Life As We Know It - Part 1
Rating: M (Smut, Language, Violence, Adult Themes)
Their lives seemed to be steeped in tragedy. Through it all they had each other until wrong choice brought it all crashing down. Eric had never been able to make up for the mistake he made, but he never stopped trying. Once again tragedy strikes turning everything upside down. Now, for little Ava they will have to come together once more. AU Eric/OC M No War No Divergent Hunts
A/N: This is a completed story that I have posted on another site as well. But thought I would add it here since I just started this account. I hope you enjoy.
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I hope I got everyone that wanted to be tagged!
The party was in full swing and Eric was already feeling no pain. He wouldn’t say he was drunk but he wasn’t far off. That was fine with him because it’s what he needed. To get drunk and get all the shit in his life off his mind. At least for the night anyways.
Her ass filled his hands as he pulled her to him on the dance floor. Eric feels her moan and trails her hand down his chest to his pants to cup him through his jeans. Finding him already hard she starts to massage and stroke him.
He doesn’t need another invitation and before they know it he has her on her hands and knees on his living room floor. He is close, so close to releasing. He closes his eyes as he grips her hips and pulls her back onto him again and again forcefully. Her cries and moans only spur him on until finally he lets go.
“Kira” He moans her name on release, panting with exertion. His mind is fuzzy from the two glasses of whiskey that he added to what he had already drunk after they had gotten back to his apartment.
She pulls away and he groans his way over to plop onto his couch. He vaguely hears her huffing angrily. “What the fuck did you just call me?”
Swallowing and squinting his eyes travel up to the woman in front of him and he tries to focus on her face. It’s not her. They never are. He can fucking imagine it’s her for a moment but then that moment passes quickly. Usually that is right about now when he has shouted her name and not theirs. As if he even knows their name.
His face darkens and goes into the hard glare and demeanor that he is a legend for. “Apparently not your name.” He shrugs casually as if it isn’t a big deal to him. Which it really isn’t. “My bad. Not like I really cared to pay attention to when you told me it. Was I close?” He says in the most asshole way he can. Between a sneer and not really being concerned with the answer.
“You’re an asshole Eric.” She snarls and starts to get dressed.
He reaches forward and grabs the whiskey bottle from the ground and takes a swig before he answers. She isn’t wrong but he doesn’t really care at this point. “Yeah and you just willingly went to all fours and let me fuck you on my living room floor an hour after meeting me. So what does that make you?” He sneers coldly at her, having already dismissed her with a cold look from his eyes.
She snarls out something out before she flips him off and slams out of his door. Once she is gone his head drops to the back of the couch and he lets out a tired sigh.
Asshole, fuck up, cruel, ruthless bastard, and tired. So very fucking tired of the same shit he does to himself every damn time he thinks about her and how he fucked up so badly with her. So very tired of being hung up on someone that he hadn’t spent any real time alone with or even real time with at all in over three years. Angry with himself for being twenty two years old and having only ever been in love with one fucking girl his entire life.
So very full of self loathing for how he completely broke the heart of that same girl by professing his love for her, losing both of their virginities together then freaking out a few months later about being serious with someone at age 18 and cheating on her. And not just cheating on her but doing it in a way he had to have known she was going to catch them in the middle of it. He did it right in the same place that was their special spot. Where he took her virginity.
He can still see her her fucking eyes from that day at night when he closes his eyes. Those blue eyes that were so beautiful. Cobalt when happy and indigo when she was hurt or angry. They had been indigo when she had found the two of them together right in the middle of it. At first they were angry indigo. But when he pulled himself together and ran after her she had spun around to face him with the worst combination of all. Indigo streaked with cobalt but filled with tears of betrayal and heartbreak.
There had been no words he could say to make what he had done right and he didn’t try. He watched her walk away not knowing that he was also watching her walk out of his life, effectively for good. Two days later his mother had told his sister and him that she decided to take the housing offered to dependents that had been orphaned or emancipated.
His Sister, Mother and even he, were all heartbroken and stunned. His sister more so than anyone. Since the death of her parents and brother along with their own father, she had lived with his family. His mother was her godmother and his sister saw her as a sister and best friend.
They had all grown up together. Their fathers had grown up together, transferred from Dauntless together, married within weeks of each other and even their children were all born around the same times. Eric and Chase, her brother, were born within days of each other. Kira and Shayla were born within a month of each other. They had all been so very close.
The attack by the factionless to try and overthrow the government and faction system had changed their world forever. The boys were thirteen and the girls were twelve when her parents, brother and his father died. They had been close before that but after they became even closer.
Then Kira was gone from their day to day lives. She was and is still the very best of friends with Shayla. They didn’t suffer from the loss of her living in the same house, but he did. That saying you don’t know what you have ‘till it’s gone could not have been any fucking truer for him.
If there was even a hint Eric would be anywhere in an area, she avoided it like the plague. He had been months away from his choosing. He could either choose to stay in Erudite or leave for Dauntless Academy. Honestly there had never really been a choice. All four kids had always known they would be going to Dauntless. Their father’s had been before they transferred to Erudite together and they had alway accepted and encouraged their children’s choices.
He has never been able to make up for what he did. They have never been able to recover what was once a very close friendship. Even now when she once again lives in basically the same place, they barely acknowledge each other outside of work. When they do they barely talk.
His sister tries to bring them together by inviting them both when her husband and her are hosting a dinner or party. His baby niece brings them together more often now that she was born. It isn’t the same though and when he does try to talk to her outside of work he ends up being a complete dick to her. One of them ends up leaving in a huff to stop themselves from launching into a physical fight.
It’s like a big fucking black hole in his heart and soul and it kills him.
He takes another swig of whiskey and realizes he is sitting naked on his couch with a condom still on and the smell of sex he didn’t really want with someone he sure as fuck didn’t want all over him. He grunts in disgust and goes to clean up. He carefully makes his way to his bathroom and walk in shower to do that. All he can do is stand there and let the water pulse onto his shoulders, back and face to try and wash all of the guilt and anger he feels away.
Tomorrow he will have to face her. She made leadership and has already been shadowing the other leaders. Tris told him last week that Kira would be ready to start shadowing Eric as of tomorrow. Max has signed off on all her progress so far and after Eric’s training with her she would be a full leader.
Eric has been proud to support her. Proud to watch her grow and become the strong, beautiful and fierce dauntless woman he always knew she would be. They work well together and he always stood by her side, though not literally, to get her two major proposals put into place. Outside of work though he has started to try and avoid her like the plague like she once did him. Most of that is because she is taken and he knows there really never will be a chance for them now. Seeing her with him is like a knife in his heart so he tries not to put himself through that.
Gods he hates that fucker she calls a boyfriend. They have been together since after Academy, for over a year now, and he still doesn’t see why. She deserves someone strong like her instead of that whiny weak punk.
She has always been loyal as fuck though and he just knows that one day soon it is going to be announced that they will be getting married. He dreads that day but he dreads the next few months more.
It is going to be torture for him to be so fucking close to her all the time. The desire for her hadn’t lessened over time, it just got worse. She got more beautiful and amazing and it got worse. He knows that working in the physical training is going to be hell. That means he will once again have to restrain himself from touching her in ways he longs to.
Her time in academy when he had to watch over combat classes and other martial classes had been hell for him. He couldn’t stop touching her but he was such a damn dick about it. Sometimes he saw her eyes flash with desire for him but then that was quickly replaced with mistrust and anger.
So that was what found him at that party tonight, getting drunk and looking for release. Because he could tell himself that he won’t go there again during those training times but it’s a lie. He will do all of those things and more. Because he is sadistic enough, selfish and a bastard. He knows he will do those things and anything else he can get away with over the next few months.
Finally tired of standing drunk and under the water, he finishes cleaning himself and gets ready for bed. He doesn’t even bother to put on anything other than boxers before he throws himself into his bed and passes out. His last thought before he goes under is that he both dreads and looks forward to the next day.
A few floors down and several hours earlier. The same girl that Eric was musing over was musing over a few things herself. She sat wrapped in a blanket, drink in hand on the couch of her friend Tris’ apartment. Her other best friend and sister, Shayla, sat beside her with an arm around her and scowling.
“Are you sure you are going to be ok?” Shayla asks with worry in her eyes.
Tris sighs a little with her own frown and Kira knows that her two friends are most likely more upset about this than she is.
Kira shakes her head and gives a small mirthless laugh. “I guess that is the problem guys. I will be fine. I should have ended it a long time ago but I just kept letting him rope me back in with his sob stories and bullshit.”
Tris’ lips thinned while Shayla was growling. Her grey eyes were cold and deadly, reminding Kira of Shay’s older brother so much it hurt right now. “I can’t believe you never told us what he was doing Kira. I mean, I knew shit wasn’t right with you when you opted to stay in the dorms and barracks at first and only reluctantly moved into his apartment. Don’t get me wrong I am fucking glad you never turned down the leader apartment so we know you can get that set up. But I should have known when you said you preferred to be with the patrols in the barracks and kept coming up with excuses to not move in with him.”
Tris scoffed shaking her head with a scowl. “I told you something wasn’t right Shay. Who do you know that wants to be in those uncomfortable as shit beds?”
Kira smirks a little at her two friends and shakes her head. “It was for research too guys. That was a part of the experience I needed and wanted to know. I needed it to look at improving living conditions here in the compound and around our sector in general. And before you two keep giving me your death glares. Yes it was to avoid being alone and intimate with him. It was also because I was truly invested in my projects and it was just easier that way.”
The two women share a look but seem to accept what their friend is saying. Both are glad she is done with the ass but are still worried about her in general. They also know what starts tomorrow though they aren’t going to say that out loud. He isn’t a topic they bring up if they can help it.
Shay tries not to be offended that there was only ever one person that Kira was fully open and honest with, her brother. She understands it to a point because they did go through so much together so young. It still hurts that there are parts that Kira will never share with her. It hurts her that the person she could go to hurt her so deeply that it left Kira bleeding and wounded. Literally. But Kira doesn’t know Shay figured that shit out.
Tris takes a sip of her rum and coke then sighs and shakes her head. “Are you sure you don’t want to go to the party with us tonight?”
Kira laughs and nods. “I am positive. Besides it will be a girls night in for Ava and I. Shay needs to have a night off and I get to spend quality time with my niece. Also I am sure Ben will show up at some point at the party and I just don’t want to deal with that. Besides Will doesn’t need a fight starting in the middle of his birthday.”
It took some convincing but Tris and Shayla finally agreed to let the subject go. Shayla was also relieved to be honest because that meant a badly needed date night for her and Emmett. After they had finished their drinks they met with their friends in the dining hall and Kira was passed her ten month old niece who was cooing at her from her arms.
Emmett put his arm around his friend and who he saw as a sister in law. “You stay with us as long as you need to Kira. Four and I went and got all of your shit from the fuckers apartment while you were with Tris. I don’t want to hear any fucking arguments either. We have three bedrooms so you aren’t putting us out or anything like that. If anything we will just be happy to have you there. Ava will too.” He smiles at his baby girl who is reaching out to put her hand in Kira’s mouth.
Kira looks to Shay and Emmett with a smile of gratitude. “Thanks guys. I appreciate it and I will love being there with you and Puddin.”
Little Ava gave a giggle at the name ‘puddin’. No one knew why the little girl loved that name but only Shayla knew that she only responded to that name from two people. Kira and Eric. Anyone else that tries to say it barely gets a smile.
As if conjured up, said leader strolls into the dining hall letting his eyes rake over the tables and finds the people he is looking for. Kira tries not to let herself react or look up as he moves like a predator over towards their table.
Eric himself tries not to let his pleasure at seeing his niece or that she is in Kira’s arms show for damn sure. His face is an emotionless mask as he makes his way over and sits next to his sister after room is made for him.
He grunts in way of greeting. His lips twitch when Ava catches sight of him and squeals then waves her hands. He gives a brief look around and reaches across the table to catch one tiny hand in his massive one and refrains from laughing when Ava giggles even more.
Sighing after he locked eyes with Kira, they both look away and he pulls back to make a plate up. “Thrace, you need to be in my office tomorrow at 0700. We will get started on some faction paperwork and then move onto advanced combat and weapons training after lunch.” He curses how cold his voice is but it isn’t anything new when he talks to her.
She just nods without looking at him and laughs as Ava makes a gurgle noise after she eats a little mashed banana. Shayla is looking at her baby and biting her lip. This will be the first night she has gone out since she was born. Kira smirks over at her friend.
“Shayla. Don’t worry I got this. You and Emmett go out and enjoy yourselves. Ava and I will be just fine” Then she smirks over at Emmett and winks at him. “And I moved the crib from your room to the guest room I am staying in, so…..all I ask is remember to close doors this time.”
Shayla’s ears turn red and the others guffaw. Emmett gets a shit eating grin on his face and shrugs. “No promises Akira. My wife is dead sexy and you are offering a baby free night.”
Kira plays at being mortified and rubs noses with the little girl. “That’s ok Puddin. You and I will just cuddle up in Aunt Kira’s bed and she will read Harry Potter to you again. You liked that didn’t you?”
Eric’s eyebrow quirks at the choice of book, nickname and fact she isn’t going out but before he can say anything Will and Chris come up. Chris is scowling at Kira until Kira sighs and turns to her. “Yes Christina?”
Chris huffs at her “You said I get to dress you up for the next party. My husbands party is tonight and I find out you aren’t even fucking going Kira. What the fuck!”
Whatever Kira was going to say is stopped because both Shayla and Tris pop up, eyes hard and grab Chris by her arms then drag her away from the table.
Will looks around confused before he shrugs and goes to take a seat. “Do I even want to know what that was about?”
Emmett glares at Will and shakes his head. “Nope and we ain’t talking about it. Kira just had a really bad and long fucking day.”
Kira smiles sadly at Will. “Look Will, I am sorry I am going to miss your birthday and all. But I also am really the only option to babysit for Shayla and Emmett to be there. They need a night out and I need a night with my niece. It works for both of us. I promise to cook for you guys one night. Chris can get over the dressing me up shit. We would have just gotten into a fight when I wouldn’t wear whatever dishcloth she was calling a dress anyways.”
This causes laughter all over the table except for with Eric who is trying to analyze what the fuck is going on with Kira. Not that she went to many parties anyways. But the looks of everyone is making him nervous something is wrong.
When the three girls make it back, Chris reaches down and hugs Kira as she is standing. “I forgive you and we can do a girls night out soon. I will accept that in lieu of the party.”
Kira groans and rolls her eyes. “As long as girls night out is actually a fucking girls night out Chris. None of that sitting around watching chick flicks, eating ice cream and trying to get me to talk about my feelings shit. Because that will just get you throat chopped again.”
Eric chokes on his food at this and scowls at his plate when he recovers, trying to hold back the laugh that everyone else is already engaged in.
“I promise we will go to a bar or something. I know better than to invite you or Tris to any ‘girls night in’ sessions anymore. You two together and united against those is a scary fucking thing Kira.” Chris says with a white face and shudders.
Kira smirks and sighs. “Ok guys. Puddin and I are going to head on up to the apartment. Enjoy your nights.
Emmett, Four and Zeke all share looks before Four gets up. “Hey Kira, I think I am going to walk you up there. I forgot something at our apartment anyways.”
Kira rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Yeah right. Not going to argue though, for once. I don’t want shit starting while I have my baby girl with me.”
Four smirked at her and helped her gather Ava’s things after he kissed Tris’ head. The two walked off leaving a few very worried looking people behind.
Eric speaks before he thinks better of it. “Ok what the fuck was that about? Why does Four need to escort Kira all of the sudden?” He growls out angry and worried.
Shay quirks an eyebrow at him to let him know it isn’t his fucking business. He lost the right to know shit like that. “She had a bad day. Just like Emmett said. Let it go Eric, it isn’t your business.”
Eric growls and pushes from the table. “What the fuck ever Shay.” Not even bothering to finish his food he stomps off to the bar. Let it go, like that was going to happen. Not unless he got drunk off his ass again. Which is what he was headed to do.
Later that night while Kira was reading to Ava, Eric was still drowning his sorrows in his cups while eyeing the girl he would end up with for the night.
After Kira got Ava to sleep, she went to the attached bathroom and ran a bath in the deep soaking tub they thankfully had in this room.
She did feel a little bad about missing Will’s party but she really wasn’t in the mood. Also Ava was almost the best possible medicine right now. She wasn’t heartbroken but she was pissed about the reasons for the breakup. Not to mention she had to mentally prepare herself for having to once again be in such close contact with Eric.
She couldn’t even hate the asshole anymore. In fact, her feelings were far from hate and it made her feel just like that little girl that mooned over her best friend’s older brother again. It had taken her a year before she let go of her anger at him for how he chose to handle things with the two of them. Over time though she realized that they were just so fucking young. They were each other’s first everything. Of course he would be panicked that things were getting so serious between them. The hadn’t even officially become adults yet.
The part she missed the most was just their friendship. She had been able to talk to him about anything and he never judged her. She could talk to him about all the messed up thoughts she had that she wouldn’t tell Shay or anyone else. Kira had a self destructive side then and a little now even if it was less as she was older. Not many knew about it but Eric did. He knew because he had always had that side too. When she was in her dark place he could always help bring her back out.
They had shared that because it was caused by the same thing. Kira and Eric had been right there when Chase, her brother, was gunned down. They had watched as the bullets tore through his body, as he fell next to Eric’s dad. They watched the blood pooling from her parents until it seemed like the white washed wood flooring had been painted in blood instead.
She hated herself for letting Eric drag her away. Eric hated himself for not staying to fight. They had hated each other and believed it was the other’s fault until they realized it wasn’t. Only the two of them could truly heal each other to live with what they had seen and the pain they felt.
Tris and Shayla didn’t know about that so of course they couldn’t understand that was what she had allowed to hold her to Ben for so long. She had seen in Ben that same dark both she and Eric carried. That dark that threatened to pull her under from time to time. So she started to become his caretaker, his companion and barely lover. Someone that could pull him from the brink, literally. He had threatened to toss himself into the Chasm many times. Usually when he thought or sensed she was done with him and them.
Kira let out a sigh and made sure the baby vid feed and audio was on before she sank into the deep tub, letting her whole body submerse into the water. She doesn’t know how long she holds herself under the water before her lungs cry out for air. She finally allows herself to emerge and pull in air. Gasping and fighting with a burn that she loves and pushes back the tears that threaten her.
Over a year of bullshit, crying, and feeling like she was chained to that mess of a man for life. Afraid to leave because it would mean blood on her hands. All to find out it was fucking lies. It was just a way for him to control her. The fucker had been cheating on her the entire time.
‘Well at least I am consistent in type of men as far as the cheating aspect goes.’ She thinks and snorts at the dig at herself. With a sigh she gets out of the tub then gets ready for bed.
With a last look at the beautiful little girl sleeping in the crib next to her bed she gets ready to pass out herself.
She knew the next few months were going to be hard. Because as much as she wanted to not feel shit for Eric, she did and always would. She loved him and that had never gone away, it got worse. Every time he touched her, she fought a battle against herself. It always ended up that she felt anger in herself for her weakness.
Eric had moved on and from the girls talking, moved on often. So why was she still so hung up on him that even in a committed relationship that had been heading to marriage she had barely wanted or managed to allow herself to be intimate with him? Why was it that she could still feel her body respond whenever he was in a room and it made her bolt from it? Why was she still so in love with a man that was clearly incapable of loving anyone enough to stay with them?
A little sigh scapes Ava beside her and Kira lets herself relax to the sound of her nieces breathing and drift to sleep.