advice-from-noura

woodheadness asked:

Noura, Im 48 and may very well love my cat more than any individual human in my life now (and potentially ever). I am a heterosexual male. on the amp scale of 1 -11, how weird/odd/sad/creepy am I? You seem a person of sage advice and muse-like qualities, so i will take your word for gospel. Sincerely, Brucebradford

You like cats more than people? You just described everyone on Tumblr.

thinkresponsibly asked:

Hey I have a dilemma and I am seeking an outside perspective and I feel you would be able to help. I'm currently getting my GED ( Long story short, I didn't care about anything my first time in school and I failed). Now that I have found my passion I am going back to school to pursue a career along the lines of cosmology, astrophysics, or just physics in general. People keep telling me to be realistic, and that I need to do something I can make a career out of. What is your opinion?

DON’T LISTEN TO A DAMN WORD ANYONE SAYS AGAINST THOSE SCIENCES! 

I mean it’s science damn it. It’s a sad fucking world we live in when you’d get more support from people if you told them you wanted to audition for American Idol. 

(ok..breathe Noura..)

Basically my feelings for those people can be summed up in one picture:

lapislee asked:

My gf dumped me for the pizza delivery boy in February. How much longer will karma take to catch up with them?

Whaaaaat? Karma will catch up with her soon. One day she’ll be looking over at that guy playing Gears Of War on Xbox with his buddies all pissed off because he promised her he was going to take her out. And as she walks over piles of discarded pizza boxes and beer cans, she’ll suddenly realize the shithole that she’s gotten herself in  to. And by the time she calls you it will be too late, because that cute nice girl you’ve been saying hello to at the coffee shop will say yes when you ask her out for a drink and life will be a montage of wonderful cutsie dating crap and you’ll forget all about that other dumb broad when she eventually comes crawling back. But it will be too late for her. 

Thanks to all you lovely new people I get to share my blog with :)

-also fyi: I only answer advice questions in the evening. And PLEASE note (as I’ve had to say this a few times) I CANNOT give you medical advice. And keep in mind this is Tumblr, so if you have serious problems my remedies of Mexican food and bounce-house rentals can’t help you. That is all…

anonymous asked:

I'm seventeen and I am a senior in high school. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I'm fairly academic but my talents are spread pretty evenly, like I'm not super passionate about one thing. I'm so anxious because I'm supposed to be applying to colleges and I don't know what I want in a school or majors or anything. How do you suggest finding some clarity and guidance in finding the right path for my college and career?

Of course you have no idea what the eff you want to do with your life BECAUSE YOU’RE SEVENTEEN! Jeez I don’t want to even tell you how many times I changed my major, that’s why they give you that option.

Look on the bright side, at least you’re not one of those people who have one academic dream all their lives only to have it shatter to a million pieces when they get they don’t get into the school they want, the major they want, or their grades back after the first semester. I knew a girl who went totally apeshit for having to go to her second choice school. 

Go the undeclared route and take your general courses. Maybe explore a variety of courses until you get inspired. Just trust me on this one. People freak out too much about school.

anonymous asked:

This random guy popped outta nowhere & wanted to meet with me. We did. He was really sweet & all. I said don't expect anything from me, I just want something new. He suggested a friends-with-benefits relationship. I said yes, something like that. I wish I could tell him I'm also his friend & not only a sex buddy but I don't wanna get too attached.

I react to the phrase “friends with benefits” like I react to the phrase “diet Dr Pepper tastes more like regular Dr Pepper.” It’s a fucking scam. Friends with benefits makes for crappy movies and even crappier reality. It never works like anyone hopes, and one person ends up crying to Adele songs in the car, which is about as safe as driving after two-for-one jello shot night at your local skankhole. And word of advice, I wouldn’t sleep with any guy who just pops up out of nowhere

anonymous asked:

Help. its shark week and im really emotional and my bf is at college and i cant trust him but i want to and i cant and i dont know what to do, other than to be a jerk to him and i really dont want to do that. hes cheated on me before but hes been really good for the past like 6-12 months (i think, i havent checked his facebook messages lately so idk) so i feel like i can start trusting him again but hes only been gone for 48 hours and ive already accused him of cheating again. im a wreck =[

Woah woah woah. Slow down. We’re ALL emotional because of Shark Week. 

What I want to know is WHY THE EFFING EFF are you still with someone who has cheated on you? And don’t give me that “Oh no he’s been on really good behavior these past few months I think I don’t know I haven’t been on my facebook stalker A-game lately” bullshit. Now I’m not saying that he’s out there getting his man-skank on, but a relationship has to be based on trust or it eventually falls apart. You have a lot of evaluating to do…but not this week because it’s Shark Week.

anonymous asked:

My girlfriend of six years just broke up with me. She moved also. She tore a hole so deep in my heart if you look in it you can see small angels weeping. I can't get her out of my mind. What should I do?

Sleep with her best friend (no no no no no no no)

Look, breaking up sucks. And the longer you’re with someone the harder it is. But you have to accept that it happened and move on. Don’t ask why, or what could I have done because you’re only going to make yourself feel worse. 

Now pick yourself up dammit, dust yourself off, and head to a strip club (except don’t head to a strip club. Or you know what, fuck it. Go to one if you want.)

anonymous asked:

What do you hope to gain by providing advice to others, Ms. Therapist

This is just phase 4 of my world domination plan. Phase 5 involves a pyramid scheme, and I haven’t worked out phase 6 yet but it involves Mexican food somehow

anonymous asked:

Advice please. There's this girl, actually she's a grown woman, and she lives TOTALLY far away, but I really like her and i think she likes me, but this isn't ezachary convenient. My life is really complicated, and she's also really busy with school. We only got together a couple of times but it was amazing. Also, I live in different countries during the year. (that's only a PART of the complicated thing). I don't want us to get our hopes up, but don't want to blow us off either. Suggestions?

A) She DOES really like you otherwise she wouldn’t put up with a long distance complicated relationship to begin with.

B) Who the hell wants a relationship based on convenience anyway? Fast Food is easy and convenient but it’s bad for you, tastes like shit, and will take years off your life. And that’s ezachary how I feel about convenient relationships. 

now run along and Skype her so you guys can stare into each other’s eyes and have a cutesie barf-inducing conversation

anonymous asked:

I have a dilemma also... I spend too much time on your blog. Can you turn the koala tea down a bit. I need to be productive with my life. Please and thank you. :) Haha.

You don’t want to be productive…you want to get yourself a sweet-ass work-from-home-online job so you can stay in your pajamas, eat frozen waffles right out of the box because you’re lazy and impatient, and await my posts…

…also I just had to google koala tea

anonymous asked:

My life is a total wreck. I'm not going back to my school and staying home to go to CC to get an AA to try and go to state school a year later. I want to be an engineer but there are days where I feel like I cant do anything right and that I won't be able to accomplish my goal. All I do is complain about my life and idk how to get myself out of the grave I dug myself.

If THAT’S the only thing you’re worried about, then your life isn’t a total wreck dude. 

Total wreck is giving up and sitting in your parents’ basement not showering weeks at a time, high off your balls and wondering if the leftover nachos you found behind the couch are still good, watching Bowflex ads all day because your friends are too busy working to be on Xbox Live with you. 

Hang in there. Keep working towards your goals and don’t freak out every time there’s a bump in the road damnit. You totally got this.

anonymous asked:

(shark week) We've been dating since 2007, this October marks 5 years for us.. we're not technically dating but we're still reeeeally close and we might as well be (dating). It happened a long time ago and I just recently found out, which is why I'm still with him. Plus (well idk what yo consider cheating) he just asked another girl to hook up with him and she said no anyway. I just don't know how to feel, I want to trust him, but the second he got on campus I just broke down. :|

You’re dating but you’re not dating but you’re really close but he asked another girl to hook up with him and he kept it a secret from you and you found out recently? 

Do you realize you are celebrating an imaginary anniversary for fuck’s sake? 

Ugh