Did I take my meds today?
No you can’t count to two you’re an only child you have to count to 1 or they’ll be consequences what why would there be consequences it doesn’t matter there just will be so fix it fix it fix it
No you can’t count to one because there’s more than one person in you’re family if you count to one then they’ll all die because you only counted yourself and that means that you’re the only one so you can’t count to 1 can’t can’t can’t can’t bad things will happen and you can’t count to 1
But what about the pets you have to count the pets to because of you don’t oh consequences bad thing bad things will happen so count the pets to why am I counting in the first place it doesn’t matter count count count
Better better but wait no you tapped the table you tapped the table with your left hand and you can’t tap the table with your left hand because the left is bad why is the left bad I don’t know it’s bad and now everything isn’t equal and there will be consequences so fix it fix it fix it
Now you’ve tapped your right hand too hard and it’s still not equal and you tapped it with your pinky the pinky is bad if you tap with the pinky then there will be consequences bad things will happen very bad things will happen so fix it fix it now fix it fix it fix it
5 taps on the left hand pointer finger no other finger can touch
Now the same for the right the same the same the same the same the same 5 only five always five because everything else is bad bad bad there will be consequences
You can carry that Harry Potter bag it has the blind dragon on it and if you carry that bag you’ll go blind too why I don’t know you just will it will happen
Open the door left hand pointer finger on top middle finger on bottom let go of the handle before it comes back up and close the door with your right hand the same way it has to be equal equal equal equal
The shirt collar is too tight I’m choking I’m choking I’m choking but the collar is loose but it’s so tight pull it pull it pull it now you tore it good job and your bra straps are in even and it hurts it hurts you think it hurts but it doesn’t but it hurts so fix it fix it fix it now or bad things will happen
My shoulder hurts on the left and I can’t stop it from hurting I can’t make it equal unless I make the right hurt too and if it’s not equal there are consequences consequences consequences consequences consequences
Fix it fix it fix it
There’s something on this seat so wipe it down there’s nothing there but do it again to make sure again again again again again
Now sit but what wipe it again to make sure and then sit down but your pants feel crooked and you have to fix them stand up fix them they weren’t crooked to start with now wipe the seat again and again and again and again
Go to sleep
It’s 3 in the afternoon
It doesn’t matter go to sleep
Sleep means no thinking
Did I take my meds today?
Welcome to my mind. Every day this is what happens, it never fails. I’m not posting this for pity or for you to feel sorry.
I’m posting this to bring awareness.
I have OCD.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Let me tell you, I do not organize or color code, I don’t care when something is unever or crooked.
That’s the human appeal for aesthetic pleasure.
It is not OCD.
OCD is repetitive, irrational, obsessive thoughts that lead to drastic and sometimes harmful compulsions that make it a disorder.
My brain will not be quiet, and if never will be.
I need you all to know the truth of OCD.
It has led me to severe anxiety and depression.
I need you to know that it is not color coding, or organizing, or keeping things neat.
It is my brain screaming a thousand different irrationalities at me all at once and never stop until I act on these thoughts.
It is like being held right below the surface of water and the only way to get even a sip of air is if you spend hours chipping away at your sanity.
So please, the next time you hear someone say that they’re “soooo OCD” because they like to organize.
OCD has become a disorder dressed up and pretty for public use to be tossed around and make someone cutesy.
This disorder is not cutesy.
This disorder is hours spent lying in bed and begging for a moment of silence from your head.
It’s crying in the floor because you’re so tired and exhausted but there is no way to get out of your own mind.
It’s obsession after obsession forcing you to act even when you don’t want.
Don’t normalize the pampering of this disorder.
Sure you get scared. You know how to get over that right? You just start! Do what you love then you’ll be great ’cause you won’t be afraid anymore ’cause you’ll actually be doing it! Right? You will not be afraid anymore if you just start.