Finally! I finished it! Actually contains some dialogue, which is fairly unusual for me. I’m quite proud.
Lavellan is hurt in a fight, and Solas’ worry for her lays bare the way he obviously cares for her, much as he has tried to hide it.
Some fluff! All the fluff!
The force of the blast almost causes him to
lose his balance, as he topples backwards. He just manages to steady himself,
as his hand makes contact with the rough surface of tree bark behind him. It takes
him only a few quick, calculated glances at the clearing in which they have
been fighting to realize that the battle is over. He can feel the pressure of
imminent danger recede, yet something else seems wrong, somehow. The air is
suddenly too thick to breathe, and he feels as if the world has gone from
deafening noise to numbing deafness within just a few short seconds. He turns
unconsciously to make out the reason for this abrupt shift in his perception,
as his eyes fall on her. Solas
has to stop himself from rushing to her side, as she walks unsteadily to where
He tries to calm his breathing and relax his
face into an expression of sober practicality as he speaks.
“You’re hurt. Let me-”
“I’m fine. It’s not that bad.”
It certainly looks bad. Her clothes are smeared
with blood, and she almost trips over the roots of a tall dark tree. The sight of her sends a chill
through his blood, and he feels his face go numb as he considers how close he
came to losing her just then.
When she’s only a few steps from him, she lets
herself sink to the mossy forest ground, her back leaning against the trunk of
a tall, dark oak. She curls up, her forehead resting against her knees. The
wish to make sure that she really isn’t seriously hurt stirs him into action,
and he steps forward and crouches down next to her.
“Let me see. Maybe I can help.” He
lays a gentle hand to the side of her face. She looks up at the unexpected
touch, and he instantly regrets it. She isn’t badly hurt, it seems; just a
little shaken by the unexpected fight. But there’s confusion in her eyes at
this unknown closeness. His simple touch, which was merely supposed to make
certain that she is alright, lays bare a vulnerability that makes his stomach
turn. He suspects that it is just as clear to her as it is to him that, under any
other circumstances, he would never get so close to her. Her brows knit
together softly; but why does he think he can see sadness in that?
“I saw the blood on you. It isn’t
yours?” He can’t quite keep the trepidation at the thought out of his
“No. It isn’t mine.” She turns her
head slightly to the side, her eyes leaving his, and he lets go of her face.
But he still doesn’t manage to stand up and remove himself from her just yet. So
he sits down next to her, his head leaning back against the tree trunk, and
closes his eyes.
It seems unlikely to him that she should be so
surprised to see the way he obviously cares for her. But apparently she is not
as acutely aware of his infatuation as he is, and maybe that shouldn’t come as
such a surprise to him. He has done all he could to not let it show. But now,
his fear for her laid bare some of what he has been trying so hard to hide from
her. It’s a twisted thought, but maybe he needed a reminder of what her loss
would do to him to make him realize that if something were to happen and he had never been honest to both her and
himself, he would have regretted it forever.
He can hear her rummaging in her pack, looking
for something. After a few moments of deliberation, he has to acknowledge that
his fear for her has exposed him anyway, and he speaks again, his voice low.
“I didn’t mean to startle you.” He
pauses, thinking about how to best phrase his truth. “What are you
thinking?” He can never tell.
She doesn’t answer right away. But when she
does, he notices that she has already discarded any attempts at pretence. He is
relieved to hear that her voice comes out clear and strong.
“I don’t know what I should think.
Probably that it makes sense for you to worry when you think an ally might be
Solas has to stop himself from snorting in
disbelief. Is that really what she thinks? She must know that he is hardly so
indifferent, even if she can’t quite gage the true extent of his infatuation.
“That seems rather practical.” He tries to make the sarcasm in his voice clear.
“Is that what you see?”
She huffs, slightly exasperated. “Well,
what else is there?” She clearly means it as a rhetorical question, but he
sees through her at this moment. She seems to have talked herself into
believing that the reason for this distance he usually keeps between them is
that he actually doesn’t care for her. The thought sends a jolt of hope through
his stomach. She really has no idea; or maybe that is just easier to deal with
than the thought that he might care,
but that there’s something else beneath, something real, that she can’t see and
which constitutes a darker reason for his seeming detachment.
He turns his head and looks at her. He can’t
quite find the words. How to tell her the truth without telling her the truth?
His conflict must have shown on his face, because her expression changes from
annoyed frustration to something less sharp. She searches his face for an
answer when he still doesn’t speak, and after a few long moments, she seems to
accept that she’s been lying to herself in an attempt to make his rejection
easier to bear.
“Why never tell me?” Her voice is
low, and there’s such tenderness in her expression, he finds he has to look
away to keep himself steady. He could allow himself to call it mere ‘infatuation’
when his heart would beat a little too fast whenever she’d get close, or when
he felt a youthful nervousness at her small touches, as long as he never let
himself think about how close to giving in he really is. The hurt that is clear
in her eyes now has disarmed him however, stripped him of the last layer of
pretence that he had left to cover himself in.
He looks back at the darkening sky to escape
her searching look. He fears that he might throw his arms around her right here
“There are many good reasons to not let
this get any further-” But she interrupts him.
this get any further?’ Further than what? Nothing’s happened! You never let it. For some reason or
another.” She mumbles the last words under her breath. Her obvious
impatience at his rather half-hearted attempts at mystery makes him smile, in
spite of himself.
“I thought it might be more obvious that
I’m forcing this distance, rather
than there being a genuine wish for it.” He still can’t keep himself from
grinning, as he looks at her out of the corner of his eyes, trying to gage for her
Her eyes are cast down, and she blushes a
little at his words. Is she really thinking the same? Has she really let
herself get this far? The thought makes him want to shout for joy. He never let
his wish that she might see something more than an ally take hold of him.
She speaks after a moment, apparently suddenly
very interested in examining her knees.
“I guess it was easier to convince myself
you didn’t-” She can’t quite get the words across her lips. “You
suspected it. But hearing her speak the words now, seeing how much it costs her
to admit to this unspoken thing between them, puts another dimension to it all.
He sits up and turns to face her fully. He takes her hand in both of his,
intertwining her fingers with his.
“Don’t ever say that. Don’t ever think
that.” His voice is low and quiet again. He means to show her how serious
he is. And it’s then that he realizes that he has been in too deep for too long
already; it strikes him how little it took to break his resolve.
She looks up at him again. It seems to take her
a few moments to comprehend the subtle meaning of his words. But when she does,
she smiles. Her face lights up with joy as if an unpleasant weight that has
been pressing down on her shoulders is unexpectedly lifted from her.
She lets him pull her up to her feet. When she
stands, he places a small kiss on each of her palms, and he smiles quietly back
They take their time as they walk back to camp
through the darkening forest.
“Do you remember what I said to you when you told me you were a lesbian?” “’Thank god you finally said it’?” “After that.” “…’You better find a girl who deserves you’.” “Yes! That! And this might be so shocking to you, but a murderous vampire isn’t what I had in mind!!”
Carmilla + Favorite Familial Relationship: Laura Hollis+Dad (requested by @bi-dominusrex)