actual brotp no 1

The One Where Caroline Destroys a Bar

Continuing the saga of FakeMarried!Carenzo, and a very happy birthday to @lynyrdwrites. She’s the actual best. True story. Carenzo brotp, Kolenzo brotp, light Klaroline smut, enjoy!

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Look, Enzo meant to send the papers in. He had the forms filled out, faked a few of Caroline’s signatures (entirely with her permission, thank you very much,) and had gone so far as to pay a visit to their lawyer’s offices to make sure he knew exactly what to do. Their divorce lawyer, who had minimal involvement the first time they did this due to the amicable (and entirely fraudulent) nature of everything, barely batted an eyelash when Enzo recounted the tale of remarrying Caroline not twenty-four hours after their first divorce.

But then, he wasn’t paying the man an absurd fee to ask questions.

Anyway, all this to say that Enzo had every single intention of following his ex-wife/current wife/best friend’s wishes and absolving their quickie marriage while she enjoyed a ‘sexcation’ with Mikaelson, it was really the least he could do.

And then on the day he went to submit the paperwork, he ran into the receptionist, Tiffany. Tiffany who had a thing for accents and a best friend in accounting who swooned over ‘tall, dark and handsome.’  They nearly broke the copy machine that afternoon.

So, the papers never got submitted and Enzo got a little ‘sexcation’ of his own, and everyone had a good time. He always intended to go through with the annulment, but things came up. He was sure Caroline wouldn’t mind. At least, he hoped she’d never find out.

Unfortunately, not everyone shared his optimism.

“You’re still married?! Kol Mikaelson stared at him, mouth agape for a second before he started laughing. And kept laughing. Laughing so hard that Enzo swore some hyenas in the nearest zoo were wondering where their missing family member was.

The younger of the two finished his bourbon, waving the bartender down for a refill. Mikaelson was a prat but New Orleans had some fantastic booze, he had no regrets of taking some time to see the city. God knows Caroline had talked about it enough when she thought he wasn’t paying attention.

“You about done mate?” he asked Kol who was finally done, grinning like the lunatic he was.

“You’re a dead man. And I don’t mean Nik, although he will get at least one bite in, from what I know, blondie’s going to rip you to pieces.

Enzo grimaced, trying to wave off the concern. “It’s nothing she has to worry about,” he said, not very convincingly. “She’s too busy shagging your brother anyway.”

It was Kol’s turn to pull a face. “I do not need to think about my brother’s sex life,” he said sourly.

Enzo held up his glass in a toast, “To keeping our mouths shut.”

“I’ll put in a good word at your funeral.”

“Piss off.”


Approximately 4,792 miles away, Caroline moaned into soft white sheets as Klaus’s tongue worked over her clit like a man on mission. She locked eyes with him, breath catching on the dark, feral look in his eyes before he went back to the task at hand. A few seconds later and she came on his very talented tongue, panting heavily as he kissed his way up her body.

“New record,” Caroline whispered, still seeing stars as Klaus hovered over her, leaning down to capture her lips in a kiss.

“I don’t know love, I think we can do better,” Klaus said smugly, settling next to her and winding a strong arm around her waist to pull her into his side.

“Cocky much?”


And honestly, Caroline couldn’t blame him. Three months into their little ‘sexcation’ (Her words, not his. Klaus had at least tried to fit in culture and art and all that jazz, but the point was to make up for lost time, and they did all of that and more) and Klaus had more than proved what a thousand years could teach him.

“I wouldn’t have promised to be your last if I didn’t think I could deliver,” he told her on their first night in Rome. And then he proceeded to deliver about five more times before the sun rose.

So, the past three months had been great. Actually, amazing. Really fucking amazing. It was like she was waiting for the other shoe to drop, but nothing happened. They saw Rome, Venice, Barcelona, Zurich, Prague, and finally Klaus had brought her to Paris, saving the city for last before they eventually went back to the States.

And now they had a few more nights that they intended to thoroughly enjoy before the rest of the world caught up to them.

“What do you think, Louvre again?” asked Caroline, snuggling further into Klaus.

He groaned, playing with the ends of her golden hair. “Have mercy love, I can only take the tourists for so long.”

“But I like your stories!” Caroline said, shifting against him just enough that he groaned again, but for a very different reason.

“You win, after that; I’m waiting at least five years.”

“Guess I’ll just go without you,” Caroline said cheekily.

Klaus pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder. “Sweetheart, I will personally paint you a copy of every painting in that museum myself.”

He was so sweet like that.

“And I swear if you make me go back, I will personally spill blood on the Mona Lisa.”

Well, maybe not.

“You wouldn’t,” Caroline said confidently. “Too much history.”

“I’d replace it with a copy and I’d even fix Leonardo’s mistake on the background.”

Caroline laughed softly, enjoying the little bubble they had. The bubble was burst by the sound of a phone ringing and Caroline frowned, reaching out for her cellphone, nearly sending it clattering to the ground.

“Hang on,” she muttered as it continued ringing obnoxiously. “Hello?” she snapped into the phone.

“Good morning, I’m calling from Leland Law Offices,” a too-cheerful voice started, and Caroline nearly hung up on her, but the name of their lawyer’s office kept her on the line.

“What is it?” she asked, trying not to giggle as Klaus tickled her sides.

“We’ve been trying to contact Enzo St. John and you’re listed as his emergency contact.”

“Is he okay?” Caroline asked, suddenly more alert.

“Oh everything’s fine; we were just following up on the annulment papers. We expected them to be filed nine weeks ago, but since we never heard back, we assume he attempted to give the marriage a go.”

Somewhere on the street, a passerby looked up in confusion, wondering why he could hear a high pitched screeching sound coming from somewhere high up.


For the first time in a thousand years, Klaus honestly believed that he didn’t have to be angry, because somebody else was going to do more damage. He watched her flash around the room, throwing clothes into suitcases, muttering under her breath. In pieces, he gathered what was happening, and his first thought was to be furious, but Caroline had enough rage in spades.

He might get one good bite in though.

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