adult games

When she wrote these words in that little cafe in Edinburgh, JK Rowling could never have known how true they would become.

Essential components of any fantasy rolepaying group:

  • The player who brings exactly the same swishy elf character to every table; 50% chance of wizard, 50% chance of bard, 100% chance of banging a dragon before the campaign is done.
  • The player who favours dwarves because they’re uncomfortable with speaking in character and dwarves aren’t expected to have personalities.
  • The player who thinks they’re cleverly subverting expectations by playing their halfling as a bloodthirsty, sexually promiscuous drug fiend, unaware that - thanks to players like them - literally 80% of all halfling player characters are like that.
  • The player who designs their character purely for novelty value - like, this time they’re a giant telepathic praying mantis, or whatever - yet inexplicably manages to have the deepest character arc out of anyone.
  • The player whose character’s stats honestly don’t matter because their real contribution to the party is being the only adult in the room.
Seven Hells

m/f (or m/m) couples game • ballbusting

You will need:

- 1 or 2 six-sided dice
- paddle or something similar (water bottle, back of hairbrush, etc)
- bondage rope (optional)
- timer (optional)

Setup:

- agree to a safeword
- male partner is restrained to bed (optional), female partner in position of her choosing
- use 1 six-sided dice for regular play, 2 six-sided dice for intense play

How to play:

- The female partner rolls the dice each round for seven rounds. Every time the dice is rolled, an action is performed based on the result.

- If the male partner can survive all seven consecutive rounds without giving in or using his safeword, he is permitted to fuck her/cum. Failure to complete all seven rounds means only she is given pleasure.

Rounds and their actions:

Roll #1: Slap

Male partner receives a number of slaps to the balls equal to the dice roll.

Roll #2: Punch

Male partner receives a number of punches to the balls equal to the dice roll.

Roll #3: Squeeze

With thumb and forefinger on each testicle, male partner’s balls are squeezed for a duration equal to 10 seconds multiplied by the dice roll.
(for example, 1 = 10 seconds, 2 = 20 seconds, 3 = 30 seconds, etc.)

Roll #4: Respite

Male partner’s balls are massaged and dick sucked for a duration equal to 10 seconds multiplied by the dice roll.
(for example, 1 = 10 seconds, 2 = 20 seconds, 3 = 30 seconds, etc.)

Roll #5: Squeeze

Same as Roll #3.

Roll #6: Punch

Same as Roll #2.

Roll #7: Paddle

Male partner receives a number of paddles to the balls equal to the dice roll. If no paddle, use kicks or knees.

Have fun!

It irritates the shit out of me when people interrupt me when I’m reading like, I’m in the zone, I’m in an entirely different fucking world so don’t fucking pat me on the shoulder susan

Time Trial

m/f (or m/m) couples game • ballbusting, tease & denial

You will need:

- nothing but your bodies

Setup:

- agree to a safeword
- male partner in position of her choosing

How to play:

- The female partner gives the male partner a handjob (or blowjob) with one hand while squeezing his balls continuously with the other. She may go as fast/slow and as hard/soft as she likes. Alternatively, the male partner must jerk himself off while she squeezes his balls.

- The female partner never lets up on the pain. The male partner must try to cum before the pain is too great.

- If the male partner uses his safeword, he must make the female partner cum and he is not permitted to cum for the rest of the night.

Have fun!

fun ideas for things to do for fun that are free:

- Play “don’t let the balloon hit the floor” with multiple balloons while at the same time playing “the carpet is lava”


- play hide-and seek in a mall or large public place


- dress up in elaborate costumes to do normal things like go to walmart


- play hide-and-seek or something in walmart without getting kicked out


- get on youtube with friends and try to learn a new talent like juggling or dancing or something


- look at the ingredients in the house and google what you can bake with them


- go to a park you’ve never been to before and walk around like you’re an adventurer discovering everything (“I do say! This here looks like a leaf! What an interesting specimen!”)


- just go to a park in general. I mean, they got slides and swings and crap. Get all over that (but don’t be a jerk. kids are awesome. let them play first).


- dig up toys/games from when you were a kid. Try to play Nintendo 64 games on your hi-def TV. Feel yourself get cut by the sharp, pointy pixels. 


- make a super tacky music video to a song that you thought was super cool when you were in middle school


- draw with chalk, blow bubbles, jump rope, ride your bike around your neighborhood

in general, just stop pretending you’re too cool to do the fun stuff you did when you were 10. 10-year-olds don’t have money to spend on entertainment, and yet I notice that they have more fun than anybody. Have an awesome summer, everybody.

Bargaining Chips

f/m or m/m ballbusting game

You will need:

- 1 coin

Setup:

- none: ballbustee may be sitting, standing, restrained, or any way you like.

How to play:

- the ballbusting partner flips a coin:
if heads: s/he adds 10 seconds to the running total
if tails: s/he kicks, punches, or slaps him in the balls

- after every coin flip, the ballbustee may choose one of the following two options:
flip again: flip the coin again.
cash in: the ballbustee is permitted to fuck the ballbuster for an amount of time equal to the running total. if they are not able to cum in this time then they must pleasure their partner orally and wait until the next session

Have fun!

you know you have a problem when
  • Me: *starts playing tons of Otome games*
  • Guy I like in real life: *asks me out on a date*
  • Me: okay so where are my dialogue options and which ones do I need to pick for the good ending
I feel like an NPC character when...

I’m on register at work:
~waits patiently behind counter with absent smile until a customer walks close enough and/or shows necessary amount of interest
~has a set script of prompts in my head to follow during transactions
~cheerful yet non-descript customer service voice and can repeat same exact tone infinitely.
~breaking from prompts or skipping through parts may cause minor glitches, such as accidentally repeating the same prompt again or completely skipping necessary ones
~absentmindedly tends to my area using the same five or so actions in a continuous loop until new person arrives
~Abnormally knowledgeable in my craft
~wears same outfit every day
~Nothing unusual phases me
~walking away and coming back is like a brand new interaction. I have little to no memory of you

Iron Balls

couples ballbusting game

You will need:

- Nothing

Setup:

- Male partner stands, kneels, or is on all fours naked in front of female partner.

How to play:

- Female partner delivers her choice of a hit to the balls (kick, slap, punch, knee, etc) or a squeeze (no longer than ten seconds).

- If the male partner remains standing, add 10 seconds to the running total and repeat the first step.

- If the male partner drops to his knees (if standing) or the floor (if kneeling/all fours) he is finished. He is permitted to fuck the female partner for the amount of time he has accrued or receives a blowjob for the amount of time accrued.

Have fun!