addicted to her love

You’ve gone mad, haven’t you?

Thinking that you could ever save someone like me.

—  Nicole Torres // a piece of an excerpt; EM.

addict with a pen

Carrie Fisher’s talent as an actress & writer was incredible and undeniable. She was a champion for women and spoke out against their treatment in Hollywood. She loved and supported the LGBTQ+ community, she helped fight the stigma surrounding mental health & drug addiction, and treated her fans with love and respect.

She spoke openly about her struggles with drug addiction and her mental health; in doing so, she encouraged others to get the help that they desperately needed.

Carrie Fisher is deserving of your respect and admiration. The way in which she died does not change that.

Losing you was never easy.

Come to think of it, neither was loving you but we made it work for awhile, didn’t we?

We existed, didn’t we?

Or is my mind so lost without you that it’s playing tricks on me.

—  Nicole Torres //excerptExisting Magic ;

It’s the reason she hasn’t tasted a drop of alcohol in her entire life.

It’s the reason she has always held her breath around cigarette smoke.

It’s the reason she has to repeat the same morning routine every day.

It’s the reason she cannot bring herself to fall out of love with you.

It’s her addictive personality. And even though she tried so hard to stay away from drugs because she knew how easily she’d be attached, she didn’t realize that you were the most intoxicating drug of all.

—  excerpt from an unfinished book #146
You should really stop that.

I look over at her, quizzical.
She points to the cigarette dangling from my mouth and gives me the basic line that everyone says to a smoker.
It’s not healthy.

I could stop smoking at any given moment, yknow.” As I crush the supposed “cancer stick” to the dirt, resisting the urge of an eye-roll.
She’s watching me, obviously waiting for an explanation.
God, why does she care? No one ever has before.

It wouldn’t be hard, I mean, I’m not addicted or anything.

She laughs and suddenly I’m trying to ignore how good it sounds. “Isn’t that what all addicts say?

I’m serious.” Judging by the look on her face, I know that wasn’t the answer she wanted.. so I stopped sugar coating it.

I just don’t stop because I’d rather kill myself in a way that’s more..socially accepted. People don’t notice as much- they call me a smoker, not suicidal. I like it that way.
—  Nicole Torres // Cigarette Daydreams Excerpt
My thoughts of you are stupidly persistent.
—  Nicole Torres :