actual

Did I take my meds today?
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No you can’t count to two you’re an only child you have to count to 1 or they’ll be consequences what why would there be consequences it doesn’t matter there just will be so fix it fix it fix it
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No you can’t count to one because there’s more than one person in you’re family if you count to one then they’ll all die because you only counted yourself and that means that you’re the only one so you can’t count to 1 can’t can’t can’t can’t bad things will happen and you can’t count to 1
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But what about the pets you have to count the pets to because of you don’t oh consequences bad thing bad things will happen so count the pets to why am I counting in the first place it doesn’t matter count count count
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Better better but wait no you tapped the table you tapped the table with your left hand and you can’t tap the table with your left hand because the left is bad why is the left bad I don’t know it’s bad and now everything isn’t equal and there will be consequences so fix it fix it fix it
Now you’ve tapped your right hand too hard and it’s still not equal and you tapped it with your pinky the pinky is bad if you tap with the pinky then there will be consequences bad things will happen very bad things will happen so fix it fix it now fix it fix it fix it
5 taps on the left hand pointer finger no other finger can touch
Now the same for the right the same the same the same the same the same 5 only five always five because everything else is bad bad bad there will be consequences
You can carry that Harry Potter bag it has the blind dragon on it and if you carry that bag you’ll go blind too why I don’t know you just will it will happen
Open the door left hand pointer finger on top middle finger on bottom let go of the handle before it comes back up and close the door with your right hand the same way it has to be equal equal equal equal
The shirt collar is too tight I’m choking I’m choking I’m choking but the collar is loose but it’s so tight pull it pull it pull it now you tore it good job and your bra straps are in even and it hurts it hurts you think it hurts but it doesn’t but it hurts so fix it fix it fix it now or bad things will happen
My shoulder hurts on the left and I can’t stop it from hurting I can’t make it equal unless I make the right hurt too and if it’s not equal there are consequences consequences consequences consequences consequences
Fix it fix it fix it
There’s something on this seat so wipe it down there’s nothing there but do it again to make sure again again again again again
Now sit but what wipe it again to make sure and then sit down but your pants feel crooked and you have to fix them stand up fix them they weren’t crooked to start with now wipe the seat again and again and again and again
Go to sleep
It’s 3 in the afternoon
It doesn’t matter go to sleep
Sleep means no thinking
No thinking
Did I take my meds today?

-

Welcome to my mind. Every day this is what happens, it never fails. I’m not posting this for pity or for you to feel sorry.
I’m posting this to bring awareness.
I have OCD.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Let me tell you, I do not organize or color code, I don’t care when something is unever or crooked.
That’s the human appeal for aesthetic pleasure.
It is not OCD.
OCD is repetitive, irrational, obsessive thoughts that lead to drastic and sometimes harmful compulsions that make it a disorder.
My brain will not be quiet, and if never will be.
I need you all to know the truth of OCD.
It has led me to severe anxiety and depression.
I need you to know that it is not color coding, or organizing, or keeping things neat.
It is my brain screaming a thousand different irrationalities at me all at once and never stop until I act on these thoughts.
It is like being held right below the surface of water and the only way to get even a sip of air is if you spend hours chipping away at your sanity.
So please, the next time you hear someone say that they’re “soooo OCD” because they like to organize.
Stop them.
OCD has become a disorder dressed up and pretty for public use to be tossed around and make someone cutesy.
This disorder is not cutesy.
This disorder is hours spent lying in bed and begging for a moment of silence from your head.
It’s crying in the floor because you’re so tired and exhausted but there is no way to get out of your own mind.
It’s obsession after obsession forcing you to act even when you don’t want.
Don’t normalize the pampering of this disorder.

JÓVENES ACTUALES

Haré un pequeño fragmento de la actualidad ahora en los jóvenes, no soy quien para criticar, solo dare mis puntos de vista a cerca de esta enorme ola de ignorancia que nos esta envolviendo, Vivimos en una sociedad en donde la juventud piensa que el sexo lo es todo, o en donde tener novios antes de cumplir los 15 es un gran logro, ahora las niñas cambian las muñecas por pañales, en donde ser madre soltera a los 16 es ser bendecida y afortunada. vivimos en un mundo que es hipócrita y clasista, donde solo muestran solidaridad de los dientes para afuera y que por dentro son la misma mierda de todos, una sociedad donde las mujeres festejan que ciertos artistas las traten de objetos sexuales (Bad bunny, Maluma,bryant myers,  y otros idiotas que creen que eso es arte) lo que mas entristece es que se aprenden las letras de cada uno de ellos y la cantan a gritos porque dicen que “eso si es música” pero vas le preguntas las tablas de multiplicar y no saben ni cuanto es “ cero por cero”. como dije al principio no soy quien para criticar y aunque lo este haciendo, solo dejo esto para que vean como poco a poco esta generación se esta dañando, yo veo un futuro en donde las escuelas van a quebrar, en donde los hospitales se verán mas llenos de niños con mujeres solteras porque al no saber elegir con quien estar y solo por pasar el rato las dejan embarazadas y el muchachito resulta ser un cobarde que no responde por sus hechos, veo personas muriendo de sífilis, gonorrea, sida, VIH,  VPH, y lo mas triste es que serán personas que no sobrepasen los 30, porque no saben cuidarse y no se dan a valorar.

Lo sé pueda que reciba muchos insultos por esto o tal vez nadie se tome el tiempo de leerlo, lo digo porque a diario veo jóvenes que no sobrepasan los 17 haciendo cosas de adultos en donde solo deberían cargar morrales y libros a diario en su espalda, y aunque den charlas en institutos acerca de todo esto, ya nada los hará cambiar de perspectiva, porque los medios de comunicación son los que se han encargado de joder toda la vida, la sociedad, el mundo.

Solo, piensen un poco en ustedes y visualiza como te quieres ver en un futuro, tal vez pienses que no sera así, pero en unas de esas “calenturas” te puedes joder la vida para siempre. Y si te dejas llevar, cuídate hay tantas cosas hoy en día para no joderte a ti y tu futuro.

Poeta Inestable.