adab to parents

Abû Hurayrah – Allâh be pleased with him – once saw two men. He asked one of them, “How is this man related to you?” He replied, “He is my father.” Abû Hurayrah said,

“Do not call him by his name, do not walk in front of him and do not sit before he does.”

Al-Bukhârî, Al-Adab Al-Mufrad. Shaykh Al-Albânî graded its chain of transmission sahîh in Sahîh Al-Adab Al-Mufrad Vol. 1 p19.

50 Methods of Adab (Islamic Decorum) with Parents:

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1) Prefer them over everyone and everything.

2) Anticipate how you can make their life more comfortable, especially in old age.

3) Offer them opportunities to come closer to Allah e.g. inform them of lectures & take them if they agree.

4) Remember them often in your supplications.

5) Praise their efforts & achievements. After all, you are one of them!

6) Always start with them, when serving food, giving gifts etc.

6) Visit them regularly & enquire about their health.

7) Dress well, smell good and stand up for them when they enter your presence.

8) Call them with the most respectable titles, never by their first name.

9) When you greet them, kiss their hand, head etc.

10) Never sit while they are standing.

11) Never sit on a higher level than them.

12) Listen respectfully & show interest in what they say.

13)Never stare them in the eyes, remain humble.

14) Choose your words well when speaking to them.

15) Never frown in front of them.

16) Never raise your voice over theirs, speak quietly & softly.

17) Never disagree with them, unless they state something contrary to the deen. If so, do it respectfully.

18) Smile/ laugh at their jokes even if you don’t get it due to generation gap etc.

19) Always give an ear to their advice (its coming from the heart)

20) Never outright reject their opinions.

21) Always show interest in their discussions.

22) In conversations, never cut them off or leave them while they are talking.

23) Never say “Ah”, “Uf” or other expressions that show your discomfort with them.

24) When in a gathering with them, give them the prime position.

25) Never fidget with phone/gadget when they address you.

26)Never extend your feet towards them.

27)Never hang up the phone, before they do. They may remember something while you are putting it down.

28) Never give them your back or shut a door on them

29) Never eat before them when sat together.

30) Never walk in front of them, except to clear the way or protect them.

31) Be quick off the foot, when they ask you to do something for them.

32) Never keep them waiting, especially in the sun or cold.

33) Never laugh at a mishap or accident they have in front of you.

34) Never spread what they share with you about a sibling or other parent etc.

35) Never let them carry or lift bags while you are empty-handed.

36) Share with them good news about your life.

37) Keep from them any bad news, that may hurt their feelings.

38) Respect their friends, both in their life and after they pass away.

39) Never mention them in a negative light to your friends etc.

40) Never tell them: “I wish I was not born” or “You were not my father”

41) Never discipline their grandchildren in front of them.

42) Never compare them with the parents of others.

43) Never dig up past incidents of negative consequences.

44) Always praise them in front of your friends and family.

45) Never bother them with ‘forced babysitting’ or chores.

46) Don’t sleep without checking on their needs first.

47) Never travel without their permission, other than to perform fardh.

48) Maintain your father’s self-respect & sense of “being the man of the house” until he passes away.

49) Never ask your father if he needs financial help, thus making him feel lowly, check this with your mother.

50) Respond to their call immediately, even if in voluntary prayer.
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[From Shaykh Mohammed Daniel’s al-Adab al-Mufrad Course @ Cordoba Academy]

وَاعْبُدُوا اللَّـهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئًا ۖ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا وَبِذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَالْيَتَامَىٰ وَالْمَسَاكِينِ وَالْجَارِ ذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَالْجَارِ الْجُنُبِ وَالصَّاحِبِ بِالْجَنبِ وَابْنِ السَّبِيلِ وَمَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ ۗ إِنَّ اللَّـهَ لَا يُحِبُّ مَن كَانَ مُخْتَالًا فَخُورًا

“Worship Allah and join none with Him in worship, and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, Al-Masakin (the poor), the neighbour who is near of kin, the neighbour who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (you meet), and those (slaves) whom your right hands possess. Verily, Allah does not like such as are proud and boastful;”

(Sūrah an-Nisa, 4:36)

Disobedience To Parents 

Abu Bakra said that the Messenger of Allaahﷺ said:

Shall I tell you which is the worst of the major sins?“ He repeated that three times. 

They replied, “Yes, Messenger of Allaah.” 

He said, “Associating something else with Allaah and disobeying parents.” He had been reclining, but then he sat up and said, “Beware of lying. 

Abu Bakra added, “He continued to repeat it until I wished he would stop.”

- Al Adab Al Mufrad, Chapter 7 Hadith #18, Graded Sahih by Al Albani

buat saya yang masih newbie, menikah itu mirip-mirip kita survive di alam bebas. bekalnya bukan pernak-pernik resepsi yang manis dan menggemaskan, tapi ilmu tentang adab berumah tangga, bermasyarakat, parenting dll. cara bertahannya bukan dengan quote-quote romantis yang bikin meleleh, tapi bersama-sama mengumpulkan kekuatan untuk melawan ego (hawa nafsu; bisikan syaithon). sampai kapan? sampai sang istri bisa menjadi ratunya para bidadari di syurga untuk suaminya

Abu Burda ibn Abu Musa related that:

Ibn Umar saw a Yamani man going around the House making tawaaf while carrying his mother on his back and chanting: “I am her humble camel…I carried her more than she carried me.”

Then the man asked, “Ibn Umar, do you think that I have repaid her?“ 

He replied,No, not even for a single groan (of the birth pangs she suffered).”

Al Adab Al Mufrad, Chapter 6 Hadith #11, Graded Sahih by Al Albaani