Homegrown, grass-fed, organic Coach Bittle headcanons
(This got really long and fluffy. Sorry.)
Coach looks like a scary dude, but he’s actually a big softie. He has a really intimidating resting bitch face, and a more intimidating murder face, but he would rather eat shit than say shit.
Coach is hella passive aggressive. If you mess with him he’ll be all like, “Wah, I was always taught to turn the other cheek. Hate the sin, love the sinner.” But then he’ll blind copy your boss and forward your emails if he feels like you’re being rude. Or he’ll hand out invitations to a cookout to everyone except you.
And it’s really interesting because Suzanne Bittle is the opposite. She is small and very sweet, but if you mess with her she ascends through passive aggressive and straight into aggressive-aggressive. Like, in high school Bitty had a lot of trouble with this one teacher. Not the subject material, but the teacher. Bitty would ask for help or clarification and the teacher would basically do the academic equivalent of “No, fuck off and die.” And then this teacher would “lose” Bitty’s assignments periodically, and he would grade Bitty’s tests way harder than anyone else’s.