administratum

Bestiary - Kinodo

In times long past, eons after the demigods’ demise but eons before the Beast Lords began to reign supreme over Europa, thanks to the diligence and keen supervision of the Administratum and the sublime help of the Warlock-Rovers, there was an Age full of horrors and disasters nowadays known only as the Age of Long Dark. This dark Age was an epoch for the ancient order of things to be completely lost and way-too-soon forgotten. The Age of Long Dark was a time for usurpers, impostors, and deviants. All manner of ill-minded experiments took place in order to seize power by their performers. Some of these experiments awoke creations of malice and horror so singular in their atrociousness that nobody could even presume of what use they might have been for the demigods.

And then there were others who were, by all accounts, far worse than those who awakened such monstrous beings, for they created monsters of their own - abominations so vile so as to be even more improper and misplaced due to their creators’ ignorance.

Some might assume that the gigantic omnivorous snails named Kinodo - after some long-forgotten place far out of Europa, perhaps, on that mysterious home planet of the demigod origins - are not to be of this monstrous variety of creature. However an encounter with one would prove such a person terribly, fatally wrong. These glowing slugs, inhabiting reefs and shallow water shores, hiding in underwater caves during the daytime, repulsive to sunlight, may, in a chance encounter, easily put a careless explorer at risk. Though unaggressive by nature, they are vulnerable to direct lighting, and it can easily drive them mad. To protect themselves they eject a cloud of dark-blue fluid, not only opaque to conceal themselves but also highly toxic to other lifeforms.

Strangely enough, Kinodo produce a light of their own – a dim blue glow that allures some small fish and crustaceans (usually to end up eaten by the Kinodo). Additionally, the brightness and shade of a Kinodo’s light determines its place in the primitive social structure they formed. It is possible that bright light can injure the gentle luminescent organs of these beings that emits this glow, creating their elusion to sunlight.

The toxic weaponry that is the dark-blue fluid they emit makes Kinodo undesirable as prey and hard-to-pass when they are an obstacle in a Keeper’s way. But the word between Keepers is that carefully calibrated light can be used as a means of communication with the Kinodo and perhaps can even be utilized as a tool to control them. A tempting variety of possibilities are hidden in that method, but to what extent they can stretch currently remains undiscovered.

Rocks are not free, citizen.
Firstly, you must manoeuvre the Emperor’s naval vessel within the asteroid belt, almost assuredly sustaining damage to the Emperor’s ship’s paint from micrometeorides, while expending the Emperor’s fuel.
Then the Techpriests must inspect the rock in question to ascertain it’s worthiness to do the Emperor’s bidding. Should it pass muster, the Emperor’s Servitors must use the Emperor’s auto-scrapers and melta-cutters to prepare the potential ordinance for movement. Finally, the Techpriests finished, the Emperor’s officers may begin manoeuvring the Emperor’s Warship to abut the asteroid at the prepared face (expending yet more of the Emperor’s fuel), and then begin boosting the stone towards the offensive planet.
After a few days of expending a prodigious amount of the Emperor’s fuel to accelerate the asteroid into an orbit more fitting to the Emperor’s desires, the Emperor’s ship may then return to the planet via superluminous warp travel and await the arrival of the stone, still many weeks (or months) away.
After twiddling away the Emperor’s time and eating the Emperor’s food in the wasteful pursuit of making sure that the Emperor’s enemies do not launch a deflection mission, they may finally watch as the ordinance impact the planet (assuming that the Emperor’s ship does not need to attempt any last minute course correction upon the rock, using yet more of the Emperor’s fuel).

Given a typical (class Bravo-CVII) system, we have the following:
Two months, O&M, Titan class warship: 4.2 million Thrones
Two months, rations, crew of same: 0.2 mi
Two months, Techpiest pastor: 1.7 mi
Two months Servitor parish: 0.3 mi
Paint, Titan class warship: 2.5 mi
Dihydrogen peroxide fuel: 0.9 mi
Total: 9.8 mi

Contrasted with the following:
5 warheads, magna-melta: 2.5 mi
One day, O&M Titan class warship: 0.3 mi
One day, rations, crew of same: 0.0 mi
Dihydrogen Peroxide Fuel: 0.1 mi
Total: 2.9 mi

Given the same result with under one third of the cost, the Emperor will have saved a massive amount of His most sacred money and almost a full month of time, during which His warship may be bombarding an entirely different planet.
The Emperor, through this - His Office of Imperial Outlays - hereby orders you to attend one (1) week of therapeutic accountancy training/ penance. Please report to Areicon IV, Imperial City, Administratum Building CXXI, Room1456, where you are to sit in the BLUE chair.

For the Emperor,
Bursarius Tenathis, 
Purser Level XI,
Imperial Office of Outlays.