i understand when ur 13 and u just realized u have a mental illness and ur so relieved to know there are other ppl going thru the same thing as u, its easy to slip into the idea that your newly labeled thoughts and behaviors are normal and okay.
they are not. suicidal thoughts arent normal. violent impulses arent normal. delusions and hallucinations arent normal.
now that you have a name for this behavior you need to seek help. dont let tumblr trick you into thinking unhealthy coping mechanisms are the only ways to deal with your mental illness. dont let it fester, dont let it worsen. seek as much help as you can. actively try to better yourself.