I think, I think one of the worst things about realizing you’ve been abused is the actual realization. Slowly learning what’s normal and what isn’t. Having it smack you in the face that “oh god that wasn’t normal that’s not normal all” and it’s just this horrifying realization
And it gets worse. You remember more trauma. You remember more of the hell they put you through. You wonder how they still think they did nothing wrong?
You doubt. You refuse to doubt. You panic. You become this mess of “is this real” and “I know this is real” and “I don’t want this to be real”