the dumb fucks at blizzard decided that somehow, bastion was fucking useless, completely ignoring that the reason people generally don’t use him is because most players have some measley iota of respect for other people and he’s a garbage dump of a character NOT because of how useless he is but because of how utterly STUPID it is to play against him and makes it fun for no one
they decided that this walking gun was only not being played because nobody saw any practical uses for him as is, even though every single ten year old and their grandmother i’ve gotten locked in with has known that the strategy of shoving a mercy so far up this gun’s ass and putting the most senile reinhardt in front of them WORKS and it’s so painfully STUPID for both teams
but no, not only was bastion and his self-healing, infinite bullet-spitting ass somehow useless, they had to make him
have 100 bullets added to his already hefty 200 magazine size, allowing him to spray for a few seconds MORE after he’s already decimated your whimpy ass
this chump fuck can heal himself while running away like the little coward he is instead of sitting there and receiving the death he deserves, allowing him to heal, run off somewhere, and thanks to his now conveniently larger magazine size, kill you with 25 bullets instead of 20!
what’s more, his healing is goddamn unstoppable. if you damage him, he just keeps fucking healing. it’s like dealing with roadhog, but at least i can feel something for roadhog, because he’s not a garbage can robot
and in case this wasn’t enough, this piece of shit is 33% more harder to kill because he takes less damage. say hello to teams exclusively laid out to protect their bastion overlord, that idiot fucking robot, and say goodbye to any semblance of love you have for humankind as a whole
‘bastion should now be stronger and more flexible now, you’re welcome’. go to the trash compactor you smelly fucking hunk of junk. fuck you jeff kaplan. go to hell and take your garbage robot gun with you
have i ever told you guys about my Accidental Sugar Daddy Vitya headcanon?
Like, Viktor has all this money from winning All These Competitions and doing All This Ad Placement and most of his life he’s just been?? throwing it at new skating supplies and Makkachin, precious Makkachin, who’s probably on a zero-grain raw all-natural diet and sleeps on a memory foam dog bed. Viktor has the vague idea in the back of his head that he’ll skate until he can’t anymore and then he’ll Coach Until He Dies like Yakov, and also like Yakov will hoard and hoard his money until he has enough to buy the skate supplies and food and equipment that his students’ poor parents can’t afford
Then Viktor derails every plan he’s ever had and flies to Japan and feels SO ALIVE and here’s this beautiful man who wears the same clothes after graduating college that he did when he was in high school, whose costumes are sewn by a family friend, who lives at home with his family in their charming and beautiful little Inn and Yuuri is fine with that, and Viktor respects that, and he can tell that even though the Katsukis aren’t rich, they’re happy with their lives and that’s more than Viktor can say
But Viktor also?? REALLY wants to spend money on these people. He goes walking in the market one morning with Mama Hiroko and as he’s carrying a cooler full of fresh fish, because he insisted, they pass a confectionary and Hiroko presses her face to the window like a kid and sighs happily and says, “Oh, those are my favorite!” and Viktor immediately bustles in and buys half a dozen for her, and then makes her tell him what Toshiya and Yuuri and Mari would like as well.
It’s not a cheap confectionary. Viktor walks out of there with 200 dollars missing from his bank account and he honestly couldn’t be happier about it.
And that’s just the beginning. Viktor buys Yuuri a Very Nice, Very Warm scarf and lovingly drapes it around his neck in the mornings as soon as the weather turns cold. Viktor notices that Yuuri likes to sleep with a lot of pillows and buys half a dozen new pillows, each of which cost way more than a pillow rightfully should, and pile them on the bed. Viktor does, in fact, steal and destroy the tie Yuuri wore to the presser, and presents him with six silk ties he picked out himself, in Yuuri’s color palate (”You’re a WINTER, Yuuri!!”) Viktor buys Yuuri expensive hand lotion. Viktor buys Yuuri very warm and thick socks. If Viktor even so much as sees Yuuri looking at something in a window, he’ll ask Yuuri if he wants it. If Yuuri responds with anything other than an immediate, “No,” Viktor will buy it for him.
Yuuri lets this happen because honestly? it’s nice to be spoiled. Also, when he tries to keep Viktor from buying him things, Viktor gets this look on his face like Yuuri has just told him he doesn’t love him anymore, and Yuuri feels so bad about it that he just lets him buy it for him anyway. It’s not like they’re hard for money. Viktor’s going to be raking in ad revenue for 100 years after he dies. Their children’s children will still be feeling the benefits of Grandpa Viktor’s career.
Viktor, on the other hand? It doesn’t even occur to Viktor that this is in any way out of the ordinary until Phichit is visiting for a few weeks and, as Viktor is pulling out his card to pay for the coffees that Phichit and Yuuri just bought–Viktor, you didn’t even buy anything, Viktor–Phichit looks at Yuuri and says, “I could get used to being your sugar-baby-by-proxy,” and because of the language barrier, Viktor doesn’t immediately understand, but he does later, once Yuuri explains it to him. In the moment, Yuuri blushes up to his ears and hisses Phichit and Viktor “Accidental Sugar Daddy” Nikiforov finishes paying for his fiance and his fiance’s friend, before leaving with them towards the shopping district, where he will pay for most of their purchases and carry all of their bags and feel So Alive