The reason why you first found out about asexuality online, is because it has been very hard for asexuals to organize offline for years leading up to the internet. We did not have platforms like this until the mid-2000s.

Sure, we had forums here and there but they were slow-growing and harder to find since awareness of us was small. The reason why there seems to have been a “boom” in numbers among the asexual community could be that:

1) Asexual people weren’t organized into one place to this degree until recently, because the internet facilitates better organization due to how easy and flexible it is to use for communication.

2) People in general are becoming more aware of our existence, including asexual people who had no idea that their experiences were not isolated abnormalities but rather a real and valid identity.

3) Offline spaces for asexuals are sparse and given that the number of asexual people in the world is small by comparison to non-asexual identities, it’s not uncommon for some asexuals to never run into another asexual offline. 

I mean, that is in my humble opinion as an asexual person who has actually lived through these developments and who has actually had these experiences, but you know, what do I know? 

The internet is useful to every community, but it is especially useful and necessary to the asexual community. Flooding our tags (and every new tag we create) with anti-ace rhetoric cuts us off from our community. 

It is mentally and emotionally abusive, in that people enjoy causing us distress. It is manipulative, in that the goal is to force asexuals to doubt themselves and their experiences. There is no justification in saying “it’s just a tag.”

You are trying to dismantle a whole community meant to help asexual people, because you misunderstand, disagree with, and vehemently hate us or a few of us for ridiculous reasons. No argument in favor of this tactic is justifiable.  

Not only are asexuals being gate-kept from spaces they’ve been a part of prior to the internet, but they’re being gate-kept from their own resources, language, and spaces that asexuals have themselves developed. 

I don’t want to hear about how problematic the asexual community is, as a justification for dismantling our own community. If that logic were applied to every community, then all communities would be dismantled. 

There are problems in every community. Speaking over us, and policing how we organize and what resources we use doesn’t solve that. Discrediting us because the internet is where we primarily organize doesn’t solve that. 

You’re just being an ass, and you’re not here for any good cause. You were either raised into a discourse culture that condoned these tactics, or you took part in developing them to make yourself feel important.

The problem is with you. Not that asexuals primarily organize online. Not that asexuals use tags that help them communicate. Not that asexual people are discovering who they are online.

The problem is with you.

this is your periodic reminder that if the word “asexual” is helpful to you in understanding your sexuality, you are allowed to use it to describe yourself.

it does not hurt the asexual community to have a variety of reasons for identifying as asexual. your reasons for identifying as asexual–even if you don’t fit the lack-of-sexual-attraction definition–do not invalidate any other person’s reasons for identifying as asexual.

definitions should be descriptive. they should not be used as a measuring stick to decide whether or not you fit. your understanding yourself is more important than fitting any particular definitions.

further corollary: fitting any particular definition of asexual does not mean you’re required to describe yourself as asexual. if the word isn’t useful to you, you don’t have to use it, and anyone who insists you do is wrong.

additionally: if you are gray-A or demi, you are allowed to call yourself asexual. if understanding your sexuality involves understanding asexuality, you are fully entitled to describe yourself as asexual.


Ace Pride Flag Aesthetics

Pride Flag ACEthetics

Free to use however you like!  No credit necessary, just leave a like or a reblog if you plan on it.

Have a good day, everybody, and remember that you are valid and enough. c:

(EDIT: Header made punny by popular demand.)

I have to wonder how many aros/aces thought they were bi/pan before. Like, ‘well I’m not specifically attracted to any gender so it must be all, right?’

And then finding the aro/ace label and having that big ‘oh’ moment where you realize it wasn’t so much that you were attracted to everybody as much as it was you just didn’t experience attraction period.

Idk, at least that’s how it went for me. Did anybody else have a similar experience?

Squishes are weird

Because I want to squeeze your hand and be the first person you call with exciting news. When you do something cute I fall apart. And I don’t wanna get you naked but your smile means the world to me. Every time I see you the day seems a little bit brighter. And your laughter is like music.

Your words are important, your happiness is important, you are important. And I will D E S T R O Y ANYONE WHO TRIES TO HURT YOU.

disabled asexual people are wonderful and valid and should not have to feel ashamed of our sexuality.

it’s not our fault that the stereotype that say “all disabled people are asexual” exists and it is not our job to dismantle it or disprove it.

you’re allowed to be you and to be proud of who you are. people are not allowed to blame you or shame you for being yourself.

the blame should be put on those who created and perpetuate the stereotype. not on the people who happen to fit it.

If asexuals were actually “just straight”...
  • If aces were “just straight” I wouldn’t need to come out to my parents
  • If aces were “just straight” I wouldn’t need to come out to anybody, actually…
  • If aces were “just straight” I would be able to just say “I’m going to aces’ meetup” without need to explain why, what, etc.
  • If aces were “just straight” I wouldn’t be closeted… there wouldn’t be so many closeted aces…
  • If aces were “just straight” I wouldn’t be told by my friend that aces are “sick” and “unnatural”
  • If aces were “just straight” I wouldn’t be considered as not-straight (and as LGBTQIAP+, btw) by literally every person in my offline life
  • If aces were “just straight” aces wouldn’t get told to “go check it” by family and friends
  • If aces were “just straight” aces wouldn’t be told they need to be fixed
  • If aces were “just straight” there wouldn’t so many people trying to find how to “cure” aces
  • If aces were “just straight” asexuality wouldn’t be called a “problem”
  • If aces were “just straight” there wouldn’t be “corrective therapy” for aces
  • If aces were “just straight” aces wouldn’t be raped as an attempt to “cure” them
  • If aces were “just straight” the option of “not being attracted to others” would be mentioned years ago during sex ed. but it isn’t mentioned, even now
  • If aces were “just straight” aces wouldn’t be dehumanized for being ace

If aces were “just straight”… they would be straights, not asexuals.

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