figuring out you’re asexual is like trying to find a nonexistent needle in a very large haystack except people keep trying to convince you that you’re just not looking hard enough or you’ll find the right needle eventually but the needle just isn’t there and yet everyone else’s is and then you wonder whether or not you actually have a needle and then you spot something that might be a needle but nope it’s just another hay strand and everything is confusing and now the haystack is on fire
I don’t normally post tweet screencaps here, but now that I’ve got your attention: YouTube is fucking over LGBTQ content creators.
Their “restricted mode” (basically their age restriction settings) BLOCKS half my videos. Videos blocked include “Signs You Might Be Asexual Spectrum”, “Dating Asexual People” and “The Person Who Sent You This is Asexual”. Basically ALL my most educational videos on asexuality are unavailable.
I am by far not the only content creator effected. Whatever algorithm YouTube is using to decide what’s safe for kids and what isn’t is blatantly anti-LGBTQ. Age restrictions shouldn’t be use to block sex and relationship education.
There’s a post going around about it right now, but it makes me uncomfortable due to its “if this happened to a gay character, you’d be up in arms!” tone, but I do want to talk about this issue:
A popular television show, House.MD, introduced an “asexual” couple, aimed to prove that asexuality is unnatural, aimed to pathologize the couple’s asexuality, aimed to cure their asexuality, and they were ultimately “successful.”
The episode aired in 2012, for reference.
An asexual man and his female partner were told that their asexuality wasn’t real. They were put through a series of tests. They discovered that the man’s asexuality was caused by a medical problem and the woman was faking it.
(I have a patient who is asexual) “Is she a giant pool of algae?
“$100 says I can find a medical reason why she doesn’t want to have sex”
(What does it matter if she’s asexual?) “It’s the fundamental drive of our species. Sex is healthy.”
“Lots of people don’t have sex. The only people who don’t want it are sick, dead, or lying.”
In addition, the asexual man is subjected to various tests because of a bet made to disprove his asexuality when he was simply seeking medical care. The man is encouraged to seek treatment because his partner “has needs.”
I can understand representing negative attitudes about asexuality in a realistic manner, and the above statements have been said in similar ways to me at times in my life. However, the episode validated these opinions.
In a single episode, asexuals were told that:
asexuality isn’t real – it’s a medical problem
if your asexuality is a medical problem, you should seek treatment
sex is a basic human need that all people should have
Not only was this incredibly invalidating, but it promotes the pathologization of asexuality which contributes to medical abuse asexual people may face. I wont talk about my asexuality with doctors because of stuff like this.
It promotes the idea that asexual people need to overcome their asexuality in order to be a good partner. You need to seek treatment. (The asexual man: “What if I don’t want the treatment?” His partner: A girl has needs.)
By the end of the episode, it’s all about House making the right diagnosis! Let’s celebrate! He’s literally rewarded for invalidating a man’s asexuality by pushing tests and treatments on him that he didn’t ask for.
I don’t want people telling me that I have “no problems” as an asexual person, when getting medical care as an out asexual person can be risky. This episode demonstrated a real nightmare for some asexual people.
They validated a nightmare situation. They didn’t validate our identity.
Reminder that libido and sexual attraction are separate things.
Libido and sex drive refers to how much and how often your body wants sexual release.
Sexual attraction is wanting to have sex with and/or being aroused by a specific person.
You can have a libido and still be asexual. In fact a lot of asexuals do.
Having. Your. Identity. Erased. Is. Not. A. Privilege.
Asexual and/or aromantic people do not experience straight privilege. Being straight means that you are romantically and sexually attracted to the opposite gender. We are not sexually and/or romantically attracted to anyone, therefore we do not experience straight privilege.
It’s the fourth year I’ve put together this list and it’s so huge I can no longer host in on tumblr. Click over to google databaseand you will find 51 YA novels, 14 New Adult novels, and 22 Adult novels. As well three video game characters and five comic books characters.
Not only will this database tell you if there’s an asexual it also includes the following: Series name, character name, own voice authors, type of rep, genre, main character or minor, and if it includes other representation of some sort.
Asexuality is about attraction not sex drive. It’s OK if you masturbate. It’s OK if you feel arousal. It’s OK if you have kinks. It’s OK if you enjoy sex. None of that disqualifies you from being asexual.