You have found a clear message in your ad, for you have in many places noted the overall subconscious meaning of the ad and I was impressed with the analysis overall. Plus, I’m really happy with improvements I’m seeing in your writing. Essay Level: Solid organization overall, organized the component parts of the ad. I’d like to see you organize the essay more carefully around thesis related ideas/points, organizing the essay (and the paragraphs) around these points. Paragraph level: Solid paragraphs too, with points that get proven through the use of detail from the ad and from the Fowles. You at times need to emphasize your best points by moving them nearer the top of the paragraph. Explain more and focus on using Fowles a bit more to help you prove how this message is evoked for the reader. Sentence Level: Great sentences; clear and focused.
-The above was the comments I received for my “The Heat in Advertising” Essay where I analyzed a fragrance ad for its underlying message. From reading Fowles’ essay along with analyzing and advertisement myself, I feel as if I have learned a lot about how our culture of consumers really functions. It was really interesting to see how ad’s were never actually selling their product, but catering to a psychological subconscious need.
-Receiving the feedback for this essay has helped me some of the weaknesses of my writing. A reoccurring point was that my main points were found in the middle of body paragraphs rather than at the top. I think this stems from a need to generally talk about the point I am going to prove in the beginning of the paragraph, and then hit the reader with the overall big point towards the end of the paragraph. I can see for organization and clarity’s sake, this might not be the best approach for writing a formal essay. Overall, the feedback I received was very positive: solid paragraphs good sentences and solid organization were great things to read as feedback for my writing. Some restructuring of sentence order might have helped my essay, but overall I am very content with how I wrote this essay.