act like a woman think like a man]

i don’t think. there’s enough posts just acknowledging how awful dating (or even thinking about dating) is when you’re in the closet like.


shoutout to my fellow trans people who feel like liars/manipulators for wanting to date while they’re not out

shoutout to people who feel sick when someone hits on them because they’re being perceived as the wrong gender

shoutout to trans people with crushes they’ll never feel safe/comfortable/confident enough to act on

shoutout to trans people with partners they’re not out to

shoutout to trans people that love their partners but feel dysphoric/sick because of them anyway

Ardor – five.

❝  After your art professor notices your ardor towards nudeness in arts, he sends you to apprentice under his old friend, the Korean painter Byun Baekhyun who’s infamous for his erotic pieces and cocky demeanor. Rumors surrounded Baekhyun at any second and women who had been with him described him as “an unforgiving lover of bodies”. What happens when you find him taking a liking to you–and your body? ❞

Reader x Painter!Baekhyun

 !Sexual themes/smut.

one. two. three. four. six.

My insides were ablaze as I watched Y/N stumble out of the club with Jongin, all giggles, and inappropriate touches all before they had even gotten out of the room. I was getting hot with jealousy, there wasn’t really much more to say. I was never really good with words as I was with art. I was never really good with someone else’s feelings as I was with art. 

“My jealousy ran through my veins like poison, clogged up my heart and sent my body into hell’s oven. The seventh sin sent my mind into a frenzy and my body into a paralyze.” Sehun spoke out into the tense silence Y/N and Jongin had left us in, dictating one of his old novels. He stared at me and Yixing, biting down a entertained smirk. I wanted to reach over the table and punch his pretty little face, but I ultimately decided not to.

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You’re Safe Here (Dean x Reader)

Requested by anon.Enjoy!

Originally posted by im-in-trbl

“What’s your ideal husband?”

“I like a man that’s a mystery, someone that doesn’t talk very much, those are the ones that are the most affectionate. I prefer to just cuddle than talk, I like a man that knows what he is doing, he is not afraid to take risks and get touchy feely. I think it’s because i’m not good with words so touching is my way of showing affection.”


“What’s your ideal wife?”

“I like a girl that’s more of an acting than talking. Someone that delicately sexy, I like a strong gaze in a woman. Someone tha'ts silently having my back and even though she will talk shit in front of me, she will cut someone that talks bad behind my back. A dynamic duo”


Getting to be with Hyuk was something that you felt blessed about experiencing. He was pretty much the man of your dreams, the chemistry you had was over flowing and everyone that watched the show could see it. From silly missions, to random actions of affection, like playing with your curly hair, to teasing the other but then hugging them cause you felt bad. It was a relationship you wish you had without having to sign a contract and cameras following you.

You were a bit sad that it was the last episode of We Got Maried, it meant that you and Hyuk would have to go your seperate ways. You would go back to your job as an actress and he would go back to singing like an angel.

“Keep them close”

“If this is a sick joke, I will beat you until you bleed”

You threatened him as he carefully covered your eyes, so he won’t ruin your eye make up. He guided you somewhere and then stopped you. You could feel the curiousity bubbling up, you were tempted to rip his hand of from your eyes to see what he was hiding, but you knew it was something he had probably worked hard for and you didn’t want to ruin it for him. So you just bit your lips and patiently waited for him to reveal his surprise.


a beautiful set of a couch and a big tv was set right in the garden, you could already recognize your favorite snacks and the fluffy blankets that were perfectly folded on the side of the couch. One of the most brightest smiles reached your lips, you even showed your teeth, you rarely did that because of your insecurity of your crooked front teeth.

“Aww Hyuk, this is beautiful”

“Come on, I picked the best movie”

He took your hand and sat next to you on the very comfortable couch. He passed you the pink blanket, knowing that it was one of your favorite colours and he kept the creme coloured on for him. You took of your shoes and put your legs up to get cozy.

“Are you ready?”


He pressed play and his song “bonnie & clyde” reached your ears, catching you off guard. You turned to look at him confused but he didn’t even turn his head towards you, so you forgot the idea about him giving you an explanation. They were clips of the show, mixed with clips form him m/v, that caught your interested but made you even more confused, you were never the patient one.

“I’m so happy you were my wife. You were a lovely partner and great company, i’ll miss your weird laugh and your savage comments. I hope my wife can be just like you, I hope I made you feel happy and was a good husband to you, cause you deserve the perfect one. You are my ideal wife”

You read this in the screen and you could already feel your heart full of love. You never knew he felt like this, your relationship was more of a goofy one, you never expected this from him. It was such a loving gesture that you appreaciated very much.

“Ahhh why you had to make me cry?”

You turned away and carefully wiped the corners of your eyes. It was the first time that someone did something so sweet for you, you didn’t reallt know how to take it or how to respond.

“I didn’t want to make you cry”

“Happy tears”

You said as you faced him again with a smile. He saw your watery eyes and he couldn’t help but feel kind of bad, even though he knew you were not hurt, but just over emotional. He just reached for your hair and pulled them away from your face and over your shoulder, he always liked how you looked without hair on your face, he wanted to see your whole face on it’s entire glory.

“I’ll miss you too”

“It was fun wasn’t it?”

“Very much…. maybe too much fun. Look at us, all sappy and shit. You already know that when this airs everyone will think were are dating”

“Probably, I don’t blame them. Who wouldn’t want to be with a woman like you?”

You giggled at his compliment. You sat inches away from him, you really did hope that you could keep him in your life, although you didn’t know if that was possible, your careers might be both on the spotlight but they were based of from very different things. You acted on impulse and gave him a hug, resting your chin on his shoulder as he slowly rubbed circles on your back, making you feel comfort and some type of affection.

“I won’t do it. I won’t do it”

You whispered to yourself, in a desperate attempt to make yourself hold back the tears from starting again. You always had that thing of avoiding to cry in front of others, it just made you feel like you were making them pity you.

“I won’t look, you’re safe here”

“Thank you for a wonderfull marriage Hyuk, I never took the chance to thank you for this”

“Don’t thank me, you deserved every piece of it”

You pulled away from him and pulled all your hair back, you never thought that coming to this would make you feel so much for a guy. He really was what you exactly wanted.

“I have a suggestion, instead of leaving the rings, we switch them. You’ll have something from me and i’ll have something from you”

You just nodded. You both took of your “wedding rings” and gave it to each other. You immediately put it on, since it fit you, but he just kept it and put it on the pocket of his flannel.

“Now we have something to keep us together”

anonymous asked:

mulan was not gendefluod and shang was not pansexual!! not only is it historically inaccurate, but you're acting like a woman dressing as a man dictates her gender you're so gross

first, i’m clearly talking about the disney film, which is also historically inaccurate by the way. hell, shang wasn’t even real!! so if historical inaccuracy is what you’re Really mad about (which we both know it isn’t) then you really shouldn’t even like the animation.

second, mulan dressing as a male soldier isn’t why i think the genderfluid headcanon works. that seriously has nothing to do with it, so nice try on acting like you really give a shit about toxic gender roles when you’re really just trying to shit on lgbt+ headcanons. what makes the headcanon work is the way mulan feels that she is unable to play the role of the daughter her parents want her to be, and the way she feels lost when she looks at her reflection and sees a girl that she doesn’t identify with (even after wiping away the makeup her mom made her wear, which shows that she struggles with this even when she gets to dress how she wants). like sorry, the song “reflection” is a trans/nb anthem and could so easily be about dysphoria. i’m aware the song likely wasn’t intended to be taken that way, but that doesn’t change the fact that it still works and that people are allowed to interpret it in different ways than the creator may have intended. and if you’re cishet and can’t see how she could be genderfluid/trans then OH WELL, you’re cishet and i don’t expect you to fully understand it. the headcanon isn’t for you. but it is a valid hc and it’s hurting nobody. and by the way, the film can still be about a brave woman empowering women AND have said woman be genderfluid. lmao like you can still have lgbt+ people AND feminism???

third, the pansexual shang hc works because COME ON. shang was clearly falling in love with mulan while he still believed she was a man, and when he found out she was a woman he was hurt that she lied but STILL WANTED HER. only a bi/pan person could fall in love with one gender, find out they’re a different gender, and then say “it’s all good, still wanna be with you!!!” like that isn’t even a reach.

fourth, IT’S A HEADCANON!! even if there wasn’t a song where mulan pours her heart out about not fully identifying with being a woman, even if shang hadn’t fallen in love with mulan while still believing she was a man and then been okay when she turned out to be a woman, people are still allowed to make lgbt+ headcanons!! they hurt nobody!! if you don’t personally hc them as lgbt+ then fine, but if you actually have a Problem with it then you’re transphobic/homophobic.

Catch Me (Day 4)

Summary: In which a bet leads Bucky to have to catch you every day for a week, no matter what.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 1,530

A/N: I’m sorry for posting this so late, I was out all day but I still wanted to get this up for you amazing readers 

@avengerstories I am forever grateful to you for editing this at all hours of the day

Day 3

Originally posted by dailyevanstan

“I can’t believe the AC broke down.”

“I can’t believe that you managed to blow up the AC,” you counter. Tony flips you off and you respond by swimming over to him and splashing water in his face.

“I did not install a pool in this tower to be treated this way.” You chuckle and splash him again much to his exasperation and everyone else’s amusement. Before he can retaliate, you float over to the edge of the pool and climb out. “Come back in this pool and face me like a man!”

“I think you mean like a woman,” Natasha corrects from her position on a large floaty. “By taking the coward’s way out and getting out of the pool, she’s already acting like a man.” Raucous complaints come from all the men in the pool, but Natasha is too busy relaxing to pay them any mind.

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honestly the most frustrating part about sex positive spaces for me is that most of the people engaging in them don’t seem to see that they bend over backwards for cishet men? like sex-posi spaces put so much emphasis on why women should like being degraded/being controlled/being roughed up by men while not calling for men to evaluate their own desires and maybe encourage some empathy there. 

like they tell a woman “you have a secret desire to be subjugated? act on it! no shame!” (disregarding the fact that in a patriarchal society we socialize women to accept subjugation so it’s not a neutral desire) while turning to a guy and saying “you don’t feel comfortable hitting your girlfriend? why not? she likes it–trust us! man up!” and completely absolving them of the responsibility of thinking about their own actions and desires.

Bonnie & Clyde: Art Deco

Bonnie & Clyde AU Masterlist

Summary: retirement works out quite well for you and Bucky. 

A/N: I kinda wanted to revisit this one, I enjoyed writing it a lot and well, I just wanted something sweet and smutty ;) Enjoy! x

Notes: Smut, fluff, some swearing, just a whole lotta sweetness. 

Originally posted by rohgers

“You’re outshining the sun, as always, my Queen”

You squinted against the sun, even with your sunglasses on, it was always as bright as could be on these sands.

You giggled trying to sit up in your way too comfortable beach bed, but Bucky kneeled next to you, pushing you back with a bright smile.

“Don’t get up, darling. Let me enjoy the view a while longer” he says and lets his hand brush the length of your arm, before he takes your hand and places a gentle kiss on your knuckles.

“You know we’re married, right? You don’t have to kiss my ass so much to get some” you joke, though you know he’ll never stop trying to put the moves on you like this.

Bucky laughs, grabbing your other hand and putting a drink he pulls out of nowhere into it. “I know, my Queen. But I’m glad you still humour me”

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anonymous asked:

Personally, I think Jon and Ygritte made more sense than Jon and Daenerys plus she treated him better than Daenerys

*cracks knuckles*

Darling, she basically forced him into sex, always told him he knows nothing and attemted to kill him. And Daenerys gave him an army, dragons and dragonglass without him bending the knee first. 

The thing about Jon and Ygritte is that they were each other prisoners, their relationship had some strange undertones which I really disliked in the books, like the forced sex and some other stuff. They progressed from captors to lovers to enemies and it ended terribly.

On the other hand, Jon and Daenerys begin as equals and they remain equals. You can see that by the clear foreshadowing, the dialouge, the imagery, everything. This is the first time we see Jon Snow chasing a woman and Daenerys Targaryen acting like schoolgirl for a man. They are almost transparent with each other and there is this amazing parallel also which is always over-looked, something about Jon talking about fake fire hair and Dany having a problem with fake ice-lips. So they both encounter fake fire and ice and long for the real thing. 

I don’t want to offend anyone, but I think GRRM wrote Ygritte, Val and Daenerys’ partners just as a vessel or tool to show what infatuation and brief affairs look like compared to a destined and solid love

anonymous asked:

Why people act like Ciara can’t find someone better looking and longer money than Russell Wilson? However I think people don’t like to see Black women happy especially single mothers. Russel Wilson is far from corny !!!

Exactly. Ciara is a beautiful woman. People like to discredit her, but she made a great career for herself. If it wasn’t Russell, it would be someone else. Ciara finding “the one” was bound to happen, because she pulled herself out of the rut she was in and made an effort to find love. And your right, the people calling Russell corny are pulling crumbs out of their asses. They don’t know the man personally, but to them, he’s corny because he talks a certain way, dresses a certain way, and he decided to be a husband to Ciara and a father to her child. Dysfunctional bitches and bastards are always the loudest.

I’m sick of the terf argument that trans women aren’t real women because they have “experienced male privilege”. No, they have not. And no, this is not just because of the internal feelings - I understand “privilege” may not be affected by how a person feels inside. But what do these people think trans women are? Trans woman are not like men. They do not act like men. They do not behave in the male way necessary to receiving any of the advantages men are thought to receive in this society, because they are usually effeminate, quiet, and all the other things that put a man at the bottom of the social order. Trans women didn’t just wake up one morning in the middle of a comfortable life as a “privileged” man and decide to become a woman, they have suffered for a long, long time because of the way they are, and those who suggest they have somehow benefited from any sort of privilege… It just shows an entire new level of ignorance and stupidity. 

absolxguardian  asked:

If you need me to narrow the prompt down I can, but can I have some canon era trans enjolras content? Most of the ones I can find are in modern aus.


Enjolras realizes he’s trans because he was going through his father’s clothes to try and find something to make him look masculine so he would be more respected. He ends up frequently wearing male clothes and is just accustomed to being recognized as a man. He doesn’t realize that he’s male tho. He just thinks he’s a really good actor.

Finally, someone at a protest realizes he’s female and calls him out on it. He automatically yells “CITIZEN I BELIEVE YOU ARE MISTAKEN, FOR I AM AS MUCH OF A MAN AS YOU ARE A HUMAN!” He only realizes later that what he said was facts. He begins to take away all traditionally feminine clothes from his wardrobe and replaces it with clothes his father doesn’t want. He does keep around a few dresses to keep up the act for his parents.

Courfeyrac and Combeferre are a bit weary when they find out. They are supportive, but they just don’t understand. Their friend group is very different from anyone else and they just don’t understand. Enjolras tries his best to explain but he’s not the best with emotions and it’s hard to say “I feel like a man.”

It’s finally Jehan who is like, “I am not a man, nor a woman, yet you all seem to understand. I know you think it’s because I am a poet, someone who observes the world around them, yet does not participate, but no. I am not a man nor woman, for I am just me. You must understand that our dear friend Enjolras is as man as Adam. He was born as Eve but no, the universe has made a mistake, and now he is correcting it.”

Everything cleared up after that. When it comes to his relationship with Grantaire, it’s complicated. He never denies the man anything, for he truly loves him, but he is unsure if he can provide for what Grantaire is looking for. It’s only when Grantaire wants to die along side him does he realize that physical form is not what Grantaire was looking for. He was looking for Enjolras. In his last moments he prays that in whatever comes after life, his spirit, the whole being of Enjolras, can be alongside Grantaire.

(I love it whenever you come into my ask/interact with my blog, bc it’s amazing. I hope this satisfies your needs :) )

I have mixed feelings over the "warrior woman" characters.

Don’t get me wrong; I like that women can fight and be strong. But what I don’t like is when a woman is only considered “strong” is if she fights physically or has an attitude.

For example, in a lot of shows, the most popular female characters are the ones who “kick ass”. The female characters who act more traditionally feminine are usually less popular, or are even regarded as weak or boring.

And I feel like this can be just as damaging a message as telling women they can’t fight at all.

To me, when you prop up the warrior women and ignore or belittle the others, it is saying “women in ‘traditional’ roles don’t matter. A woman is only worthy of respect-is only considered "strong”-if she acts masculine".

So I have these mixed feelings, because I love the idea of warrior women, but not at the expense of other female characters.

Many female viewers/readers may look at that and think “Oh, I have to be a fighter. I have to be feisty and strong and be a fighter in order to be respected”. And for women who do not consider themselves feisty; who are shy or like traditional “girly” things, who have no desire to be a fighter, that can be damaging, because it may make them feel inadequate and insecure, that they are not good enough when they are.

I don’t want woman to think they have to act like a man to be respected as a woman.

Playing dirty / Chapter 3

Originally posted by baexkhyun

Pairing: You / Xiumin / Baekhyun

Type: Angst, explicit language, illegal gambling

Word count: 3,2K

Summary: One night you met Xiumin in an illegal casino and he made you an offer you couldn’t refuse: help him win by cheating and get part of the profit. But one day someone comes in and tests your partnership and relationship. Will you stick with Xiumin? Or will Baekhyun steal you away?

Mini Masterlist

“Baby I’m so sorry, but I was kidnapped.”

“WHAT? Oh my god are you alright? Why did they kidnap you?” You were shaking, voice filled with worry.

“My father owed some money and so they kidnapped me. I managed to escape but they might come after me, you need to help me.”

“Who’s coming after you?”

“Baekhyun. My father owed money to his father, and when he saw me at The Big Royal Flush he sent his men after me.”

Your body froze in horror. No. It can’t be.

You couldn’t believe what your ears just heard; Baekhyun sent men after Xiumin to kidnap him. Once again your inner voice had failed when it came to him. You thought you could trust him, but turns out he lied to you. You were so angry for doubting Xiumin and letting Baekhyun in.

“Where are you now?” You had lowered your voice for fear Baekhyun would hear you.

“They kept me in a warehouse in the old part of town, but I managed to run to a more populated area near the mall, I had to borrow a phone from a guy on the street because they took my things.”

“Alright, go inside the mall and wait for me near Forever 21, I’ll come and get you. Be careful.”

“Okey, I’ll wait.”

After you hung up you started to get everything ready to leave. You thought about just giving Baekhyun an excuse and leave, but then you remembered that since he was the one behind it all it was very likely that his men would’ve already warned him about Xiumin’s escape, so you thought it would be safer to pretend you knew nothing and when he fell asleep you would escape, get Xiumin and take him to your home.

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Knot a Problem

For sterekwriters Spin the Bottle event (prompt from captaintinymite): I’m on the verge of tears because of a rude customer and you step in and stand up for me’ AU- Bonus points if it’s Derek that’s near tears and includes angry, yelling Stiles.

Derek feels a tickle at the back of his neck like he’s being watched, and sure enough, when he glances up suspiciously from his book, he catches a now-familiar pair of brown eyes darting away. He scowls. At least the customer looks abashed to be caught staring; he taps his long fingers nervously along the display shelves as he ducks into the aisle of condoms at the back of the store.

The guy’s tall and slim, young-looking enough that Derek had double checked his ID when he came in. He’s got an adorable pert nose and enticing triangle of moles on his cheek, and it would have been great to have an excuse to kick him out, because he is distractingly Derek’s type. Unfortunately, he’d obviously been at least the 24 years his ID had given him on closer inspection. He’d been hotter, too, all whiskey-brown eyes and easy wide smile.

Now, though, his behavior is more distracting than his looks. After quickly making his purchase, he had gone right back to wandering aimlessly around the store. Well, wandering and eyeing Derek. Probably he’d just come here to grab a gag gift for somebody’s bachelor party, and figured he could enjoy the view while he was here. Derek grits his teeth and flips to the next page in his textbook, refusing to acknowledge the guy again. He’s not unused to being treated like a piece of meat when he subs in for Cora here, unfortunately; this is a sex shop after all. Specifically, it’s a werewolf sex shop, which only makes things worse.

It was Laura’s idea, of course. It had seemed like a joke at first, but she’d gone through with it: getting a lease, registering her business, leasing this space just off the main downtown drag. “Knot a Problem” is generously stocked with gag gifts to bring in the curious, toys for human couples who want to try out knotting (or for weres who want to experience taking one without the emotional complications), alongside nice-to-haves like the knot cozies and specialty pillows to help couples wait the tying period out comfortably.

They also have a schedule of after-hours classes for various were-related topics like managing bonding hormones, how to prep for anal knotting, and incorporating a third without triggering territorial behavior in your wolf. It’s probably the only place in town where people can get unbiased info on that kind of thing, actually. The store’s true purpose, in other words, is advocacy and education. Advocacy and education that just happen to be wrapped up in an acceptably capitalist package that includes giant purple knot dildos.

Derek still feels like it’s kind of a joke, but it’s his sister’s baby. She and Cora tell him all the time that it’s important to demystify werewolf sexuality, make it fun and playful, and considering the long history of speciesist misinformation and fetishizing that’s probably true. Even though his grad school schedule is pretty full, he’s happy enough to help out at the counter while both of them are in Seattle at a conference for independently owned sex shops.

Correction: he’s happy except for the fact that, in practice, it’s a minor nightmare for him to be behind the counter. He’s not bold and unembarrassed about sex stuff like his sisters are, and it’s awkward as hell to sell people vibrators and lube and straws with tiny knotted penises on them. Sure, he’d love for society to view him as less of a ravenous sex beast just because he’s a werewolf, but he really doesn’t enjoy the process of teaching people like Laura and Cora do. It’s not prudish, as he’s often snapped at them, to want to treat sex like something intimate and private. He feels the tickle at the back of his neck again, and rolls his eyes. Only four hours ‘till closing.

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a similar thing happened to me when, in high school, i came out as a “confused” lesbian, i.e. i didn’t “really” know if i was gay or bi. all the sudden, every guy that had ever treated me like shit (i’ll say “they”, i’m talking about a group of different guys, their names run together because this happened pretty much every time i came out, because like most gay people, i’ve come up multiple times, and between the ages of 14 and 18 it was always a big deal and always ended up like this. much less so now that i’m in college.), had these genuine feelings for me and wanted to treat me the way “only they knew i had always deserved” and show me that i just needed “a boy like them who had always been there for me” and shit like that. all the sudden they were ready to be #1 Best Boyfriend Of All Time. like, where was that when i was trying to pass as straight? they didn’t have a change of heart. none of them actually wanted to date me. some of them had girlfriends at the time (who were ironically my own friends, one of whom was my fucken…..sister. 👀) they made sure to never actually say they wanted to be my boyfriend, because they didn’t, they just wanted me to continue feeling confused about them.

they were just upset that there was a POSSIBILITY that i would figure out that i really was gay (read: i was, but unfortunately, their manipulation was working, so for about a year i said i was bi. that’s not to say that all bisexual teenagers are just confused or lying! but in my case, i was both. some of yall might even have been following me at that point! yikes. now you know.)

i didn’t realize what was going on until my “friend” had me breaking down in tears during class one day because he was prodding me about relationships, and i was so conflicted about my “feelings” for him that had been eating away at me for probably a year and a half, and i thought to myself, i’m about to make his day and tell him that i just had an epiphany that from now on, this girl only loves girl pussy!!!!! (and anything else a girl might have, this girl does NOT love transphobia). (also, lmao, that’s not the story of how i realized i was gay, i realized that when i was exactly 7 years old standing in the hallway to my moms bedroom but that’s another funny story. this was the story of how i stopped denying it because of homophobic, rapey assholes who tried to intimidate me into being straight.)

MORE THAN ONE boy man (this continued after high school) that i had, in their words “led on” (read: either projected my feelings onto as a closeted teenage lesbian, or was just nice to in general as a friendly person), resorted to STALKING ME UNTIL I WAS IN COLLEGE. also some of my friends, some of whom had it worse, most of whom would come out as lgbt in the next few years. funny how that works out :(. (by funny i mean sad and absolutely 100% related: i hate the myth that lesbians and trans girls don’t get sexually harassed by straight guys; we absolutely do, often times way more, and at a way younger age. but that’s a rant for a different day.)

“okay but this guy clearly had good intentions”. first of all, most of those guys i just mentioned, had good intentions. while one of them sticks out in my mind: he was also my best friend, and didn’t realize what he was doing. he wanted to control me, sure, but he wanted to control me because he thought i was making a mistake, that he knew what was best for me. our relationship, even if it was technically just friendship with weird sexual tension, ended up being toxic and abusive because of that. in his mind he was looking out for me, but really, he made me confused and insecure for years. another one, who we will call Such A Sweet Boy, ended up doing terrible things to multiple girls because he was just Such A Sweet Boy and he didn’t realize what he was doing, and nobody could believe Such A Sweet Boy could do anything wrong.

so if you are a guy reading this and you have good intentions, but you’re in the same (or similar) situation as the first guy in op’s post, ask your self what has really changed here? why the sudden heartbreak? was it because you really changed? or was it because, you realized she will no longer be available to you,at least, available in your mind, regardless of whether or not she ever actually was? 

another good, and weird, example was a guy who i played with in a community ensemble for a few years. when i told him i was moving away for college, he got ridiculously angry with me, like, how could i betray him like this? what about everything we had?  he said it wasn’t fair for me to do this to him, and that i had to stay in my home town, and that it was time for me to decide if i was going to prioritize my career over him, and if so, that “said a lot about me”. keep in mind that to me he was just this guy that i knew from our community ensemble. and that i was openly gay. (the story gets weirder but again that is a post for another day.) IRONICALLY, he wasn’t the only guy who told me i was “betraying him” for “choosing” college “over” him. 

dudes, i know that heartbreak and romantic feelings can be really confusing. and i know that sometimes it HURTS, or you’re just NOT SURE WHAT TO DO, and that you might not be the most socially adept person. like, i’m awkward as hell, i get it, i don’t always understand social conventions either. and you’re probably thinking to yourself “how did these guys not realize how transparently possessive they were being? that’s terrible!” but PLEASE, if you’re ever dealing with heartbreak from a girl, consider whether or not you are this guy. because none of those guys thought they were “that guy”. and i’m not just some random lesbian who has the misfortune of attracting terrible men to me, or some meanie feminist who HATES the poor menfolk: this is not just a me-thing, i don’t know if i’ve ever met a woman who doesn’t have a story about a boy/man treating them like this. i have lots of amazing male friends who treat me and the women in their life great. 

i added my own stories because i think those are good examples of different way guys do the exact same thing, but this has happened to so many other girls i know in different ways (and guys too, i’m sure, but women who are possessive in relationships tend to act that out differently). you will probably never THINK you are that guy. so again: but please consider why events like a wedding announcement, or coming out of the closet, or going off to college, etc, made you feel such a change of heart. THERE’S ANOTHER SIDE TO THE STORY.

“Hello, I’m the Pioneer Woman, and today I’m going to be sure to point out about eight times that my husband is working REALLY HARD outdoors like a man should and I’m going to be whipping up a fantastic BUT NOT TOO ADVENTURESOME OR HE WON’T EAT IT meal for him to eat including this INEVITABLE PASTA with this INEVITABLE MEAT ON TOP OF IT and this salad which HE PROBABLY WON’T EAT but don’t worry I WILL GIGGLE AND THINK IT’S CUTE THAT MY HUSBAND IS ACTING LIKE A TODDLER and isn’t it just wonderful how I make sure to reinforce these proper gender roles with EVERY SINGLE COMMENT I MAKE?”

anonymous asked:

a lotta cis ppl don't even know the difference between a trans man or woman like they get them confused so why and how tf would they start making that distinction when they r shouting the t slur on the street ..

when ppl call us that word they see nothing but a trans person who isn’t even a person but a freak of nature who shouldn’t exist and isn’t allowed to leave their house to go to school, buy groceries, meet up with their friends, etc. they don’t see us as people and they call us that word to let us know that and they want us to feel ashamed and scared of them.

trans women can be targeted explicitly for being trans /women/ and not just for being trans in general, and people absolutely use the t slur to target them for being trans women specifically. but to act like trans men aren’t called that word on a daily basis and have it used against us in violent situations simply for being visibly trans is false and paints a picture of reality that just isn’t accurate and tumblr idpol is fucking notorious for this.

how this website understands and conceptualizes the lived experiences of trans men lacks nuance entirely and is ultimately unhelpful. either we’re all softboy innocent victims of “transmisandry” who can do no wrong ever under any circumstances and it’s okay for us to blame our gender trauma on cis lesbians for expressing their own trauma with the patriarchy, or we universally possess the exact same lived experiences and institutional power as cis men and we aren’t ever victims of violent, dehumanizing transphobia and our lives are super easy and everyone we meet is very supportive.

there’s no room to discuss how both concepts paint a false, harmful image of what it means to be a trans man and our material, day to day realities, and so you get people who act like most trans men never get called violent slurs walking down the street, never get harassed or chased or assaulted, are never denied housing or work, and could never possibly understand being forcibly gendered as a woman under the patriarchy. you also get people who think we’re male Lite™, who view us solely as sexual objects for their gratification and not human beings with agency, act like we cannot be responsible for anything harmful we say or do because being oppressed is seen as a social badge of moral superiority and not an indicator of material unjustice and institutional mistreatment, and think it’s transphobic to discuss white people or men etc. as a whole because some poor trans guy could be indirectly or directly implicated and because we’re trans we can’t possibly be complicit in other forms of systemic violence or hold harmful views about other social groups, and even if we are we are fragile babies with enough on our plates to handle any level of self-criticism or self-awareness so our feelings must be protected at any cost. either way we’re dehumanized and either reduced to nothing but our transness or our transness is erased completely from the narrative.

we need to frame these discussions from a place of honesty and ensure our words and actions reflect reality as much as possible, and view our issues through a materialist lens. we are fully human, and as trans people we are subjected to societal and institutional violence and we fucking suffer, but we must also be held accountable for our actions and opinions and seek to unlearn toxic behaviours. our lives are complex and varied and there’s a certain level of compassion, responsibility, and critical thinking required for these discussions to be beneficial and productive and i rarely, if ever, see that.