afraid to show how weak i am

I feel too much. I always saw this as a weakness. I saw it as a flaw. Feeling every little thing down to the bottom of my core. You said it’s what you love most about me. The way I care, the way I am not afraid to show my tears over the stupidest of things. You tell me you love how I love all things, how I wish I could save everyone and everything. How I put others before myself. You always tell me to hold on to the feelings that flow through me and never let myself give in to all the negatives the world can offer because then I’ll become numb to it all. “Keep feeling the wind caress your cheek. Always cry when Simbas father dies. Drag me to the local pet store to purchase those betas in the containers because you want to rescue them all and then throw me a tantrum when I don’t let you. Call me over to remove the spider you are afraid of but then get angry at me when I kill it instead of releasing it outside like you requested. I love all those things about you. I love how you feel all the lives around you. ” But what will become of all my feelings the day you decide to leave me..will I then become numb to it all.

anonymous asked:

I've always thought in terms of personality, arya is much more like catelyn and Sansa much more like Ned. Popular opinion seems to like it the other way round though. Maybe it's because of looks, maybe it's because Sansa/cat less popular arya/Ned more so they group them like that. But I firmly believe personality wise, arya gets more from cat and Sansa more from Ned. I was wondering if you could expand on this and share your opinion?

Hey there anon :). I’ve picked up on this many times before and for some reason its often overlooked by many in the fandom. I’ve always thought that while Arya resembles Ned and Sansa resembles Cat, their personality and mannerisms are actually more like the other parent. I personally think this is often denied because a lot of people love Ned and Arya but don’t like Cat and Sansa, so I’m hoping this may help change their opinion.

Catelyn and Arya:

Feminism: Despite the very patriarchal society they live in, both Cat and Arya are essentially champions of women, recognising the worth of women and also almost scorning how they’re seen as second value citizens in Westeros:

  • Catelyn: ‘A woman can rule as wisely as a man’: When Brynden seems to worry that Lysa intends to rule the Eyrie, Catelyn says this, emphasising her belief that women can do just as much of a good job ruling (and to be fair, Brynden does agree that the ‘right’ woman can)
  • Catelyn: ‘Girls are not important enough, are they?’: This is her response when Robb tells her that he could’ve traded Jaime for Ned, and she realises that Sansa and Arya aren’t worth as much, lamenting how society favours men over women.
  • Arya: ‘The woman is important too’: This is when Jon spots that Joffrey wears both the royal Baratheon sigil of his ‘father’ and the Lannister lion of his mother and says that the royal sigil should be enough but he wears his mother’s house sigil as equal and Arya protests that, saying that women are just as important.

Both Catelyn and Arya are actually rather intelligent: Now I’m not saying that Sansa and Ned aren’t intelligent, but Arya definitely takes after Catelyn, she’s a lot more intuitive than Sansa is, and that is all Cat. Catelyn manages to outwit Tyrion, and he acknowledges that himself: ‘All his life Tyrion had prided himself on his cunning…yet this seven-times-damned she-wolf Catelyn Stark had outwitted him at every turn’. Arya is intelligent as well, for example, she uses her wit and intelligence to manipulate Jaqen into freeing them from Harrenhal, she manages to learn how to speak Braavosi, despite her young age (I also love how when she’s in Braavos, ‘Cat of the Canals’ is a name she uses, it breaks my heart).

They both have a massive taste for revenge:

  • Arya: ‘Every night Arya would say their names. Ser Gregor…The Tickler and the Hound, Ser Amory, Ser Ilyn, Ser Meryn, King Joffrey, Queen Cersei’: The list of names that Arya has of people she wants to kill is very well known in both the books and the show.
  • Catelyn: ‘I want them all dead, Brienne. Theon Greyjoy first, then Jaime Lannister and Cersei and the Imp, every one’: This is before Lady Stoneheart, so there’s not even the excuse of the ruthless, resurrected zombified Catelyn who is taking this stance on revenge.

Catelyn literally has a list of people she wants dead, not necessarily by her hand, whereas Arya actually wants to kill the people on her list, but if this isn’t a huge pointer to who Arya takes after, then I don’t know what is. Now Catelyn isn’t violent, but she’s certainly after vengeance. Ned isn’t a someone who seems like that. Yes he went to war, but I’d argue that was more about finding Lyanna. And if he had got the chance, I’d say he would’ve killed Aerys without blinking, but I firmly believe Arya’s stance on revenge and vengeance comes from Cat, and not Ned. Here are some of Cat’s other quotes:

  • ‘You are the gentle sex’ said Lord Karstark…’A man has a need for vengeance’…‘Give me Cersei Lannister, Lord Karstark, and you would see how gentle a woman can be’
  • ‘I have no skill with swords, but that does not mean that I do not dream of riding to King’s Landing and wrapping my hands around Cersei Lannister’s white throat and squeezing until her face turns black’

Not only is Cat demonstrating her taste for vengeance, but particularly in that second quote, she’s describing it gruesomely. Cat has a fierceness that is seen in Arya. Arya’s list is almost purely based on a desire to get revenge for the deaths of her family, that sounds pretty similar to a certain resurrected character. This fierceness we see in Arya is all Cat, Ned is not a fierce person at all.

Emotion: Both Cat and Arya are driven by emotion, and this can often mean them doing reckless things. While Cat (for the most part) is more rational, and that comes with age and maturity, she can be impulsive at times. For Arya, things like hitting Joffrey (although he was attacking Mycah, Joffrey is the crown prince and it’s punishable by death to strike him) is an example of her recklessness, but she does it to protect someone. Catelyn releasing Jaime strikes me as something similar, it is a reckless act, but driven by a desire to protect her daughters and get them safe. Yes, it wasn’t a good move and severely weakened Robb’s cause (Though I don’t think that cost him the war as others do. They just place the blame on Cat), but it reminds me of Arya, because that is something she would do.

Cat is very emotionally driven when it comes to Jon. Jon’s presence (not his existence, contrary to popular belief, Cat doesn’t hate the fact that Jon exists. She actually says she wouldn’t mind if Ned had many bastards, as long as they were kept away) affects her emotionally and it hurts her to see him every day, to be reminded of the honourable Ned Stark’s infidelity. She acts on emotion and chooses to ignore him over something he had no choice in, and it is driven by her hurt over the situation. Arya is similar to this, in the show, not the book, when Gendry is taken. Gendry is like an anchor for Arya at this point, and it really hurts her to see him being taken by Melisandre. However, she adds Beric, Thoros and Melisandre to her list for this. A list that includes Cersei, Joffrey, Walder Frey, people who helped murder her family. Now, Gendry being taken really hurt her, but do them three deserve to be on her list? Not really, it’s purely driven by emotion.

Childhood: Arya is obviously well known for her play during childhood. She’s messy, enjoys playing with the boys, wants to swordfight, and just wild in general. People often liken that to Lyanna, but Catelyn remembers her own childhood where she used to make mud pies with Lysa, and used to play with her and Petyr. Although she didn’t swordfight, Catelyn’s own childhood mirrors Arya’s quite a bit, since she also enjoyed playing as a child (I have a headcanon that Arya’s archery skills come from Catelyn because as a child, Cat was taught how to use a bow and arrow by Brynden Tully, but there’s no evidence for that, it’s just a headcanon). People may then call Cat a hypocrite for wanting Arya not to engage in play activities, but people also forget that Cat was forced to grow up very quickly after her mother died and it likely was a quick transition that she wasn’t prepared for and I argue that she wanted Arya to be more prepared than she was and she’s also aware of how harsh society is for women, especially those who don’t fit into the roles of ‘looking pretty’ and producing babies.

Strength: Another similarity is both of them remaining strong.

  • Arya: ‘I am a wolf and will not be afraid’ and the repeated ‘I’m not afraid’ in the show’ demonstrate Arya’s strength. Arya is afraid, and the Hound picks up on that, but she tries to push the feeling of being afraid away out of fear of being weak, she can’t allow herself to be weak, instead she resorts to her inner strength.
  • Catelyn: ‘I want to weep, she thought. I want to be comforted. I’m so tired of being strong. I want to be foolish and frightened for once. Just for a small while, that’s all, a day, an hour’ While Catelyn is talking about grief and not fear, she also shares the similar belief that she has to be strong, so she pushes her grief away because she also can’t allow herself to be weak, like Arya, demonstrating the inner strength she has.

I said in a previous ask Cat and Arya’s relationship is undervalued, but there are so many things Catelyn loves about Arya and now Arya will never get the chance to know how much her mother loved her. One thing that is heartbreaking is that we know how desperately Catelyn wanted to give Ned a son that looked like him, but she never got the chance to. I believe that despite the fact that Arya is not seen as ‘pretty’ and doesn’t get the nice Tully features the other four do, Cat wouldn’t change Arya’s appearance because Arya is the brown haired, grey eyed child she’d always wanted.

LSH doesn’t look like she will be introduced in the show, but in the books, I firmly believe that it will be Arya, to put her out of her misery. And I like to think that having to kill her own mother, Arya will stop her quest for vengeance and head north to find her family.

Ned and Sansa:

Naivety: Sansa has obviously changed since season 1, but in season 1, her and Ned shared the same naivety. Both of them go to Cersei in the hope that she will listen to them, and it backfires on both of them. Ned confronted Cersei with the fact that he knew the truth about her and Jaime, and that was essentially him signing his death warrant. It was naive of Ned to believe that Cersei wouldn’t try to fight back in any way. Cersei has watched Robert’s vengeance follow the Targaryen children around in exile, and she didn’t want that for her own children, Ned’s naivety cost him his life. Sansa also runs to tell Cersei of Ned’s plans to leave, and it backfired. 

Too Trusting: Ned obviously doesn’t trust Cersei, but he places trust in her that he believes she will take up his offer and flee. He trusts that she will put the interest of her children first, and she doesn’t and he was too trusting of her.

  • Ned: ‘Distrusting me was the wisest thing you’ve done since you climbed off your horse’—‘I did warn you not to trust me’: This is the classic example of Ned being too trusting. Placing his trust in a man who literally tells him not too.
  • Sansa: ‘Once she had loved Prince Joffrey with all her heart and admired and trusted his mother, the queen. They had repaid that love and trust with her father’s head: Sansa places her trust in the wrong people, just as Ned does, and unfortunately for her, she finds out the hard way and it’s certainly a learning curve for her. The too trusting thing is all Ned, Catelyn is much more wary of people, as is Arya (Roose Bolton at Harrenhal for example)

The Eyrie: This is much more of a simple parallel, but it is still one.

  • Ned: Grows up in the Eyrie as a ward of Jon Arryn
  • Sansa: Spends time in the Eyrie under the ‘protection’ of Littlefinger as his bastard daughter (niece in the show)

It’s a very simple similarity, but I believe there is a purpose to everything that George writes. It’s funny that LF is almost trying to make Sansa turn into Catelyn, but he’s doing so in a place where Sansa will feel connected to Ned.

Traditional: While Cat and Arya very much champion women and are essentially medieval feminists, Ned and Sansa are much more traditional. Now, that’s not to say that they don’t value women, because they do. Sansa has probably been beaten down to think that women aren’t worth much but by season 7, we see that she’s really starting to believe in herself as a woman. Ned definitely valued women, respected them, he had a lot of trust in Catelyn, but in reality they are both traditional and fit in with the patriarchal society. Sansa despises of anything unlady-like that Arya does, because it’s not how a woman should act. Certainly in book one, Sansa is convinced that she has to look pretty for Joffrey, smile for him, give him babies, a very traditional medieval view of a woman’s role. Ned certainly doesn’t see Catelyn as a breeding machine, and that’s not what my point is here, but he is still traditional in the fact that he is in charge, and what he says goes. He doesn’t give Cat a say in Jon’s situation and then forbids her to talk about him, using his authority as the male over her. That’s not to say Ned is mean, it’s him being traditional, the man is superior to the woman.

Gentleness: Both Ned and Sansa are much more gentle than Cat and Arya. Cat and Arya have a fierceness we don’t see in Ned and Sansa. Sansa is a gentle young lady, made for the south, doesn’t know how harsh the world is, a very gentle soul. Despite his rough exterior, we know that Ned is actually a very gentle person: ‘Eyes that could be soft as fog or hard as stone’, ‘Once I found the good, sweet heart beneath Ned’s solemn face’. Sansa’s gentleness towards people and life is 100% Ned, even though he doesn’t seem the gentle type.

Armour: Their metaphorical suits of armour are pointed out:

  • Ned: ‘You wear your honour like a suit of armour, Stark’
  • Sansa: ‘What was it that Septa Mordane used to tell her? A ladies armour is courtesy’

It’s another simple similarity, but a fascinating one again, because they are both using these metaphorical suits of armour to almost shield them from real life. Ned holds honour in high regard, as Sansa holds courtesy as well, and they are the things that they use to shield themselves, as armour is supposed to do.

General Personality: Ned is known as the most quiet (his nickname is the ‘Quiet Wolf’), sensible, patient, dutiful and this is definitely evident in Sansa. Sansa is also rather quiet (in comparison to Arya), sensible and patient, she’s not rash or reckless, she’s slower to act to things, idealistic, she has a great deal of empathy. That’s not to say that Catelyn is the complete opposite, Catelyn does have empathy and she’s not completely reckless, but these qualities are much more evident in Ned.

Reassurance: This again is only a small one, but in the show only, we’ve seen a similarity between Ned and Sansa, trying to reassure Catelyn and Jon respectively that they belong in Winterfell

  • Ned: ‘All these years and I still feel like an outsider when I come here’ — ‘You have five Northern children. You’re not an outsider’
  • Sansa: ‘I’m not a Stark’ — ‘You are to me’

It’s a very simple parallel, but an important one. They are both reassuring someone who isn’t sure of their place, that they belong. We saw Sansa through season 6 continue to try and assure Jon that he had a place, that he was a Stark. She made him a Stark cloak, she told him he should have the lord’s chamber, she convinced him to be the person to lead them retaking Winterfell. I imagine that Ned throughout his marriage, assured Catelyn that she belonged in Winterfell, the North was her home etc.

Like Cat and Arya, Ned and Sansa’s relationship is massively undervalued as well. Sansa is his first daughter, and while he obviously loves Arya too, that’s something special to him. She’s the first child he would’ve been present for the birth, seen her as a newborn. We don’t actually know when Ned and Cat fell in love, but Sansa could’ve been the first child out of love. Sansa is precious to Ned, she’s just like him in personality, but she looks just like the woman he loves more than anything, and her innocence and gentle look on the world is why I think he doesn’t tell her what the world is really like, he wants to shield his little girl from the horrors of it.

In the end, people talk a lot about Ned sacrificing his honour for Jon, but they often ignore the fact that Ned loved Sansa enough that he was willing to be deemed a traitor to his best friend in order to save her and that is Ned Stark summed up in one scene. He thinks honour is important, but it’s nothing compared to family. Sansa is one of the last things he sees before he dies, and Ned would be proud of the woman Sansa has become

anonymous asked:

The gross part is you turning an incredible female hero into an object. There was no more sexual innuendo in her fights than in fights between men. You might have a thing for kylo but the character of rey does not. And her fight scenes are not a sexual come on dance for kylo. You reducing her to how her body looks wet while fighting is sexist period. Whether you are a woman or man doing it.

These REDUCTIVE uninformed arguments are OLD, antis.

Female sexuality is NOT wrong.
It is not “turning a woman into an object” when she is KICKING ASS, taking names, and the sexual tension is in the SUBTEXT.

It’s not like Rey is running around in booty shorts and tits out, or falling victim at every turn for all the BOYS to come and SAVE her (Twilight - a comparison y'all misinformed basics like to throw out there like you know how to make parallels at all).

Sit down for a second. Ask yourself why you are so quick to throw out the window decades of storytelling techniques that are used as SUBTEXT because you want to specifically AVOID sexualizing a character in the LEAST. Their origins come from a more conservative time - sure - but nowadays are used to make stories thrilling and keep up the tension.

If telling the story of female adolescence - which WILL include sexuality - bothers you, I need you to ask yourself who the real misogynist is.

Once again, all together:

It. Is. Not. A. Bad. Thing. For. Women. To. Be. Sexual.
It. Is. Ok. For. Women. To. Feel. Sexually. Attracted.
It. Is. Ok. For. A. Heroine. To. Have. Romance. Or. Sexuality.

It’s ok to show sexual imagery, it’s ok to hint and put in subtext, it’s ok for her to be CONFUSED about her attraction - which is a huge point I will touch on in a second. Women ARE confused about sexuality cause people like you going around and saying that using CLASSIC film techniques and picking up on the FIRE and chemistry is somehow SEXIST. Great, so women don’t get to analyze films about heroines now, because we gotta tiptoe around antis who don’t know the difference between subtext and objectification.

Watch the new Wonder Woman for reference, if you’d like to see some female sexuality done right! And, in my opinion, JJ did an AMAZING job with the way he portrayed female sexuality in TFA. I know y'all antis wanna refuse it was there, but the imagery used was - again - classic! And it was FIRE and beauty. And it was done SO tastefully. So tastefully, in fact, that a lot of people didn’t get it… lol, the irony in this conversation though.

Look, if you can’t see subtext in a woman standing on the edge of a cliff, locking eyes with a man for 20+ seconds, who is saying, “I can show you the ways of the Force.” then… I dunno if we were watching the same film to be honest. If y'all can watch that fight scene and not see a beautiful, marvelous yin and yang dance… I’m actually SAD for you and the beauty you missed out on. You saw a basic fight?? How sad, seriously, that you missed the imagery, the symbology, the representation of a woman discovering and conquering her fierceness - and yes - conquering her sexuality. It is EPIC. AND IT IS FEMINIST. And I will FIGHT you on that.

I want you to really imagine for ONE moment that fight between Kylo and Rey, and put ANY OTHER TWO CHARACTERS there. Put Darth Maul and Obi-wan on that cliff, staring into each others’ eyes for 20+ seconds, with Maul - his face aglow in the cross-section of interlocked sabers - saying, “I can show you the ways of the Force!”

You can’t imagine it - or if you can you are thinking, “that is RIDICULOUS.” Only characters with sexual energy can pull off a scene like that. That doesn’t deprive Rey of her agency - SHE STILL KICKED HIS ASS. However, you DO deprive the scene of its sheer beauty and symbolism, missing the mark of a chance for female sexuality to be PORTRAYED AS AWESOME AND KICK ASS AND POWERFUL.

It is not a bad thing for women to show their bodies a little bit and be empowered as they do. It is not a bad thing for women to be attracted to someone physically, even if in her mind she thinks, “no way!” That’s actually the ENTIRE point of the Beauty and the Beast archetype btw - which y'all antis keep dismissing, but I keep SAYING. So much is clear in TFA and it becomes clearer as more details come out from TLJ.

Oh, and read up on some Carl Jung and get to know the Anima/Animus, the coming together of the male and female, LIGHT and DARK. Why? Because that’s what Rian Johnson claims is his big influence for writing TLJ. I wonder… now… what two characters could come together in a union to represent the balance of the LIGHT… and the DARK….?????….?

Anyway, seriously, I am upset by this ask… it is so reductive and shallow it makes me ill. Anyone who wants to, feel free to add onto this. I am tired at this point, because I am actually sick at how reductive people are about art and the portrayal of female characters within it… like we have to throw hundreds of years of women’s stories out the window because people are afraid of showing a sexual woman coming into her sexuality and owning it on screen.

My love is not pretty and gentle.
My love is not stuttering apologies
and little dresses and running around
the corner store in the middle of summer,
coating your body with sunbeams.

My love is immune to naïveté.
It is not bare feet and carefree; it is
asphalt and weak knees. It is blacking out
and forgetting what it feels like
to kiss people without consequence.

My love is purple, the sum of intense red
strangled by daunting blue.
I am afraid to show people how much
they matter, but good God, do I
let it rope around my neck like a noose.

My love is a rain cloud, dark and dense,
infused with too many feelings.
When I am too full, my love bursts like
raindrops engulfing your head in streams;
like thunder in the middle of summer,
you will be afraid of how much
it takes out of you to overpower the sun.

My love is not the sailboat or the ocean,
but the storm that pushes it out to sea.
My love refuses to stay standstill–
it is always changing, but it never leaves.

—  My formal apology to the both of us for my inability to give you the love you wanted

I struggle to define myself. I struggle to derive the meaning of my blackness today. I love it, my blackness, that is. The world wants me to bend, fold, shift and shimmy just so they can be comfortable. They’d rather have you believe that your presence causes fear, rather than embracing the light that you harbor. Do not dim yourself for the comfort of someone else. The transition from black boy to black man is to shed yourself of anything that can be perceived as weakness. Some nights, I simply sit and stare and wonder if i have forgotten how to cry. I hope to remember. I am trying to reconnect with a part of me that has been snuffed out.

I want my brothers and I to live without boundaries. Spread the wings that you have hidden for so long and reach heights you were afraid to imagine. Take pride in the power of self expression. I will never be ashamed to tell you that I love you. They will tell you that it is weakness, but there is strength in showing love. There is strength, in respecting and uplifting black women. There is strength inside of you. As I write this, I feel as if I’ve forgotten that there is strength inside of me too. I struggle to define myself, and that is okay. I am too complex of a being to be deconstructed in a paragraph. Black men are not a monolith. We are as unique as snowflakes, beautiful as a sunrise, and as strong as the pull of the ocean.

I pray that we recognise this.

I love you.

- Seunfunmi Tinubu for GreenInc.

anonymous asked:

Just in case you're taking prompts: Lena, Cat, and Kara. Lena finds out Kara is Supergirl by accident, and is very upset. She bumps into Cat at a glamorous benefit dinner (Kara is there, sad puppy, but they don't talk) and Cat drops some wisdom on Lena that leads her to understand (if not forgive just yet).

Hope you like it!

Read on AO3-

“It isn’t about trust, you know.”

The voice at her elbow startles her, drawing her gaze away from Kara and to the figure standing at her left.

Cat Grant is standing there, glass of champagne clutched lightly in her fingers.

Lena follows her gaze to see that the other woman is also watching Kara, only without the brooding pout that she knows she herself has.

“I’m sorry?” She raises an eyebrow and fixes the older woman with a disinterested expression - unimpressed with having her musings interrupted.

She came to this party to distract herself; she didn’t expect to see Kara, and she certainly didn’t anticipate having to deal with Cat Grant.

She’s in no mood to deal with conniving members of the media.

But Cat’s face is softer than usual, and the sharp lines that Lena usually associates with the media mogul are replaced with a look of gentle concern.

“It isn’t about trust.” Cat repeats with conviction. “Her not telling you.”

“I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.” Lena holds, although she’s pretty sure she knows exactly what the other woman is referring to.

Just because she’s upset doesn’t mean she’s going to betray Kara’s secret.

Keep reading

In love and fear and hate and tears (III/III)

Part III of III - Previous Part

fem. Baratheon reader x Theon Greyjoy

Warning: a tiny little bit of smut

As you went outside of the castle for a walk you found Theon sitting in the grass and staring at the ocean. You walked to him and sat down next to him.

“How are you today, Theon?”, you asked politely.

“M-My sister Yara… She was captured by Euron”, Theon explained you. “I’m feeling terrible. This is all my fault.”

“Why do you think so?”

“Because I didn’t saved her. I wanted to, but… I was too afraid.”

“But it’s good that you didn’t tried to save her, right? Because now you’re here and can actually rescue her.”

“I’m a coward.”

“I don’t think so. But even if you would be – Where’s the problem? It’s nothing wrong with being weak, Theon.”

“Y-You think so?”

“I do. We’re all weak sometimes. Even if the most of us don’t admit it. It’s a sign of maturity and braveness to admit that you were afraid and weak.”

“That doesn’t make sense”, Theon answered dryly. You shrugged your shoulders.

“I’m just trying to help you.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I was rude.”

“It’s alright.” You glanced at him and smiled, and to your surprise, he smiled back.

“Can I ask you something, (Y/N)?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Do you think that… that somebody could still love me? Even like this? How I am now. Not a real man anymore. I’ll never be able to have kids. But I still want to be loved. I want to kiss a girl, to show her my love, and I want to fuck. I know, it’s not possible anymore, but I miss it. But nobody will ever love me again, right?”

“That’s not true. You are loved, Theon.”

“By whom? Yara?” He laughed bitterly. “No, she hates me.”

“I’m not talking about Yara, Theon.” Theon looked at you, but before he could say something, you continued: “love you, Theon.”

Keep reading


Aset [-Serqet] was divined as my mother a few months ago. I never reached out to her, beyond intimidated once the RPD was finished.

I don’t think it’s necessarily her that I’m afraid of, but more of living up to her standards. At first I didn’t want to contact her because my room was messy, I was a mess, I didn’t have my shit together and could hardly devote any energy towards religion, period.

She’s the head bitch, which I say fondly. She has her shit together and isn’t afraid to show it. She’s awe-inspiring and intimidating and I don’t know how I’ll measure up. I feel weak, physically and emotionally. I struggle to even get out of bed at points and sometimes it seems like my body is against me. How am I to measure up to someone like her, who’s so strong and capable? She is my Mother and I see myself in her, but.

And so it all kind of fell on the wayside. I’m still afraid to go to her, to open up to my Parent and be rejected. Thoughts of my laziness keep cycling through, though I’m fairly certain that’s more because of my physical family than anything. I don’t want to disappoint her. I don’t want to disappoint myself, and raise my hopes and have them crushed like that.

And so I do what a perfectionist does. I never try.

I want to be the Queen that she may see me to be, the potential for. I want to try for this and not get caught up in myself, in my own perceived flaws. My Mother is so intimidating but I want her to be proud of me, and to be proud of myself, in the end.

anonymous asked:

More from Hux's personal journal? (if you don't mind)

first part here! ✨

Entry #223
Master Kylo Ren has been on board the Finalizer for 196 days. I love him immensely.

Entry #227
He tells me to call him Kylo, but I can’t help but call him Ren. No one else calls him by that name. And I want to keep it that way. Just me.

Entry #230
Ren destroyed another console today. I’ve deduced that it isn’t purely anger he feels when he lashes out. It’s fear; fear of failure and fear of punishment. From whom, I can assume it’s his master.

Entry #231
He calms down when I touch him. He’s learning to come to me when he’s getting distressed so I can take care of him. Bathe him, talk to him, or even just hold him. Ren, despite his domineering appearance, is the most fragile soul I have ever encountered.

Entry #245
I told him about Armitage. He told me about Ben. I didn’t think it were possible to despise General Organa more than I currently do. I was wrong.

Entry #262
Ren isn’t acting like himself. He’s distant, elusive. He’s denying himself my attention and I fear something is wrong with him.

Entry #270
Snoke knows. About the two of us, about our feelings. Ren is afraid that his master will see it as us compromising each other, a new pressure point for enemies to exploit. I tried to reassure him that the Supreme Leader surely will approve of our relationship but I find it difficult to lie to one who can read minds.

Entry #278
Ren had his first night terror last night. I awoke to him screaming and kicking, begging someone to stop the pain, even crying out my name a few times. Eyes open, I’ve never seen him look so panicky before. And as much as I shook him, he remained terrified until he calmed naturally and I rocked him back to sleep. He’s in the fresher as I type this. He’s told me he has no memory of what happened, or what terrified him so much.

Entry #281
Snoke has requested a meeting with us about the updates on Project Starkiller, though I imagine there’s more than just my superweapon plans that he wishes to discuss.

Entry #284
Our meeting with the Supreme Leader went better than I expected. He congratulated us on our companionship–an odd choice of word but I chose not to comment–and told Ren that I will be a good fuel for his passion. I questioned what he meant by such terminology but my query was waved away. Ren won’t answer me either. The sex this night was silent.

Entry #290
Am I being used? Just a pawn in a game of two Force-users, manipulating my mind and body for their own satisfaction? Snoke to gain a super weapon and Ren to gain my love–. Or my body.

Entry #291
I won’t believe it. I’ve felt things with him that I thought I never would.

Entry #296
You know, I had a reoccurring dream whilst I was studying at the Academy. I’ve fallen into a river, it’s rapids taking me away from everything I’ve ever known and, just before my last breath leaves me, I’m pulled out of the freezing water by a pair of hands that always felt familiar, always felt like I could trust them. And only when Ren lay his hands upon me for the first time did I realise that I’ve been dreaming of him saving me from drowning in the savage rapids of a river. Though I admit, I still neglect to tell him this. And I’m not sure why.

Entry #300
Ren is being deployed on a two month mission next week. He says it’ll be alright, that he’s confident he’ll be able to cut the time in half with his skills in battle. I laughed.

Entry #349
I sit alone in my office, ignoring my work and focussing solely on the goodbye I’ve just given Ren. I didn’t like how it felt. Too final, as though it’s the last time I’m going to ever see him. He’s more capable than I give him credit for; he could conquer an impossibility and I’d still act unimpressed. I fear I have too much of my father in me.

Entry #361
After a comcall from Ren this evening, I’ve decided on something final. He is worthy, he is mine, and I am not my father. I find myself wondering whether I’ve always been too harsh on the people around me, always too critical, always wanting better.

Entry #362
I worry that young Armitage would fear the man that he has become.

Entry #363
I worry that I fear the man I have become.

Entry #364
Ren returns to me soon, and I have no reservations about changing myself. He has suffered, more than me, and is still suffering. I’ve seen what my love has done for him, what it continues to do for him, and I’m not going to neglect him of it anymore.

Entry #369
I love him. Terribly so. But I am not afraid. Not this time. I cannot afford to be. He needs me, I can sense it, I can–.





Entry #370
I have tried and failed to find words that will show how much pain I am in. Sentence after sentence written only to be wiped from existence with the touch of a button. If only feelings were that easy. Ren and I have terminated our relationship. He informed me that Snoke had showed him my true intentions. That, just like my father, I use people for their strengths to compliment my weaknesses, exploiting them for my own gain.

Entry #371
I am beginning to dream about drowning again. But this time, I wake just as my last breath is consumed by the icy water. There are no hands to save me, no familiar warmth. Just death.

Entry #372
Armitage wouldn’t have liked Ben. A Jedi, the son of a smuggler and a princess, with ears too big for his head and eyes are dark as the wildest of midnights, Ben Solo would have been an enigma to Armitage, but he would have tried to solve the puzzle. Maybe succeeded, instead of failing like I have with Ren.

Entry #373
I find myself constantly thinking about filling an entry for this journal, like it’s a piece of Ren that I still have before he was turned against me. I read back over my own words, mourning the loss of the only good thing that I’ve ever had. It isn’t fair. It’s never been fair. I suppose I should have learned that lesson by now.

Entry #374
Ren. My darling Kylo. If you have somehow managed to hack into my datapad and access this journal, know that the words written here are true, and I love you. I love you. I am not the one using you. Snoke is. And you know it’s true. I have seen firsthand the fear that he strikes into your heart, the terror that haunts your dreams from fear of failing him, of the punishment you’ll have to bear. I will carry on protecting you as best I can without you knowing, for losing you would mean losing myself.

Entry #375
If you strike the match, you have to be burned.






Entry #001
This is the personal and private journal of General Armitage Hux, documenting the progress and development of Starkiller Base. Master Kylo Ren is nothing to me. Emotions are weakness. I will not fail again.

probably-going-to-hell-2  asked:

I wonder what the 2ps would do/think/say if they found out that the reader was scared of them 😏😆

((awwh, then she’d unknowingly be afraid of a bunch of dorks.))

if a 2P found out you were scared of him

2p!america: seriously? *..smirks* that’s kinda hot, do you know where i can find her? *laughs lowly and goes to hit on you, later admits you have nothing to be afraid of*

2p!china: scared? of me? huh… *chuckles* that’s so cute. she’s probably an innocent little thing, yeah? hmm… do you have her number? *sends you silly texts to mess with you but eventually wants to start getting to know you + prove he’s a good guy that would never hurt you*

2p!england: *tilts head* excuse me? i don’t understand…? *after being told again, he looks down somberly* but why would anyone be scared of me… ;; n ;; oh… i’ve got a fantastic idea!~ she will no longer be intimidated by me if i bake her a scrumptious cake, yes?? :’DDDD

2p!france: i’m not surprised

2p!russia: isn’t everyone?

2p!italy: *laughs quietly* how precious. however… she understands i am not going to do her any harm, correct..?

2p!germany: the fuck? lmao??! *looks at you, shouts:* PROBLEM BITCH? *laughs at your expression, then proceeds to notice you’re legitimately afraid* oh hey… *voice softens* you can be scared of ole’ ludwig, but i’m totally nice, got it? *awkwardly pets your head* yo, let’s start over. i’m lutz and i think you’re cute! ;)))))

2p!japan: *rolls eyes* lots of people are intimidated by me. i think it just means they’re weak.

2p!canada: huh? *makes weird face* uh… like, why?

2p!romano: *snickers* is that so… *halsey voice*  “goddamn right, you should be scared of me~!” *eventually stops snickering* ah, kidding! where is the little darling? i’ll show her how fabulous and friendly i truly am~

2p!austria: *cue sadistic grin* how interesting…..,, i cannot deny that this information is pleasing~ however, tell that angel that i am not planning any malicious intent regarding her, okie doke?

2p!prussia: ……..,,, *cONFUSED NOISES??* a-are you sure she’s talking about me..??

I am afraid to admit to the others that I miss you. That I still have this weakness lingering somewhere inside me. But at night, I sneak out and wait for the moon to show her face. She always knew how much I loved you. Even now, she is the only light who understands how you can miss the darkness.

» daenerys targaryen sentence meme ( book & show )

Feel free to adjust sentences to make it fit your muse better!

  • ❝ I must be strong. I must have fire in my eyes when I face them, not tears. ❞
  • ❝ Perhaps I cannot make my people good, but I should at least try to make them a little less bad. ❞
  • ❝ All men must die, but we are not men. ❞
  • ❝ Do not presume to teach me lessons. ❞
  • ❝ Do you know what frightens me? I said farewell to a man who loves me. A man I thought I cared for. And I felt nothing. Just impatient to get on with it. ❞
  • ❝ Will you fight for me? Swear to me. ❞
  • ❝ A man who fights for gold can’t afford to lose to a girl. ❞
  • ❝ I’m not going to stop the wheel, I’m going to break the wheel. ❞
  • ❝ A dragon is no slave. ❞
  • ❝ My reign has just begun. ❞
  • ❝ It is not your screams I want. Only your life. ❞
  • ❝ I have a gift for you as well. Your life. ❞
  • ❝ You are small men. None of you are fit to lead. But I am. So I will. ❞
  • ❝ I don’t want to be his Queen. I want to go home. ❞
  • ❝ I will answer injustice with justice. ❞
  • ❝ I will not lie with you. And I will bear no children, for you, or anyone else. Not until the sun rises in the west, and sets in the east. ❞
  • ❝ Fire cannot kill a dragon. ❞
  • ❝ This is not life. ❞
  • ❝ I swear to you, these men will die screaming. ❞
  • ❝ Is it so far from madness to wisdom? ❞
  • ❝ I must be their strength. I must show no fear, no weakness, no doubt. ❞
  • ❝ I want to make my kingdom beautiful. ❞
  • ❝ He sent me poison wine, yet I live and he is gone. ❞
  • ❝ Yet even crowned, I am a beggar still. ❞
  • ❝ A queen must listen to all. ❞
  • ❝ If I look back I am lost. ❞
  • ❝ The fire is mine. ❞
  • ❝ Do you know what it’s like to be sold, squire? I do. ❞
  • ❝ Do you think I have forgotten how it felt to be afraid? ❞
  • ❝ It seems to me that a queen who trusts no one is as foolish as a queen who trusts everyone. ❞
  • ❝ Woman? Is that meant to insult me? I would return the slap, if I took you for a man. ❞ 
A Dirty Little Secret

Theo Raeken x Reader

Word count: 1802

Request:  Hey I was wondering if I could request an imagine where the reader is Lauras daughter, but was taken by the ghost riders around the time Peter killed her, which is why no one in the Hale family has mentioned her, and when the pack saves Stiles she’s also saved and since she’s a werewolf without a pack she joins Scotts pack after explaining who she is. And she’s got the typical Hale sass you know? And maybe she falls in love with Theo and actually manages to keep him on the good side? Thanks!

A/N: Hey, here it is! Hope you like it. I made a few changes, hope you don’t mind. Sorry for any wrong word, English is not my fisrt language. Anyways, enjoy!!

Keep reading

beatrix-franklin  asked:

47 Turndaette , 50 Shrixie pretty please💖 {loving your fics so much!!}

Thank you :D

47: “You’re seriously like a man-child,” Shelagh notes, hands on her hips, as she looks at the adoring look Patrick is giving his new car.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Patrick asks, his brows furrowed but his mouth framed by a smile.

“Boys and their toys are the same thing as men and their cars,” Shelagh says, remembering how Timothy used to polish his toy cars and planes till they shone every week.

“Do I detect a hint of sinful jealousy here, Mrs. Turner?” Patrick says, smirking.

“Not at all, Mr. Turner, because…” she starts, but Patrick closes her in his arms and presses his mouth to hers, cutting off whatever explanation she wanted to give with the sweetest of kisses.

“Just remember that you are my favourite toy of all, darling, one that I’ll never tire of and I will always love and shower with attention and respect,” he says, resting his forehead against hers and rubbing the tip of his nose against her till she rolls her eyes and smiles, too.


50: “Oh God, I need a drink,” Trixie whispers, hands in her hair and tears on her cheeks.

“You don’t need a drink, Trixie, and I don’t believe you really want one, either,” Shelagh says.

“I always want one, but I don’t want the second, or the third, or the fourth, or however many follow if I have one, and I don’t want the shame and the guilt come morning, either,” she confesses, dabbing at her eyes with her handkerchief to stop her mascara from running.

Shelagh feels slightly out of her depth here, so she falls back on her usual method: taking the speaker’s hand in hers and staying silent, listening to whatever needs to be said.

“Sometimes I am desperately afraid that I will not be able to control myself, and I’ll grab a bottle and drink all of it, because even if I don’t like the way it burns down my throat like bile, I like how it makes my thoughts hazy, and my sight blur, and allows me to stop thinking about everything, and then I feel weak,” Trixie says, her bottom lip trembling.

“To know all of this about yourself, and to fear it, shows me that you aren’t weak, Trixie,” Shelagh says, pulling Trixie close so she can have what she really needs: a good hug and a long cry.

Imagine hiding your emotions from Thorin in order to earn his respect but eventually becoming overwhelmed and him surprising you by comforting you

For @lokis-imaginary-friend :)


Nearly eaten alive by trolls, caught in the middle of a stone giant battle, almost killed by goblins and torn apart by wargs. These had been the life threatening situations you’d had to deal with for the last few months.

You reevaluated your life choices as you ran towards a small house Gandalf had instructed you to head towards and realised you’d made huge mistake when you struggled against a bear like beast on the other side of the house’s door.

Keep reading

Liam- What’s The Difference?

Request:  can you do an imagine where the reader is liam’s ex girlfriend and allisons little sister and a old pack member who moved away but comes back when she hears what Theo did to her friends and she kills Theo and is about to kill the rest of the Chimera’s but before she kills the rest of them Scott tells her that this isn’t what allison would have wanted and she tells him that allison told her to protect others and she’s protecting her friends set after the most recent episode

A/N- So this one went a little differently than the request, but I really enjoyed writing it. 

You let out a sharp cry of pain as you slammed into the wall of the temple, your head cracking on the cold stone. Sliding to the ground with a thump, you managed to look up through your blurry eyes. Footsteps slowly thumped on the floor, a menacing reminder that you probably weren’t getting out of Tezcatlipoca alive.
Kate walked toward you with a smile that you guessed was supposed to be comforting, but after knowing what she had done to the Hales, you would never be able to see her as anything but a monster.
“Bitch,” you spat as you brought a hand up to your bloodstained hair.
“Oh come on,” Kate said with a roll of her eyes. “No hug from my favorite neice?”
“I was never your favorite,” you told her softly. “That was always Allison.”
“Alright, I’ll give you that one,” she said. “And I’m a little disappointed that you were the one left standing. But I can work with you.”
“Work with me?” you asked suspiciously.
Kate leaned forward and smiled wider, almost condescendingly. Your eyes flickered down the long tunnels for a brief second, wondering if there would be anyone to help you. Your knife was somewhere on the floor where Kate had knocked it away from you, and you couldn’t get to it to defend yourself.
You knew the rest of the pack were upstairs in the church, trying to save Scott. You had come to Mexico to find him and Kira, and you had lost Stiles and Liam in the chaos of getting into the temple.
Derek was dead, killed by the very woman who was leaning over you. With your father distracted and fighting the berserkers with the Calaveras, Kate had come right for you. She hadn’t just returned to Mexico to help Peter with his plan, but she had also wanted to get to you.
There were many things that Kate regretted, especially not training Allison hard enough. Even though your older sister was gone, Kate still saw promise in you and she had no problem working you into her sick and twisted plans. She could teach you all the things she had never gotten the chance to show Allison, all the things that would have made her that much more of a hunter. With you, she could restore the Argent name.
“I was upset when I heard about your sister,” Kate admitted. “But I knew there was hope for you.”
“Hope?” you repeated. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Your father probably hasn’t told you the stories of how powerful our family used to be,” Kate said. “I mean, I can see why. It’s embarrasing how far we’ve fallen, but I think I can reverse the damage. Especially with you.”
“What?” you demanded. “I-I am not damaged!”
Kate laughed softly. “Let’s be honest with ourselves, Y/n. You’re an alright fighter, but if I wanted to kill you right now, you’d be dead. Your father thinks he trained you to be strong and wise, but he really just made you weak. I can teach you all the things he was too afraid to show you. I can make you stronger.”
“I’d never side with you,” you practically snarled.
“You sure about that, sweetheart?” Kate asked. “Even if I told you I’d rip your boyfriend’s cute little head off?”
“W-what?” you choked.
“Yeah,” Kate continued. “The one with the nice blue eyes. What’s his name? Liam?”
“You wouldn’t-”
“Sweetie,” Kate cut you off with a laugh. “I think we both know that there’s nothing I wouldn’t do. Especially for family.”
Kate leaned forward until her lips were at your ear. “I swear to god, if you don’t come with me right now, I’m going to have my berserkers tear every single one of your friends’ heads off. But I’m going to save Liam for last, and I’m going to make you watch.”
She pulled away from you slightly, looking down at you with those cold, hazel eyes. You swallowed thickly, trying to fight back the bitter tears that were threatening to fall from your eyes. Out of the corner of your eye, you just barely noticed the silver glinting on the dirty floor a few inches away. Your knife was just out of reach, and if you could just grab it…
“What do you say, sweetheart?” Kate asked you as she leaned back. “I could always use a partner in crime. And if it saves your friends…”
You nodded slowly and leaned forward. “I think…I think my friends can save themselves.”
In seconds, you were darting forward and snatching your knife from the ground. In one swift swipe, you slashed Kate across the face with it, causing her to snarl in pain and fall backward. You brought your elbow crashing into her nose, and you took the time she was dazed to jump up and dart for the stairs.
Unfortunately, Kate didn’t go down easy, and you felt the back of your shirt being snatched so hard that it tore. Kate yanked you back toward her, threading her fingers into your hair and violently tugging you to face her.
“Maybe I was wrong before,” she remarked. “Maybe you should have been my favorite.”
Before you even had time to blink, Kate was shoving you straight into one of the cool walls of the tunnel. Your head cracked against the stone once more, and your vision went white. You fell to the dirty floor, half-conscious as Kate knelt before you.
“Trust me, Y/n,” she murmured as she brushed a strand of bloody hair from your face. “I’m doing what’s best for you.”

“What the hell are we doing?” you asked for the third time, just as you passed the Welcome To Beacon Hills sign on the edge of the road.  
The thing was made of old, buckling wood and the paint was chipped almost beyond recognition, but you would have recognized it anywhere. You had been away from home for six months after Kate had taken you from Tezcatlipoca and you had spent those months fantasizing about finally returning.
Kate had trained you day after day, training that was grueling and painful, and made you feel like you had skipped one too many periods of gym.  She insisted she was making you stronger and she had, but you had also lost something too.
Even after losing your sister, you had tried to have a hopeful outlook on things. You wanted to believe that your friends were capable of anything and that they could save anyone, but apparently you were the exception to that rule. Even your father hadn’t found you, and you had begun to think they hadn’t even started looking.
Thanks to Kate’s constant words about how useless you were to the pack to begin with and that you were better off with her, your vision of life had become pretty twisted.
“You have no patience,” Kate remarked as she kept her eyes on the dark highway. “You spent the first month and half begging me to take you home, and now you’re complaining about it?”
“But you’re not taking me home,” you stated bitterly.
Kate’s lips turned up and she finally looked over at you. “You were a lot more fun to mess with when you were starry-eyed and hopeful.”
“I was not starry-eyed,” you complained.
“Sweetheart,” Kate remarked with a laugh. “I saw the way you looked at Liam. It was the same way Allison looked at Scott. Starry-eyed doesn’t begin to cover it.”
You frowned and looked out the window bitterly, trying to avoid Kate’s knowing eyes. You had known Liam for only a few months, but you had actually thought he loved you. After spending day after day with Kate, waiting for someone to rescue you, you realized he probably hadn’t.
“Oh, come on,” Kate said with a roll of her eyes. “Y/n, you didn’t need him. You really wanted to spend your whole life waiting for someone to save you? You’re so much stronger by yourself. You’re so much stronger with me.”
You continued to look out the window and ignore her, but she seemed intent to convince you that you were better off.
“I can’t believe how ingrateful you are,” she remarked. “You should be thanking me. I made you who you are. I made you powerful.”
“Well it wasn’t free, was it?” you demanded as you turned around to face her.
Kate looked over at you with dark eyes, and in one fluid motion she was pulling the car onto the side of the dark road. When the car stopped, Kate looked over at you calmly, but that was when she scared you the most.
“You know what?” she asked you. “I want to hear you say it.”
“What?” you demanded. “No.”
Kate raised her eyebrows at you. You hadn’t defied her in months and she was beginning to think that there was something in the air in Beacon Hills. Her hand darted forward to grab your wrist in an iron-like hold, and she looked you dead in the eyes.
Even after being with her for six months, Kate still scared you sometimes. Her training was always brutal, but if you didn’t do what she asked or flat-out refused her, she could be brutal too. You couldn’t count the times she had nearly yanked your hair out when you defied her or did something wrong.
You had slowly lost the will to stand up to her over time, and you were a little confused as to why you were doing it now. You figured it might have had something to do with you being back home.
“I’ll admit that I didn’t baby you,” Kate told you. “And yes, there may have been some injuries, a few broken bones, but I did make you who you are. I made you powerful. Now, say it. Thank you, Kate.”
You held her gaze for a few seconds, but then she began to squeeze tighter. You could feel the bone buckling, and the pain caused you to let out a sharp gasp.
“Thank you, Kate,” you finally said through gritted teeth.
With one last painful squeeze she released you, leaving you to pull back your wrist and examine the dark bruises she had left.
“Now,” Kate said. “To answer your question, you’re right. I’m not taking you home. We’ll be leaving in a few days, but I figured that Beacon Hills would be the perfect place for your final test.”
“Final test for what?” you asked her as you looked down at your wrist.
“I’ve trained you to the best of my abilities,” Kate explained. “You know everything that I do. You’re almost a hunter.”
“Almost?” you repeated.
“Almost,” she confirmed. “But there’s one thing you haven’t done yet.”
You stared at Kate questioningly. It seemed that there was always something she wasn’t telling you and even when she let you in on her plans, you couldn’t help but feel like there was always something more. You felt like that now, and you knew that whatever she was about to say wasn’t going to be good.
“You’ve never killed anyone,” she stated simply.
You nearly choked on the breath you were holding. You had done some things you weren’t proud of thanks to Kate, but you never expected her to ask you to kill someone.
“No,” you stated, even though you were a little afraid to tell her no. “I can’t.”
“What if they killed your friends?” she asked.
“What?” you breathed. “What happened to my friends?”
“Oh, nothing too horrible. They’re all alive now. But if you knew what I knew…”
“Tell me,” you demanded.
Kate grinned, flashing you that sick smile that made your stomach churn. “I will, but after I’m finished you might start to rethink that no killing policy.”
Kate unbuckled her seatbelt and reached behind her into the backseat. She pulled a beige, paper folder out of her duffle bag and set it down between the two of you.
“I’ve been keeping tabs on Beacon Hills,” she admitted.
She opened up the folder and pulled out a picture, one of a guy with dark hair and green eyes. You would have thought he was handsome if not for the ice-cold eyes that sent a shiver through you.
“His name is Theo Raeken…”

Liam hopped off Scott’s motorbike, pulling off the spare helmet and handing it to the alpha.
“I don’t like this,” he told Scott as they walked toward the entrance to the tunnels.
“Neither do I,” Scott admitted. “But we don’t have another choice.”
“What if he tries to kill you again?” Liam asked.
Scott sighed. “Then we’ll stop him, but Liam we need him, whether we like it or not.”
“How does he know everything?” Liam grumbled.
“He worked with the Dread Doctors,” Scott reminded him. “They were alive for a long time. They were bound to know things.”
Liam blinked suddenly and he paused at the grate to the tunnels. “Do you think he knows where-”
“I don’t know,” Scott cut him off sadly. “Liam, don’t get your hopes up.”
“But what if he knows where Y/n is?” Liam continued. “Or if not, maybe he knows where Kate is. I mean, she’s pretty powerful, right? So why wouldn’t the Dread Doctors know where she is?”
“They’re dead, Liam,” Scott stated softly. “The Beast practically ripped them apart. I doubt Kate and Y/n were imporant enough to them to tell Theo.”
Liam frowned and he felt tears threatening to fall from his eyes. He had spent weeks plastering missing posters with your face on them to every surface in Beacon Hills. Scott and Derek had questioned Peter about you and Kate relentlessly, but he either knew no more than they did, or they weren’t going to get it out of him.
Liam had begged Scott to stay in Mexico until Argent had finally promised him that he would find you with the Calaveras. When months went by and your father returned without you, Liam had called him at least once a day, trying to get some news, but there was nothing.
Liam knew it was his fault. He hadn’t even noticed you disappear in those tunnels because he had been so focused on Scott, but now you were gone because of him. He had spent the last six months nearly out of his mind with worry, and even when the Dread Doctors came, you never left his thoughts.
“Well, she’s important to me,” Liam muttered bitterly.
“I know,” Scott said as he put a hand on his shoulder. “And once this is all over, I’m going to find her, just like I said I would.”
Liam nodded and Scott reached down to pull up the grate to the tunnels. Before he could even pull the metal all the way up, one loud blast echoed up to the surface. It was so loud that the two didn’t even need heightened hearing to pick up on it.
“What the hell was that?” Liam demanded.
Scott blinked. “A shotgun.”

“W-wait!” Theo gasped as he crawled backwards on the floor. “I-I swear to god, I don’t know who you are!”
He pulled a hand away from the hole in his abdomen, the one you had just made with the shotgun in your hands. The blood came away sticky and bright red, and he just hoped it would heal fast.
“Oh yeah?” you asked. “How about Scott McCall? Or Lydia Martin? Do you know them?”
Theo stared up at you with narrowed eyes. He took in your hair, your eyes and your face, and only then did he recognize you. There was something different about you from the picture he had seen, although he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. The girl on the missing persons flyer had looked happy and bright, but nothing about you was bright as you pointed a shotgun at him.
“Y/n,” he stated as blood dripped from his mouth. “Your name is Y/n.”
You blinked in shock and faultered, just for a second.
“Eyes on the prize, sweetheart,” Kate called out lazily from where she leaned against the tunnel wall. “Remember what he did to Lydia.”
“How do you know me?” you demanded.
“Your picture is all over town,” Theo breathed weakly. “Your missing.”
“You don’t know anything about me,” you spat as you raised the shotgun. “But I know everything about you, Theo. You tried to kill my friends for a pack? That’s a little backwards, don’t you think?”
“Not all of them,” Theo insisted as he looked down at the blood seeping from his skin. Why wasn’t he healing yet?
“So that makes it better?” you questioned with raised eyebrows.
“You won’t kill me with a gun,” Theo snarled as he tried to pull himself up from the floor. “I may be a chimera, but I can still heal.”
“Even from bullets laced with wolfsbane?” you wondered aloud.
Theo’s eyes went wide and he realized he was facing the possibility of imminent death from a girl who had never finished her freshman year of high school. He watched as you raised the gun, trying to think of some way to get you to stop.
Your finger rested on the trigger, and you were about to pull it when Theo blurted out “She’s controlling you!”
“Oh shut up,” Kate said with a roll of her eyes. “Just kill him already, Y/n. I’m getting hungry.”
“She’s controlling you,” Theo repeated. “This is what she wants. I know you’d never kill anyone, Y/n. Liam talked about you all the time. He talked about how sweet you were, about how you would never hurt anyone if you could help it-”
“Shut up!” you snapped and you were surprised that you had said it that forcefully. “You don’t know anything about me.”
“I know about survival,” Theo told you. “I know that sometimes you have to do things you would never do. What did you do for her, Y/n? What did you do to survive?”
It took you a few seconds to realize that the reason the gun was shaking was because of your trembling hands. Whether you liked it or not, Theo’s words resonated with you. They struck a chord in your heart that you forgot existed and for the first time in a long time, you thought about what you were doing.
“He’s trying to save himself!” Kate spat from the corner. “Don’t listen to him!”
Among the chaos of Kate yelling and Theo trying to convince you to put the gun down, there was another sound. You could hear two sets of footsteps echoing down the tunnel walls, and you looked over to see Scott and Liam bursting around a corner.
They both froze, and Scott nearly tripped over his own feet. “Y/n?”
Scott felt his chest begin to tighten, and when he saw you pointing the gun at Theo as Kate stood in the corner, he knew exactly what was happening. You had the same look on your face that Allison had when she had been trying to kill Derek nearly two years ago. It was so broken and angry, and Scott knew that whatever Kate had done to you for the past six months had changed you.
“Y/n?” Liam asked as he looked you over. “What the hell are you doing?”
In the few months he had known you, Liam never thought he would see you with a gun in your hands and especially not with the look you had on your face. You looked ready to kill Theo and while Liam hated him, he didn’t want you to be the one to do it.
“He hurt you,” you stated. “He killed you, Scott. He drove Lydia crazy.”
“But we’re fine now,” Scott assured you.
“It doesn’t change what he did,” you spat.
“And what about what you’re about to do?” Scott asked you. “Yeah, he’s killed people, but if you kill him, what’s the difference between you two?”
You blinked. “Th-that’s not-”
“Isn’t it?” Scott continued gently. “Y/n, if Allison was here, you really think she’d be letting you go through with this?”
“Oh come on,” Kate complained. “Don’t listen to him. He thinks everything is so simple, but you and I know how things really work. Nothing is ever black and white and that’s the difference between us and them. That’s why we survived and that’s why your sister didn’t.”
You froze at Kate’s words, your trembling hands finally calming as you held the gun steady. “What?”
“You know that’s why she died,” Kate told you. “If she had just stayed out of it maybe she would be here.”
“Allison was trying to protect everyone,” you said quietly. “All she ever wanted to do was protect them.”
Kate shrugged, although you couldn’t see it with your back to her. “It was a fault in her code.”
Your breath caught in your throat, but Kate was too annoyed to notice. She just kept talking and talking, leaving you to realize what you had to do.
“Now, shoot him before I have to,” she commanded. “And once I’m finished with him, maybe I’ll add Scott and Liam to the list. Or maybe I’ll just have you do i-”
The crack of another gunshot rang out through the air and echoed across the tunnels. Unlike Kate had expected, you weren’t sending the bullet into Theo, but into her. She let out a roar of pain as she stumbled back, blood beginning to pool at her chest.
You knew she would heal because she had done it before, but for now she couldn’t hurt you. She was too weak to attack you like she wanted to, and you were grateful that she had taught you how to shoot a gun.
“You little bitch,” she spat weakly as she placed a hand on the tunnel wall. “I-I made you strong. I made you w-who you are.”
“You almost made me into a monster,” you said softly and with that you tossed the shotgun onto the floor by Scott’s feet.
Kate took a weak step forward, but Scott and Liam sent her growls that echoed through the hall. She glared at you with a look that told you that she would be back, but you didn’t care anymore. She backed down the tunnel with a sharp glare, crawling away like the rat she was.
You let out a slow, deep puff of air and for the first time in a long time, you felt like you were actually breathing. You turned around to look back at Liam, and for him it was like time stopped. He had done all he could to try and find you in the past six months, and failed, but now you were standing right in front of him.
When you saw Liam’s bright blue eyes, you realized that you had been wrong before. Judging by the look on his face, the one that said that you were the only thing he had thought about for months, he had never abandoned you at all.
You began to walk towards him and he did the same. His arms reached out to you and you practically melted into them as his lips met yours. You had kissed him before, but many of those times had been awkward and new. This time, it seemed like you were both on the exact same page.
You closed your eyes, trying to hide the tears that were falling from them. Liam opened his as he felt a tear drop onto his cheek, and he looked up at you with wide eyes.
“I-I’m sorry,” he apologized. “What that bad?”
You blinked, and this only made you cry harder. “No, I just…I’m just glad to be back.”
You leaned into Liam’s arms again, this time to bring him into a hug. Liam nodded and rubbed your back, looking over at Scott in worry. The alpha gave him a simple shrug and watched Theo disdainfully as he rose from the ground. The chimera eyed you carefully, as if he were afraid you would shoot him again.
You pulled away from Liam and looked over at him.
“I’m not sorry,” you sniffed.
Theo glared at you, but he didn’t really do much of anything else. You guessed he was still trying to heal from the blast to his stomach.
Liam looked over at you and reached up to brush some hair out of your face. It had grown out since he had last saw you and now it was in your eyes, but as he reached out you flinched away. Liam froze in shock, and you swallowed thickly.
“I…I’m sorry,” you whispered, shame washing through you.
Liam looked you over carefully, wondering what exactly Kate had done to you. When he caught sight of the dark bruises on your wrist, he knew that whatever it was was going to take a long time to heal from.
“You don’t have to apologize,” he said softly. “You never have to apologize for that.”
You nodded and you reached out to grab his hand, looking over at Scott. “Do you think I could borrow your phone? I, um, I need to call my dad.”
Scott smiled. “Oh, right! Yeah, you should do that. He’s been looking everywhere for you.”
“Really?” you asked softly.
Scott nodded. “I don’t know what Kate told you, but he never stopped. We never stopped. I mean, things got kind of crazy with the Dread Doctors, but we were going to take a break from school and go looking as soon as we got the chance.”
You nodded and took a deep breath. “She’s going to come back for me. I know she is.”
“Probably,” Scott agreed. “But we’re not letting her touch you.”
You nodded and Liam squeezed your hand. “Don’t worry. I’m never letting go of you again.”
You smiled for the first time in ages as Liam’s warm fingers held yours. You took Scott’s phone as he held it out to you and you realized you had no idea what to say to your father. But then you realized it didn’t matter, because Kate hadn’t gotten what she wanted. No matter how close she had come, she hadn’t been able to turn you into a monster.
It would take a long time to heal from what she had done, and maybe you wouldn’t heal at all. But you had faith that as long as you had your friends and Liam by your side, healing was at least a possibility.

anonymous asked:

Hey can I ask you what your opinion of Nesta is?

Nesta Archeron is a very complex character. She may not show it, but she cares. a lot. She gets blinded by what she feels and acts. Her emotions cloud her judgement sometimes and i think that she cannot think straight sometimes. Like when she bared her throat to Cassian or her near starving herself to get her father to act. 

Like, I think that Nesta seems more favorable towards Elain because she believes that Elain needs protecting. She knows that Feyre can hold her own. But she still went after her, or at least tried to, when the tool fucking took her.

She is so afraid to be seen as weak and vulnerable that is why she comes off as cold and bitchy. I think that she is kind of afraid to show her vulnerable side so she uses her rage as armor. She doesn’t know how to express herself.

I love Nesta. She is angry. She is mad. She protects the ones she loves. 

I am ready babe. I am ready for nesta to straight up LEVEL hybern and his cronies. 

Nesta was so special as a human. And now she is fae. But not just regular or high fae, Nesta is special. She is going to be so badass in the third book and I am ready. I am so ready.

Back And Forth.

Originally posted by lokiandthorblr

Titled: ‘Back and Forth’ 

Pairing: Dean x sister!reader x Sam 

Word Count: 1,527 

Summary: The reader gets her wisdom teeth taken out…

A/N: This is my entry for Week Twelve of the Supernatural Hiatus Challenge!! 

Warnings:  probably language. 

Tagging: @one-shots-supernatural @blacktithe7 @winchester-writes @winchester-sisters-imagines @winchesterreaderinserts @castiels-colette @sincerelysaraahh @plaidandwhiskeydean @winchesterwhisper @ilostmyshoe-79

You have been dreading this day for weeks now and now that it was finally here you didn’t want to get out of bed. You refused to get out of bed. It got so bad that both of your older brothers were in your room coaxing you out of the bed. 

“Y/N, we know you don’t want get up and go but you have to honey, it will make the tooth ache go away.” Sam was trying to be sweet throughout the whole ordeal with you because he knew you were afraid of having to be put under and the pain it caused afterwards. 

Dean didn’t know how much more of this he could take. He couldn’t understand why you were acting the way you were because you didn’t want to let your older older brother know you were scared of the dentist and getting a tooth pulled. 

“Y/N come on I am going to count to three and if you are not up, then you get an attack from the tickle monster.” Dean said saying the first thing that came to his head. You instantly sat up from your bed willing to get up for that instead of the tickle monster. 

“You wouldn’t.” You said hearing the sound of threat and meaning in Dean’s voice. “Oh but I would.” Dean said in the same tone. You immedaitely stood up from your bed and walked past your brothers and called out. 

“What are you two still standing there for? We’re going to be late if you don’t move your asses.” You were giggling by that point. Sam and Dean both looked at each other and shook there heads aimlessly. You were a handful. 

Well you got to the hospital in one piece and your knees were bumping as Dean was checking in and you were just sitting there waiting. Sam rubbed your lower back as he could tell you were getting more and more nervous as the minutes passed. 

Dean sat right beside you and asked if you were nervous. “What do you think, genius?” You said to him twitching your eye a little. “I’ll take that as a yes then.” Dean said picking up one of the magazines and not wanting to set you off anymore. 

“Winchester.” What appeared to be a nurse. The three of you stood up and Dean and Sam walked you over but they couldn’t go back from that point. “We’ll call you back once your daughter is done.” The nurse said to Sam and Dean. “Yes, of course we just want to make sure our baby is okay. Right honey?” Dean said looking right at Sam really showing his ass now. 

“Of course, dear.” Sam sputters out completely mortified. “We will see you soon. Come on Y/N.” The nurse said motioning over to the two big white doors. “Okay.” You say uneasily. “We love you, Y/N!”  You heard both of your brothers said before the door closed behind you. 

They got you an IV in you and you slipped slowly into a drugged and dreamless sleep. When you woke up you felt funny. Your cheeks felt larger than life and your mouth felt dry and tasted like the metallic taste of blood. You were blinded by the bright lights and then first thing you saw was what you believed was the doctor. 

Then you saw two guys enter the room who strangely familiar. “Sam? Dean? What the hell are you doing here?” You mutter in between the gauze in your mouth. “Nice to see you two, Y/N?” Dean said raising an eyebrow. “Are you ready to go Y/N?” Dean asked you waving a hand over your face and you being in your  state followed it. 

“Dean! Will you stop that!” Sam said pulling his hand away from your face and he helped you up. “You’re really tall” You pointed out to Sam. “I know.” Sam said laughing to himself at some of the things you said. The ride to the bunker went smooth. 

You didn’t say much except for a few complaints and comments here and there about random things. Once you were at the bunker, Sam helped you in and Dean got the door for you two. Sam and Dean both lead you to the bed and you were out like a light. 

“Aww she is so cute when she sleeps.” Dean said but then he noticed you snore and drool a little and he made a face. “Oh grow up will you.” Sam said clearly annoyed. “Oh defensive what’s that all about.” Dean commented on the fact at Sam’s reaction. “Nothing man now come on let’s let her rest in peace.” Sam said going to the door. 

It was a couple of hours before you woke up, and it honestly felt like you were waking up for the first time. Your cheeks still felt swollen and huge and you assumed your mouth was beginning to hurt because the pain medication was wearing off. 

“SAM! DEAN!” You yelled out in a muffled voice. Dean and Sam heard your cry and they basically ran to your aid. “What is it Y/N?” Sam asked you breathing in and out at the door. “My gums are starting to ache.” You say running your cool fingers over your hot cheeks. 

Sam was ahead of your lead and he nodded his head and he began making his way to the kitchen. 

Dean stayed with you and after Sam was gone he couldn’t help but laughing at you. “Your face!” He said jabbing at you and even having the nerve to laugh at you. “Dean! Stop it!” You exclaimed emotionally. It never failed that Dean would tease you this way when you were in so much pain. 

“I just can’t help myself, chipmunk!” Dean said laughing to the point where his face was turning a shade of red and tears were coming from his eyes. “Dean! You are one insult away from starting a war! So you better stop! Please!” You were pleading with him now. 

It was like you and Dean took a step back in time and you were five and Dean was acting like he was in his twenties again. “Alright, alright I’ll stop but first did you put your teeth under the pillow so the tooth fairy will come and get them.” Dean said clapping his knee. 

“DEAN!” You roared loudly and you smashed your face into your pillow and you started to cry. You didn’t understand why Dean would tease you in this manner when he knew you were in pain and you were so good to him. You didn’t want him see you cry you so you hid your face into your pillow. 

Dean stopped laughing suddenly when he heard you crying. “Y/N? Are you crying?” You didn’t feel like talking to Dean but you thought it would be rude if you didn’t. So you looked up to him with red and puffy eyes. “Yes, Dean I am.” You say wiping your running nose. 

Dean sits down next down to you on the bed. He wraps his arm around you and pulls you closer to him. “Why are you crying?” Dean asks in a soft voice almost like a whisper. “About what you said, Dean. Do you really think I look that bad?” You say looking right at him. 

“No, I just thought that would make you laugh.” Dean said trying to make you understand. “Dean I can understand that to a point but some of the stuff you said hurt my feelings.” You said letting out a shaky breath. “I don’t like showing you I cry and I am in pain or I’m hurt  because I assume you will think I am weak.” You admit ashamed. 

Dean didn’t know how to answer that at first. “Y/N, you are one of the strongest woman I know. I will never think of you as weak. I hope that you would let me know if you are feeling a certain way.” Dean said giving you a hug. You hugged him back. 

“I hope after this heart to heart you’re not afraid anymore.” Dean said smiling down at you. “I’m not afraid anymore.” You say smiling back at him. Then you and Dean sat in silence. You and your brother were finally looking eye to eye and you couldn’t be happier. 

Then Sam walks in and sees you and nearly drops your medicine. 

“Y/N? Dean?” Sam said in a shocked tone. You and Dean laugh and you opened your arms for Sam to join your hug fest. 

“Come on, Sam.” Dean said motioning Sam to get his ass over here. 

“Okay, okay.” Sam set the stuff he had in his hands down and he commenced you and Dean. 

“You guys are the best older brothers a little sister could ask for.” You say with your head leaning back on the both of your brothers chest. 

“You are the best sister we could have.” Sam and Dean say at the exact same time. You didn’t let go from that for a long time. 

The End! 

They're Singing Deck the Halls but It's Not like Christmas at All

Clarke knows that she made a mistake when she broke up with Bellamy but it isn’t until Christmas Eve that she truly comes to regret it and decides to try again.

(Of course it has a happy neding - it’s Christmas, I’m not a monster!)

I’m writing Christmas fluffy AUs, only Santa can help me now.

Also on AO3

It’s Christmas Eve and Clarke misses Bellamy like crazy. 

Raven is doing the robot (“Come on, Clarke! You can tell me ‘I told you the robots would take over the world’!”), Wells is making the world’s best apple pie and Monty and Jasper are setting up fireworks in her backyard (“What do you mean we can’t light fireworks on Christmas?” “There’s no time like the present for fireworks, Clarke!”) but all she can really think about is how she misses Bellamy tangling himself in Christmas lights and stumbling into the kitchen with a goofy grin to make her smile just as she’s nearly given up on baking. 

The truth is, she made a mistake. So what if they fought? You fight with people you care about since you want them to be happy and maybe their love just spilled over because there was too much of it. 

She never should have left him like she did, packing her suitcase and getting into her car as Bellamy stood in the doorway, wrecked, watching her stumble over her words and get out with a barely stifled sob.

Clarke loves Bellamy and it’s on Christmas that she misses him the most. 

Raven perches herself on the counter next to her, Monty and Jasper singing Christmas songs loudly in the living room, and Clarke thinks she’s never seen her look as sympathetic as she does now. 

“You miss him, don’t you?”

“God, yes,” Clarke breathes, gripping the counter so hard her knuckles turn white because Christmas without Bellamy can never be as good as the one she’d have with him. “I made a mistake, Raven.”

And Raven, who usually teases Clarke mercilessly and shows her love through insults and pranks, just smiles wistfully. 

“Go get him.”

And because it’s two hours till Christmas and the snow is falling in thick flakes, Clarke laughs all the way to her car, not even noticing the way everyone grins when they see her grabbing her coat and leaving to get the most important piece of every Christmas. 


Keep reading

Why So Quiet?

“You’re being weirdly quiet,” Calum remarqued as he watched me from the other side of his parents’ couch. He had just come back from tour yesterday and we had been chilling in the living room for the past two hours. “What is it?” He asked, the tips of his toes softly kicking my leg, causing my head to slowly look at him.


“Why so quiet?” He asked, his eyebrows raising as he waited for my answer.

I gave him a small smile, took a deep breath and decided to give him an answer.

“There’s just so many things I want to tell you and I missed you a lot and I’m scared I’m going to start crying-” I wanted to finish my sentence, but my eyes were getting too watery, my voice sounded different than usual. I hardly swallowed my saliva, closed my eyes as I tried to calm down. “I just missed you a lot and I don’t want to cry,” I whispered, my eyes still closed. “That’s why I’m being so quiet,” I said as I opened my eyes so that I could stare into his beautiful brown eyes.

He moved closer to me, grabbed my hand and held it tightly. His gaze moved from my hand to my eyes.

“Why are you so afraid to cry in front of me?” He asked, knowing I had cried only a very few times in front of him.

“I don’t like to show people how weak I am,” I mumbled as I leaned my head on his shoulder.

“How caring about someone makes you weak?”

“Cal,” I groaned, I didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

“No, really Y/N. Tell me,” he insisted.

“When I cry,” I started as I felt his thumb rub the skin on the top of my hand, “I start to sob and I cannot stop and it’s just not fun. My chest becomes suddenly very heavy,” I breathed deeply, “just like right now.”

A tear streamed down my cheek and I didn’t even bother wiping it.

“I think you’re very strong,” he said as I stared at our intertwined hands. “Very, very strong.” His eyes searched for mine so I lifted my head. He noticed the tear on my cheek and wiped it with his other hand. “Crying doesn’t make you weak. It only makes you human.”

“But I don’t want to be human,” I pouted, making him laugh. “I’m acting like a baby, I’m sorry.”

“You’re my baby,” he chuckled, a smile appearing on my face. He kissed my forehead before his eyes focused on the television in front of us. I glanced at him with my lip closed smile before I leaned my head back on his shoulder and watched the tv show with him.