I say I started porn when I was 18 but the truth is that I started when I was almost 20- like literally days away from turning 20. Now, I originally said this because I had to for video. It was all “Teen Tits Volume 3” and things of that nature that I really had to play up. Then, I continued to say it once I got out of porn because it was like, “Look- I was just a dumb 18 year old- okay? How was I supposed to know better?” But I suppose, now that I think about it- would it be better for people to know I only did porn for 4 years instead of 7? (I took a year off without anyone noticing. But wait? Does that mean it was technically 5 even though I took a year off? Or what about the 3 years with Adam and Eve where I just had sex like never and basically got paid to go do signings at Adult Video Stores? I refuse to call them bookstores- they don’t have fucking books.) ANYWAYS- I’ve always been a slut to some degree as have most people- but only PUBLICLY a slut for 4 years. Unless you count the years after where people just assume that I go around sucking dicks everyday in hot little pink lingerie because I did porn for a few years.
Anyhow, I’m just horny as fuck right now. Can I get an amen?
A first order porno called First Whore-der, starring general fuxx, captain phallus and Matt the gaydar dicknician, ft. newcomer lieutenant Mi-tatas
The plot follows four sexual deviants as they travel through space to stop the troublesome Rebel Alliance (led by Leia Orgasma and Poe DAMNron.)
Coming to a shady adult video store near you
i had a dream i was having a house party and it was fuckibg wild but then all of the sudden one cop came so we all like bum rushed him and ran the fuck away including me. i was running and then this girl from the party cane up to me and was like hey follow me i know where we can hide. and apparentlt were in like texas or something and we find ourselves in this strip mall and go into a dirty ass dennys [bc like dennys is open up all night or smth] so were just chilling there for a few minutes and then shes like fuck we need to change our clothes so wrre not suspicious. so we walk out and thrres like cops driving all over the place looking for the party people. we sneak across to an adult video store?? she sneaks in thru the back and im about to but a cop glances at me so i bolt the fuck outta there and run back to the dennys and hide behind like. a recliner thats there for some reason. after like an hour i walk out and walk into this town and things get a little deja vu here. it becomes a video game and i have a gun and some magic power where i shoot fireballs or smth. theres a few places in the town where if i get too close some enemies will attack me. anyway i make it to a beach and hide behind a tree and the tree has a face. i start talking to him about something and a cop shows up and i start asking where the fuck i am and shit. anyway im done talking to him and i see this small lady on thr beach walking to this big house which is like the police hq or mayors house or smth. i walk up to her and like shes complaining abt her husband and like a choice of dialogues to say come up like in a video game. except all the negative ones have bad spelling and grammar? and also all the bad ones revolve around me selling crack to her and having her dump her husband whos also the mayor. so i choose one of those and suddenly a couple years later were back at the front of the house holding hands but shes ugly as shit bc of the drugs. we walk up like 8 flights of stairs and i start hearing a conversation and it sounds like the girl that originally helped me escape is here and she like. hookdd up with thr mayor. so all of the sudden it fast forwards like 7 years later. im a well known to the town community and people think im cool. except one day the police of the town find out that i was the person who threw that wild house party and escaped and theyre searching for me so i start hiding in this place but i notice some snacks are stored here and a friend i made here hides next to me because the cops are after him as well. we promise not to rat each other out if the other gets caught. i realize i can catch a train out of here the next day at like 2 o clock and not get caught and then i woke up