i’ve been seeing a lot of topics like “how to deal with someone who has bpd” and it always bothers me, because there is basically no topics about how to deal if YOU have bpd. that’s why i’m making this post, in my opinion as someone who has bpd. feel free to leave other tips and comment!
buy a notepad and write about your emotions. in DBT (dialectical behavior therapy), used a lot to help people with BPD, they tend to help others to regulate their emotions, basing on some principles, like:
identify and classify emotions; usually, people with BPD suffered/suffer from emotional abuse and it makes harder for us to have a knowledge about our feelings, since we never had someone to help us in this aspect. if you have hard times dealing with your emotions, you can create a special organization on your notepad, basing on: what just happened that could be a possibly trigger to your feeling? (EVEN IF IT’S SOMETHING MINOR, for example, if your friend replied to you in a different way, if you saw an image that made you feel uncomfortable); what are your physical symptoms about it? (for example, if you feel butterflies in your stomach, you are possibly anxious); what does this feeling make you want to do? (for example, if you feel like you want to hit something, you are possibly experiencing anger). and, also, try to identify your primary and secondary emotions, for example, if a friend forgets about an event that you would go together, first you may feel anger, but this anger can be followed by frustation or sadness (secondary emotions).
how to “change” your emotions; after writing about your emotions and trying to learn about them, you can add a subject in your notepad about “WHAT CAN I DO TO CHANGE THIS FEELING”. your first thoughts may be pessimists, specially because borderlines are VERY impulsives, like “i should probably self-harm” or even “i should probably kill myself”, due to the intensity of bpd emotions, but right now, you have to think with your rationality.for example, if your friend is delaying to reply, you can think about the possibilities that are causing this problem: if they are busy, if they are having a hard time or if they just don’t want to talk right now. after thinking about the situation as a whole, you’ll ask yourself “okay, but what will i do?” and that’s why i think it’s important to create a list about what makes you happy and what distracts you, so everytime you have a hard situation to deal with, you can check on your list. “oh, i’m having x problem, but in my list it says that painting makes me happy, so what about painting something i saw today?”. if you don’t have anything that you like about, there is an app called Calm Harm, that can help you in self-harm situations!
increase and improve positive emotional events; i know that it’s difficult for us to focus on positive moments, but once you are feeling down, please try to write about what happened in your day that was a good thing. and when i say it, i don’t mean a BIG thing, it can be something like seeing a flower in your garden. write about your sensations when your experienced this moment and think about the possibility of living this moment more than once. for example, if i saw a flower and it made me happy, can i try to plant one, so i’ll see it more often?
apply pressure tolerance techniques; by distraction, self-care, improving the moment and considering pros and cons.
SO, in your notepad, have a space to: first, identify and classify your emotions; second, a space to write about how to change your emotions; third, a space to write about positive emotional events and fourth, write about what pressure tolerance techniqures you can apply to your life.
practice saying no and saying what you need to the people around you; sometimes people with BPD tend to think that we are a burden to friends and family, and sometimes it’s not true. due to it, we often don’t tell what we really want. so, if you could, please, practice saying NO and what you REALLY need and want to people around you, even if it’s minor things.for example, if someone asks you to lunch with them, but you can’t/don’t want to, don’t let your abandonment fear decides what it’s the best for you, just say no, but not in the intention to hurt the other person. “i’m sorry, i really like you, but i can’t or don’t want to, since i have to do x thing/feeling x thing, but i really like you!”. when you say no, you can have a better idea about what you like and what you don’t, so you can start to let people know about it.for example, “hey! yesterday i said no when you invited me for lunch, so i realized i don’t really like going to public places, what about having lunch in my house next time?”
practice breathing techniques; intense emotions can lead us to panic situations or really bad physical symptoms. in stressing moments, we hold the air, increasing the level of carbon dioxide in our system, so the organism thinks we need more oxygen and make us breathe faster. the imbalance increases our heart beats, our blood pressure and the release of hormones such as adrenaline. i recommend ASMR videos to relax and you can breathe slowly, imagining a circle opening and closing, like the gif:
the post is getting long, so i’ll finish here! i’ll probably post a part two if you guys like! please leave a comment if it was helpful and i’m sorry if my grammar wasn’t very correct, english is not my native language.
remember that everything here is theoritical and it’s hard to apply these tips in your life, things will not suddenly change. but i believe in you and things take time, so don’t give up on getting better.
i re-read 'we used to wait' for the hundredth time and i was wondering if nick would ever, eventually, publicly speak about his ptsd?
I kind of think about this a lot, because there is a second arc to their story which is literally Nick learning how to cope with how things are different after the accident. I think he would, after a time. I don’t think he’d talk about it straight away. I think it would take a while for him even to get a diagnosis, particularly as I’m fairly sure he’s adamant he should be coping better so he stops showing up to appointments with Jeff.
I think he’d find it incredibly difficult to turn any of it off, the constant replaying of the car accident video, that adrenaline surge whenever he checked twitter, the terrifying fear whenever Louis leaves to go anywhere, hating being in a car with him, this constant fear that something terrible is happening when the people he loves are outside of his constant view. A gradual numbness when it comes to experiencing anything because all he can ever feel is fear. Maybe it comes to a head when Tina’s reading the news and she talks about a multi car pile up on a motorway, and Nick loses it, and won’t go on the air, and he ends up going back to Jeff and taking some time off work for an impromptu holiday.
And none of it is ever easy, and these things don’t go away, they never go away, but it helps that he can talk to Jeff, and that he can talk to Louis, and he can tell his family and some of his friends. And in the end he gets to a point where he wants to tell other people too, where there’s something brave in standing up and talking about fighting something so difficult and making some kind of movement towards making it through. So he gives an interview for the Guardian’s Saturday supplement or something, Grimmy opens up: telling us about his PTSD, his new clothing range, and everything changing.
Because Nick and Louis end up being fiercely protective of each other, fiercely open with each other even though it’s constantly difficult, and Nick tries to talk a bit about what makes it hard for him.
Maybe he interviews Jake Gyllanhaal, who’s just done a movie where his character’s a veteran with PTSD in the 1950s and Nick’s really nervous about the interview and he knows he can’t avoid the PTSD stuff, and Jake tries to set him at his ease - which isn’t the way these interviews are supposed to go, but Nick hasn’t slept. And he asks about researching the character, and Jake can see that Nick is really not himself, so he talks about really wanting to respect what his character was going through, or what anyone with PTSD would go through, and he wanted it to be real on screen. So they talk about that a little bit, and his character’s triggers, and Nick sort of pipes up without thinking, “Yeah, like I can’t get in the car with my boyfriend driving without freaking out.”
And of course the press cover it, and they root out Nick’s Guardian interview and it all ends up in the press again - some people talking about how it’s just faked for promo - and Louis just says fuck it and tweets to say that Nick’s really brave for talking about his ptsd and that he loves him and he’s proud of him, which is pretty much the only time he’s ever written down anything super official about how he feels about Nick. And it cycles from there.
But yeah, this is all the kind of stuff that circles around in my head and if I did ever write it I’d do a lot more research than just the cursory stuff I’ve done to come up with the vague plot.
Hey there~~ Can I please have a where the members lose to you in a video game? Thank you <3
This was fun~~
“Shame!” you exclaimed, turning to him, “Loser!” You held
your hand on your forehead and formed an ‘L’ with your fingers.
He would huff and push your forehead back and you fell onto
“It’s alright,” he said, holding his hands up, “I’m the one with
this face so who’s the real winner here?”
You rolled your eyes and pointed at the screen. “Me!”
He would quickly change the TV screen so you couldn’t finish
reading it properly, but not quick enough for you to miss ‘Player 2 Wins!’.
“I WON!” you yelled, thrusting your arms up in front of his
“I’m not playing anymore!” Yoongi threw the controller onto
the sofa you were sitting on and stormed away.
You giggled and ran up behind him, wrapping your arms around
“It’s okay baby, I can help you improve,” you muffled
into his jacket.
This didn’t make him feel better but he couldn’t resist the
urge to relax in your embrace and squeeze your hands.
“No, no, no, no, no,” he shook his head in disbelief, as if
he had been told that BigBang lost the grand award to some rookie idol group. “No,
you couldn’t have won.”
“But I did!” you hollered, rubbing it in his face.
“I think there was something wrong with the controller,” he
said, examining it.
You crossed your arms and snorted, “Wuss.”
“You can’t even accept defeat.”
“Yes, so let’s rematch.”
“Rematch. And this time, I’ll win.”
You had finally finished the last stage and were waiting for
the results to come out.
“Judging by the trajectory of your cart and mine, mine would
have entered the tunnel in a faster velocity than yours, meaning that the Elastic
Potential Energy of the tyres turned into Kinetic Enegy faster, and the
friction was less.”
“English. Please Namjoon. Who do you think won?”
He smield victoriously, “Had to be me.”
You looked back at the screen where it had your player in
the middle, holding up the No.1 trophy.
“What did you say?” you asked, smiling smugly.
“I was bound to lose anyway, didn’t you see my player break it’s
tyres before the game even started? How is that even possible…”
You two stared intently at the screen as you waited for the
results to show up.
This wasn’t just any ordinary game. This. Was. War.
You gripped tightly onto your controller and you saw Jimin
do the same and finally the screen lit up.
Player Y/N’s Win!
You squealed and turned to Jimin.
“I told you! I told you I was better at games than you!”
“Okay, this tells us nothing,” he said, pointing at the TV.
“Yes it does! It tells us that I can handle a controller
better than you can!” you poked your tongue out at him. He
tried not to but his face broke out into his sunshine smile and his eyes turned
into crescents, because, how could you be so cute?
“Look at that!” you yelled at him, all the hype and adrenaline
from your video game getting to you. “I won!”
Taehyung took one look at the screen and back at you,
cracking a smile.
Oh no. What was he
going to do?
“You’re so cute, you know that?” he asked, inching closer to
“What did you say?”
“You know you’re the most beautiful girl in the whole world,
“Oh, no, Kim Taehyung there is no way you are getting out of
doing the dishes,” you shook your head, knowing that this was what he was
trying to do.
At that, he slowly stood up and sprinted away.
“GET BACK HERE!”
You two were up to your tenth game and Jungkook had won
every single one. You were waiting on the results of this one, because he had
placed a bet on it; the loser has to cook dinner.
You had already accepted defeat when you had started the
game but there was always a spark of hope inside of you.
Once the screen flashed, you looked up to see what the
outcome of the game was but suddenly you were turned to the side, Jungkook
looking straight into your eyes.
“Wait, Kookie, the game-”
He slowly leaned forward and brushed your hair out of your
eyes, smiling a sincere smile at you. “I have to meet the boys now, see you
later for dinner?”
You smiled back at him, “Okay, see you then,” he kissed the
top of your forehead and started to walk off.
You turned and picked up the TV remote, to turn the screen
off where the words ‘Player 2’ success were flashing across it.
To whom it may concern, (I hope this is the right address to send this type email)
You may or may not have received a email similar to this (I sent it way too early on my phone) In August of this year, these two YouTubers “danisnotonfire" and “AmazingPhil" also respectfully known as Dan Howell and Phil Lester are coming to Australia for their tour, “The Amazing Tour is not on Fire”. This is a really big deal to not only me but to heaps of people over in Australia who like them, as the opportunity for us to see them in our own country is extremely rare (as their home turf is in the UK so as you could imagine it’s on the other side of the world). But first let me give you an introduction to Dan and Phil.
First thing you need to is they’re YouTubers, but please don’t let that fool you. No they may not be Taylor Swift or Brad Pitt but you need to know that they are loved so many people, and have help a lot of them through their videos. They interact with their followers in a way that normal celebrities wouldn’t. (e.g. tweeting back to fans and having a really genuine and authentic connection with them). Between them they have 12 million subscribers on youtube, and millions more on other social media sites, were previously BBC Radio 1 presenters, plus have been named some of the biggest you tubers out there, and were amongst some of Britain’s most influential peoples.
Dan and Phil are well known for their content they bestow on their channels, danisnotonfire (Dan Howell) containing videos which relate to so many, from being addicted to your phone, skits about school, procrastination to giving advice in his well known series “Internet support group”. He also does collaborations with other YouTubers and even one with Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutchinson and our fellow Aussie Liam Hemsworth, and also recounts some anecdotes based on events that have happened in his life in a series called “Reasons why Dan’s a fail". Amongst all the funniness he makes deep videos about various subject such as, The Meaning of Life, A Message To My Younger Self, Opinions and about Being Nice to Others on the internet. Here’s the link to his channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/danisnotonfire/videos
On the other hand AmazingPhil (Phil Lester) upload content that is simultaneously funny, quirky and creative, and was one of the reasons Dan started out on YouTube being one of Phil’s fans. Phil on the other hand creates content a bit differently to Dan veering more towards talking about whats happened in his life and different situations he’s being in, from destroying his house, to smashing 3 mirrors and being trapped in a pair of jeans when trying them on. Phil has also been a maker of many tags and challenges people make videos about on Youtube, even other big YouTubers, such as The Tumblr Tag, The Toilet tag, The Not-Milk Challenge, and more famously the “7 Second Challenge”. And a special mention that he has collaborated with our very own Kylie Minogue. Here’s another link but to Phil’s Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/AmazingPhil/featured
One of the more notable videos they both make is a collaboration with each other each year called “amazing phil is not on fire” which is basically a very creative, cool and quirky version of a Q&A. Another thing you have to understand is they’re both video bloggers, not vloggers (they don’t talk about their full life and makes daily vlogs of what they do each day). Sorry I just had to get that straight because most people I talk to don’t get the difference.
I thought that this would be a good idea, because sometimes life’s unfair and some of us may not get that opportunity to see them, whether that’s meeting them in real life, going to the show or in some coincidental chance bumping into them in public. So why not have them on a TV show that will be broadcasted nationally. I’m aware that even if it’s a yes, Dan and Phil would still have to agree to the interview, but hey, whether theres even a 1% chance that this could actually I’m willing to try at least.
I’m writing to ask a big favour, could you maybe consider having them on The Today Show when they come to Sydney? I know what a big deal I’m asking, trust me, but I thought it would be a nice idea, considering how rare this opportunity is.
Thank you for taking your time to read this and please consider having them on your show. Ps. With this email I attached a video about them talking about The Today Show, along with a picture of the tour dates.