actually this is quite a disaster

six of crows characters + cooking

kaz: could probably cook if it came down to that or starving, prefers to stare judgementally while everyone else tries and fails

inej: can manage fine when she has a recipe to follow but isn’t that bothered so will normally just make whatever’s quickest and easiest

nina: cannot cook, is forbidden to go anywhere near the kitchen when food’s being prepared, manages to sneak pieces of food out anyway

matthias: everything he makes tastes like burned cardboard except, for some reason, desserts.  this boy is a baking prodigy.  no-one understands it

jesper: would actually be quite good if he’d only follow the damn recipe but who wants to do that?  also banned from going near the kitchen after that time he and nina tried to make dinner and nobody’s allowed to mention it

wylan: tries his best but can’t cook to save his life.  has set something on fire more than once.  

kuwei: is actually good at cooking but would rather sit quietly and watch the disaster that is everyone else in the kitchen instead of helping

anonymous asked:

hi! I'm a follower of the asatro and I identify as genderqueer. I wondered if you know anything about a third gender/transgender/intersex in old norse/asatro/norse paganism or the like? I'm desperately trying to find something I can relate to and thought I'd ask you. thanks!

Velkomin(n), vinur minn,
(Welcome, my friend,)

There are several examples in Norse mythology in which gender boundaries are disregarded; the gods were often quite fluid about their genders, both literally and ‘socially’ (assuming the gods had their own social norms to live by). It all depended on the situation, really. Loki is arguably the most famous for this. In fact, Odin’s steed, Sleipnir, was Loki’s child — but he wasn’t the father, he was the mother. To summarize that story briefly (before directly quoting the relevant part), there was a builder from Giantland who came, and Loki made a deal with him that the gods did not like. To make things right, he had to make the builder forfeit the payment for succeeding in his task. And so it goes:

“And the same evening, when the builder drove out for stone with his stallion Svadilfæri, there ran out of a certain wood a mare up to the stallion and neighed at it (such a flirt). And when the stallion realized what kind of horse it was, it went frantic and tore apart the tackle and ran towards the mare, and she went away to the wood and the builder after them, trying to catch the stallion, and these horses ran around all night and the building work was held up for that night. […] But Loki had had such dealings with Svadilfæri (Snorri is being polite — they had sex) that somewhat later he (Loki) gave birth to a foal. It was grey and had eight legs, and this is the best horse among gods and men.”(1)

Yet, it is not just Loki who disregards gender boundaries. Odin himself disregards them, but more so in the sense of socially constructed gender expectations (at least from my knowledge and experience). There is a form of magic known as seiðr, but it was regarded as a feminine practice. So much so that any man practicing it was charged with ergi (another similar term is argr), which was usually considered a very serious insult (for a man). More on that another time, perhaps (this post has already gotten very long, so a separate ask about the attitudes of ‘actual’ society may be more wise than cramming it all here). Even in the realm of the gods, though, this term still weighed against men who took part in feminine activities. Odin, regarded as a male figure, was no exception to this. This is mentioned in Ynglinga saga, from Heimskringla:

“Óðinn knew, and practised himself, the art which is accompanied by greatest power, called seiðr, and from it he could predict the fates of men and things that had not yet happened, and also cause men death or disaster or disease, and also take wit or strength from some and give it to others. But this magic, when it is practised, is accompanied by such great perversion that it was not considered without shame for a man to perform it, and the skill was taught to the goddesses.”(2)


I actually stumbled upon an article about Valkyries and Shield-maidens as a third gender while looking for resources to answer your question with. Here are a few excerpts from it, though please do bear with me, for I am going to include quite a bit of direct quotes (I think that you, and others, will find them to be very fascinating). Besides, I cannot be sure how many of you have access to these academic articles, let alone have the resources to locate them, so I want to make sure I can give you all a good taste of the work:

“Most scholarship on valkyries and shield-maidens categorizes them as women, as kinds of warrior women who are connected to other, rare warrior women, such as the maiden king (meykongr) and to other women who, in exceptional circumstances, take up arms to fight (Andersson 1980; Damico 1984; Jesch [1991] 2010; Larrington 1992b; Præstergaard Andersen 2002; Quinn 2006, 2007). These discussions of valkyries and shield-maidens tend to insert them into a binary of masculine and feminine, wherein they sit somewhat uneasily in the feminine category. Yet, as other scholarship on Old Norse gender and sex has shown, the situation for all persons, not just valkyries, is much more complicated. The boundaries between masculine and feminine are not always rigid, at least insofar as women can take on masculine characteristics and receive approval, even if that approval was limited. Valkyries and shield-maidens, like the strong women of the sagas, are met with admiration, though not as paragons of femininity. As this article argues, these figures are best understood as a third gender—a hybrid of masculine and feminine characteristics that were dominant during the time period explored.”(3)

“In eddic poetry, shield-maidens are similarly denizens of battle. Whereas valkyries seem divine or, at the very least, semi-divine, the shield-maidens are human and have human parents and human lineages. However, they also have supernatural abilities, such as being able to ride over the sea and through the air. These beings take a special interest in human men—the heroes of the narrative—for whom, like the valkyries, they intercede in battle, but only to protect their heroes and aid them. Shield-maidens engage in sexual relationships with their heroes and most marry them; after that, they cease to be shield-maidens and become only feminine. The description here derives from the scant information available in the sources; there are not many examples of shield-maidens in the literature. One example is Sváva, who, like the other shield-maidens of the heroic poems of the Edda, is armored and carries weapons. Her helmet dominates the description of her as she rides among an accompanying troop of shield-maidens: “a white maiden under a helmet” (Helgakviða Hjǫrvarðssonar [hereafter HHv], stanza 28, in Neckel 1983). Another example is Sigrún, a major character in two Helgi poems. Also described as helmeted, she and her band carry spears and wear blood-spattered byrnies, which are a sort of mail coat (Helgakviða Hundingsbana [hereafter HH] 1, stanza 15, in Neckel 1983). Valkyries and shield-maidens are similar in that both wear armor and carry weapons, act in battle to determine the fate of men, and are unmarried women. Shield- maidens are different in that they marry human men, which results in a change of status.”(4)

Valkyries and Shield-maidens as feminine:

“Aside from this linguistic categorization as female, valkyries and shield- maidens have a number of other attributes that are part of medieval Icelandic culture’s hegemonic constructions of femininity. Perhaps one of the most ‘traditional’ feminine activities of the valkyrie is her work in Valhǫll, serving men drinks. At the same time that Snorri describes the valkyries’ functions in battle, he writes that they “serve drink and look after the tableware and drinking vessels” (30). An example of this work is found in Snorra Edda, in which the goddess Freyja is the only one who dares to bring a drink to the giant Hrungnir, whom no other is brave enough to serve (Edda: Skáldskaparmál, in Faulkes 1998, 20). Human women similarly serve drinks to the men in the hall. As the keeper of food-stores and the manager of the household, women of the highest rank in Iceland were closely associated with food and its distribution. By serving men, they enacted that association and their subordinate position to the men they served. By depicting valkyries in this feminine role, the texts are able to have their cake and eat it too—the warrior woman is domesticated in Odin’s ‘beer-hall.’”(5)

Valkyries and Shield-maidens as masculine:

“At the same time, valkyries and shield-maidens embody masculinity: they wear men’s clothing and act in ways understood by medieval Icelandic culture to be masculine. It is significant that they clothe themselves as men not simply by wearing “the pants,” but by putting on the garb and carrying the tools that mark the most admired sort of man—the warrior. The helmets and other armor together are common elements in their appearance and important aspects of the valkyrie’s masculinity. Sigrún and her troop’s blood-spattered byrnies (noted above) are quite striking. The byrnie (or brynie) also figures importantly in the story of Brynhild, who was the most famous of all of these warrior women. The word itself is one part of her compound name: Brynie-hild (brynie-battle).

This armor-wearing valkyrie is not simply named for armor, but her armor becomes part of her. […] In sum, the removal of the byrnie is the removal of one of the valkyrie’s most important masculine attributes. In the version in Vǫlsunga saga, the removal of the mail coat marks the end of her time in the third gender. As that story progresses, and a different version of the same narrative in Snorra Edda, Brynhild soon ceases to be a valkyrie and enters the feminine gender.”(6)

And a bit of her conclusion:

“The myths and legendary sagas of medieval Iceland that are retold and recorded offer up both the possibility of the third gender, in the form of the unmarried valkyrie, and the stories of the effects of marriage on members of that gender. In the stories of Brynhild, Sváva, and Sigrún, one gets a sense of the life of any married woman of the time, though, more accurately, their stories most closely represent the life of a woman with few family members or other relationships. These myths and sagas have also provided a reservoir of depictions that have fed later cultural products up to the present day. With the exception of Wagner’s Brünnhilde—the unmarried warrior woman—the valkyries of the third gender are most influential. Though often altered through the modern retellings of Norse myth, the contemporary valkyrie is still recognizable as such.”(7)

Was this how contemporary society (Norse society) understood the valkyries and shield-maidens? Perhaps not. We must take care to not impose our hopes and experiences onto the past. Yet, it seems likely that they at least understood such concepts — at least that of homosexuality and the difficulty for humans to remain in their socially constructed gender-box for behavior. Such people have always existed; it is not some modern invention nor a fashionable modern trend. The Norse did have terms that denoted a failure to comply with their gender’s expectations, after all, such as ergi and argr.


Now, there is far more than that to explore in mythology, but I do believe that I have shared enough examples to show you that there are most definitely things that you can relate to. I would also like to recommend a few other knowledgable people who could help guide you even further on your quest (for I am far from an expert on these matters). You may already know of them, but here are my suggestions (of which there are plenty of others, by the way): @edderkopper​ (as well as @lokeanwelcomingcommittee​), @answersfromvanaheim​, @hyacinth-halcyon, and even @theasatrucommunity or the many who are listed with @valkyriesquad. Again, there are many others who can lend a hand and share information with you. They will likely stumble upon this post (or so I can hope), so be on the look out for any helpful reblogs and replies.

Regardless, there is much more that I could still ramble on about, but this post is already long enough (perhaps too long for some to bother reading). I had a lot that I wanted to say about ergi/argr, and the attitudes of gender-bending in Old Norse society (law codes, family sagas, etc. — non-mythological sources), but that would be best for a separate ask (because it would also be a fairly long post — could you imagine the length of this post with both of those discussions?! My oh my). If you would like to hear more about that (or if anyone else reading this would like to), please send me an ask about it, and I will happily respond. It may take me a bit to get around to answering it (I still have 11 other questions to answer), but I never refuse a guest to my hall, especially when they seek knowledge!

I hope my words have helped, friend.

Með vinsemd og virðingu,
(With friendliness and respect,)
Fjörn


ENDNOTES:
1. Snorri Sturluson, Edda, translated by Anthony Faulkes (repr., 1987; London: Everyman, 1995), 36. [Online Edition (Free)]
2. Snorri Sturluson, Ynglinga saga, from Heimskringla, Volume I: the Beginnings to Óláfr Tryggvason (Second Edition), translated by Alison Finaly and Anthony Faulkes (London: Viking Society for Northern Research — University College London, 2016), 11.
3. Kathleen M. Self, “The Valkyrie’s Gender: Old Norse Shield-Maidens and Valkyries as a Third Gender,” Feminist Formations, Volume 26, Issue 1, Spring 2014, 144.
4. Ibid., 148.
5. Ibid., 150.
6. Ibid., 152.
7. Ibid., 167.


NOTE: Here is a read you may be interested in. It is about homosexuality in the Viking Age, but it still has some relatable elements. The source seems credible enough, so I do recommend it if you are interested: Gunnora Hallakarva:
The Vikings and Homosexuality.


DISCLAIMER | ALL ANSWERS | TOP ANSWERS

anonymous asked:

I really enjoy your writing style! Supercorp prompt: we now know Lena is actually 24, how would Kara, Alex, Maggie etc... find this out and would her being so young change how reluctant the superfriends are to trust her? I havent seen an author tackle this age canon issue with Lena being even younger than Kara.

Thank you! Hope this is what you had in mind :)


Lena looks up as Jess knocks and enters her office, a certain blonde with the ability to mimic sunshine in tow.

‘Thanks Jess’ Lena smiles as Kara comes to stand in front of her and waves a small paper bag at her.

‘Donuts?’ Lena questions.

‘I’ve seen the news, it seemed like a donut kinda situation…’ Kara offered as she jiggled the bag.

Lena sighed deeply, one of the scientists for L. Corp had been using the company’s resources to work on a side project, one that involved creating weapons to ‘protect’ people from aliens. NCPD had carried out a raid on the scientist’s apartment and once the weapons had been uncovered it hadn’t taken long for some of the lower level news outlets to jump to conclusions, linking the Luthor name and the anti-alien rhetoric.

Lena pinched the bridge of her nose, ‘I have no idea what I need to do to distance myself from my family name. No, that’s not true… there is no way. I will always be a Luthor.’

Kara held out the bag of donuts and Lena took it with a smile. She headed towards the couch and sat down, taking out one of the donuts and passing the bag back to Kara.

‘I mean, this isn’t what I signed up for! Did I want to help run Luthor Corp when I was younger? Of  course! But that was long before I realised what being a Luthor actually meant.’ Lena tore little pieces off of her glazed donut and alternated between popping them into her mouth and waving her hand around in exasperation. ‘Now? I’m running a company that no one wants me to run, purely based upon my last name… I’m only twenty four for god sake! This is not quite how I imagined life after graduation; continually cleaning up the disaster trail left behind by my family…’

Kara listened; she knew Lena just needed to rant and there were very few people in her life who Lena could let go with. She paused as something Lena said registered just as she was about to take a big bite of her donut.

‘What?’ Kara questioned.

‘Huh?’ Lena responded, stopped in the middle of her train of thought.

‘How old did you say you are?’ Kara replied, sure she had misheard.

‘I’m twenty four…’ Lena said slowly, confused as to why Kara felt the need to clarify her age.

‘Twenty four…’ Kara repeated, somewhat dumbfounded.

‘Yes! Kara, are you ok?’ Lena asked, starting to get a little concerned.

‘I just didn’t realise you we’re that young!’ Kara replied sheepishly, ‘I’d always assumed you were older than me what with running L. Corp and having a Masters degree.’

‘Two Masters degrees’ Lena grinned.

‘You’re just… so… young!’ Kara giggled, ‘are you sure you should be running L. Corp without adult supervision?’

Lena rolled her eyes. ‘Are you sure you’re ok getting up to my office, or do I need to install a chair lift for you?’ Lena teased back.

The banter continued until Kara had to leave; as she walked towards the lift, she couldn’t help but think about the amount of pressure that was on Lena for someone so young.

The following day Kara had lunch with Alex and Maggie and as per usual, the conversation shifted round to work related topics.

‘You should have seen the stash of weapons this guy had been building’ Maggie said, shaking her head, ‘we don’t think he actually managed to sell any, but things could have gotten really bad…’

‘How’s Lena?’ Alex asked, ‘Did she really not know what was going on in her own company?’

‘Seriously?’ Kara asked incredulously.

‘Ok! I know, but I still have to ask!’ Alex replied defensively.

‘She’s navigating the PR nightmare; I went to see her yesterday, took her some sweet treats to help. I think she just feels so helpless at times; nothing she does will ever be good enough… She’s spent her entire life being told she’s not really a Luthor by the family she was desperate to be a part of, and now spends her whole time being told all she is is a Luthor. I really wish I could help somehow…’

Maggie and Alex shared a look; it was obvious that Kara has a bit of a crush on the Luthor, but they had decided not to push it, but rather let Kara figure things out by herself.  

‘Oh!’ Kara said with a mouthful of fries, ‘did you know that she’s only twenty four?’

‘What?!’

‘No…’

Kara nodded, ‘She’s twenty four and running a multi billion dollar company by herself. She has no family and the only two people she considers to be her friends are actually the same person!’

‘Invite her to a film night’ Alex offered, ‘look, you trust her and that’s enough for me. Invite her and we can get to know her.’

Kara’s stomach flipped at the thought of including Lena at a Superfriends night and she quickly texted Lena, asking if she was free that weekend.

Lena felt slightly nervous as she walked towards Kara’s apartment; on the other side of that door were Kara’s friends and family, one of whom had arrested her… She gave herself a pep talk, took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

She couldn’t help the grin that crossed her face the moment she saw Kara open the door. She placed her bag down and headed towards the sofa to sit among Kara’s friends.

Kara followed behind, quickly poured Lena a glass of wine in the kitchen which Lena took gratefully and introduced all her friends. She went to take a sip of her wine but paused when she heard a teasing voice;

‘Ms. Luthor, I’m gunna need to see some ID; can’t have any underage shenanigans taking place with me present…’ Maggie winked.

Winn squeaked and James covered his mouth to stifle a chuckle.

Lena paused for a second before it dawned on her; if her age had been a shock to Kara, it must have come as a bit of a surprise to the rest of them.

Kara slapped Maggie on the arm and shot her a look, before sitting down next to Lena

‘We have a selection of films to pick from’ Winn pipped up from his cushion on the floor.

‘There are some horror films in there, so we got you this…’ Maggie grinned as Alex leaned over the side of the couch to pick up the bag she had placed there earlier and popped it on the table in front of Lena.

Kara’s eyes narrowed in suspicion as her sister and Maggie as they both tried really hard to keep from giggling.

Lena raised an eyebrow and reached for the bag, she laughed when she saw what was inside; a cuddly dinosaur.

‘That way, you have something to protect you, if you get scared during the film…’

‘Guuuuys’ Kara whined, ‘you promised to behave!’

‘Look Little Danvers, we’ve spent the last few months thinking Lena was nearly thirty, and kinda treating her as such…’ Maggie started to explain, ‘now we know that she is in fact the baby of the group!’

‘It’s fine Kara’ Lena interrupted, ‘the teasing- it’s kinda nice… to be treated as Lena, rather than a Luthor.’

‘If you’re sure..?’ Kara asked concerned.

‘I am. Plus…’ Lena dropped her voice to a whisper, her heart racing as she leaned in closer to Kara, ‘if I do happen to get scared during the film, I can always cuddle up to you instead…’

Dating Darkiplier

A big, bubbling boisterous thank you for 1,400 lovelies! I’m so glad despite the slight difficulty keeping up. Again, I am grand that you are all so patient with the fact that questions are turned off until I catch up. I’m almost there, I do so pinky promise.

In response to your patience and good word, I decided to give a little treat. There’s quite a stir going around on what would occur should myself and Anti and whatnot be in a relationship with a human. I thought it would be nice to supply a few fantasies here and there, so wanted to create a rendition of my own. I will put “WARNING” signs next to anything that may possibly detail a NSFW environment for anyone still innocently minded.

Keep in mind, this simulation is based off the idea that I’m in a physical entity form and is able to express any emotion I desire. HOWEVER, being more familiar with darker emotions, I tend to act like a jerk despite being capable of happiness.

Dating Darkiplier

Originally posted by boopymooplier

Gifts

- Gifts are never random for someone like Dark. Each gift is purposeful and drowning with intent, always given at the right moment and exactly when you need it the most. 

- Each gift is tailored specifically to your taste. If you mention one day that your favorite color is purple, your next gift received will be with purple flowers and your favorite candies.

- However, said gifts are not acts of kindness. These gifts are given for some form of benefit for Dark himself, whether that be for his own pride, or for a reaction in you that he had wanted to obtain. He will never give a gift simply because you want one.

- In fact, the more obvious you make it that you’re expecting something from him, the less likely you’ll get anything.

Dates

- Dark is a naturally traditional and old-fashioned type man. His dates are classical and remind you of older, simpler times that your grandparents used to talk about.

- It begins at a dinner, every time, but almost never in the same location.

- At each date, you are lavished, Dark never seems to have an issue regarding money, or if he does, he doesn’t seem to care. At each show, you are given front row seats. At each diner, you are fed food until your belly is sore. At each concert, you are there in the crowd dancing, while he watches on the side.

- Dark will never take you anywhere night-clubbish or dancing oriented unless it’s what you truly want. He doesn’t like dancing foolishly. He’s more of a ball type of man.

- Each date generally ends in conversation. Simmering down from activity, you can normally be found outside under starlight. Dark seems to have some sort of attraction to the shadows and nightfall.

Jealousy(mild warning)

- Dark becomes jealous rather easily. Almost agonizingly easy.

- Even the slightest hint that you are enjoying yourself with another man will set him off into a certain possessive mode, but it won’t be shown in public.

- Even when he is enraged, he remains stunningly calm while in public. But there are certain ticks that you learn to notice when he gets angry. He falls eerily quiet. Parts of him will randomly twitch, a finger or a brow. He’s stand aside from the conversation, almost avoiding the confrontation.

- But when you two are alone, you had best be prepared for when he unleashes his frustrations on you. How DARE you allow him to look at you that way. How DARE you smile at him as you did. Those smiles are reserved for DARK ONLY.

- He will proceed to remind you just who it is you belong to.

Habits

- When Dark is deep in thought, which is typically almost all the time, you will see him biting onto his bottom lip. He’ll frown as if he’s puzzled, but if you attempt to snap him back out of his daze, the frown will disappear and he’ll look at you confused.

- Dark runs his hands through his hair all. The. Time. The expert, sensual way he does it sometimes drives you wild without explanation. He will always keep it parted to the left.

- Dark has a habit of coming up behind you completely silent. He doesn’t do it intentionally to scare you, he simply tends to forget that he is hard to hear when he approaches and simply enjoys watching you.

Playful(warning)

- The second you give any indication that you are ticklish, may the odds be ever in your favor. 

- For some reason, Dark finds it absolutely hilarious to see you blush. He gets a real thrill from the red tones climbing up your cheeks.

- Because of this, he’ll do everything he can to blatantly tease you in public. He’ll force you to refer to him as “Daddy” or “Sir” while in a shopping mart or in a restaurant. He’ll touch your thigh or your waist as you pass just enough so you know it was intentional.

- Don’t ever attempt to play wrestle with him unless you anticipate horribly losing and “paying the price” for your attack.

- He hates getting dirty, so if you dare make a mess on him, he’ll double the amount on you. No, triple.

Not so playful

- Dark is surprisingly a naturally patient man. It takes quite a bit to set him off in actual anger, but very little to get him mildly frustrated.

- When he does get set off, little can be done to stop him.

- He’s a violent sort of angry, he’ll bash into walls with his fists, leaving horribly large holes. He’s smash plates against tables and bloody his hands from doing so. He’ll break everything within the house, but he refuses to touch you.

- He’ll leave the mangled disaster behind and run somewhere in seclusion to calm down to make sure nothing happens to you during his rage.

- If for some reason you refuse to allow him to leave, be prepared for mental torment. Spitting words of his spiteful anger will fall upon you. He’ll insult everything he knows about you. He’ll leave you a jumbled, pitiful mess of emotions until he’s okay enough to apologize.

- He’s not afraid, however, of hurting others. If confrontation does happen to find him, usually over you, he’ll be the first to finish it. As a Figment, he’s rather unnaturally strong.

Care

- Sickness is inevitable, and Dark knows this. When you become sick, he’s not one to baby you over it.

- He’ll offer soups and other nutritious foods to keep you healthy during your healing, but he will not prune you or whimper at the loss of a few days together. His focus will be on regaining your strength.

- Sometimes, if you are stuck in one place, he will bring in his cello and play a few soothing renditions to help you get to sleep if you’re too ill to do so on your own.

- However, he’s also conscious of his own health. He will sleep in a separate room until you are for certain better.

Catch-phrases(warning)

-  Pet names: lovely, honey, darling

- Words of farewell: Until we cross again, tootles, sleep with nightmares of me

- “Set off” Words: Excuse me?… Mind repeating that? …What did you say to        me?…   Come here. Now.  

- Favorite swear word: Dammit


NSFW (WARNINGWARNINGWARNING)

- Dark is a kinky bastard. His Persuasion Room is used for far more than he ever lets on. The tools within can be used both for pain and for pleasure, and he can’t seem to get enough of either.

- Dark is a good looking Figment, and he seems to very well know that. He likes to use his body again you and weaken your fighting spirit. Slowly stripping, allowing you to see the defined slopes of his abdomen, the bulges of his arms, and his bulges somewhere else,  but never allowing you to join, is a favorite torture of his.

- He has a strict no touching policy. On no account are you ever allowed to touch his bare skin. You’re not sure you even know what it feels like. To ensure that such a policy is enforced, your wrists are normally bound behind your back the moment you enter said room.

- He knows his voice does things to you that you cannot describe. Leaning over your shoulder to let his hot breath whisper dirty things into your ear is also a tranquilizer to your meaningless struggles.

- In bed, or Persuasion Room, Dark is stunningly patient. Despite being a predatory and savage animal, he will allow his prey to take their time adjusting and preparing themselves physically and mentally.

- He’s called sadistic for a reason. Enough said.

- Even though in physical form he can feel pleasure and pain, he prefers dealing it out.

- He has a 7 time policy. You are not allowed to leave the room until you have reached ecstasy 7 times.

1. Swing Set

so, a little while ago, andavs asked me to make her a Not Quite Normal OTP challenge and because, she’s awesome, she said she would actually do the challenge. And then I decided to do it as well because fair’s fair!

BUT, then we decided that we should do an Attempted Mind Meld Challenge. Basically, this means both of us are doing the challenge (don’t worry, I’m writing not drawing) and then posting our work on the same day and seeing how well they line up. We haven’t talked about them at all before posting so really, this is probably going to be a complete disaster. 

Regardless, here’s #1: On a Swing Set

(Post Season 3B, Sterek, Angst to Fluff, 2k)

*^*^*^

Stiles never looks up at the sky anymore.

Derek watches for it, waiting, a part of him wondering when exactly he pinned down that small quirk that belonged to Stiles and Stiles alone. He can’t really remember when he first noticed it- maybe his subconscious had noted it right away, when he spent their first few interactions in cars with Stiles while the younger boy looked towards the heavens for help. Or maybe it was later than that, when he spent large portions of his time threatening Stiles into helping him and Stiles’ cocky eye rolls had come hand in hand with his computer skills. Probably it wasn’t until the long summer that Stiles spent at his loft, researching through Scott’s shifts at Deaton’s, staring at the ceiling as if that’s where he would find the answer.

Really, though, he doesn’t notice it until it’s gone. Until it’s after the Nogistune and after Allison and Stiles’ eyes stop flicking upwards.

Nowadays, Stiles moves like a person who is trying very hard to control every tick of his body, while pretending very hard that nothing’s changed. He meets people’s eyes when they speak to him and smiles when he’s supposed to and flails his hands when he is telling a story (though he’s half a beat behind the words instead of two beats ahead). It isn’t a particularly good imitation of his former self but it fools most people – the acquaintances, and teachers, and even Lydias of the world.

His dad isn’t fooled. Neither is Scott. Neither is Derek.

And by all accounts, Derek should be fooled. Because he and Stiles, they aren’t… they aren’t anything. Maybe they were once enemies, maybe they were once unwilling partners, maybe at one point they grew a mutual respect and understanding but…

But it had all faded into some weird gray area. Before… before everything, they had reached an area where it was okay for their eyes to cling to each other, as long as they were in the middle of an argument. An area where they were allowed to touch as long as it conveyed frustration rather than comfort. An area where they could save each other again and again as long as they never mentioned it.

And now… well, now all Derek can think about is the fact that Stiles never looks up anymore and how much that bothers him.

Keep reading

ehsocietypretendstoomuch  asked:

okay I got this: AU where Michele and Sara are stylists and Emil is a model

  • Michele and Sara are already well known in the fashion world despite their young age
  • They don’t like to admit it, but part of the reason they’re so successful is that they’re The Ridiculously Handsome Twins TM
  • They both have incredible fashion sense, but they can’t really work each on their own. As much as they try, their solo projects always end up a disaster, they complement each other and brainstorm a lot
  • They actually study fashion design at uni and for their 24th birthday they give themselves their own new clothing collection
  • It’s unisex so that both of them can wear it. Which basically means they call it unisex, but it contains a lot of skirts and dresses, too. The Crispinos are fighters for normalization of men wearing skirts. 
  • Mickey does it quite often, even though it’s usually a very street style-ish skirt-thingy/dress-thingy over his jeans
  • On top of this all Michele is actually a wonderful hairdresser while Sara is amazing with makeup. She’s not your average youtube make up guru, she actually went through various cosmetology courses and knows her shit
  • They need the face of their campaigne for the new fashion collection, they go through tenths and hundreds of portfolios, but can’t really find what they need.
  • They finally ask about 20 people to come meet them face to face to make some test shoots and see who’d be the best choice
  • When Emil comes, he looks so much different than on the pictures! He is way more masculine and has a beard, at first Sara and Mickey don’t recognize him. But they both kinda stare at him because woah. He’s so goddamn handsome ?????
  • But he’s wearing the ugliest clothes they’d ever seen lol
  • “I think he’s too masculine for this, Sara…”
  • “Give him a chance, he seems cute.”
  • They’re getting kinda tired of all the models. Whenever they ask them why they want to do this, the models start a long, prepared speech about “a great opportunity” and “gender rights” and after a while they all just sound the same.
  • “So, Emil, why do you want to work with us?”
  • “I just like the see-through shirt that was in the prospect. The black one with a peacock.”
  • “…. Is that all?”
  • “Yeah, I’d really like to wear that, I think I’d look nice in it! I mean, probably not as nice as Mickey…” 
  • *Sara already giggles*
  • *Michele is frickin’ melting inside because the boy has such a cute accent!*
  • Emil gets hired because Sara likes how much he is in the actual clothes (and how much he is into Mickey, oh sheesh her brother really needs a special someone already!)
  • Michele spends hours on Emil’s hair before the photoshoot
  • “For fucks sake, Emil, do you never wash them?!”
  • “I tried! But it just gets worse when I do!”
  • “How can someones hair get so thick?!”
  • “Oh god, be careful, it will suck you in if you show fear!” 
  • Sara secretly shoots videos of them and puts them on instagram, she’s never seen her brother have so much fun!

popsugar.com
Grey's Anatomy: This Season's Finale May Be 1 of the Worst Yet | Popsugar
By Ryan Roschke

We’ve still got a ways to go until the 13th season of Grey’s Anatomy comes to a close. Even so, time is ticking, and any fan of Grey’s knows the finale episodes are always a doozy. We’ve got to prepare ourselves. This week, the Grey’s cast participated in a panel for this year’s Paleyfest, and we were lucky enough to snag them for red carpet interviews. Naturally, we had to ask about the danger that lies ahead. Here’s how the cast teased the upcoming season 13 finale.

It Will Be “Explosive”
Jessica Capshaw, who plays Dr. Arizona Robbins on the show, had quite an interesting word to tease the final season. “There’s something that’s going to happen that’s quite explosive. But I can’t tell you who it’s about.” The key word is of course “explosive,” but what does it mean?! Does she mean literal explosions near or inside the hospital?! Or will we see some kind of crazy emotional altercation take place?

The Episode Is One For the History Books
There’s more evidence to support an actual explosion, or at least some other kind of huge disaster. “Oh my gosh,” Chandra Wilson (Miranda Bailey) exclaimed. “I think this will be a bigger ending finale than some of our previous ones. I think we gotta go big and loud and strong. We haven’t filmed the last episode yet, but I have a feeling it’s going to be loud.” Big and loud and strong?! Something seriously devastating is probably going down.

Even the Cast Was Shocked’
If there was any lingering doubt that things are going off the rails, allow Caterina Scorsone (Amelia Shepherd) to get rid of it. Scorsone teased that the episode would leave fans with “dropped jaws. Like we had at the table read. There was a lot of ‘WHAT?!’ Throwing scripts … there were a lot of expletives. So, yeah, the last couple episodes are shocking. Even for Shondaland.” If you ask us, it’s the “even for Shondaland” part that really gives us palpitations. Because fans of Grey’s, Scandal, and How to Get Away With Murder know showrunner Shonda Rhimes means business.

There Will Be Some “Hot” Romance
But hey, it seems like the finale won’t be all bad. Even if the hospital blows up (knock on wood), looks like we’re getting another kind of heat as well. Yep, we’re talking romance. Debbie Allen, who plays Catherine Avery, dropped a small hint during the actual panel: “The end of this season is hot,” she said. That could go in any sort of direction, considering all the “will they/won’t they” couples we have right now. We could see a hookup between April and Jackson, Amelia and Owen, and even possibly Alex and Jo!

6

Sterek AU: Part 3
  ↳ [Part 1] [Part 2]

Eventually Derek had to come home of course. While the idea of running away and never coming back seemed appealing in some ways. The idea of never seeing Stiles again pained him so much that he knew he’d never actually do something so stupid. So after a run through the woods, and a few procrastinating laps around his building, he finally gathered the courage to go up and face Stiles.

What he finds not quite what he expected. Papers strewn all over the floor, Stiles pacing madly, picking them up and dropping others in his wake. It’s a disaster. 

“Stiles, what is-” Before he can even finish the thought, Stiles is looking up and talking at him rapid fire.

“Oh, thank god you came back. I was worried.“ Derek doesn’t say anything, just glances at the crumpled papers clutched in Stiles’ hand curiously.

"Ok, please just listen. I- I know you’re freaking out and blaming yourself, and I was trying to figure out how to tell you that none of this is your fault and that I don’t blame you and I trust you, more than anyone and…” he pauses for a moment at that, “Well, that I love you too. Always have sourwolf.”

Derek is too stunned to move, he just gawps at Stiles for a moment before replying dumbly, “Oh…”

“Yeah, oh. We’ve really got to work on our communication.”

And there it was. Stiles’ ridiculous ill-timed humor. He closes the rest of the distance between them (and when had he gotten so close), rests his hands on his hips as Stiles rests his arms on his shoulders.

“I’m sorry I never told you. That I didn’t say it sooner” Derek whispers, face millimeters from Stiles’

“If I’m being nit-picky Derek, you still haven’t actually.”

Derek huffs and rolls his eyes before pressing his lips firmly to Stiles’ for a bracing kiss.

“I love you Stiles.” he says lips still barely pressed to Stiles’, before deepening the kiss again.

VIXX on a proffessional cooking show

N: he gon be doing gymnastic flips and turns across the kitchen to distract everyone from the fact he has no idea what he’s doing

Leo: ain’t no stopping Leo when he’s in chef mode, he's  gonna stay calm and collected and give you the best goddam noodles you’ve ever tasted

Ken: *stares at all the food* * puts everything in a blender* * does aegyo for the camera* *realises what he’s done is a total disaster*

*S C R E A M S A T T H E F O O D*  *does more aegyo*

Ravi: He’ll look calm and collected on the outside, but as soon as he has to cook he’ll be a mess, he’ll probably end up burning the place down

Hongbin: Mr pedantic here, he’s been freaking out about this for months, he’ll probably just stand there, starting at the uncooked ingredients like ‘wtf am I doing here’, he’ll actually end up making something quite tasty though

Hyuk: laughs and points at Ken so everyone is distracted when he steals everyone else’s ingredients and somehow ends up winning the whole thing *cough cough* bribing the judges *cough cough*

6

Seriously, his whole crotch area is like a goddamn disaster waiting to happen to my eyes. How do women control themselves who are actually in the same vicinity as him? How does he make it through one single day unmolested? I would go DIVING for it. I would throw children into the street to get to it. There would be a path of destruction left in my midst. The police would be called. It would be worth it.

Arrow 5x15 “Fighting Fire With Fire”: We All Got Burned

Originally posted by gameraboy

I’m not quite sure how the Arrow writers are managing this but every single week this show has gotten worse. The issues plaguing the show have only dug in deeper, taking root and I’m not quite sure how Arrow at this point can rid itself of the legacy this season is going to leave in regards to the industry and the fans.

I fully understand that everything is a journey and when you are writing a twenty-three episode series, they tend to draw out plot points that a 13 episode series would conclude rather quickly or smartly avoid. But there is the difference between taking the long way to your destination and setting the car on fire while you’re still driving it.

The Arrow writers have completely forgotten this. Their oft-espoused “back to basics” really meant they were going to erase years of character development. I do not recognize these characters anymore. I do not know Oliver Queen anymore. This isn’t the character that I’ve loved; that I’ve defended like a momma lion; and that I’ve championed a hero even when he wasn’t working with his better angels.

This character is an asshole. I was rooting for impeachment. I’m this close from starting up a Prometheus fanclub. I was once a huge The Vampire Diaries fan. And then Elena Gilbert became a vampire and the show was ruined for me because the show ruined its protagonist. Everything about her character was erased entirely just to perpetuate a love triangle that they had supposedly resolved at the end of the previous season. In doing so, they turned Elena Gilbert entirely unlikeable for me. I just never got over her 24-hr brother swapping or her irritating personality change that was never really explained properly. I never thought I’d see another show destroy its own protagonist as swiftly as TVD managed to do. 

Thus it was funny that I would go on to watch Arrow and root for Oliver Queen, who had his own history of sister swapping. But the difference was that kind of behavior was clearly in Oliver’s past; he was beyond that. He’d grown and learned that he’d been an asshole because karma had kicked his ass something fierce. I’m not saying he didn’t screw up in the present because Lord knows he did. The revival of Oliver and Sara’s relationship was in the worst taste. But it was a little more believable than this push for Oliver and Susan’s relationship in S5.

I thought that douchebag behavior was behind Oliver. Especially once he and Felicity had gotten together. He’d found his light and the one to help him harness it. Oliver had attained a kind of emotional maturity and then the BMD happened. It’s really all been downhill for Oliver since 4x08. It only got worse when S5 started. And yet somehow in 5B they have managed to make all of it worse than 4B and 5A.

Olicity

I am at my breaking point with Oliver. This isn’t a good feeling as someone who loved his character; as someone who loved this show and was rooting for him to come out the end a better, fully-developed person and hero; and as someone who shipped him with my favorite female character. Because here is the hard truth that makes my stomach hurt to even think: Felicity deserves better than this version of Oliver. I think I’ll stick with what I named him last week: Ollie 2.0. And without some sort of magical reversal, I can’t quite see how any kind of reunion between Olicity could be a good thing, let alone believable. I actually have tears in my eyes writing that out. Like a physical pain has lanced my chest. But I feel that defeated after this episode. I am grateful that we have a couple of weeks off before this reel disaster returns.

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milack headcanons

lets get gay up in here

  • zack has a HUGE crush on milo first. he thinks about how much he has fun with him (like rollercoaster fun where you hate it while youre on it but afterwards youre like “LETS GO AGAIN!!”) and he realizes that he doesnt want anything to change and then just like.. everything crashes down on him all at once and he realizes he fell in love with a walking disaster and even worse- “what if he doesnt LIKE ME BACK aughhh”
  • zack ends up calling melissa in the middle of the night every other day like “hey does milo like flowers? chocolates? does he read poetry or listen to music more choose one” and melissa is like. whyd you wake me up why dont you just ask milo
  • it doesnt take long for melissa to realize hes got a crush and she just endlessly teases him about it. they show up late to school together and shes like “well did you enjoy your adventure with milo ayy wink wink kissy noise” and zacks like “shut up” and milos confused bc he thought it was a pretty good adventure
  • milos really blunt and open so one day zack is like “okay im gonna head off somewhere bye guys” and milo says “okay i love you bye” and zack almost keels over. milo gets scared its a murphys law thing and he stops saying “i love you” to people for awhile which makes zack kind of upset but he cant just TELL him why he reacted so much
  • zack talks to melissa about having a crush on milo just about all the time and she starts regretting knowing about it bc he is ALWAYS talking about milo when hes not right next to them. like she likes milo and talking about him and whatnot but is this really necessary and he overthinks everything all the time
  • “do you think i should get nicer clothes” “your outfit looks fine zack” “maybe i should save up for some cool jewelry” “ he might notice it i guess” “maybe i should get some safety equipment to hint at how i want to hang out with him even more” “dude" 
  •  milo freaking. loves with all his heart in such a strong way. he doesnt realize how much he loves his friends and craves affection until hes hanging out with zack and he just wants to lean his head on his shoulder so he does and hes like.. this is nice. meanwhile zack holds his breath bc like… milo is Very Close aaaaaaaa
  • milos totally autistic and infodumps a lot and zack loves it bc he loves his voice and he loves his smile and he loves the way he gestures to punctuate what hes talking about and when he flaps and he loves him so much and why did he let himself fall for him so hard 
  • zack is really really romantically frustrated and he’ll probably never be able to confess to milo about his crush bc hes not a risk taker at all and that makes him a little upset and he loses quite a bit of sleep drafting love letters in his head but he just never writes anything down and even if he did he’d never give it to milo bc he’d get cold feet anyways
  • zack actually works up the nerve to confess one day but like because of the murphys law thing he spends the entire day being interrupted by disasters and just other ppl even just coming up to talk to milo and hes just not able to tell him about his crush for the whole day and hes too exhausted by the end of the day to confess
  • that day ends with milo being like “thanks for staying with me for this whole day zack! i know it was pretty nuts… what was it you wanted to talk to me about?” and zack hesitates for a moment before just hugging him and being like “i just wanted to say youre my best friend dude”
  • he complains to melissa later about WHY didnt he just TELL HIM he had a perfect chance and he basically friendzoned his own crush and nothing would ever be okay again now and melissa is like “dont beat yourself up about it dude you’ll get more chances” but zack doubts it because hes never done anything before

theyre the football player/cheerleader couple of my dreams holy shit

I think Joseph is the most relateable Joestar

  • Has strong opinions about trivial shit like restaurant flirting technique
  • Will always take the easy way out if available and will bitch incessantly if it’s not
  • Is actually quite clever in his own way but only in ridiculously specific situations
  • Fights for his friends but is very afraid of many things
  • Gets married young and clueless to his mom’s maid because she was kinda cute and gave him the time of day
  • Reacts to everything from minor inconveniences to major disasters with loud, vehement profanity
  • Can’t believe his own grandson is a fucking casual in the Year of Our Lord 1989

2AM // masterlist


Request: i was wondering if i could request a fic where kylo and the reader are dating and he wakes up in the middle of the night and the readers gone and he flips his shit but it turns out she was in the kitchens baking stuff the whole time cause she couldn’t sleep! thanks so much and i love your writing

A/N: This was a pretty cute one, it takes away from the constant angst so thank you for requesting it! Also, thank you for the compliment, I appreciate it :) Enjoy!

Warning: Kylo licks readers fingers but thats because there’s icing???

Word Count: 1.2K+


Sleepless nights were quite often for you. It wasn’t like you suffered from anything or that your bed was terrible–it was actually one of the bests and the person you got to share it with made it better–it was just the overwhelming thoughts you had. Working under the First Order was quite demanding, specially with the general you had; let alone, the disaster the organization had gone under not too long ago. So, of course, you were going to have nights where, no matter what position you were in or how your lover held you, it didn’t help at all.

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Pretty

(pssst @prettyinsoulpunk)

Jace Wayland was constantly told he was pretty.

Men, women, seelies, all of them vying for his attention, to finagle their way into his pants into his bed.  Jace took it for what it was, a chance to sate his own needs …

He was nothing more than sex to them.  A notch in their own bedposts.  They never stayed.

It was okay for a while.

But it wasn’t enough.

And then Simon Lewis hurdled into his life.  Jace had no frame of reference for how to deal with someone like him, so their encountered ended in chaos and sometimes misunderstandings.  It evolved into a kind of understanding … from there to friendship and from there …

Simon had been the one to point out that they’d been dating for three months.  Jace had just thought they were hanging out, doing friend things.  Jace had never actually done the ‘dating’ thing before.

The first time they had sex was a Disaster.  Jace tried to do what he always did and Simon fumbled along and both of them nearly called it quits until they’d figured it out and got their act together.

When it was over, Jace expected Simon to leave him, just like everyone else had left him after they’d satisfied themselves.

But Simon surprised him (again), by flopping on top of Jace and tucking his head under Jace’s chin.

“‘m taking a nap and then we’re going for round two,” Simon mumbled.

Jace blinked, unsure what to do, until his hesitantly wrapped his arms around Simon, blinking back tears when SImon hummed and snuggled in closer.

“You’re, like, epically pretty,” Simon murmured, pressing a sleepy kiss to Jace’s chin.

That time, the words didn’t hurt.

chaitea09  asked:

You were chased by the cops, got in my car, and yelled "DRIVE!" AU for Dorlen?

“Against All Odds” - Modern AU Pavellan

Dorian Pavus x Varlen Lavellan, approx 1800 words, most under the cut <3


“DRIVE!”

Varlen yelped and slammed his foot down on the accelerator, his heartrate increasing at an almost identical rate as his car tore off down the street. Breathing hard, Varlen glanced across, eyes wide with panic. There was a man beside him, turned away, clearly intent on something out the window. Vaguely Varlen swore he could hear the sound of distant shouts; of sirens muted by the heavy brick of buildings. For a time, the stranger stayed pressed close to the glass, then abruptly turned, sinking low in the passenger seat. Varlen could feel his hands shaking as he gripped the wheel, palms slick with sweat.

“Please,” he said quietly, forcing himself to focus on the road, begging his voice not to tremble. “Don’t hurt me. I’ll take you wherever you want to go, just—”

“Turn here,” the man instructed sharply, cutting him off and gesturing to a street on the right. Varlen, shocked, obeyed with a panicked jerk of the wheel, tires skidding as he swung the car around the corner. The man made a noise of surprise beside him, his hand flying up to grip the handle above the door as the force of the turn shoved him to the left.

“Sorry - sorry!” Varlen said, then paused, mentally kicking himself. Why am I apologising to him? He’s not a passenger! He’s carjacking me!

“Quite all right,” the man replied shakily, righting himself in the seat. Again, he turned and glanced back out the passenger window, peering into the dark. “Although feel free to take it a mite slower next time. I’d hate to pull off such a daring escape only to find myself cast through a windshield.”

Varlen didn’t reply, his hands still shaking, eyes focused intently on the road in front. Don’t look at him. Don’t make him mad. This will be fine. YOU will be fine. Just… stay calm…

The man let out a quiet breath and turned back to face the front of the car. Varlen’s chest felt too tight - too small to hold all the air he needed for breathing. Was this really happening?! Why? He was a good person! He didn’t deserve–

“I’m not going to hurt you.”

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Connection

Fic Request: oh goodness someone should do a fic when it’s the soul mates au where your soul mates name comes in like a tattoo on your wrist. and lydia obvs gets stile’s name doesn’t know it’s stile’s bc it’s his real name. so she like goes up to stile’s about it and he has a minor freak out.

Rating: T

Genre: Romance, Fluff, Soulmate!AU

Author: dylanhun

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