“Hey, hey, Natasha!” Steve said excitedly. So excitedly, in fact, that he tripped over the coffee table as he was rushing toward her.
Natasha moved her legs out of the way so he splayed out on the floor. “Yes, Steve?”
“Ow!” He sat up, rubbing his face. “You know, you could have caught me!”
“I could have,” she agreed, nodding. “But it was funnier to watch you fall.”
“I’m going to remember this,” Steve told her seriously. “Either until I get my revenge or until the day I die.”
Natasha stared at him silently and kindly did not tell him that he would die first. “What did you want?”
Steve immediately brightened. “Natasha, Bucky finally taught me how to do the thing!”
“…The thing,” she repeated.
Steve nodded wildly. “Yes! Let me sho–Actually I need to sit down. Okay wait. Sorry! I’m just so excited!”
“I can tell,” Natasha said, smiling a little. It was like watching a giant Golden Retriever try not to hit stuff with his wagging tail and failing.
Steve sat down in the chair across from her and took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He let the breath out and opened them again and looked up at her, corner of his mouth quirking up in a semi-smile, lashes lowered just enough that he just barely had to look through them.
“…The thing!” Natasha shouted excitedly. “The smolder!”
“…The smolder?” Steve asked in confusion.
“It’s from Tangled. Don’t worry, I’ll mention it to Clint and he’ll make sure we get it for next movie night.” Natasha clapped happily. “I can’t believe Barnes finally taught you. I thought he’d blow a gasket last time, he was so frustrated.”
Steve rolled his eyes. “Sorry my face doesn’t automatically do the same thing Bucky’s does.”
“Apology accepted,” Natasha said, because she was a little shit, and ignored his outraged squawk. “So what are you going to do with it now?”
“I’m going to do the thing at Tony,” Steve declared, nodding firmly. “Now he’ll have to know I’m flirting with him.”
Natasha reached out to touch Steve’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Steve.”
“Why,” Steve asked, burying his face in his hands. “I even asked him to go out to dinner. What am I doing wrong?!”
“I dunno, pal,” Bucky sighed, reaching out to ruffle his hair. “I thought for sure he’d realize this time.”
Natasha noticed Bruce beginning to walk by and grabbed him by the collar, dragging him back. “Bruce.”
“Ack!” Bruce flailed. “What?!”
“Steve did the smolder at Tony,” Natasha began.
Bruce groaned. “Oh my God, I know. I saw it. That was so sad.”
Steve made a disgruntled noise.
“What can we do to make Tony notice that Steve is flirting with him?” she continued, ignoring them both.
Bruce raised an eyebrow at them. “…Have you ever tried going up to Tony and saying ‘hey, have you noticed I’ve been flirting with you?’”
“It can’t be that easy,” Bucky insisted.
“IT WAS THAT FUCKING EASY,” Bucky concluded, holding up his glass of champagne. “So really this wedding only happened because Bruce was the only one smart enough to steer us in the right direction.”
Tony buried his face in his hands to try and smother his giggles as Steve groaned in mortification and slid out of his seat and onto the ground.
Rhodey stood, holding up his glass of champagne. “Instead of coming up with an undoubtedly witty story about these idiots which you would all surely laugh at, because I am hilarious, I’mma just leave you with this: Tony knew Steve was flirting the whole time and just wanted to see how far Steve would go.”
Tony’s giggling got louder.
“TONY!” Steve shouted from the floor, betrayed, as Natasha and Bucky both began yelling because they’d tried so hard to help Steve and Tony was just being a little shit apparently.
Maria scowled and slapped a twenty into Coulson’s hand.
Coulson sighed and slipped that twenty into Fury’s hand instead.