Here is what I know:
You drink your coffee black and we are afraid of each other.
Once you kissed my neck in front of your friends
and it made me very shy.
Once you kissed my stomach and I started crying.
I see the tender way you touch things and want to kiss your nose
but I keep my mouth to myself.
Your collarbones are craters big enough to fit my fist into.
You are the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in months.
I was not good to the last person I loved so I punished my heart
(I let it break and bleed out then roughly sewed it back together)
It is hard to write poems when I only know how to fuck you.
I am always trying. I am thinking of Somedays. I am saying goodbye.
You asked why I never write anything honest so I am writing you this.
And we sit so close
our knees exchange
kisses when no one
is looking and we’re
sitting on concrete
and bruises, gray
skies and cracked
buildings, but you
laugh and suddenly
we’re in a garden and
I’m silent as you place
a bouquet of flowers in my
hair, trying to add color to
my empty mind, and I’m trying
not to fall in love, because we
both know these flowers will
wilt, and I’ll be left with thorns
rotting in my mind.
If you ever fall in love… fall in love with someone who wants to know your favorite color and how you like your coffee. Fall in love with someone who loves the way you laugh and would absolutely anything to hear it. Fall in love with someone that puts their head on your chest just to hear your heart beat. Fall in love with someone who kisses you in public and isn’t afraid to show you off to everyone they know. Fall in love with someone who makes you question why you were afraid to fall in love in the first place. Fall in love with someone who never wants to hurt you and will do anything to try and protect you from anything. Fall in love with someone who falls in love with all your flaws and thinks you became their version of the word ‘perfect’. Fall in love with someone who thinks that you’re the one they would love to wake up with each morning and each day.
I’m here to love you, not to hold your hand. I’ll tell you’re beautiful because you are, not because you need to hear it to feel it. I’ll hold you when the north wind blows because I like to my arms around you, not because I have to be afraid of the gust shattering your bones. I’ll kiss you because it feels like lightning, not because you need my lips to breathe. Don’t missunderstand, I will always stand with you and fight for you and remind you of the perfection I see in your every move. I just won’t let you rely on me, I would never be that cruel.
Last night I had a dream about you,how you wrapped your arms around me and pulled me close against your chest,how you kissed my neck softly.When I woke up I felt more lonely and I missed you even more than before.Now I am afraid to fall asleep again
´existing´ is easy. It means, go to school, go to work. It means to do, what other people expect you to do. ´living´ is hard. living is all this, but much more stronger. It means pain, pleasure, heartbreak, happiness. You live, when you follow your own expectations, when you stand up, after someone forces you to kiss the ground. I´m afraid of living.