advice

anonymous asked:

How do you help a close friend who hates themself? He is overweight but doesn't understand that there's more to life than physical appearance! You post a bit about mental health so I hope you don't find this to be too much of an odd ask! 💓

Not an odd ask at all! I think it’s a very common situation, and it can be very difficult and frustrating at times to help a friend look past and overcome an insecurity. This is just my personal perspective, but having dealt with severe self esteem issues in the past I hope my advice can help.

If it seems his insecurities are heavily impacting his life, it may be worth suggesting proffessional help. It may sound a bit dramatic but there is only so much you can do as a friend, and a therapist/psychiatrist will be trained to help him deal with and hopefully embrace what he previously hated about himself. 

As a friend, with situations like these I think its important to ‘show not tell’ in a sense. I’ve learned you can’t really convince people with argument and reason about why life isn’t all about being attractive. Most of the time they know their thoughts are irrational, but that doesn’t stop their feelings from screwing everything up. What you can do is try to ensure the people around him (including you) and his environment aren’t further contributing to his self-hate. Watch your own language- don’t talk negatively about your own weight/appearence or that of others. Stand up to people who do. Don’t associate food with guilt. Compliment others, including him on things other than their physical appearance. These things are only very small gestures but are very important in helping not only your friend but also others around you who may also be suffering from crippling self hate. 

I want to share a quote that really helped in my recovery about 4 years ago now, and it seems relevant to your friend’s situation too. 

anonymous asked:

sorry if this is awkward but how do I know if I'm asexual? I'm so lost

Don’t worry! (I know that’s easier said than done, but hear me out) Try to remind yourself that there’s no time limit to learning about this stuff. You don’t have a deadline and you can take your time to research things and learn and figure yourself out at your own pace. Being asexual typically means you don’t long for sexual relations with others. It doesn’t mean it can’t happen or that if you ever have/have had sex that you can’t be asexual. With most people who identify as asexual it just means you don’t really experience a longing to, and prefer to choose not to. It’s like you lack the desire to engage in sexual relations or have a low or absent interest in it. 

You can read more about it at these links!:

Asexual Visibility Network
What is asexuality?
Tips on How to Tell if You’re Asexual

I hope this helps a little! Remember to try and take it easy, there’s no rush! There are a lot of options out there and different places on the spectrum of it all! Take your time.

anonymous asked:

any advice for someone whos going on their 2nd/3rd year of college and is still very behind? im barely going to be counted as a sophomore when i should be a junior by now, and ive been doing terribly so its been keeping me behind and all my friends are way ahead of me, i kinda feel like a failure

Before I say anything, I’d just like to say that you are in no way a failure. Everyone has a different journey with college education, so everyone’s paths aren’t going to look the same. I have a friend who didn’t decide on a major until she was a junior. I have a friend who graduated after like six or seven years of going to college. I have a friend who went to a two year community college and now, two years later, has decided to go back to school. So it’s okay if you’re not on the same page as your friends.

  • The first thing you need to do is sit down and come up with a plan. Figure out what your goals are for your education, and then map out, step by step, how you are going to reach those goals.
  • If you’re struggling with coming up with a plan, I suggest going to your advisor and having them help you make one. Make this plan as detailed as you can. This is going to be your lifeline for the rest of your college career.
  • Next, think about why you are doing terribly in school. Do you not study, or do you have bad study habits? Do you procrastinate? Are you having trouble understanding the material? Once you figure out what the problems are, you need to create a plan on how you can fix this. Once again, your advisor is a good resource, but your school might have other resources.
  • If you have trouble procrastinating, or you have trouble getting the motivation to do homework/study, I would suggest going to a coffee shop or library. Those are calm, quiet, environments that won’t be too distracting. While you’re there create a study schedule where you can block off times to study and times where you can have a break.
  • Professors usually love talking to their students. If you’re having trouble understanding the material, you should go to them and talk to them about it. Most will be only too happy to help, and it will help you create a bond with them. If that doesn’t help, look for a tutor, or try to create a study group with people in your class.
  • One way to catch up is to take classes during winter and summer breaks. Yeah, it sucks to have class during breaks, but, like I said, it’s the fastest way to catch up on credits.

I hope this helps!

I have quite a few people in my inbox asking for advice on how to help a friend with mental health problems, and personally I would say focus on building a positive atmosphere around them. Only they can change their mentality towards themselves/attitude and it takes longer for some people than others. Some people will need meds and professional help along the way but it does get better and recovery is possible. If you really want to help them, create an environment with positive energy and be there to listen to them when they need it. Recognise the progress they’ve made and encourage them to keep going. You can’t fix people, you can only help them fix themselves. And by being a good friend you can help their recovery suck a whole lot less.

anonymous asked:

I keep getting Bacterial Vaginosis :( I work at a brothel so I see a high volume of clients and my poor vagina is having a rough time adjusting. has this ever been a problem for you? If yes do you have any tips? Thank you!

I’ve only had BV once that I’m aware of, so I don’t have any specific advice that comes from experience, but here are some things that might help:

  • If you’re on antibiotics, definitely keep taking them until your course is finished, even if your symptoms disappear before then.
  • If you’re douching, stop that! Don’t douche.   
  • Similarly, if you’re bathing more often now that you’re working at a high volume, switch to a mild soap and don’t actually wash inside your vag.
  • I assume you’re using condoms, but definitely keep doing that. 
  • Encourage clients to wash their hands before touching you, if you can.
  • There is some evidence (although not super conclusive) that taking a regular probiotic can help reduce BV recurrence. 
  • Wear cotton underwear as much as possible. 
  • Make sure you’re wiping front to back (I know you know, but just in case).
  • Don’t let clients touch butt and then touch your vag with the same hand (if you can).


I hope you and your vagina feel better soon!

anonymous asked:

I wanna cut my hair just as short as yours, but i'm a little bit scared. I do wan't get rid of my actual hair, but... u know. Any advice?

It’s okay to be scared! Changing something about one’s appearance can be scary especially when it’s a big change. But just know short hair is a lot of fun and easy to take care of :) It really can work in so many ways, and above all know that it will always grow back! Trying something new can be a lot of fun! I wish you luck! ♡

anonymous asked:

I was tested positive for HPV, my partner told me it's "morally wrong" to continue sexwork, but "casual sex is fine", it pissed me off, how should I respond to this? Please advice. Thank you!!

Your partner sucks, and my advice is to dump them. 

I totally get it if you don’t, it’s really easy for a stranger on the internet to be all “cut that asshole loose!” and a lot less simple to actually do it (and a lot more factors involved than what you’ve just shared with me).  But let me be clear: every single aspect of your partner’s reaction is pure, unmitigated bullshit for which there is precisely zero excuse.   Let’s go through it point by point:

1) Everybody has HPV. Seriously. If you have had sex that involved physical proximity to another human being at some point, your odds of having contracted HPV (even if you never show symptoms, even if you happen to not have an irregular pap smear or whatever) are better than even. To exclude from trading sex everyone who has ever had HPV is a ludicrous standard not rooted in reality. Your partner probably has had HPV.  The only reason that I’m not saying that your partner gave you HPV is because you both probably already had it before you met one another. 

2) HPV, especially if you’ve had your vaccine, is not that big of a deal.  The vaccine prevents against the most commonly cancer-causing strains (and depending on which vaccine you got when, can also protect against the most common wart-causing strains).  Most people shed the virus from their systems between six months and two years after being exposed.  You’re more likely to have serious complications from the flu (by like, a lot), then you are to have any serious repercussions from HPV.  For instance, an estimated twenty million people in the US have HPV at any given time (with more than 75% of two hundred and fifty million adults in America having *ever* had the virus), and there are fewer than 12,000 cases of cervical cancer ever year (not all of which are directly caused by HPV).  For those of you who don’t like math, this is less than a tenth of a per cent (considerably less).  

3) Sex workers engage with their clients with sure and certain knowledge that clients cannot be trusted to a) give honest answers about their STI status and b) to even accurately know their status in the first place, and base our risk management strategies (like barrier use)  on that awareness.  The same ought to be true for clients (even though sex workers, as a group, are much, much better at avoiding STIs and having up to date statuses anyway).  Your clients are adult people making their own decisions and having sex with another human being involves the possibility of contracting an STI, especially HPV because again, everyone has it. If clients want a 100% surefire guarantee that they will not contract HPV from a sex worker, they should stick to sex acts which carry no risk of HPV.  You do not have a special burden to manage your clients’ health decisions for them. 

4) Your partner’s notion that you owe clients a higher standard of disclosure/protection than your private partners is extremely fucking suspicious to me. Are you two by any chance in an open relationship?  Remember, your partner probably has HPV too. So maybe this is a way for your partner to not change any of their behavior, while you have to give up your job?  Regardless, this is gross and whorephobic and weird, and your partner does not have a right to either a) tell you how to support yourself (especially if they themselves are not offering to pay your bills instead, which would be sex work anyway, so like…) and b) tell you what to do with your body when it is not interacting with their body. 

tl;dr: Your partner is ignorant and whorephobic and you should pay your bills however you please and not spend any of that hard-earned money on them. 

Write. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s good, it doesn’t matter if it sounds like other writing, it doesn’t matter if people listen, what matters is that you write, and you keep writing, and that you are true to yourself when you do. Don’t try to write like other people, don’t try to write to be famous, don’t try to write to be good. Write because you have to write, because you want to write, because you enjoy writing. And never, ever, ever listen to anyone who tells you what to write, or how to write, or that you shouldn’t write. If people did that there’d be no writers at all.
—  Jay Hulme
confession

Well I’m feeling very down now… I am actually a chronic sufferer of ‘scared-of-other-peoples-opinion-of-me-syndrome’. There are many things that I would love to do, but I don’t because of this, it’s very frustrating I wish I could just get rid of it. And yeah I’m the only person stopping myself from changing but it’s so hard. The only reason I can actually post things on tumblr is because the people I know here don’t know me in ‘real life’ (except for 3 people). :’(

It really inhibits me and I am desperate to overcome this. 

pleaaase please if anyone else here goes through this, feel free to give me advice or send me a virtual *face slap* so I can maybe snap out of it?

anonymous asked:

your playlist are so good, how do you find the huge variety of musicians to put on them? I'm trying to branch out and your music taste is A+

thanks so much! and yes omg im always happy too give music advice

#1 thing to find new music? listen to fanmixes! you get a huge selection of bands all in one place! if you like a song on a mix, look  up that artist and listen to the rest of their discography. if you really like them, google similar artist and listen to those. youll be surprised how many different bands you can find this way. you want to get a REAL BIG itunes library? heed these:

IZZYCHAOS TIPS FOR GETTING AN ANNOYINGLY INDIE MUSIC TASTE:

  • try the website gnoosic! you put in 3 bands you like and itll give you a bunch of similar ones! it has a really nice library and can give you some very similar bands that youve never heard before!
  • get familiar with bandcamp! its like. the itunes for all bands that are too small or unknown to get put on itunes. you can get some super cool genres, and jsut surfing a certain tag for a genre you like gives you PAGES of totally cool unknown bands that you can support and enjoy and scare all your friends with. heres my wishlist/collection if you want a good starting point: [X]
  • dont be afraid to go outside your comfort zone! i have a lot of indie/folk/punky mixes, but i also have a lot of rap and electro and ambient stuff too! try to enjoy as much music you can (unless it gives you a headache) and remember that every genre is subdivided. theres some incredibly bad rap out there, but theres also amazingly deep or funny or dancey rap too! try new things! you might really enjoy them!

im gonna stop there before i start getting too preachy, but i hope you find this useful! i hope to be the cool music friend for everyone i can lmao :,)

anonymous asked:

why do certain people love one person for the rest of their lives and even tho they can't be together for endless reasons they won't forget or stop putting them on a pedestal? do you know the concept of twin flames? why do i feel this way about someone? love is mad

People do not love others for the rest of their lives unless they have had an opportunity to grow together over time. Often, when a person thinks that they love a person they don’t know, they really love an idealized image of that person which they themselves have created.

anonymous asked:

Just to let white ppl know: Being vegan does not absolve you from being a bad person! You can eat clean and be cruelty free and still be ragingly racist and neglectful and therefore harmful towards people of color. It's important they learn this.

^^^^ i entirely agree