I need me some piggybacking Stiles. Either from them hiking for a long-ass time and human legs and feet just don’t have the tireless machine qualities werewolf legs do, or maybe he was injured and he needs a piggyback because he is not a princess nor a sack of potatoes. Or he’s sleepy and wants cuddles but they can’t because they’re in the woods and they need to keep moving.
At any rate, I need Stiles getting a piggyback ride from his werewolf boyfriend, and I need it NOW.
summary : stiles is a bit concerned for the reader’s relationship with derek, driving him to host an impromptu couple’s therapy session with results that leave him only slightly mortified and very uncomfortable.
Derek wasn’t sure when the entirety of the McCall pack coming over once a week for what they called a “a pack meeting” had become a thing, but it certainly was a prominent event that wasn’t going away anytime soon. He had learned to accept it after the first two months, and now it was routine for you and Derek to prepare the loft every Friday afternoon for an evening of loud teenagers barging into your home only semi-uninvited.
This time around, you were both sitting quietly on the couch. Your eyes were drifting shut every once in awhile, but Derek would nudge you awake when you looked as if you were going to pass out. You were curled up on separate ends of the couch when Lydia, Scott, Stiles, Liam, Malia, and Kira burst through the door. You suspected that Stiles had replicated your key. You were greeted with a chorus of hello’s that you and your boyfriend answered in mumbled, sleepy tones. Stiles sauntered into the living room first, taking a seat between you and Derek and ripping open a package of cookies as loudly as he could.
Derek opened one eye, staring sideways at Stiles. “Do you mind?”
“Sharing? No, not at all!” Stiles shoved the cookies at Derek, who gave Stiles a dirty look before glancing away and settling comfortably back into his couch. Confused as to why you weren’t sleeping under Derek’s arm as you usually were, Stiles elbowed you in the ribcage.
“Um, ouch,” you muttered, shoving Stiles away. “Stop harassing older women, that’s not how you get a girl to go out with you. Lydia won’t love you if you act like this toward her.” You pushed Stiles again, sending him into Derek’s side and letting out a laugh when Derek growled, grabbing Stiles by the back of his shirt and sending him flying off the couch.
“Both of you are quite hostile tonight,” Stiles shook his head. “And you seem really distant toward each other. Anything going on?”
“Maybe we’re just tired,” Derek replied, yawning. You nodded with him, rubbing the sleep from your eyes.
Not convinced, Stiles continued, “Yeah, but you two are always so touchy feely with each other that if you were really, genuinely tired and not being distant on purpose than Y/N would be drooling on your shoulder right now and not on your nice pillows. For old people, you’re very affectionate.” The rest of the pack filed in, taking their seats on the floor and the other two chairs.
“I don’t drool,” you protested as Derek said, “We’re not old!”
“See!” Stiles exclaimed. “You’re not even in tune with each other anymore. It’s sad. I’ve see this happen to the best of couples. It happened to Malia and I,” he pointed to his ex girlfriend with a sad look on his face before Malia scowled at him. He returned his only somewhat condescending stare back to you and Derek, looking at them almost pityingly.
“Stiles, what exactly are you implying?” Derek asked, folding his arms over his broad chest in an intimidating manner. Unbothered, Stiles said, “I’m not implying anything, I’m stating that I think you and Y/N are drifting apart from each other and need some couple’s therapy. Luckily, I am proficient in giving advice and supplying people with statistics.”
“Since when does anyone listen to your advice?” Scott said with a laugh. Stiles sent his best friend a glare.
“Anyways,” Stiles said loudly, “Studies show that majority of happy couples are having sex at least twice a week. Now,” he turned to everyone as if he was a teacher, clearly delighted to have the attention on him, “as you should know from health class, sex releases endorphins, which increases the bond between a person and their partner. So, if you guys are being distant, it might be because you’re not going at it enough.
Derek, holding back his laughter, reached over Stiles and squeezed your hand. You were practically about to burst, you were holding in your giggles so tightly. “Um, Stiles, I think it’s safe to say that the sex thing isn’t an issue.”
Adamant that he was correct, Stiles ignored him and continued talking, “I mean, you’re sitting on opposite ends of the couch. Y/N looks exhausted, and you, Derek, look dead, no offense. Clearly, you’ve been arguing. Probably screaming back and forth at each other for hours before we got here.”
You snickered, then said, “Yeah, I’d say there was definitely some screaming.” Lydia’s face went bright red at this comment as she finally realized what you were hinting at. Catching your attention, she made a gagging motion, causing you to laugh harder. Scott was the next to catch on, and he looked absolutely terrified. He poked Kira in the arm, explaining what was going on low enough so that Stiles couldn’t hear. Liam was filling Malia in on what was happening as well, but the poor boy appeared horrified at the doings of two people he considered to be second parents to him.
“Exactly!” Stiles snapped his fingers. “There lies the issue.”
“Stiles, I think the issue here is that you’re an idiot.” Derek smiled at him.
“Look, I’m just trying to help you guys,” he said defensively. “When couples stop being intimate with each other, it leads to eventual break ups, and divorce in the case of being married to the other person. I happen to think you and Y/N make a lovely couple, and it would be a shame to see your relationship end because you couldn’t face the facts.”
“Trust me on this, intimacy is not the reason we’re being so distant right now,” you informed the boy, patting his shoulder gently.
“Then what is?” He questioned impatiently.
“Well, kiddo,” Derek gripped Stiles’ other shoulder, “when I say that intimacy isn’t a problem, I mean that it really, really isn’t a problem. It’s probably the least of mine and Y/N’s worries, to be completely honest.”
Scrunching his nose, Stiles looked around at the flushed faces of his pack mates and the barely stifled smiles everyone had on their faces. “I- I don’t get it?”
Clearing your throat, you said, “Derek and I are already a pretty… intimate couple. So intimate, in fact, that the reason we’re being distant is because we’re actually kind of tired from, um, previous actions… if you catch my drift.”
Stiles at first still appeared confused, but when you and Derek began cracking up again, realization dawned in his eyes. The look of disgust on his face was enough to send you into a fit of laughter, practically falling onto the floor when the teenager jumped up from the couch, gagging and making an array of faces.
“You are disgusting,” he shuddered. “I cannot believe- how could you just… oh my god! You’re two old people having sex, I’m so grossed out right now I might cry, I’m just… Y/N, you’re like my big sister and you’re having sex and you just told me and you just had sex like an hour ago and now you’re tired from it and I’m actually going to puke now and maybe die okay goodnight!” With a last horrified glance at you and Derek, he practically sprinted out of the loft, practically in tears.
The rest of the pack filed out shortly after, tears of laughter in their eyes, and you apologized to Liam since he was the youngest and probably the most petrified- save for Stiles. After they were gone, you snuggled up next to Derek on the couch, resting your head on his shoulder. He kissed your head lightly, arm around your shoulders.
“What an enlightening couple’s therapy session, huh?” You joked, poking Derek’s side. He rolled his eyes again, as he always did when Stiles or anything to do with Stiles was mentioned. “Aw, c’mon, honey, it was pretty hilarious. I think I really learned a lot,” you laughed.
“Yeah, I learned that Stiles is dumber than I originally thought and that you have a really cute laugh,” Derek paused. “Actually, I knew that before, so I only learned one new thing today. I mean, everyone else caught on, even little Liam. And he’s, what, five?”
“Sixteen, Derek,” you patted your boyfriend’s chest.
“Same difference,” he said. “Anyways, maybe we could start being a little more intimate.” He winked at you, placing his hand on your cheek and turning your face toward him.
“Derek, we literally have sex every day, how much more intimate can we get?” You raised your eyebrows, letting out a squeal when Derek suddenly lifted you in the air, lips pressing against every area of your skin that he could reach as he said, “How does twice a day sound?”