acknowledge us

On Pride, and being Ace/Aro/Agender

As pride month slowly comes to a close I take a second to look back at my queer ass journey, self discovery and what it really means to be a part of a community that doesn’t always acknowledge you exist, and sometimes directly excludes you.

I am Asexual, I am probably Aromantic (as I have an extremely hard time holding onto any romantic feelings despite wishing I could), and I am trans because I am Agender.

These are all things I’ve come to discover along the road. They were less big revelations and more “Oh shit that’s something you can be?” moments. For a long fucking time I felt like I didn’t exist, or that I was wrong for being the way I was. Because nobody talks about these identities. We have no representation in anything. The media that even acknowledges us often brands it as “too boring” or “hard to understand” and wont put us anywhere in their work. But through this oh shit moments, I realized that if there is a bunch of other people out there that feel the same way, maybe I’m not broken.

Maybe I DO have a community of people like me.

But LGBTQIA community can be very off-putting to people with my identities, In 2014 I went to Pride in Savannah, my first Pride ever and I was so excited, but I didn’t see a single Asexuality flag. I saw maybe ONE Trans flag. I didn’t see anything for Aromantics or Agender people. I saw more flags and positivity for people who love pot than people like me.

There were pride flags for people who love bears, for twinks, for furries, for bdsm, for all sorts of things except none for me. It was never something that was done maliciously, and it’s good that all those things exist and you can buy them and support people who do love those things, that’s fucking great. But when I can search an entire fairground for one purple, white, grey, and black flag and come up with nothing, but I can find about fifty different pot pride flags it’s disheartening. It’s exclusionary.

It made me feel like I didn’t exist again.

There’s been a lot of times in my life where I wished I could just be normal. Have proper feelings like everyone else. But I’m not that person. I don’t have, and probably wont ever be able to interact with people on that level, and while it makes me feel very disconnected from humanity as a whole.

So often Love is equated with humanity. “We love people, we marry people, we kiss, we flirt, we have sex with people because it’s what makes us human.” But what does that mean for me? Am I some alien species because I don’t find that enjoyable? Obviously no. There is plenty of support out there if you look hard enough for it. But holy shit I just wish it was louder some days. Because it’s so easy to miss. It’s so easy to listen to the back of your head that just tells you you are broken. Wrong. Never going to be loved the same way as anyone around you.

Asexuality is a funny thing. Often times people have such a hard time removing their own experiences that they can’t fathom someone thinking and feeling a different way.

Aromanticism is even weirder because half the time I don’t even fucking understand how I work. But I can’t force myself to think a certain way any more than anyone else. I know, I’ve tried.

There comes a point where I just have to step back and accept that this is who I am.

I’m different.

And while that’s not a bad thing,

Maybe one day I’ll be able to feel good about it.

“I was the best student in my high school. I put so much pressure on myself. I never failed a class. But I got sick during 10th grade and I started to fall behind. That’s when the panic attacks began. One day the teacher handed me my grade report, and I couldn’t breathe. My heart was beating very fast. I felt disconnected. I saw people trying to talk to me but I couldn’t hear them. Eventually I passed out and woke up in the infirmary. The attacks were almost daily after that. Last year I started college. And I can’t be the best student here no matter how hard I try. Everyone is so talented. My panic attacks got so bad that I had to cancel my first semester. But now I’m working on acknowledging my anxiety. I used to try to hide it. I would log off social media. I wouldn’t answer calls. I thought that if nobody knew, it didn’t exist. But the more I talk about my problem, the more I realize that other people experience similar things. So I’m trying to express it more. I had a great teacher who told me: ‘Instead of letting anxiety keep you from doing your art, let it be the thing that motivates your art.’”

(Bogotá, Colombia)

as a white™ to other whites™ in the omgcp fandom i feel like a lot of y'all are afraid to write poc because you dont want to get shit wrong but like fr. its not hard. just dont talk about being black or asian or latino if you dont know what its like. thats it. you can still write them, and have them be your main character, and allow them to be complex. you can be white and write a black character!!! all you have to do is not write about the black experience because you dont personally know about it. that means that you can still have them be black, like things that are typically associated with black culture (if thats what the character is like), and still have human emotions!! it can be done well, like if you take a gander at @geniusorinsanity who writes an amazing nursey!! and if you REALLY don’t feel comfortable making content like that, you can always reblog it!! support those creators, like @hoenursey and @omgcphee and @duanlarissa and @oluranurse and like a billion others!! follow accounts like @omgpocplease !! dont be afraid to show interest in those characters because even if you get called out, its a learning opportunity man. if someone calls you out then you just learn about what you did wrong like nobody is perfect but if you recognize your mistakes, own up to them, and strive to be better itll be okay!!! like the characters you want to, but dont be deterred from the ones you do because you dont want to make people angry!! its just a process of life my friends, we are all on a learning curve. (make content for non-white characters broski. it will enrich your life.)

friendly reminder that mor, THE morrigan from the war, a dreamer born into the court of nightmares, a queen who bows to no one, THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE… has brown eyes. 

I have a glitch in the matrix story for @sixpenceee!

So a couple of years ago my friend and I were taking a small road trip from Tennessee to Ohio, stopping at a few sights on the way, so by the time this story takes place, we were nearing home but still about 2 hours away, and it was really late at this point, about 2 or 3 in the morning.

So, being that we were only a couple of hours away from home, we mostly knew where we were going by following the freeway signs. We had the GPS going but since it was pretty much a straight shot at this point it hadn’t needed to direct us for a while.

All of a sudden, signs start popping up that the road is closed ahead. Now, construction isn’t uncommon in Ohio, and lane closures are super common, but since this is a pretty major freeway it’s weird that it would be closed entirely. But sure enough as we keep going there’s clear signs of road construction: orange barrels, concrete barriers dividing the lanes, men working under bright lamps, all of it. Nothing seems particularly strange about any of this except that the freeway is definitely closed, and the concrete barriers pretty much force you to take the up coming exit.

So we take the exit, a little confused and annoyed, and off the freeway we have no idea where to go from there. It’s not an area we know the back roads of very well, and this exit leads to a stretch of farm road; dark and empty.

Our game plan was to just turn around, get on the freeway going to opposite direction and backtrack until we could figure out a way around the construction. Except we can’t do that, because there is a semi truck parked on the freeway entrance, facing the wrong way with his load slanting across the entire road. There’s a couple of guys standing around the truck talking, but they don’t really acknowledge us or seem to notice that we’re trying to get by. We eventually have to give up and head down the dark road instead.

The GPS isn’t really helping us now, so we turn it off and I pull up the map on my phone, guiding my friend back to the freeway. We’re both a little weirded out right now, and completely lost out here in the middle of no where. We decide our best bet would be to get back on the freeway heading towards home and ask the construction crew if they know of a detour when we get to them.

It takes about 45 minutes to get back to another entrance to the freeway, but we finally do. We get on the same freeway, going the same direction, and we’ve backtracked a bit. We read all the same signs along the way as we did before…

Except there’s no construction signs. There’s no construction equipment, or workers, not even so much as a cone. It was like all the concrete barriers and machines had been packed up and shipped out in the 45 minutes it took us to get back there.

We have no idea to this day what happened. It’s not possible for us to have gotten on a different road, and he had definitely backtracked and not somehow gone around the construction. When we tell people about it it’s met with a lot of skepticism, and maybe it was just a trick our tired brains pulled on us, but honestly that didn’t make it any less freaky at the time.

i know namjoon gets a lot of acknowledgement for using english to talk to international fans (as well he should), but i also really want to praise the rest of the members too. they may not be fluent but they’re trying so hard to learn even if its just a few words here and there. it honestly makes me so happy and grateful when they use english on the vlive chats or in videos. they don’t even have to do all that, but seeing that they’re so eager to communicate with everyone and the fact that they put in so much work to do so is incredibly heartwarming. i hope they know that all their efforts are genuinely appreciated and that we love them so much for it.

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nobody realises anythings different but ritsu

shou might but nobody knows if thats the case either

Hey uh. Yeah, everybody stims, but if you aren’t autistic, adhd, manic, etc then you really need to reconsider why it’s so important to you to make posts like “Everyone stims so quit acting like it’s only for you people!!”

Like… it’s dead obvious you’re referring to paint mixing videos and stuff ?? Like I promise you most of the people making a big deal abt how “Everyone stims” are the same people who would genuinely never feel the need to rock/flap/etc

Even if you have anxiety/etc it’s quite frankly disgusting of you to remove something from highly stigmatized groups and act like it’s ‘totally normal!!!!!!!!’

some Golden Adonis Anakin ™ for @the-far-bright-center

Jackson: I love black culture & they are a lovely peoples thnak u love you lemme just
-puts on dreads-

Black people: hey can you please not do that…it’s offensive

Jackson: lmao fuck black people I did nothing wrong and everyone who call me out is hatter!!! 😩🤧🤧🤧💪

guess!! who @jkvlr dragged into podcast hell! the penumbra podcast is so good it hurts. i am injured. i cannot get up. ((ik there’s a canon but i drew this before i found out? i did give nureyev his glasses as an add on but. im unfamiliar w podcast fandom etiquette so lemme know if i overstep? bc i have and probably will draw more of them ahaha.))

One thing that makes me sad is that women are taught that being a victim of something is something to be ashamed of, something that you must deny because it would mean you are somehow weak or inferior. I wish for all girls and women to know and feel: when you are subjected to something and made a victim of something, no shame or blame should be put on you. You can be strong and still be a victim of something. You can have agency and pride and self love and still be a victim of something. It’s also important to remember that in this world, there are forces that rob us of our agency, possibility to choose, our freedom, our sense of ourselves, our self love. What robs us is not the acknowledgment of us being victims of something. Being a victim does not mean you’re weak; it means something or someone has victimized you.

the signs when stressed

(check moon)

aries: angry; snaps at anything with a pulse

taurus: creative block; quietly frustrated

gemini: becomes forgetful; can’t concentrate

cancer: withdraws; needs quiet time with family or close friends

leo: uses confidence to cover vulnerability; low-key has the least self-esteem

virgo: becomes even more self-critical than usual; barely speaks

libra: uses friends as a distraction; most likely to use retail therapy

scorpio: withdraws; glares when you interrupt their brooding

sagittarius: panics; literally escapes and takes a holiday as soon as possible

capricorn: low-key freaking out; orders people around more than usual

aquarius: won’t acknowledge they’re struggling; uses literally any distraction

pisces: escapes into a daydream world; low-key panic attacks

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Designed to help you investigate deep emotional struggles and learn why you feel the way that you do. The upper row is representative of lighter aspects, the face you show, what you are consciously, externally aware of. The bottom row is the shadow aspect, your hidden fears, the feelings you wont acknowledge to yourself.

I use the bottom card on the deck or the bottom card of the cut, depending how I deal, as the destination or outcome card.

You can see the spread in action here using the Klimt Tarot deck.

quick guide to visiting living history museums/events

Have your ever been to a war reenactment, a Renaissance faire, or someplace like Colonial Williamsburg? They can be really cool. Hundreds of dedicated craftsmen and actors in period costume will demonstrate historical lifestyles and activities for your entertainment and education. Much of it is interactive and they are happy to answer any questions you have.

But living history is not Westworld, though sometimes it sure feels that way. Lots of visitors seem to forget that reenactors are real people, not toys.

Do:

- Ask questions! Most people involved in reenactment are passionate about history - it’s not exactly a lucrative activity.

- Participate! Many living history events have interactive demonstrations. It may feel corny, but if someone invites you to help churn butter or something, go for it. Your girlfriend will think it’s cute. What are you afraid of? Looking nerdy? Your at a Rev War reenactment, buddy. Get over it.

- Talk to people! Ask them about their costumes, their lifestyle, what reenactment is like, if they made their props themselves, ect. Sometimes they will answer in-character. It’s *fun*.

- Ask for photos! Reenactors are constantly being photographed and don’t really expect to be asked first, but it’s a nice gesture and they’re more likely to smile or pose if you do. Get a selfie with John Hancock - what’s to lose?

- Get into it. Pretend you’re a time-traveler, if you want to. Or don’t. Just have a good time and play along, if that’s what makes you happy.

Do not:

- Touch people without their permission. Yes, she’s wearing a bodice. No, you can’t sexually assault her. If you want to feel a costume, wig, or prop, ask first. It’s not weird to be intrigued by someone’s period clothing, and plenty of people are totally okay with you touching the material or craftsmanship…. IF you get their permission first.

-Eat people’s food uninvited. Those people cooking dinner in a cast iron cauldron over a fire? That’s literally their food. Yes, they’re really going to eat that. Yes, it’s probably delicious. But unless they’re a food vendor or have set out samples, you probably aren’t welcome to try it - if you’re hungry, they can point you to the nearest food station.

- Enter tents or rooms that aren’t open to the public. Sometimes it can be unclear what’s public and what’s private - innocent mistakes happen, so don’t sweat it if you accidentally stick your head into someone’s personal room. Just apologize and backtrack. As with anything, when in doubt, ask permission first.

- Try to catch people up. This is just weird and annoying. Lots of guests come to living history events determined to disprove that they’re actually visiting Boston in 1776. Again, this isn’t Westworld. We aren’t robots programmed with false memories, and forcing us to acknowledge the fact that it’s actually 2017 isn’t going to liberate us from our robo-slavery. It’s performance! Put reality on hold for a bit and just enjoy it. If you have questions about the historical accuracy of something, ask it politely, not smugly. It’s perfectly fine to be ignorant of something and to ask a “dumb question”, but when you frame it as a “gotcha”, you just embarrass yourself.

- Don’t show up in Pochahontas cosplay. Especially the Disney version. Just… don’t do this.

Hawaii Five-0 : McDanno


I feel like the writers of this show basically want McDanno to happen but can’t really make it canon so they just give us content where there’s no doubt that these two are together.

I mean, c’mon. The constantly missing girlfriends even though most shows force hetero pairing down our throats when we start to ship same sex couples to exert their heterosexuality.Or the fact that in an episode where it was suppose to be a Valentine’s Day outing,the boys spend more time together than with their girlfriends and in the scenes where they were with their gf’s, there was basically no chemistry at all between them.Or the scenes where almost everyone jokes about them being married or assume they are a couple just like that.Not to mention the super fluffy domestic scenes between Steve and Danny be it with just the 2 of them or with Grace and/or Charlie.

Oh,let’s not forget the fact that Steve not only got pissed and offended when Danny didn’t talk to him and include him in his retirement plan but keeps pushing the idea of them retiring together.Because he can’t imagine NOT being with Danny at all.

When I watched a couple of episodes in the living room one day, my mom kept asking me if they were gay (especially after their ‘I love you’s’),that she didn’t realize they were making  gay cop shows,they don’t seems ‘gay’ despite being a couple (which led to discussions about stereotypes),laughed at their cargument scenes,said she too would donate her organ fr her husband out of love (the relationship kind and not the buddy kind) and when I told her that they’re not,in fact together or gay and were just friends she was like ‘what?but how?they seem like a couple to me!’.

This was coming from my homophobic mom ok? Even she could see it.

So yeah.Totally just bros.Much straight.Very hetero.