actually a tortoise

vampirezelda  asked:

Ok so, we've been discussing this in the sinners lounge since it's popped up everywhere. Any skellies can answer, and you yourself TT. Why is popping joints considered lewd? Or if it isn't, why do you think others in the fandom would consider it lewd? Thanks!

“ok, so when a human pops their joints, it’s because the joint capsule that contains the fluid around it stretches and basically pops a bubble within it.”

“the fact that yer explainin’ human anatomy is creepy.”

“we both know that you know as much about it as i do… maybe even more considering the experiments that went on in your timeline’s lab.”

“yeah, yeah…”  Red suppresses a light shudder, his smirk losing some of its luster.  He shrugs and moves on, getting to the good part.  “that aside, skeleton monsters like us don’t have any fluid or shit between our joints.  our bodies’re made o’ magic… and when that magic gets worked up enough… our bones can crackle with it.  pop, even.”

“fighting magic is different.  getting angry or ready for a fight doesn’t necessarily ‘work up’ our magic, as red put it, and we channel it differently.  there’s no tell-tale crackle or pop before i summon a gaster blaster or pap unleashes a barrage of bones.”

“heh, marshmallow’s right.  sexual magic, on the other hand… that travels right along our spine.  it pools, it condenses, an’ if yer worked up enough, you’ll hear that pop if ya move your bones jus’ right.”

* I honestly had no idea this was a popular thing in the fandom.  I’m pretty sure I got the idea of the skeles being unsettled from the Lady popping her back from @nihilismpastry‘s wonderful Fool’s Luck and the Devil’s Humor because Treat had the tendency to pop her knuckles, and I loved Axe’s reaction to it.

official-jellybellyrulez-acc  asked:

So uhh.. Is there ever gonna be an actual encounter between axe and the ex? I dunno I just wanna see the skelebae get protective yeeeeee!!!

Yup. ;)   It’s gonna kinda go along with this ask: 

All that actual plot I had built up before we got around to fluff and dates is going to come back next month, after the Halloween chapters.  

So, to spoil a few things– there’ll be the dinner with the parents (though she’ll probably go home for that, and her family’ll come to the lodge later), and the re-appearance of the ex.  Because I mean, really, her life is going pretty well right now, so of course he’d try to weasel his way back.

anonymous asked:

Hello! can you write a hc reaction where the mc give the lords a teddy bear/ or any animal plushy? Thank you!

  • Nobunaga receives a puppy plushie as a substitute for the puppy he won’t let himself keep. He hides it during the day so that no one else will see it. He won’t get rid of it because 1) it’s a present, 2) …he just really likes it okay, stop looking at him like that
  • What else can Mitsuhide possibly get but a cat? He displays it proudly in his office and strokes it when he’s trying to figure out something difficult. It’s getting ragged alarmingly quickly. Everyone is worried.
  • Yukimura gets a tiger cub because everybody knows he’s a Shingen fanboy. He keeps it on his shelf. Saizo has caught him talking to it before. Yukimura lives in fear of Saizo telling everyone.
  • Saizo receives a tiny kitten plushie, in memory of the kittens that preferred him over Yukimura. He keeps it in MC’s room and moves it onto her pillow before leaving on missions. It keeps her company when he’s away.
  • Masamune is shook when he receives his rather clumsily made falcon plushie. (Birds are hard, okay?) He realizes how much effort MC has put into it and is super touched. He keeps it in his bedroom and pets it when he needs a pick-me-up.
  • Kojuro gets Bontenmaru… #5? 6? Who knows. He is very charmed. Sometimes he puts it on top of actual tortoise Bontenmaru and watches them crawl around together like the proud tortoise dad he is. Shigezane is just like dude I can’t believe you’re an actual adult
  • HOW CAN INUCHIYO GET ANYTHING BUT A DOG and you’d better believe he’s salty about it. He can’t say anything because it’s a thoughtful handmade gift… but whyyyyyyyyy
  • Hideyoshi gets a really cute monkey plushie. He goes around displaying it to the retainers and the maids. …basically, he just wants to show off. He drags her with him, of course. She’s on show too.
  • Ieyasu receives a tanuki plushie. He’s just like, do you think you’re funny? Do you? Do you??? He keeps it in the very back of his closet. He’ll never hear the end of it if Hanzo sees it.
  • Mitsunari gets a monkey plushie in Hideyoshi’s honour. He keeps it in his office. When he’s asked about it, he gives a long speech about Hideyoshi’s greatness. People don’t seem to stay in his office for long anymore.
  • Kenshin gets a colorful songbird plushie. It’s gorgeous and perfect and he loves it so much. It joins the other treasures in his hoard. He doesn’t have a favorite, exactly, but if he was forced to say…
  • Shingen gets a horse plushie that looks exactly like Kurokumo. He proudly displays it on the door of Kurokumo’s stall. Kurokumo nibbles on it occasionally, much to MC’s dismay.

Fairy Tale Meme:

8 Heroes - [Urashima Taro]

“Have you ever seen Rin Gin, the Palace of the Dragon King of the Sea, Urashima?”

The fisherman shook his head and replied; “No; year after year the sea has been my home, but though I have often heard of the Dragon King’s realm under the sea I have never yet set eyes on that wonderful place. It must be very far away, if it exists at all!”

“Is that really so? You have never seen the Sea King’s Palace? Then you have missed seeing one of the most wonderful sights in the whole universe. It is far away at the bottom of the sea, but if I take you there we shall soon reach the place. If you would like to see the Sea King’s land I will be your guide.”

so i finally watched diu episode one today
(i also got a really nice brush pen)

anonymous asked:

Quick one : how would US Alphys + Undyne, UT Skeletons and UF Muffet and Grillbys react to seeing a tortoise for the first time (lol)

(*Oh anon, you know the way to my heart.

This reminds me.  If anyone can tell me what my pen name is referencing, I’ll do something for them.  An imagine, a one-shot, whatevs.  I’ll bump it to the top of the list.  )

US! Alphys & Undyne:

“UNDYNE!  What is that?!”

Undyne adjusts her glasses, looking at a rather large tortoise grazing on the surface.  “I-it looks like.. Gerson, but… i-it’s not a monster.  I… I think it may just be a.. a normal animal up here.”

Alphys pounds a fist into her palm.  “OR MAYBE!  The old man had a kid and didn’t take responsibility!”

Undyne nods for a second, before she processes the statement.  “Uh… W-what was that, Al-alphys?”

“Nothing PISSES ME OFF MORE than DEADBEAT PARENTS!  C’mon, let’s grab it and make the old man FESS UP!”


UT! Sans & Papyrus:

Papyrus gasps upon seeing a tortoise at a pet store.  “LOOK SANS!  IT’S A TURTLE!”

“a tortoise, actually, bro.”

Papyrus waves a dismissive hand.  “PART OF ME WANTS TO TAKE IT HOME, BUT…”  His gaze cuts toward Sans, his expression turning dry.  “YOU COULDN’T EVEN REMEMBER TO FEED YOUR PET ROCK!”

Sans just chuckles and shrugs.  “eh, it’s ok.  the rock’s enough for me.”  As Papyrus nods and begins to look at other tanks, Sans leans in toward the tortoise and they lock eyes.  

“’sides, this one looks like a dirty sinner to me.”

UF! Muffet & Grillby:

The two of them were in the middle of arguing–upon reaching the Surface, Grillby and Muffet both set up their respective resturants across from one another, creating an endless source of arguments–when a large tortoise slowly crawled by.

“Oh dearie, I don’t think that’s a monster,” Muffet commented with a twinkling laugh, one of her arms daintily covering her mouth as the tortoise decided the perfect place for a nap was in front of the entrance to Grillby’s.  The prepripter of the bar glowed a brighter hue of purple, moving in front of the shelled creature.


It didn’t listen.  If anything, the sudden warmth made it want to bask there longer.

Muffet started laughing again.  “Doesn’t look like it wishes to listen to you!”

Grillby’s crouched down, glaring at the creature with a jagged smirk.  “Looks like… tortoise soup is about to be on the menu.”

“You’d better not!”  Muffet shrieked, stepping between the tortoise and Grillbz.  “Do not touch it!  It’s… kind of cute.”  

“….cute?  it’s blocking my bar.”

“Well, maybe you should have made the doorway bigger!”

And then the two went back to arguing while the tortoise simply enjoyed the heat from Grillby’s flames.


actually my nephews and sister found him walking down the sidewalk near our house.

YYYAAAAAYYY!!!!!! we still have noooooo idea how he got out but we covered the whole lower portion of their temporary enclosure with chicken wire to prevent any more escapes.

The Humble Gopher Tortoise

It’s over 90 degrees outside and the air is heavy with unseen moisture, not entirely ideal weather for a nature hike. Yet from my spot at the front desk, I can see there’s one brave soul heading for the nearest trail entrance.

He is seemingly unfazed by this oppressive heat, for his skin is dry and his steps do not falter. There is a determined look in his beady black eyes, and his dull brown shell shines brilliantly under the hot Florida sun.

He is the resident gopher tortoise, a familiar face here at the museum.

He is an active fellow, as he often crosses the parking lot several times a day, traipsing slowly from one end of the property to the other, pausing now and then to rest in the grass.

Perhaps he makes his daily sojourn to search for food. Like most other species of tortoise, gopher tortoises subsist on a diet of grass, flowers, legumes, and fruit. The seeds of the plants he eats pass through his body undigested, and in his droppings he distributes these seeds across his home range.

His species used to roam all throughout the south, but their range has been reduced to Florida and some parts of neighboring states. He and his kind inhabit dry, sandy environments, such as pine flatwoods, scrub, coastal dunes, and forests with open canopies. Sandy soil is a must for these animals, as that is where they dig their burrows.

His forearms are built for digging-broad and powerful, shovel-like in their form. With languid, sweeping motions he constructs his burrow in the sand, tunneling more than 15 feet. Though a gopher tortoise’s shell provides him with a sturdy and portable form of protection, it is underground in his burrow where he takes refuge, safe from the grasps of the heat and cold and undetected by the roaming eyes of hungry predators.

In recent years, conservationists have been raising concerns over the falling numbers of gopher tortoises. The biggest threats to these animals include habitat loss and poor land management. Humans continue to encroach on the native habitats of these creatures, clearing forests and scrub for property development and agricultural purposes. Additionally, concerns have been raised over the frequent capture and sale of wild gopher tortoises, an illegal practice that has had a devastating impact thus far. As a threatened species, gopher tortoises possess special protections provided by the state of Florida, whereby it is illegal to hunt, capture, possess, or sell these animals without a permit.

Though their slow speed and drab colors give these animals and unassuming nature, gopher tortoises actually play a pivotal role in their environment, awarding them the distinction of being a keystone species (a species that plays a critical role in maintaining the health and stability of an ecosystem). The spacious and well-protected burrows that gopher tortoises dig provide shelter for over 300 species, including snakes, frogs, mice, moths, and beetles. A thriving gopher tortoise population is indicative of a thriving ecosystem. But when an established population of gopher tortoises starts to decline, whether due to habitat loss or disease, all the hundreds of animals that depend on their burrows will consequently be negatively impacted.

It can thus be said that the quiet little gopher tortoise carries the weight of his homeland on his back, for without him, his ecosystem would lose an essential foundational support and would be at risk for collapse.

By now, our resident gopher tortoise has reached the edge of the parking lot; one scaly leg slowly rises from the asphalt and settles onto the grass, the other three soon follow suit. He trudges across the last few meters separating him from the forest and disappears into the undergrowth. Despite the weight he must carry and the threats he may face, the humble gopher tortoise marches on.

by Torin Grier

Reptiles as Service Animals?

This discussion is going around again, so I thought I’d make a post talking about it. In a nutshell: In the United States, snakes, lizards, tortoises, or any other reptile cannot be service animals. While their interaction can be incredibly therapeutic and while you may have one as an emotional support animal, your snake cannot perform tasks and is not protected by the ADA to have complete public access. The only legal recourse you have with an emotional support animal is airline travel and access to all housing. Online service animal registries are scams. The only way to officially have an animal classified as an emotional support animal is by talking to a licensed, accredited mental health professional and getting a letter stating that your animal is an emotional support animal. 

See, here’s the thing with ESAs. They are not trained service animals. It’s wonderful that your snake is therapeutic for you, but comparing your snake to an intensely trained guide dog for the blind or a psychiatric service dog is like comparing oranges to desk chairs. Oranges are great, desk chairs are great, but they aren’t the same thing and if you tried to eat a desk chair or sit on an orange, it wouldn’t go so well for you. 

First, to pet owners who don’t have a mental disorder but don’t like to leave their pet places: I know you might not want to be separated from your pet. I get that. But pet ownership is a privilege, not a right, and while this might upset some people, please stop trying to take untrained animals places where they don’t belong. Stories come out constantly about somebody’s pig or poorly-trained dog or llama or whatever being badly behaved in public. If these abuses keep up, odds are good these privileges will get revoked. There was already a revocation of public access for ESAs back in 2011. Please keep in mind that while you might adore your reptile, many people are afraid of them- and, more importantly, your reptile might be extremely stressed out by a trip to the store. Please put your pet’s needs first. Your lizard will be fine without you for a few hours.

Next, to people whose reptiles provide therapeutic responses: If you don’t feel comfortable traveling without your snake, then get the letter. You are a person who needs an emotional support animal. Know your rights and your needs! If you aren’t currently speaking with a mental health professional, you should look into it. Mental healthcare doesn’t have to be expensive; in urban areas, there are often reduced cost clinics. Colleges and high schools should have mental wellness staff. Do not register your animal online. Emotional support registries are scams. 

A note for people who might not know the difference between a psychiatric service animal and an emotional support animal: A psychiatric service animal (like a dog for somebody with ptsd) is not an emotional support animal. Service animals like that are trained to do tasks, which can include therapeutic pressure and getting a person out of a triggering situation. According to the ADA, business owners can ask two questions about service animals. They can ask if the animal required because of a disability- this is a yes or no question and you are not required to answer what kind of disability you have. They can also ask what work or task has the animal been trained to perform, and if you have an actual service animal, you will know the answer to that question. Getting a service animal is tough. There’s a lot of time, work, and money that goes into training and working with a service animal, and people with service animals are going to be well-versed in the knowledge of what their animal can and cannot do. Providing emotional support is not a task. Furthermore- and this is especially a problem with dogs- a badly-behaved ESA can set service animal owners up for failure. A service dog is trained not to snap or bark except when necessary; they are basically as invisible as possible for the most part. But if an ESA poops on the floor or bites a patron, businesses are often much less tolerant of service dogs. While it’s illegal to discriminate based on the presence of a service dog, do you really think that stops businesses? They’d often rather pay a fine than a lawsuit from somebody who got bitten by a dog that was where it shouldn’t have been.

A final note: I know this might sound harsh. I’m not trying to say that people with ESAs don’t need them. Mental disorders are absolutely real and you should have full access to the treatment that works best for you. If that treatment is a therapy snake, great! If your snake helps you in a high-anxiety situation like a test, arrange things with whoever’s administering the test. If you take one thing away, let it be this: ESAs are not service animals. Don’t just assume you can take an ESA everywhere because that can get you in trouble and cause major problems for other people who have ESAs or service animals. Know the difference between ESAs and service animals and keep them in mind when you’re thinking about taking your animal someplace.


I can’t get this headcanon out of my head like I want them to go to the zoo that would be so cute

-Gansey would totally be that dad with the map of the zoo trying to maneuver through all the exhibits and keeping track of where they are, but then Noah’s just like “PANDAS” and they all go running to them and Gansey’s like “GUYS THE MAP YOU CANT JUST, OHMYGOD NOAH DON’T TRIP YOU GUYS ERIOUSLY, THIS ISNT THE PATH I PLANNED OUT FOR US”

-They go to the penguin exhibit and NOah’s like ohmygod they’re so cute and he just goes through the glass and becomes one with the penguin herd, like he’s waddling around with them and everything and the penguins just accept him as one of their own.  And all the while Gansey is just HAVING A HEART ATTACK SCrEAMING like NOAH YOU CANT JUST

-They go to the gift shop and they’re selling these like animal masks, and blue is just trying all of them on and she points to the lion mask and shes like “ronan put that on right now” and he refuses because hes soooo tough and then adam just takes it and puts it on his face, and under the lion mask ROnan is just blushing SO HARD and he won’t take it off because he doesn’t want them to see him BLUSHIng.

-Ronan gets into staring contests with every animal that looks at him and then he’s facing off with this llama and it just spits on his face, and adam and blue are just dying

-They’re at the wolverine exhibit and gansey’s reading the sign for them and it says something like “though small and cute the wolverine has a highly aggressive nature and can take down prey as large as a moose and steal food from bears and wolves.” And he’s just smiling to himself because it sounds like blue, and at that moment blue is punching ronan for pointing this exact thing out.

-I just imagine gansey sitting on like a big rock to rest his legs and then the rock just starts moving because it’s actually like a bigass tortoise and Gansey jumps up and screams and falls over himself and then he has to crawl around looking for his glasses

-They’d be in like a big butterfly house where all the butterflies fly around and chill. And this butterfly just lands on Ronan’s head and blue keeps giggling because Ronan’s acts all tough and manly and here he is with this butterfly on him and he shoos it away but it just comes back.  And then another butterfly lands on his shoulder, followed by another, and another. And soon he’s just like COVERED in butterflies and they’re all laughing because its RONAAn.

-then like a butterfly lands on adam’s nose and he sneezes and ronan just cannot handle it

-You can BEt YouR AsS Gansey brought a bunch of little sandwiches and juiceboxes and snacks for his children and they all sit under like a tree just eating while like pigeons and peacocks are just walking around eating crumbs.

-Noah and Blue keep throwing chips to the birds and then more and more birds start coming until Blue and Noah have amassed and ARmY. And then they just look at each other, and then throw all of the contents of the chip bag at where Gansey, Adam, And Ronan are sitting and watch the ensuing chaos as the flock of birds just SWARM ND ATTCK.  ANd Gansey is trying to crawl away as a pigeon tries to like nest in his hair, and Ronan is trying to protect adam and failing miserably, and then chainsaw is like squawking at the other birds, and blue and noah are rolling on the ground laughing.

-They are looking at the elephants and then there is a tiny lil baby one just tumblin around and adam is watching ronan’s face just smiling because this elephant is so darn cute and then the baby elephant falls down and ronan’s concerned face is so darn cute that adam has to look away.

-I literally just imagine Gansey outfitted in like one of those full Zoo Safari outfits that are like all beige and with the hat and the vest and all the pockets and everything like what a nerd i love him


-Gansey bought a pair of fucking binoculars to see the animals better because he’s gansey and he’s trying to get a closer look at the gorillas and then blue just puts her face in front of the binoculars so Gansey just all of a sudden sees A HUGE BLUE and he hits himself in the face with the binoculars

-They’re sitting by a fountain and Adam is feeding bread to a bunch of baby ducks but when they get up to leave the baby ducks just start following him like he’s the mama duck and adam just does not know what to do because they will not stop following him and ronan is just sCrEaMiNg INTERNALLY

-They are looking at this cute little white rat in a glass cage unaware that it’s about to be python food so Gansey and noah are just screaming while this python swallows the rat whole, blue starts to sing “circle of life”, ronan is laughing at them, while adam is just shaking his head at all of them.

-a little kid is lost and crying because the lions roaring is scaring her and adam, being the only capable and responsible one, just like kneels down beside her and is like “Hey it’s okay, the lions can’t get you because there’s a big fence so they can’t get to you” and she’s still scared so he’s like “Even if they get past the fence you see that guy(pointing to ronan), well he’s a super professional lion tamer and he’ll stop them before they get to you, so you have nothing to worry about” and she stops crying and he takes her hand and helps her find her worried parents. AWh. 

-They get dippin dots and Noah is just IncREdiBLY fascinated and captivated by these little ice cream dots even tho he can’t eat them, so he makes adam eat two because adam has never had them either

-They have a contest to see who can stand the longest with one leg in the air like the flamingos and ronan is immediately out because he has shitty balance and he’s like “this is dumb” and he storms off and adams just like “Ronan stop omg” and goes after him and so adam’s out. And gansey is so busy watching blue concentrate that he doesn’t even realize he’s falling.  And then Noah and Blue are at it for like two minutes until Blue cheats and cuts off her energy supply to Noah and Noah flickers out and he stumbles so Blue wins even tough noah is grumbling that she cheated.

-They’re at one of those polar bear exhibits where you can look through the glass and see the polar bears swimming.  And Ronan like pushes Noah and noah accidentally falls through the glass and the little kids there are like “MOmmy look theres a boy in the water!” and the Parents are just like “DEAR GOD KATIE LOOK AWAY” and then the EMPLoyees are runnin g around like “MAYDAY MAYDAY CODE 9 I REPEAT CODE 9″ And Noah just like gets out and he’s completely fine and they have to leave because the employees are Like HOW ARE YOU NOT DEAD, and noahs just like “i kinda am so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”



“We can’t stay in here for the whole trip babe” I said as I pressed my body even closer to Alex

“Why we can’t?” he grumbled into my hair

The last two days consisted of nothing but pure sex, water, lots and lots of water, more sex and sleep. I think it was time for us to actually do something that Alex paid for in our vacation package.

I don’t want to waste it away by staying in and having sex for the next few days.

“Because we just can’t baby” I traced the numerous tattoos on the arm he had wrapped around me

His fingers danced around my stomach “Let’s just stay in one more day so I can pull on your hair some more” he said

My face burned red “No, we didn’t come here to have sex the whole tim-“

“We didn’t?” he feigned shock

I elbowed him lightly in the stomach causing him to let out the laugh I’d grown to love “No we didn’t so we should get up now and go enjoy some of the activities” I attempted to move only to have Alex’s arms locked around me

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