advice brian


Queer As Folk ➫ In which Debbie is all the boys’ mom  (✿◠‿◠)

can we talk about s2 brian kinney? the brian kinney that was so worried about justin’s health that he met a therapist to get advice? the brian kinney that was so shaken by the idea of justin giving up on art that he went out and bought him a computer to assist him? the brian kinney that held justin silently whenever things got to be too much?

s2 brian kinney is everything.

Beautiful things grow out of shit. Nobody ever believes that. Everyone thinks that Beethoven had his string quartets completely in his head—they somehow appeared there and formed in his head—and all he had to do was write them down and they would be manifest to the world. But what I think is so interesting, and would really be a lesson that everybody should learn, is that things come out of nothing. Things evolve out of nothing. You know, the tiniest seed in the right situation turns into the most beautiful forest. And then the most promising seed in the wrong situation turns into nothing. I think this would be important for people to understand, because it gives people confidence in their own lives to know that’s how things work.
"If you walk around with the idea that there are some people who are so gifted—they have these wonderful things in their head but you’re not one of them, you’re just sort of a normal person, you could never do anything like that—then you live a different kind of life. You could have another kind of life where you could say, well, I know that things come from nothing very much, start from unpromising beginnings, and I’m an unpromising beginning, and I could start something.
—  Brian Eno / Here Is What Is
Walk around believing that it’s going to happen for you.

I recently shared this piece with an ol’ pal, who might not want to be named, and me ol’ jackass nemesis, Knife Wumman 🔪 @just-a-wretched-woman​. I wrote it after telling me unnamed ol’ pal I don’t think Jamie raped Claire.

When Claire Didn’t Mean “No”

Scene/Passage: Outlander, Chapter 23, newlyweds’ bedroom at Castle Leoch upon return from collecting rents

(It’s difficult for me to read this passage and forget what I know about the Jamie & Claire Fraser marriage after repeatedly reading the eight Outlander books, so… too bad.)

Exchanging marriage vows – sacred vows – is something Jamie Fraser would never take lightly. And marriage is forever. For Claire to say they had no claim on each other is preposterous to Jamie. He took his father Brian’s advice to heart, and married the woman that had stolen that heart the moment Jamie met her.

He knows words are not enough to show his commitment to his vows, his claim on her and hers on him. She can joust well with words, and despite knowing intellectually he is committed to her, she is vulnerable to doubt, and would welcome an argument. She has no chance against him in a physical arena. He chooses physicality as his tool. She has no choice but to get the message. His ability to overpower her physically removes any choice.

(Rereading this battle to confirm their commitment made me cry. I hope you’re happy.)

Tired and filthy after spending harried months on the road, the bridegroom returns home to a big, clean, comfy bed, with no one else’s expectations of his time and effort pending, and what does he do? He cleans himself up a bit, and goes out to buy a wedding ring… because his honouring his new bride and their marriage is foremost on his mind. Fatigue, filth, and comfort count for nothing in comparison.

He returns to an irritable woman who offers him an open marriage because she doubts his commitment to her. Rather than take the offer, he turns around and returns it to her. Each of them offers the other an out, from pride. If you’re not committed to me, be gone. He knows he’s committed. Her refusing his offer tells him she’s not sold on letting him go.

She accepts his wedding ring, through tears and silent submission to having fallen in love with the dear lad. He asks her to have him; she agrees. He openly and fairly warns her he’s nearly out of control with passion, and she still agrees to have him.

When Claire says no, I do not think she’s saying no to sex: saying she wants Jamie to stop. She is not used to that level of passion. She’s not used to being dominated, to being desired so wholly by a man. Jamie’s want of her is overwhelming. She says no to herself, to the confusion in her head. Her body knows what it’s doing and it intends to continue. We already know she accepts pain as part of passion. She schooled Jamie on their wedding night that pain has its place in giving and receiving pleasure. Hers is an emotional no, and she does not mean it as “no, stop,” she means it as “no, this is so much more than I ever thought I’d have, and what I thought I’d have, I never meant to have with you.”

No is short-lived. A passionate yes quickly replaces it. Her brain catches up to her body and accepts what her body already knows. She and Jamie are completely joined, emotionally, spiritually, physically. She wants him as overwhelmingly as he wants her.

Without using words, Jamie shows her where she belongs. And she accepts the lesson, body and soul. She freely gives him the heart he’s already taken for himself. And she accepts his, which has been hers for the taking since they met. She silently acknowledges Frank’s inadequacy to possess her, to know her, to understand her like Jamie does. In Jamie’s arms while falling asleep, she acknowledges it is with him she belongs. He is her future. Her man. Her love.

“Oh, aye, Sassenach,” he answered a bit ruefully. “I am your master… and you’re mine. Seems I canna possess your soul without losing my own.” He turned me on my side and curled his body around me. The room was cooling in the evening breeze from the window, and he reached to draw a quilt over us. You’re too quick by half, lad, I thought drowsily to myself. Frank never did find that out. I fell asleep with his arms locked hard around me and his breathing warm in my ear.

Caveat: I believe no means no. I do not believe Claire’s no meant no.