actually hella personal

I’ve been feeling weird for a while.. Now badly weird, just different weird.
Once when I was younger, maybe around 11 I remember one day when it felt like the world just kinda.. Not stopped, but all of a sudden I felt like a different person, I was still me, but I’d changed since the last time I truly looked at myself.. And now I kinda feel the same thing.

My best friend often tells me that I have one of the lowest selfestemes she knows of, not in a hatefull way at all, but as something that ti her is fact.. I’ve spend and am still spending a lot of time disproving that to myself, but also to her, because I don’t want to be someone with a low selfesteme..

Which brings me to my original point for this hella personal and stupid tumblr post.
I’ve changed since the last time I looked at myself.
Two years ago I spend three years thinking I was an academic failure with little to no brain or knowledge.. Many of my friends have told me through the years that I’m clever, my friend told me that I was way too hard on myself and that I should be proud, my best friend have told me that I’m not the most intelligent person she knows, but that I’m one of the wisest.. My mom have always supported me and called me funny and clever, but it’s hard to believe them.. But guess what? I’m okay at my field of study, I’m an alright student, and after 11 university exames I haven’t failed a single one

I’m afraid of not getting a job, of not being qualified enough or not being good enough.. But my uni mates, my friends and my employees show so much support for me.. They tell me I’m going to make it, that I’m capable and smart, that all the voluentere work and my jobs actually makes a difference… And I think I own it to them to believe them

And most of all I own myself to believe in me. I’m capable, I’m smart.. And first and formost… I’m okay

6

Oh my gods! I just found a perfect little cabin for rent! It’s in our area and in our price range, and I’m trying to contain myself and not get my hopes up because I haven’t even heard from the owner or anything yet, but I just felt like I should post about it for good luck or something.