adventure school

Another day, another horrible tantrum. This one directed at A’s mom. I got to dance class after it ended and M was running around like a hyena not listening and screaming at her, being a really bratty brat “you can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my mom, you’re the one who needs to say sorry, I don’t like you, don’t look at me,” etc. She really struggles with transitions and she really has a hard time when the routine is thrown off– loves our spontaneous weekend museum trips and adventures, but needs school days to be consistent, which lately they haven’t been at all. As much as I feel guilty about the prospect of putting her in FT daycare in new city, I think the routine will be good for both of us, and since it’s a younger group of kids a play based more relaxed setting (I really don’t think she could handle being in her current school til 5:30.)

As soon as we left she switched from mad to sad and on the bus home she was crying that I should’ve been there to take her to dance. After helping me make dinner she was calmer and we talked about things a bit then she said she was sorry about how she treated her grandmother and we sent a video apology. I always worry that if they are around M when she’s freaking out they’ll think “well that’s why we can’t take her anywhere, it must be the mother’s fault, who’d let their kid act that way” but she was very kind and understanding.

I’m going to drop M at school a few minutes early tomorrow (there’s a side entrance we can sneak into to avoid the traffic jam on the main stairs), go to work, try to do all the work in half the time, go to 1pm meeting. My sis is picking M up, instead of picking her up Fri. I’m going to leave as soon as mtg is done and get to the mainland around 3:30, buy an interview outfit, manicure, eyebrows (I never do that stuff and don’t find it enjoyable). Go home and pack overnight bag, Mr. Woofers (her bedtime stuffy is giant IKEA dog, every time we sleep out I want to downsize to one of her smaller dogs but no time ever feels like the right time to try the swap), my Friday bag, M’s Friday lunch. Get to my sister’s by 6, put M to bed, both of us sleep on her couch.

Wake up at 5 Fri, shower, kiss sleeping M, go to train station. See an apartment. Tour daycare. Lunch w/ friend. Interview. See houses. Train home. Get M from my brother (my mom has seemed to calm down and some combo of bro, her, sis will pick M up from school Fri and take care of her until I get back at 7:30).

I am really looking forward to the hours of solo train time to stare out the window and watch Shonda shows.

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.
fandoms doing their thing
  • naruto fandom: yelling about which female character is the worstest
  • bleach fandom: angrily hissing at themselves and each other and being super salty over really little things
  • one piece fandom: sobbing into a pillow about whatever the hell's going on with sanji
  • fairy tail fandom: alternating between which ship they feel like fighting about and getting angry at cleavage
  • attack on titan fandom: explodes once a month in a burst of glory before immediately forgetting it ever existed
  • steven universe fandom: everything is problematic except what i like
  • jojo's bizarre adventure fandom: spent the last 29 years trying to figure out the plot; still hasn't gotten anywhere
  • yuri!!! on ice fandom: so gay very homosexual much wow
  • gravity falls fandom: slowly sinking into an existential crisis (possibly five existential crises)
  • my hero academia fandom: anxiously quadruple-checking saisai-chan's blog to see if there's anything new
  • yu-gi-oh! fandom: probably still confused about pot of greed??? idk lots of memes about hair
  • puella magi madoka magica fandom: crying about gays
  • ouran high chool host club fandom: pressed up against the window like creepers but no one notices
  • fullmetal alchemist fandom: but is it legal in japan????? no??? how about germany????? how about germany in 1912?????
  • pokémon fandom: still trying to catch 'em all
  • danganronpa fandom: all your faves are dead
  • game of thrones fandom: all your faves are dead or suffering
  • lord of the rings fandom: may or may not have ceased to exist altogether
  • doctor who fandom: hiding from the supernatural and sherlock fandoms
  • supernatural fandom: hiding from the sherlock and doctor who fandoms
  • sherlock fandom: hiding from the doctor who and supernatural fandoms
  • superwholock fandoms: sitting in a dark room, rubbing their hands together, and giggling maniacally
  • harry potter fandom: desperately awaiting the sweet release of death (or the next fantastic beasts movie)
  • hayao miyazaki fandom: anime was a mistake
  • voltron fandom: obsessing over keith, lance, klance, pidge's gender identity, shiro's ptsd, and allura's allura
  • rwby fandom: watching the bumbleby and black sun fans viciously circling each other like angry coyotes
  • dragon ball fandom: very tired at this point
  • abridged fandom: y u no update
  • star vs. the forces of evil fandom: the most passive aggressive ship warring i've ever seen tbh
  • avatar fandom: still bitching about zutara and makkora i guess idk
  • buffy the vampire slayer fandom: peering out from behind trees, probably waiting for the sun to sink
  • avengers fandom: either bickering about tony stark, screaming at sharon carter's existence, or dead inside
  • durarara!! fandom: fuck fascinating characters, development, and story; i want unhealthy gays
  • baccano! fandom: softly sobbing in the distance
  • warrior cats fandom: trying to pretend they never existed to begin with
  • rick riordan fandom: has either read every single thing he's ever written or gave up years ago
  • rave master fandom: sniggering as the fairy tail fandom loses its shit again
  • twilight fandom: rewriting the series so it doesn't suck as much and/or making cactus jokes
  • over the garden wall fandom: listening to "into the unknown" and sobbing
  • discworld fandom: secure in their superior sense of humor but sad because a great man has left us
  • a series of unfortunate events fandom: aggressively glowering at anything related to the movie
  • seven deadly sins fandom: confused af right now
  • vamp! fandom: has the best vampires ever created and fucking knows it
  • seraph of the end fandom: thinks they have the best vampires ever created (and are incorrect bc vamp! exists)
  • his dark materials fandom: making dæmons for themselves, their ocs, and literally anybody
  • star trek fandom: speaking in kling-on or whatever
  • star wars fandom: kylo ren discourse
  • miraculous ladybug fandom: arguing over which of four ships is the best even though they're all the same two people
  • thomas sanders fandom: deeply in love with thomas sanders bc it's really hard not to be
  • Someone: What time is it?!
  • 1/3 of my Brain: ADVENTURE TIME
  • 1/3 of my Brain: SUMMER TIME
  • 1/3 of my Brain: SHOW TIME!
  • Me: *screams*
  • Someone: What the fuck