what I wanted. I want him but not as his rebound. Rebound. That’s probably all I am to him now. 

I feel tears on y cheek which let’s me know I’m crying and then the sobs follow. I don’t even care if he sees me cry, he’s seen way more.

“Y/N? What- why are yo crying? What’s going on?”

I look over at him through my teary eys and he sits up in bed. I gesture to his shirtless body. “I’m sorry,” I say, wiping a tear and crossing my legs on the end of his bed. “For what?” He’s sittind up striaght now, his back leaning aganist the bedframe. “For last night. I was drunk. I don’t remember much but I know I said somethings that yo can just disregard. ANd we did some things that we can just disregard too.” I muimble that last part and get up off the bed. “I’ll return the clothes to you tommorow.” I say over my shoulder, walking out of the bedroom door.

“Wait!” Yoongi calls from behind me. Yoongi grabs my hand turn me around to face him. “Y/N,” he chuckles. “Yo u may not remeber what happened last night but I do. I told you that you are the best perosn in my life and then you told me you were in love with me. And then after that you proceeded to throw up all over yourself and me being the gentle man I am, offered to clean you off.”

“Oh.” I say. “So nothing happened.”

“Gosh no!” He laughs. Ouch.

He sees the hurt on my face and immediately backpeddles. “No that’s not what i meant. I mean, Y/N, you’re my bestfirend.”

So I guess I’m not a rebound but I am still in the friendzone. I nod my head along. 

“You’re my best firend too Yoongi. But I don’t think I can be anymore.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

I pushed his hand away form me and back away, moving to put my shoes on.

“Yoongi you don’t understand how hard it is to be your friend.”

“What? Last night you were telling me how long you’ve had feeling for me and now you’re saying this? You’re not making any sense.”

“Yoongi I love you!” I say dropping my shoe forcefully to the ground. “It’s hard because I have these feeling that you will never be able to feel for me. It’s hard because I have to struggle to find a date whenever that stupid bitch wanted to have double date nights!”

“DON’T CALL HER A BITCH!” Yoongi booms and I scoff. “Wow. She cheats on you and you yell at me defending her?” I sigh, putting my hand on the doorknob.

“Y/N- Wait, please.” Yoongi starts. “No Yoongs. I have waited. A long time for a day where you could see me the way I see you. I love you but I can’t do this anymore.”

“Y/N please.” Yoongi moves towards me but I swiftly opened the door and slam it shut behind me. I wait there with my back against the cool door for Yoongi to come out and fight for me but he doesn’t. I walk towards the elevators and press the button. When the door opens Yoongi’s ex is standing there. She looks me up and down. We make eye contact but don’t say a word. We switch places, her walking out to Yoongi’s apartment, and me getting in and going down the elevator away from Yoongi.

A/N

Hello! I don’t think my angst game was strong today but I tried :) Hope you liked reading this! Let me know if you did:) Also, completely unrelated, but does anyone here watch Kdramas? I’m watching Strong Woman Do Bong Soon right now and it’s GOLD. It gives me so many feels no joke. Please tell me if you can relate.

~Armygirl

Undeniable Heat Chapter 16 Devastated

Jensen Ackles x Reader

1250 Words

Chapter Summary: After Jensen sees you with Brad, the two of you have a confrontation in your make up trailer.

Story Summary:  You’ve just gotten a job as one of the makeup artists on the set of Supernatural. Nervous on the first day, you become completely awkward, winning the affection of the divorced Jensen Ackles. You try to fight your desire for him, but he thwarts you at every turn. Will you be able you separate work and play, or will you let Jensen win?

Catch Up Here: Masterpost


“Jensen! I’m so glad you’re here. When you didn’t show up I was worried!” You exclaimed, rushing inside to hug him, but he sat down quickly in your make up chair, startling you. Standing there awkwardly for a moment, you went to work, getting his make up ready. “Hopefully your morning hasn’t been too hectic so far.” You babbled, needing to feel the empty void, to keep yourself occupied from thoughts of the weird cold shoulder and Brad’s arrival.

“It’s been weird.” He answered, as if he was choosing his words carefully. You turned to face him, fully noticing his clenched jaw, and narrowed eyes. Grabbing a chair, you pulled it over to him in the tight space, sitting down in front of him.To keep you occupied, you began applying his makeup, as you spoke.

“It has been weird. If I could start this day all over I would. But enough about my problems, let’s talk about yours. Spill. We have half an hour until we need to get you ready to head to set, and your make up is light today.” You told him, reaching out to grasp his hand, but he pulled it back, then made it seem as if it wasn’t on purpose. But it still hurt, especially after seeing Brad for the first time in a while.

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Nemesis Mine

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10

Chapter 11. Simon.

This is the worst fight Basilton and I have ever had.

It couldn’t have come at a worse time. Baz didn’t come back to the room last night and I haven’t seen him all day. I’m worried that something’s happened to him. Either that, or he’s seriously mad at me, and I don’t know what I did.

I think my wing might be broken. It hurts when I move it. On top of that, I can feel a black eye forming, my head is pounding like hell, and my entire body feels sore. I’m bleeding in at least three places.

I can’t fly home, and the wing hurts too much, so I transform back into my normal form and catch a taxi back to Watford. The driver looks concerned and suggests that we detour by the hospital, but I insist on going straight home.

I’ll be fine. I heal quickly. It’ll just hurt for a day or two. I haven’t been this badly hurt before, but Baz always helps me. I’ll have to come up with some explanation. (I don’t want to lie to him. Not again.)

I trudge up the stairs to our room, wincing in pain with every step. When I open the door, I find Baz sitting at his desk and breathe a sigh of relief. The door swings shut behind me with a thud that reverberates loudly through my head.

I groan, taking two steps into the room and collapsing on my bed. The impact sends fresh pain through my body.

‘Fuck, everything hurts,’ I whimper into my pillow. I’m met with silence, and after I wait for half a minute and nothing happens, I turn my head to look at Baz. He’s still at his desk, and he looks like he’s reading his textbook.

‘Baz?’

He ignores me completely.

‘Baz, please,’ I say. ‘Talk to me.’

There’s no response. My headache is getting worse, and I start seeing spots.

‘What did I do…’ I whisper, seconds before I pass out.

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The Journey - Part Five

Thank you @jia911 for proofreading this! Links to previous chapters are HERE.

Timeline for Part 5:

This one covers 11x03 and 11x04. Owen is working on a project with Callie about War Veterans and reminiscing about his life prospects; Derek has decided to stay in DC so he and Amelia are butting heads about the leadership of the department. 


The Journey – Part Five

“AMELIA SHEPHERD!”

Amelia swallowed hard, startled by the voice of command. She turned around and met Owen Hunt’s steel gaze fixated on her. He calmly strode in her direction with confidence and powerful authority but she could tell by his hardened jaw that he wasn’t at all as calm as he wanted to look.

That was Amelia’s fourth week as head of the Neurosurgery Department.

It was also the fourth time she was summoned by the Chief in that not so elegant manner.

Her first impulse was to reply what the hell is it this time?, but Amelia held the words instants before they could leave her mouth. After so much effort put into it, that filtering thing seemed to finally be working.

“Yes, chief?” She looked at the guy with forced serenity. Owen Hunt was really irritating her. Over the past week, he had alternated among treating her with cold distance, plainly ignoring her or, a few times when she least expected, paying her an encouraging compliment seconds before walking away with what seemed like contained anger.

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In Sickness and In Health

Words: 1,683

Author’s Note: I am actually way sick, so hence the inspiration. I needed to write to make myself feel better.


There were many days when you didn’t feel like getting out of bed. But waking up this morning, you didn’t even want to open your eyes. Your whole body ached, your throat was scratchy and sore, and there was a continuous pounding in your head that echoed through your ears. The very first sound out of your mouth was a pained groan. You hadn’t realized how loud you had been until the door of your bedroom opened.

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Girl Crush ~ smut

Author: completedylantrash

Characters: reader x Stiles

Rating: NSFW 18+ Explicit Smut

Word Count: 3763

A/N: This idea came from the song by Little Big Town. I just thought it would be cute 


Lydia Martin has always been beautiful. Since we were kids, the boys have always gravitated towards her. Hell, even some girls have crushed on her. She’s beautiful, she’s smart, she’s popular. Why wouldn’t they? There’s just something about her and Stiles Stilinski has been her biggest fan since the days of running around on the playground. How do you even begin to compete with that?

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anonymous asked:

how you doin you Canadian. I request a health update on my baby boy

Ok I’ll go from the top

My head is very big. It was normal sized before but then when I got fat, my head became enormous. Now that I’m losing some weight, it’s even more noticeable. It’s a fucking huge skull.

Anxiety is ok. I had my last therapy session today. I’ll just see my therapist once in a while to check in or if I feel like I need it. When I went there the first time, I wept almost instantly. I meditate a lot now. Even just taking a few minutes when I wake up or before I sleep to think about if I’m squeezing my guts and holding my breath shallowly, then a few more throughout the day. It doesn’t have to be a ceremony or to take very long. That in itself has helped a lot. I notice when I wake up now, it feels like I’ve slept deeply. I haven’t felt like that in years. Still not perfect and not waking up feeling entirely refreshed, but it’s a lot better than it was. 

Ears still have shit in them. I have to make an appointment to see the ear guy soon. I’ve been putting one sauce in them one day and then hydrogen peroxide in them the next. That is supposed to kill the fungus in there. There is fungus in my ears. I’ve had this for 3 years now. I kept seeing a doctor about it and fuckhead said there was nothing wrong with them. Suck my ass. Then I finally get a family doctor and she instantly knew how to do everything and sent me to see an ear guy who diagnosed it right away. I feel it still sometimes when I drink any caffeine. Caffeine is shit and fucks my ass. I limit it now.

I sleep better now and it is because of a CPAP. It’s going fine. Don’t get so fat that your throat closes when you sleep. You might die. I think I had this problem even before I was fat. Apparently if you snore loud then this is an indicator and I snore very loud. Also the last time I woke up feeling refreshed was in my teens and this is a symptom of sleep apnea. I have a better nose blower now for it so it’s ok.

I have dry eyelid problems too but by now I don’t care enough to pursue it. I should be using dipe wipes on my eyelids but it’s fine.

I grind my teeth when I sleep and missed an appointment to get a new sleep mouth fitted. Fuck. It was today.

I knocked my shoulder and it’s because my joint holder got its tendon stretched, probably when I was 17 and fell down snowboarding. It popped out of place for a second then popped back in. Sometimes when I do pushups or the like since then, I feel a weird tendon yoinker. Kind of like a sensitivity or a weakness. When I was in the gym a bit ago, I was getting up off the floor quickly and felt something like a line snapping straight through it. It had been snapping in and out of place awkwardly for a bit before that but then that gave it a clear knock all the way out. It felt like two week tendons were popped fully out of their holsters. That is not at all what is really happening, but that’s what the pain picture looked like in my brain. It was ok to manage, but then one night I was just shifting in bed and raised my arm a bit and it popped again and burned a lot. For about 5 days after that, it was in constant sharp pain. I was angry at myself. I hate when I’m so stupid that I can’t just do a normal thing and accept that I got injured and sit there without pissing my ass.

I had a weird heartburn thing that I should probably see the doctor for. They gave me something after an ass and throat camera appointment that worked well. That session also found that I for sure have IBS and it was weird to try to find what might fuck me, but now I think it’s just caffeine. My mom tries to scare me into seeing a doctor about the heartburn by saying she kept telling her neighbour’s son to see a doctor about his heartburn and indigestion problems and he never did and then it turned out to be cancer and if he had just checked it earlier, it wouldn’t have fucked him so much. I guess I will do it sometime.

I have a gynecomastia tit but it’s ok. When I’m a twink again it might be a marble bag but then I’ll just muscle it off.

I had prostate and constipation and pissing problems for years. Ever since I was 25, I have not been able to stop pissing. It’s gotten a lot better in the past year, but shit. I take flomax to just piss it true. Also caffeine was bad for this. I think I have sensitivities to things and caffeine doesn’t just do a normal thing for me. It makes me endlessly hungry and gives me weird pressure headaches and dizziness. Also I’ll piss and do pellet shits and then huges. I see a physiotherapist and get my asshole fingered almost every week. My prostate problem was mostly a problem with my pelvic floor. I am working on making it a strength fucker. I get fingered deep and then try to relax my asshole cylinder. The last two times triggered some cool anxiety so I think defeated my tight shit pipe will do a lot for me. Anxiety goes in cycles and lots of things can feed into it, and in turn be knocked by it. My physiotherapist said to buy an asshole wand to shove up my ass. Fuck. I’ll probably do it. That’ll probably just become something I do. Every day I shove a crank up my ass for a bit to have some cool ideas.

I had a hydrocele in my balls but my last ultrasound said there is no hydrocele now so maybe it left. I wouldn’t want to sink with this ship either.

Other than that, legs normal, feet perfect. No arches.

Marriage: What the Fuck Does It Mean and How the Hell Will I Know If I'm Ready?

We’ve gotten a lot of questions lately about marriage and since The Sudden Adult and I have never been married (to each other or otherwise), I reached out to my good friend, The Northwest Adult, and asked her to write a post for me. So here is our first guest post! This is so exciting. Everything behind the cut is written by The Northwest Adult.

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Anon asked: Can u please make an imagine about Dj Rupp where you get mad at him for his new music video because there is a part where 2 girls are touching him inappropriately and he makes it up for you? Please ? 😁❤️

“Y/N, your gonna wanna check out your man’s new video” my bestfriend Maggie shouted from the kitchen, “it dropped today?” I whipped out my phone, “yeah and I don’t think your gonna be too happy.” She walked into the room with a sincere look on her face, i furrowed my brows. “Your kinda freaking me out, but okay?” I searched up Dillon’s name and the video popped up. I sat there and watched it, Maggie was completely correct. I wasn’t pleased at all. Would you be pleased if you saw your boyfriend of 2 and a half years touching females and letting them touch and kiss up on him? No. I threw my phone, “y/n… Chill” Maggie came to me, “why does he not ask me shit before he does it” I cried out. This was the 3rd time he’s done something like this and every time before he disregarded my feelings and I’ve had it. I’m a woman not an object and I’m not about to be disrespected. I sat there thinking as Maggie tried relaxing me, “he’s got one coming when he steps in that door.” I got up and sat on the kitchens island in plain view of the door.

An hour later Dillon pulled up along skate and Derek and entered the house. “Hey bab–” he stood there, he knew I was mad. “What’s up?” He questioned, Derek and Nate looked at me and knew Dillon was in for it. “You know wassup.” I rolled my eyes, “are we finna do this shit again.?” He rolls his eyes, I took a deep breath in and hit my fist on my leg. “I’m so sick of this man” I laughed out, he stood quiet. “I’m sick of the miscommunication, the fucking secrets, the disrespect and the lack of appreciation Dillon” “what the fuck are you talking about” he scoffed. “Don’t act stupid dillon, you never tell me shit no more, you kept the whole video concept away from me, you kissed some females and let them touch you and shit, you’ve done this 2 other times and when I tried fucking talking to you legit laughed in my face and said you wouldn’t do it again, stupidly I fucking stayed because I’m in love with you. I try and chill with you and have our random date nights and you never have time for me but got time to go with your boys?” My brows scrunched up as I gestured over to Derek and Nate. “I get it, I’m no longer your priority and that’s cool, I can get any one I fucking want but I only want you but I’m so done to be honest” I hopped off the counter, “you are over reacting” Dillon laughed, “bro” Nate held on to his shoulder.

I laughed to myself, “you know what, I always over react in your eyes so lemme do us a big favor, I’m done. Consider yourself single and no longer held down.” I let tears slide down my face. “Your not leaving” Dillon laughed. “Dillon I am. I hope your happy. Let’s go mags” I grabbed my purse and walked past him, he grabbed my wrist. “Where are you going?” He looked painfully at me, “that’s no longer your concern, Imma dip catch you whenever kiddo” I pulled my wrist and walked out the house. I made it into Maggie’s car and the whole time cried, I layed on her sofa and relooked over every memory. I got message after message from Dillon.

Dills ❤️✨: babe.
Dills ❤️✨: please come back.
Dills ❤️✨: I don’t wanna loose you, please I’m begging you.
Dills ❤️✨: baby, I can’t live without you. Please don’t do this to me…
Dills ❤️✨: Y/N…
Dills ❤️✨: I love you please don’t do this to me, I don’t wanna wake up without you there.

I know me and him aren’t over, but I need him to appreciate me and show me that he cares. Until then, I don’t wanna be around him. I layed there for the next 3 hours looking at every memory of me and Dillon and decided to check his Twitter. One of his tweets caught my eye, it was 2 hours ago. I clicked it and it directed me back to his Instagram, up popped up a picture of me and Dillon when we went to Puerto Rico with Nash. “11/7/2015. I’m never one to be all cakey, but this female means so much to me, y'all don’t even know. 11/7/2015 her birthday and the day I made the woman I wanna marry… Mine. I admit I’m a screw up, I do stupid shit and I question everyday how does she put up with me? Today we had a big fight because I made a stupid choice of not speaking to her. I didn’t write this for y'all to send her hate, so please don’t. I wrote this to just hopefully get at least a text back. Y/N I’m sorry for not talking to you, for lying, for not appreciating you but please don’t leave. I’m trying so hard to work on me, for us. At the end of the day none of these females have what you have, they don’t have good cooking skills, amazing humor, sarcastic jokes, a sexy ass attitude, the best lips in the world and a smile that makes me fall in deeper love with you… Every Time I see you, I get so nervous as stupid as it sounds, I turn into a child with a crush. I love you, and your attitude and everything just everything. Please respond to me, the thought of you leaving and finding someone that’s not me, kills me. It wouldn’t make everything I fucking have worth it, if your not here with me. Please baby respond or at least see me. Love your baby face dill 😔❤️🐷”

I stood there and thought,

Me to Dills ❤️✨: I’ll be home in 10.
Dills ❤️✨: oh thank god. I love you ❤️
Me to Dills ❤️✨: whatever.

I approached the house, grabbing my purse and making sure to keep my guard up. I opened the door and called out for Dillon, I had no response before making it to our bedroom. On the bed stood a big bear, with flowers and a picture of when we went on our first date. Cute if you ask me, I wanted to forgive him in that moment but I needed a little more begging. “Babe..” I heard him step in, “yeah” I sternly said, he walked over to me holding one of my hands in his, “I’m sorry…” He rubbed over it with a finger. I rolled my eyes, “okay.” “Baby, I really am. I get it I get that I’ve been acting like a fucking ass but man I don’t wanna loose you. Your legit everything to me, it would kill me to see you happy with someone that’s not me. I wake up everyday blessed to be next to you, to have the memories I have with you and to go to sleep every fucking night with you. I’m new to this being in love shit and it’s not an excuse why I shouldn’t have asked you but dammit I’m begging literally to give me another shot, I have a lot I wanna make up to you. I wanna spend the rest of my days with you and I’m gonna learn to tell you everything before I do it just please don’t leave.” He pulled me into his arms holding me tight breathing quicker than ever, I took a moment for everything he said to sink in. I pulled back, “Dillon… I” his eyes turned to the side painfully as he let my hand go. “Of course I forgive you, you think you’d loose me that easy? Hell no, I just wanted to teach you a lesson stop being an ass or next time Imma really leave” he turned back smiling brightly as ever before lifting me off the ground and planting a soft gentle kiss on my lips. “ I fucking love you and Imma make up for everything.” “I love you too and you can start making up by putting a movie and having a day to just cuddle me” I laughed “yes ma'am” he laughed placing me down before putting a movie in and lying in bed with me. As stressful as he may make me, it’s worth every tear,sweat, heart ache and headache.

deep blue flowers

read it on ao3

Alex hasn’t been listening to Elliot for about the past half hour. If he’s going to barge into the training room and start rambling about Danny while pacing around the treadmill that Alex is currently on, he’s going to have to accept that Alex is not focusing on him. Not once he’s been running for over an hour and needs to focus on breathing, anyway.

“…so I was hoping that you knew a way to get into Ouranos and—”

“What?” Alex almost topples off the treadmill. “You can’t go there unless you’re dead. Everyone knows that.”

Elliot shrugs. “I’m dead, technically.”

“And why do you want to do this again?”

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anonymous asked:

Could you write teacher!peeta student!katniss please? Love u

I’ve got every reason in the world to hate Peeta Mellark.

For his relentlessly positive attitude, and for his handwriting that’s so much better than mine. For his innocent, blue-eyed smile. For those soft, golden curls that remind me of a less Ramen-Noodley version of 1998 Justin Timberlake. For his naïve faith in humanity, for his belief that all students have potential  – has he met Glimmer? The girl’s a walking piece of driftwood – and for his jawline that could probably crack Captain America’s shield in two.

Also, for the fact that he’s my professor, and despite how repulsive student-teacher relationships are, I still can’t catch my breath around him.

But mostly, for the fact that, despite every single reason I have for detesting the sheer sound of his name, I don’t. Not in the slightest.

As someone who’s always wanted to slap the hormones out of every other teenage girl who swoons over their young, handsome teachers, it kills me that I’ve sunk to their level.

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Clumsy-Lucky Blue Smith Imagine

There were so many people crammed into The Royal Suite at the Plaza that Y/N was thankful that Vogue hadn’t decided to have the photo shoot in a room any smaller than the lavish suite. There were makeup artists, hair stylists, light technicians, nail technicians, assistants, and agents running around making sure everything looked perfect. Y/N had been so nervous about the shoot that the only thing she could stomach was a tall Starbucks cappucino; her agent will be delighted.

Unlike most of the young models, Y/N was scouted by a Ford Models representative in her home of Chicago. She had been wandering the streets with her friends while on winter break when a stylish, middle-aged blonde woman approached her, asked her if she ever modeled, and handed her a business card, telling her to give her a call. Her friends teased her about it since she was the clumsiest of all of them but they all made her promise to introduce them to Harry, Zayn, Liam, Louis, or Niall whenever she met them. Y/N’s parents weren’t extremely excited that their only daughter planned on taking a gap year before college in order to model, but the money she could possibly earned put student loans out of the question. A couple of years and countless jobs later, Y/N was awarded the coveted position of being on the cover of Vogue magazine. It was a milestone all of the flourishing models reached; it was a sign that they would definitely have a good career in the business. However, Y/N wasn’t so sure about the whole modeling career.

Most of her work consisted of editorials, photoshoots, campaigns, and the occasional TV spot, but no runway. Y/N was probably one of the clumsiest people to ever stumble onto the earth and when Karen, her agent, discovered this, she banned her from doing runway and Y/N was thankful for it; she didn’t want thousands of people watch her struggle down the runway like a baby giraffe.

So, Y/N sat quietly in the makeup chair as Heidi, a super-thin raven-haired woman, made her eyebrows look as good as Cara’s. Y/N’s long y/h/c hair was fashioned into big voluminous curls as though she was a ‘60s pinup girl. Her eye makeup was dramatic and she was wearing a black lace Rodarte slip dress. She was playing Temple Run on her iPhone in order to remain calm because not only was she shooting her first Vogue cover but she was also doing it with the likes of Lucy Blue Smith. He was one of the finest male models to walk onto the scene and was obscenely Instagram famous with his bleached white hair, ice blue eyes, and a stare that made girls weak in the knees. Y/N would be lying if she said she didn’t have a little crush on him, but it hadn’t been an issue for her since they had never met before the shoot. Y/N hoped that she wouldn’t embarrass herself in front of him.

“You look beautiful, Y/N, absolutely beautiful,” Karen said from behind her.

“Thanks.” Y/N didn’t look up from her phone.

“You’re nervous.”

“How am I not supposed to be nervous?” Y/N paused the game to make eye contact with her agent in the mirror. “I’m about to shoot the biggest job of my career with a guy so cool that his name is Lucky Blue. My name definitely pales in comparison as well as my modeling talents.”

“Don’t say that!” Karen chastised. “You’re an amazing model. Anna wouldn’t have handpicked you herself if she didn’t think otherwise.”

“I’m going to embarrass myself. I’m going to trip over something and bust open my lip.”

“Oh no you’re not!” Heidi said. “You are wearing nude Dolce & Gabbana lipstick and I will not let you ruin my work!”
Y/N held her hands up in surrender and allowed Heidi to finish her makeup job. In about five minutes, Heidi declared Y/N’s makeup to be completed and shooed her over to Mario who was doing the shoot. 

Mario was taking some test shots when Y/N nervously approached him. She had worked with Annie Leibovitz before as well as many other top photographers, but this was her first Testino shoot. How was she supposed to approach this fashion legend? What was she supposed to say?

Mario looked up from his camera. “Oh, Miss Y/L/N, it’s an honor to meet you!” He grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her cheeks, not noticing the young model had grown stiff.

“Oh, um, it’s very nice to meet you too,” she said. “I just wanted to know where you wanted me.” 

“Oh, I’ll let you know when Mr. Smith is done with his hair and makeup.”
“Okay.”

But as if on cue, the tall blonde walked towards them with enough grace and swagger to make James Dean hate him. He wore a white Ralph Lauren button down with most of the buttons undone to show off his chiseled upper body and dark jeans that clung to his long legs. His usual smolder was replaced with a smile that could’ve made Y/N faint. 

“Hey, Mario,” Lucky said as he hugged the photographer. When they pulled away, he eyed Y/N, making her look away as her face burned.

Mario pulled away and turned to Y/N. “Oh, Mr. Smith, have you met—”

“Y/N Y/L/N, yeah, I’m a big fan.” He reached his hand out towards Y/N and Y/N prayed her hands weren’t too clammy as she shook it.

“Oh, um, thanks so much. I’m a big fan of yours, too,” Y/N said. 

Mario clapped. “Well, now that we all know each other, I want you two at the entrance. The whole idea is that you’re coming here to rendezvous after a date, okay?”

“O-okay.”

As they began walking towards the door, Y/N suddenly tripped over a spare cable and would’ve begun falling if Lucky hadn’t grabbed her arm. She felt her face burn as he helped her stabilize on her feet with a look of concern on his face.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, I just, uh, trip….a lot.”

Y/N could’ve smacked herself in the face. It was certainly impossible to make herself look like a bigger dork in front of him now. But Lucky didn’t seem to mind as he chuckled and they continued towards the door. Mario positioned them so that Y/N would pretend to walk through the door while grabbing the unbuttoned portion of Lucky’s shirt as though she was dragging him behind her. However, she had to keep a seductive look on her face as she did so. 

Mario called “Action!” and it began.

Y/N and Lucky faked walking through the door while keeping the poses as natural as possible.

“Give me more of a smolder, Y/N! That’s it! Perfect, Lucky, perfect!” Mario said as he snapped the shots. 

It took an hour to get that shot alone and it took another two hours since Y/N and Lucky had to change into their second outfits. This time, Y/N was wearing a light blue Agent Provocateur lingerie set underneath a silver silk robe. Lucy was shirtless and only wearing a pair of Calvin Klein jeans. Mario positioned them so that Y/N was lying on Lucky’s lap on the bed and he was leaning over her as though he was about to kiss her. Y/N was stunned by his eyes the entire time so it was hard to keep the chemistry between them going.

“Perfect, you two look perfect together!” Mario called. “Y/N, arch your back a little more, there it is!”
Y/N tried no to laugh since she was practically thrusting her flat chest into Lucky’s face, not that he seemed to mind. Lucky’s hand brushed a piece of hair out her face as he cupped her face. Y/N could feel herself getting hot from nerves again.

“Okay, now, kiss her!”

“What?” Y/N shot up from her position, knocking heads with Lucky, and giving her the biggest headache of the moment. She winced as she laid back down and several assistants crowded them. 

“Ouch,” Lucky muttered.

“I’m so sorry!” Y/N said as some assistants pulled her to the other end of the bed in order to expect her head. 
“The bump’s only showing a little,” one muttered.

“Are you feeling okay?” Karen asked.

“Yeah,  just embarrassed,” Y/N muttered.

Karen sighed as Heidi patted some concealer on the bump on Y/N’s forehead. “It wasn’t too bad. You’re actually kind of cute out there.”

“Gee, thanks.”

Mario called them back over and they continued the pose from where they left off.

“I really am sorry about that,” Y/N said.

“If you didn’t want to kiss me, you could’ve just said something,” Lucky teased.

Y/N opened her mouth to say something but promptly closed it. She definitely wanted to kiss Lucky Blue Smith but she was too scared of injuring both of them again. 

“You don’t have to be worried about head butting me again.”

Y/N’s eyes went wide. “Did I say all that out loud?”

“Every word.” He smirked back at her and Y/N blushed.

Before he got his chance, Lucky and Y/N were called for the final outfit change. This time, Y/N was wearing a red and white floral Dolce & Gabbana dress and Lucky wore a white t-shirt and black Balenciaga trousers. They were both barefoot and Mario instructed them to hold hands and jump on the bed. Y/N felt like a little kid again as she tried to jump higher and higher than before.

“I bet I can jump higher than you!” Lucky shouted.

“Is that a bet?” Y/N teased.

“Definitely!”
So, the two took turns trying to jump higher than the first. Lucky began pulling some crazy poses as he did his and Y/N copied him, laughing the entire time. Mario praised them for each pose as he took the pictures. This was going to make for an interesting Vogue spread. 

Y/N started to jump higher only to be pulled harshly down. The shock and strength of the pull forced Y/N to collide with Lucky and they both landed on the bed. Y/N blushed furiously when she realized their position and tried to get up.

 “Sorry,” Y/N muttered.

“No,” Lucky made his grip around her tighter, “I like this position.”

Y/N glanced at his lips and then at his eyes, but she didn’t want to make the first move. Fortunately, Lucky leaned forward and kissed her himself. His lips were soft against hers as Y/N leaned into it more and brought her hands to feather into his hair. It was like they were in a world of their own until a series of flashes broke them both out of it. 

“Anna’s going to love this spread!” Mario declared.

New Routines

Sorry again to disrupt the usual sterek, but here is another Leverage fic that wouldn’t leave my head until it was written!

Basics: Takes place after S5, OT3 canon-compliant (meaning its not explicitly there yet, but it also is 100% there), 4k, Elliot-centric

Summary: Things are a little different now that it’s just them. Elliot finds he doesn’t mind the changes.

New Routines

It doesn’t come up right away. Probably because despite their acquisition of the proverbial Black-book, they have an unspoken agreement to ease into it. At least, it’s unspoken to Elliot. Maybe Parker and Hardison have actually talked about it. He doesn’t know how much they talk about the job during their private life. And he doesn’t need to know – really, the less time he spends thinking about them together, the better.

Regardless, he is content to follow their lead, even when it means there are four jobs before he even has a proper fight.

It feels good in all the ways he knows aren’t exactly healthy. But there is just something different and totally satisfying about his fists sinking into flesh instead of a cloth punching bag.

And that’s to say nothing of the flash of relief when someone manages to land a hit on him.

So it’s been a while, but he hasn’t let himself slip, not when he promised to keep them safe. So it’s all over in an instant. At one point, one of them had brandished a knife but honestly, the shallow cut along his right lower rib only ensures he ends the fight faster.

He wins and more importantly, they win and-

“Are you okay?” Parker asks, cutting smoothly through Hardison’s dramatic play-by-play of life in the van (Elliot refuses to call it Lucille. He doesn’t care if the vote is 2-1).

“What are you-?” he asks, frowning.

“The fight,” She says it like it’s obvious. Like he should have known what she was talking about.

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Welcome to The Ramos Family.

Thiago’s lips hungrily attacked my neck, slamming the door shut behind him with his foot as he cornered me against the closest wall. My breath grew heavy as he insisted on cutting off my air circulation with his many aggressive kisses, those kisses causing my red lipstick to smear against his lips and parts of his face around his mouth.

This was what it was like when we got together in these rare moments. Passionate kisses, nails digging into skin, heavy moans. It was like we forgot the world around us, forgot all about all our other obligations and unfulfilled promises as we focused on pleasing each other instead in these short heavenly moments.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” I spoke in a breathy tone, my neck craning back as his plump lips moved against my jawline. My actions were defying all that I said. My mouth was saying stop but my body was urging him to continue. He was never really one to listen to the words that came out of my mouth.

“We shouldn’t do a lot of things,” he said as his lips tremored against my skin, the vibration of his words making the hair rise on my arm.

“He’s going to kill us…”

Thiago raised his mouth from my skin then, those enticing eyes of his settling in on mine. “He’ll kill me,” he made sure to correct. “I’m the one that’s going to have to deal with his mouth and that’s if he finds out. He won’t. Now…” He backed away and pulled the t-shirt over his head and dropped it onto the floor. “Are you going to let me fuck you or what?”

My hand fell to my face as I felt the sun rising over me. I wasn’t sure when I had gotten into the bedroom. Our movements went from the door to the kitchen to the bathroom and somehow we had found our path to the bed that now creaked under me as I tried to sit up. I briefly grimaced with the pain that shot through my legs, attempting to stretch them out and remove any of the cramps that were threatening to hold me still any longer.

I pushed the blanket on top of me to the side and headed straight for the bathroom to try and fix myself up a little bit. I didn’t have much time to get myself together but I needed to at least brush my teeth and fix up my hair so it didn’t look like I had just rolled out of Thiago’s bed.

Once in front of the mirror, I pulled at the black lace bra that clung to my skin, my nipple ready to escape from its place behind the cup of the bra. I didn’t even know when I had replaced the bra back onto my skin or my underwear which was covering my bottom as well.

I brushed my teeth with a spare toothbrush I found while rummaging through Thiago’s closet and pulled my hair into as much of a decent ponytail as I could muster given no hair product and the amount of sweat that had permeated my strands over the last twelve hours or so.

I returned into the bedroom and began pulling through Thiago’s drawers that held his clothes until I found a suitable shirt. After he had ripped one of the buttons on mine I knew there was no way I could return home wearing that. I could at least re-wear the jeans I had worn last night.

I began pulling it over my head and walked out of the room towards the place where my jeans were, sliding them on and then heading to the kitchen where I smelled Thiago working on something on the stove. “Good morning. Look who is finally up,” he chimed as he smiled towards me.

“Yeah well, you didn’t wake me either.” I slid into a seat at the table nearby.

“I figured you needed the rest. I’m sure you don’t get much of it.”

My head fell into my hands, my palms tracing circles against my forehead to fight away the oncoming headache I was feeling. “You’re right about that,” I grumbled. I dropped my hands from blocking the view. “Hey, do you think this could pass as one of Sergio’s shirts?”

I pulled at the grey shirt I wore which was obviously oversized for my frame. Thiago turned around for a moment to look at it. “Eh not really though his tops have seemed to get even tighter lately,” he joked as he took a sip of his orange juice.

I giggled. “Well you know he loves showing off how muscular he is.” That was my brother. The handsome pride of the family.

“I’m sure…he won’t notice.” Thiago made it a point to never utter his name and I rarely did either unless it happened to slip off of my tongue. It was just a bit too awkward when I did.

“Cool. I’ll take it then. I should probably get going.”

He turned back to me again but this time wearing a large frown. “You’re not staying for breakfast? You’re just going to hit it and quit it? Am I just a one night stand to you?” He pretended to feign hurt, his hand flying to his chest to show his disapproval while I could only laugh at his antics, standing from my seat and walking closer to him.

“You are. The best ten-time one night stand I’ve ever had,” I smirked before placing a lingering kiss to his lips. As I tried to pull away his lips just continued to press forward onto mine until he finally withdrew.

“Alright. Fine but at least let me walk you out.”

“No! Way too dangerous. The last thing I need is someone noticing me leaving your place and you being next to me would just be even more suspicious. I’m fine. I’ll call you later or something. When I have time.” I gave him one more kiss before I skipped off into the other room and grabbed for my things. I quickly made my way from his doorstep to the path that led to my car, my head hanging down to avoid catching the eye of anyone who may have been outside walking their dogs or just roaming through the neighborhood.

I slid into the driver’s side after unlocking the car, throwing my bag to the back seat and starting the ignition but I didn’t even have an opportunity to look out my rearview and back up. The loud banging to my window caused me to jump in my seat and as soon as I looked over, I saw a fuming Sergio.

“Get the fuck out of the car,” he demanded.

“Sergio! Quit yelling!” He didn’t wait for me to follow his demands. He began storming to the door of Thiago’s home and I quickly quieted my engine before rushing out after him. I reached the steps, attempting to pull him away but it was too late. He had already knocked and Thiago had already opened the door allowing Sergio to push him and himself inside while I reluctantly followed, slamming the door shut behind me.

“I can’t believe you two idiots!”

It was just like my brother to do this and I was sure he was going to take pleasure in berating both me and Thiago for as long as he could before either his phone rang and interrupted his tirade or Thiago threw him out. Sergio turned to me for a moment, his eyes and body language seeping anger. “Are you forgetting you have a husband at home?” Sergio then turned to Thiago to give him a shove that caused him to stumble backwards some but he kept his balance for the most part. “And how quickly you forget you have a girlfriend! Are you two out of your minds?!”

“Relax, Sergio,” Thiago tried to calm him but there was no calming this mad man.

“Relax? Relax?! No! Fuck you. I’m tired of covering for you two and I’m definitely tired of you sleeping with my sister. How many times do I have to explain she’s off limits? Not just because she has a husband but because I said so.”

When my brother turned back to look at me all I could do was wish he’d redirect his anger back at Thiago but he didn’t. “And how many times are you going to sleep with my teammates?!”

Ouch. People, if they could have heard Sergio’s loud comment, would have begun to think I just went around sleeping with the entire Real Madrid and Spanish national team roster but that was far from the truth. There was only one footballer on my resume and that was Thiago but ever since Cristiano made a comment about my legs one day, Sergio had made this assumption that we were screwing or close to it.

“I’ve never slept with any of your teammates besides…well,” I shrugged and pointed to Thiago who gave a proud smirk before fixing his lips incase Sergio saw.

“I’m not covering for you guys anymore. Nope.” Sergio raised his hands as if he was freeing himself from this whole situation. What was going on between Thiago and I had been going on for some time despite the fact that both of us were in very committed relationships. We just weren’t all that committed to them. No one knew about us but Sergio who had managed to slip into my home at just the right time to find Thiago and I tangled up in my bed sheets one day.

It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life and he wouldn’t let me ever forget it. My brother didn’t talk to me for weeks after that and for the month after it was mainly short and cold conversation mixed in with his threats that if I didn’t tell my husband Dru that he would.

He never told and neither did I.

“You don’t have to cover anymore,” Thiago muttered. “This was the last time.” My jaw dropped. Thiago and I had never talked about this being the last time we would hook up and I thought that maybe he was just saying this to pacify Sergio but from the sad look on his face I was beginning to think he was serious. I nearly choked out a response but I couldn’t quite find the words. My brother did.

“Good,” he nodded. “Good. You two need to start thinking more anyway and learn to break away from each other. When you come visit Spain, don’t see her,” he said as he pointed to me. Thiago just nodded in silent understanding while I watched him waiting for some signal that he wasn’t serious about what he had just said. He didn’t give one.

Sergio walked forward towards me and grabbed my arm to lead me out of the door. I didn’t protest, my feet just rushing to keep up with quick pace. “I can’t believe you’re still being this stupid,” he spat lowly.

“I-I’m sorry. I…”

“Save the apologies because I know you’re not really sorry.” He opened my car door and shoved me inside of my car. “Go home,” Sergio commanded before he shut the driver’s side door, nearly slamming it shut and walking towards his own car that I realized was parked behind mine.

While I waited for his departure, my head fell onto the steering wheel. I wanted to cry and break down but why? Thiago wasn’t my boyfriend. I didn’t have any emotional attachment to him. It was just sex. Entertaining sex. I could let that go right?

I grabbed for my phone that was within the junk of my purse and sent him a message.

Me: Did you mean that? About that being the last time?

I waited for the responding bubbles to pop up into our messaging thread and soon enough it did. I waited with bated breath.

Thiago: No. Of course not. Talk to you later?

I Less Than Three You Too

PART 1

Genre: fluffy, tiny angst.

Summary: The morning after fic from Phil’s pov.

Warnings: none :)

Word count: 2036

Pain. A lot of pain was all I could feel at that moment. I was also feeling cramped and my head hurt. Oh yeah, the headache was probably because of the alcohol I consumed last night. I didn’t want to drink that much but Roy was trying to get me drunk yesterday or something. Man he doesn’t give up.

The cramped feeling, I pleasantly realized was because of Dan spooning me. I smiled as I realized that he was holding me tighter than usual. I usually stop myself from showing too much affection as there’s a chance that I might do something that is a little outside the ‘friends with benefits’ or whatever deal we were in.

I tried not to move much and relish in but too soon Dan began to shuffle a little. I expected him to push himself away but surprisingly he tucked himself even closer and pecked the back of my head.

My breath hitched and I involuntarily shuddered.

“Morning” Dan said in my hair in his morning voice which is one of my turn ons. Speaking of which I noticed I had a bit of problem down there. It is useless to expect it to go away when your crush is spooning you way too tightly and talking about something in the sexiest voice.

“… way too drunk to know what you were on about.” I heard Dan say and that pretty much made me forget about my boner.

“What was I on about?” I was terrified. I turned around to look at his face which had an expression I couldn’t interpret. That made me more worried.

“You don’t remember anything you did last night or said even?” He said giving me a calculating look which scared me more.

“No” I answered timidly and I swallowed. I sadly realized far too late that I was making my fear too obvious and Dan suddenly looked a little amused. “Don’t be so scared, it’s not a big deal. Actually it flattered me.”

Please say my stupid drunk self did not confess any sort of feeling to him, though the odds did not look at my side right then. “What did I say to flatter you?” I asked trying my best to sound calm.

“That all the ‘best sex’ you have had were with me” he winked.

Okay great, I can shrug that off as no big deal. Literally Thanks to all deities of all religions I did not say anything more reckless. I let out a breath that I didn’t know I was holding and the amused expression was back on his face.

As my heart was no longer on a verge of a stroke, I became aware of my boner (which was pretty much gone down after that) and my intense hangover.

I really wanted some of our usual morning sex, but my head was killing me. I screwed my face and massaged my temples. I realized Dan was still holding me close to his body and hello! I wasn’t the only one excited here. Fuck my head I want him (this is what I always say before having sex with my best friend).

I opened my eyes; he was back looking at me like he was figuring something out or making a decision.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing” he replied smiling a little but continued look at me unusually making me self conscious but I was too gone to think about it then.

“Anyway since we both are not that innocent right now,” I said rolling over him, “let’s just…” and I started kissing him.

It is always like that with us. Most days Dan, for some reason, is all over me at night, and it is not my fault that I give in against my better judgement. I don’t even offer any protest and usually just dive right in. I know that what we are doing is unhealthy for our friendship because we never talk about it. I am scared that if we talk our logic will win over and deprive me of Dan, and yeah even though it’s just sex (for him), it is what satisfies my need for intimacy with him.

I am hopelessly, unrequitedly in love with Dan and when the person you are sleeping with is most important thing to your existence, you become a bit clingy, at least I do. So in mornings, when we wake up in same bed and Dan’s body starts moving away from me when he wakes up, I become desperate to hold onto him, and I can only do that effectively by seducing him.

That’s what I am doing right now; usually just straddling him and kissing him hard does it but today Dan was not reciprocating my kiss with lust; He was barely kissing me back.

“Supp?” I asked. Did I do something wrong?

“I am sorry Phil; I don’t think I am up for it right now. I am bone tired” he lied from beneath me. He wasn’t tired; or even if he was he wouldn’t have denied sex. This is first time either of us had said no to sex.

“Don’t look so shocked. It’s your entire fault. You had me worried a lot yesterday by switching your phone off and being late” he told casually. I knew him too well too know that there was something more to it and that he is up to something or… onto something?

I rolled over and got off the bed. I spent most of my time yesterday getting away from Roy and ended up hiding in one of the spare bedrooms (I am cool like that). It was already occupied but the couple was out cold and thankfully covered under the blankets. I did not want to stay there like a perv but Roy was drunk and had tried kissing me already.

I had gone there to relax a little, away from the heartache that I am always subconsciously aware whenever I am with Dan, which is always. Lucky for me, the backup stock of vodka and pepsi where kept in the same room. I plugged in my earphones and drank away my pain into bliss and woke up in sweet warm arms.

The day went on as usual with tumblr, youtube and twitter for both of us. The unusual part was Dan making a mysterious phone call (he never left the room for privacy for a call when it was just me there)and in the evening telling me to get dressed because he wanted to try this new place he found online for dinner (he’s a lazy fuck, he would much rather order a pizza).

So we took the tube to Green Park and walked for a few minutes till we reached two oak doors. Once inside, we were greeted by a freaking Maitre D and turned out that Dan had booked a table and everything. Why was Dan suddenly craving some fancy dining experience?

When we were sited at our table, I noticed that this place was fancy but also really geeky. Pokemon chairs, totoro print tablecloths and a many figurines and plushies of anime characters. Even the menu was anime themed. Dan was looking at me while I was taking in how awesome this place was.

“I now understand why you got your lazy butt up for a dinner” I grinned at that dork.

He grinned cutely and told me to shut up. “Do you like it?” he asked.

“It’s now one of my favorite places to eat even though I have not tasted anything yet.” His lips curled up slightly more at that. I got a feeling that he wanted to bring me here. I realized our table was sort of isolated from rest of the dining area by a giant pillar. Did the restaurant think that we were on a date when Dan booked a table for two? I turned red at that and hoped Dan doesn’t notice this and gets put off by it.

He was still looking at my face when I glanced at him; he then looked away freaking blushed. Okay, what is up with him? He is behaving like we are on a date or something. For a third person, I agree, things must be looking pretty cozy. That made me some more red.

We were served our food (Thank god for a distraction from that glancing-at-each-other-turning-away-a bit-redder). I had ordered the Colossal Titan’s head made out of noodles and rice.

Halfway in our meal, the Maitre D, who I found out was also the owner, came to ask us how were things; (I definitely wanted to come back, with Dan, preferably on an actual date. Okay I was getting ahead) but before he left I saw him giving a pointy look to Dan and then Dan returning it. He then went away smirking. Was… was that piece of shit waiter flirting with Dan? I suddenly had an urge to call him back and tell him that his place felt repulsive and was too lame to be real.

I drank some water and suddenly Interrupted by Fireworks started to play. Bloody hell, this song is kind of special to us. ‘It would have been ‘our’ song if we were couple’ Dan had once joked. When we first had sex, I had played this song on repeat on my phone to create the ‘atmosphere’. Actually I was then trying to hint Dan that it was more than sex for me, which didn’t work like my many failed attempt in later years.

Dan cleared his throat getting my attention. “So umm Phil, I was, well you were saying that, I mean yesterday when you got home, I wanted to sleep with you, I mean not sleep, I mean ahh…!” He turned really red.

“Fuck I had written down what I wanted to say but…” he mumbled and looked at me embarrassingly. My face showed that I was confused and waiting for him to continue, although I had gotten nervous because Dan was weird today and generally he was pretty articulate.

He sighed took out his phone, “it’s better if you see this” he passed me his phone starting a video.

The video opened with Dan sitting on his bed looking incredibly nervous, and what seemed as, I later realized, yesterday night.

“Hey, so Phil umm if you are watching this then that means I have lost my balls and I am on plan B now and umm I am basically, I am trying to say there, if I had not already… Fuck I hope you don’t see this.”

He sighed and looked in the camera intently for a moment and then said, “I love you Phil, I have always had. I had a thing for you even before you knew I existed and fuck I am, I am in love with you and I am saying this only now because you admitted sort of right now that you have feeling… for me that is. Fucking hell Phil, please say that wasn’t just some drunk talk and that we could be more than, more than what we are now. That we could be real and… yeah.”

The video ended and I got aware that I had forgotten to breathe, tears almost built up and lip quivering. My face was never more crimson.

“You love me? For real?” I chocked out. “Yes” he said looking visibly relieved at my emotional state that must have confirmed that it wasn’t alcohol talking yesterday.

But there were many reasons for why this was too dreamy to be true. I never asked him to be with me as I did not ever see any reasons for him to settle for someone so ordinary like me.

“B-But w-why? How y-you…?” I managed before Dan cut me out, “when you said you loved someone so wreaked like me I did not believe you either. I less than three you too Phil, because…” he said that pulling his chair beside me. He slide his arm around me pulling me closer, cupping my check with his other hand, he said things that made that night the best night of my life.

A/N: Sorry this took so long, I wanted some kind of follow up and engineering sucks

Interview in Sato Takeru Photo Book X (ten) <4>

*continued from <3>

~translation~

-Seeing Takeru-kun, you seem to be able to precisely spot who you should have around.

You may be right. I have confident about an eye for people. My friends use me as a judge.

-A judge?

I’m told ‘Could you meet a girl who I’ve just started to go out with?’ and I go to see her, then say, ‘Oh, oh, OK’. After meeting her, I say, ‘You’d better off just giving up’, and my friend say, ‘Really!?’ or something like that. (lol)

-And vice versa?

Well, what I see is not whether my friend and his girl friend will get along well or not, but how the girl is as a human.

-The fact that your friends ask you for judgment means that you have shown them your discerning eye so often, I guess.

I don’t know. But originally, females should be better at such ‘sixth sense’. Probably, females pretend to be unaware though they are aware in fact, I wonder. Females may tend to rush straight in a subjective manner, I guess. Some have themselves misunderstood at times.

-You are likely to have a point there.

Once I meet a person and talk with him/her properly, I know pretty much what he/she is like. An interview can make it at one blow. (lol) I could make myself clear about the reasons if I break my thought into elements, but it causes headaches to explain, so I just call it ‘sense’.

-Your ‘sense’ has effect on your choice of your work?

It is difficult. Our work is composed through the combination of different people. So even if one part is good, when another part collapses, it affects the whole result.

-What will you do in such a case?

I’ll keep doing what I can do. All we actors can do is to play, to live as the character. I’ll devote myself to that point.

-You said in the last interview for the photo book ‘Deep Breath (深呼吸。)’ that you can feel acting is fun because you are concentrating, right?

I remember that. I said you feel satisfied when you are concentrating on something. That interview was done just when I found it. But I think so even now.

-I’ll ask this again, but don’t you still consider acing from ‘arts or sciences’ points of view?

No, but my way of constructing my play might be that of the science course.

-The way you approach things is so?

You’re right. My train of thought is really that of the science field. I’ve loved arithmetic and science since my elementary school days. I’ve never told it to anyone, though.

-Why didn’t you tell?

Because, somehow, when I was an elementary school student, it was regarded as cool to pretend ‘I am not studying at all. I love PE’. Actually I also loved PE, though. I loved arithmetic and science as much.

-Few love them.

At that age, no one seemed to have interest in studying. Frankly speaking, classes in the elementary school were very easy. So I understood everything, but I used to say, ‘Sir, I have no idea’ or something like that. Then teachers tried to teach me, you know. I already knew all of that, but I still pretended that I hadn’t got it. As a result, I got bad grades.

-What’s that?

Now I think it didn’t make any sense at all. (lol) But I remember one scene quite well. My teacher thought of me as a really poor student and got a stamp saying ‘Do Your Best’. I thought, ‘Aaah, he doesn’t know anything at all ~.’

-I feel sorry for your teacher.

Hahaha. It happened when I was in the fourth or fifth grade, I remember, but I regretted a bit because I got poor grades. ‘I never expected this ~. I just said I had no idea instantly ~. I did my very best at the tests ~.’ (lol)

-I’ve never heard of such a person before. (lol)

Told you.

-Did you sometimes make mistakes on purpose?

Never. I just pretended to be ignorant in the class. … I wonder if I was lonely at that time.

-A look-at-me boy? (lol)

Yeah, possibly. He was a fine young man, ikemen just like Ito Hideaki-san (lol), and had quick reflexes. He was my favorite teacher. I might have wanted him to look at me.

-Considering it, you were cute.

It is possible that I was lovable. Kawaii (cute) ~ ♥

-I didn’t know you had it in you. And after that?

I’ve never done such a thing since then. In junior high school days, it was regarded as better to be good at studies, so I tried to be so. I kept being good at studies normally.

*to be continued to <5>  :)