so i’ve become the girl who cries wolf and then finds a home inside of the wolf’s belly / i told everyone i hated you but every time, i was lying / i told everyone to unfriend you on all social media and deemed them bad friends if they didn’t / i told everyone at parties that you are a mean, vindictive person / the thing is, though, i really believed it at the time / i really thought when i punched you in the face and blocked your number, i could walk away from you and be alright / but in the morning, i texted you and apologized because i felt so bad / and in the end, i forgive you for the pain you’ve shed / i hate you / i love you / get away from me / come closer / i can’t stand the way you make me feel / i’ve never felt anything better / i told everyone i’d never go back to you but here i am again / it’s like every day is a screaming match with myself and i’m a sucker for dramatics / i can’t help it when you’re the only person who has ever made me feel wanted / i mean, sure, you’re doing it with three other girls but when you say you miss me, i still believe it / so yeah, people are so sick of hearing me cry about you and then hearing about me waking up in your bed / if i don’t even want the best for myself why should they want it for me instead / i don’t know, i just want to see the day where i stop screaming / i don’t know, i just want to see the day where i stop feeling
The worst part about anything that’s self destructive is that it’s so intimate. You become so close with your addictions and illnesses that leaving them behind is like killing the part of yourself that taught you how to survive.
Here are a few things I have learned to keep my partner safe while using. This may be controversial to some people or described as ‘enabling’ but I think knowing what to do and what not to do will save lives for sure.
Drug addiction is a crippling, awful thing and I do not advise anyone to take any drug without extensive knowledge and precaution.
However if you want to keep the people you love safe then these things may really help, especially in life saving situations.
1. NEVER LET THEM SLEEP ON THEIR BACK.
This has caused deaths in many cases because when using opiates the body goes into respiratory depression (slowed breathing) and it makes it much harder for them to breathe and much easier for them to choke if they sleep on their backs.
Wake them up if you have to. Turn them into the recovery position (on their left or right side, hands away from the face, legs crossed) and make sure there is no obstructions in their mouth. Keep checking up on them throughout the night, if you can, invest in a blood pressure monitor just for peace of mind to check their pulse isn’t too low. I know the normal range for my boyfriend, and can see on there if it’s anything abnormal.
2.MAKE SURE THEY GET PLENTY OF WATER.
Whilst using, they are not in a normal frame of mind, ie: breakfast lunch or dinner aren’t going to be a priority when they are withdrawing or high / fully sedated. The ideal amount of water to consume in a day is 2.2 litres so try and get them to have a few glasses of water every now and then. Check their temperature and if needed get a cold flannel to cool them down, this can help with withdrawal.
3. BE AS SUPPORTIVE AS YOU CAN.
This may seem obvious, but those trips to the clinic or the hours trying to score can be really draining mentally as well as physically for someone, especially when they are withdrawing. Knowing you are there for them, holding their hand and being there will make a world of difference. Your love and support will encourage the person in recovery because it will give them something to fight for if they know you are there helping them and shining a small light on a really dark situation.
4. KNOW THE WITHDRAWAL SIGNS FOR YOUR LOVED ONE.
These are a list of basic symptoms my partner experiences and are common as well.
- irritation/irrational anger
- nausea and diarrhoea
-high blood pressure
5. HELP THEM WITH BASIC NEEDS.
What I mean by this is, most people using drugs have pretty bad mental health and are struggling mentally foremost, but this is a catalyst for poor hygiene, bad physical health and emotional withdrawal.
Try and get them to go for a walk every day, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Fresh air and exercise is the best medicine next to good nutrition.
Help them tidy up, wash and clean themselves. It’s likely their living space is going to be dirty so where you can, put things in the bin, get rid of any used needles or bloody tissues and make sure they are tied up in a big rubbish bag and disposed of. Get them any deodorant or nice products to help them with good self care as this can be a real help in recovery as well. When I’m not feeling good a shower and a shave always makes me feel better.
Try and get them to talk about how their feeling, if it’s good or if it’s bad, and just listen. I’m not asking you to be a therapist, just be there when they need someone to share their pain and to emotionally support them. It will do wonders for their self esteem and also recovery.
6. UNDERSTAND YOU MAY HAVE TO PUT THINGS ON HOLD.
Drug addiction is a life long battle this person is going to have to deal with. Just like any disorder or addiction it is going to take a lot of work and a lot of time and effort and a want to get better. This means their needs will have to come first when they are seeking help, especially in the beginning. If you want your loved one to get better you are going to have to accept your me time will be put on hold for a little while and things you have to do will have to be moved around in order to help the person suffering. Remember it is them going through this, but also you, so when you get a chance do take some time for yourself and remind yourself what a great job you are doing by taking care of them in this time if need. You are literally saving a human beings’ life, I don’t know anything more rewarding than that.
7. RESPECT YOUR LOVED ONE.
What I mean by this is, don’t shout about it to everyone you know that this person is going through drug addiction. It’s terrible enough as it is, without people talking about it and making them feel even worse about themselves. They will be much more likely to use / hurt themselves if they are made to feel ashamed or guilty about their problems. That’s not a place I would wish anyone to be. The people they care most about will be informed, and if that’s you then consider it a privilege that they have chosen you to be someone they can confide in.
8. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If you see any signs in your loved one which worry you or make you feel concerned, do not hesitate to call the emergency services. That is what they are there for.
If someone is nodding out on opiates (heroin, morphine, codeine,
oxies etc) check their breathing and shake them a little just to make sure they are okay. If they go anywhere by themselves whilst high be sure to check on them for example in the bath they could nod out and drown if left alone for too long.
If you know they are on drugs and have passed out on the floor and aren’t responding, check their pulse and immediately call an ambulance. This is when it is essential to get help. Do not hit or try and shake them vigorously as this can cause brain damage. Wait for the emergency services to arrive.
If your loved one is an opiate user, CARRY NALOXONE! And learn how to administer it. Naloxone will completely reverse all side effects so if they are not responding this will bring them back to a sober state but they will be fully withdrawing. Call emergency services straight after administering the naloxone.
I can’t think of anything much more to add other than just to love these people and to treat them as you would anybody else who is suffering and in pain. Your love will help them, no matter how tough it seems, no matter how many sleepless nights and no matter how drained you may feel, I promise you it is worth it when you keep these people safe and alive.
From A, with love x
P.s my ask box is open for any questions or help with keeping your loved one safe through drug addiction.
I look over at her, quizzical.
She points to the cigarette dangling from my mouth and gives me the basic line that everyone says to a smoker.
“It’s not healthy.”
“I could stop smoking at any given moment, yknow.” As I crush the supposed “cancer stick” to the dirt, resisting the urge of an eye-roll.
She’s watching me, obviously waiting for an explanation. God, why does she care? No one ever has before.
“It wouldn’t be hard, I mean, I’m not addicted or anything. ”
She laughs and suddenly I’m trying to ignore how good it sounds.
“Isn’t that what all addicts say?”
Judging by the look on her face, I know that wasn’t the answer she wanted.. so I stopped sugar coating it.
“I just don’t stop because I’d rather kill myself in a way that’s more..socially accepted. People don’t notice as much- they call me a smoker, not suicidal. I like it that way.
None of these terms, other than Maladaptive Daydreaming (Disorder) and Fantasy Prone Personality are official. Some of them, such as para and character, are synonymous and just a matter of preference. Therefore don’t feel as though you have to use any of these, this is just a reference for people who want to understand more about their condition and the terms used by the community.
actuallyMaDD: A tag used by maladaptive daydreamers to share their experiences. Coined by @bpdrotten . see also: MaDD
character: A person who appears often in your daydreams. Can be fictional, original or real (such as a celebrity). Maladaptive daydreamers usually develop strong emotional attachments to their characters and characters can be very well developed with detailed personalities, relationships and backstories. see also: para, para-
Compulsive Fantasy: a lesser used term for Maladaptive Daydreaming. see also: Maladaptive Daydreaming
daydreamingart: a tag used by maladaptive daydreamers to share art or writing about the content of their daydreams. Coined by @queenofdissocation . see also: maddart
daydreaming: Just as in regular English, daydreaming refers to imagining scenarios while losing track of the real world. It is important to note that when maladaptive daydreamers refer to daydreaming they are usually referring to doing it for hours at a time if uninterrupted, whereas other people might think of daydreaming as zoning out for five minutes when bored.
daydream crash: A) when a maladaptive daydreamer is forced to come to terms with the fact their daydreams are not real, leading to discomfort and sadness or B) when these daydreams no longer have the same effect that they used to and no longer feel as good. Coined by @maladaptive-daydreams .
daydream self/dream self (or any variation): many though not all maladaptive daydreamers have daydreams that involve themselves. They may imagine a version of themselves that is realistic or idealised or anywhere in between. This character is your dream self. see also: parame
(daydream) trigger: something that leads to a craving or compulsion to daydream. The most common trigger is music, followed by other forms of media such as TV, video games and books.
daydream universe/daydreamverse/dreamverse: the imaginary world or worlds where daydreams are set. see also: paracosm
fantasy/fantasising: see daydreaming.
Fantasy Prone Personality (FPP): a personality trait that means someone has a strong, lifelong involvement in fantasy and imagination. Signs of FPP include delusions and hallucinations (such as having intense spiritual/paranormal experiences, experiencing imagined sensations as real and confusing daydreams with real memories) as well as spending over half your waking time daydreaming. Maladaptive Daydreaming is more likely to affect those with Fantasy Prone Personality, however being a maladaptive daydreamer doesn’t necessarily mean you have FPP. Check the Wikipedia article for more information.
imaginary friend: an imaginary person that someone pretends to interact with in the real world, for the sake of companionship, entertainment or (for children) play. Not the same thing as a character or para. Maladaptive daydreamers interact with their characters/paras in their daydreams, whereas imaginary friends are imagined as existing in the real world. Maladaptive daydreamers can also have their characters as imaginary friends, however. compare: character, para
inhabitant: a less common word for para. Short for daydream inhabitant. Coined by @avpdkaneki .
see also: character
linear universe: a daydream universe with only one world, which usually has one main storyline (i.e. one series of events which the maladaptive daydreamer daydreams about). Coined by @ni-ghtdreams . compare: multiple universes, non-linear daydreams
MaDD/MADD/madd - acronym, short for Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder.
Maladaptive Daydreaming (Disorder): a mental illness characterised by compulsive daydreaming that takes over a large part of someone’s life, to the extent that it interferes with or replaces things like work, school, real-life relationships, hobbies, getting up and going to sleep. When daydreaming, maladaptive daydreamers are content and also feel the emotions that their characters/paras are feeling. At the same time, daydreamers often engage in a repetitive activity (e.g. pacing or rocking back and forth). When not daydreaming, they experience regular cravings to resume their daydreams and often have trouble concentrating the world around them. It is debatable whether Maladaptive Daydreaming is a disorder, addiction or other type of mental illness. Currently, it is not officially psychologically recognised as a mental illness, therefore it is impossible to have it diagnosed by a therapist. The term was first coined by Eli Somer in 2002. see also: MaDD, MDD, MD, maladaptive daydreamer, Fantasy Prone Personality
(maladaptive) daydreamer: a person with Maladaptive Daydreaming.
MDD: mistakenly used as an acronym for Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder. In fact, MDD stands for Major Depressive Disorder and the community has asked that we stop using the tag. To avoid confusion, use the acronym MaDD. see also: MD, MaDD
MD: an acronym short for Maladaptive Daydreaming, proposed as an alternative to MDD. However there is still some confusion in that it could stand for Major Depression. It’s best to use the acronym MaDD. see also, MDD, MaDD
multiple universes: a daydream universe with more than one world or timeline which the maladaptive daydreamer fantasises about. Coined by @ni-ghtdreams . compare: linear universe, non-linear daydreams
neuronarrative: the intense, divergent imaginings of fantasy prone people. Neuronarrative refers to extensive daydreams that are often accompanied by a repetitive activity, although these daydreams/narratives are not necessarily maladaptive and do not necessarily make it difficult for someone to live their life. In other words, the term has no negative connotations. All maladaptive daydreamers are neuronarrators, but not all neuronarrators are maladaptive daydreamers. Coined by @autisticworlds . see also: neuronarrator, Fantasy Prone Personality, traveling
compare: Maladaptive Daydreaming
neuronarrator: a person who experiences neuronarrative. compare: maladaptive daydreamer
non-linear daydreams: daydreams that are not all based in one world or a series of worlds - daydreams that are more random in nature and don’t have much in common in terms of timeline and setting. Coined by @ni-ghtdreams . compare: linear universe, multiple universes
para: see character. Due to the level of emotional attachment and the amount of time spent interacting with them, some daydreamers feel that ‘characters’ isn’t a strong enough word to describe the people in their daydreams. Para is used as an alternative. It comes from the word paracosm and was coined by @schizotypaldaydreamer .
para-: a prefix that can presumably be used in front of anything to show that it is from your daydream universe, though it is almost always used for people. For example, a para/character who is your friend in your daydreams would be referred to as a ‘parafriend’. see also: para, character, daydream universe, paracosm
paracosm: an imaginary world. Typically a paracosm is quite developed and may have its own imagined geography, laws, people, places, customs, history, language, etc. A famous example of a paracosm is Middle Earth. You do not have to be a maladaptive daydreamer to have a paracosm. Check the Wikipedia article for more information.
parame: see daydream self. Short for ‘parallel me’ and also coined by @schizotypaldaydreamer . see also: para-
thisverse: a word for reality/the real world, in comparison to a daydream universe or paracosm. Coined by @schizotypaldaydreamer .
traveling: a term created to be synonymous with Maladaptive Daydreaming but without the negative connotations, for those who don’t find their extensive imagining to be a problem. It has since been replaced by neuronarrative, which is not synonymous with Maladaptive Daydreaming. Coined by @autisticworlds .
Feel free to add any other terms that you think are relevant, as long as they’re being used by more than one person (otherwise it’s just individual preference).