aciii:l

Hey Lex.

We dated 2.5 years and we were engaged for 8 months… And then, just like that, you called off the whole thing.

And one month later, this: “I’m pretty sure she’s the love of my life. #TwoMonths” (attached photo of your new girlfriend) appeared in my FB feed.

That shit broke me into pieces.

One and a half years passed and I was dating this girl (Long Distance Relationship)… and out of blue, one day you showed up in my house, drunk, telling me “I had the best, you were the best for me”, and asking me for an advice to help you fix your relationship with THE ONE you cheated on me.

I drove you to your house two times (You were so drunk), You tried to kiss me 6 times, and you told me “Please, don’t leave again”. I gave you my number (Because I changed it after our break up) and asked you just one thing: “If you wanna talk with me, please don’t do it if you’re drunk”

(So many weeks later I found out that you keep tabs on me via social media… using your friend’s account).

The last time we talked, you told me this:

“D, you were my best friend, my partner, my rock… and you are so sweet and caring, you are that one-in-a-million ex. But please, I don’t need that. I need the ex that doesn’t smile at me like you do, that isn’t caring and sweet, that doesn’t listen… I need that to help me to move on, To be happy with her.
Because, I keep thinking about you at nights, I’m still so in love with you… But I want to be with her”.

I didn’t know then, but that speech made my heart and soul heavier than before.

I broke up with that girl one month after THAT last talk… I realized that I was dating her because she was like you not because I loved her: She was talking about getting married, having kids and I couldn’t do it because I was going to have all of that with you… Until I wasn’t.

I had this friend (still dating LDR), she was cute, and funny, and so full of life and energy, so mature and so childish at the same time, so into fitness (I’m a lazy foodie), such a beautiful soul; We started talking, joking around, filling each other with TWD spoilers…

Yes, I fell in love with her: she’s my little sister’s friend. And we’re dating. (And each passing day, I fall harder).

I was so insecure, so broken… I was cold and sarcastic, I used a girl to forget you (That didn’t work, at all).

But last Friday, she serenaded me with this fucking song that I hated and couldn’t listen for the past two years (you know, our first dance song, Adele’s cover Make you feel my love).

I broke down. I cried… All that pain, all that suffering… All that you left with me went away.

Just like that, with the girl I think I’m going to marry with someday, singing the song that It was supposed to dance in my wedding day with you.

And It’s funny, you know?

That moment made my heart lighter than ever before.

So, thank you. Thank you for being such a bitch, for cheating on me, for broke me into pieces, for left me with nothing. For made me listen on repeat “Breakeven” by The Script for years…

Thank you, Lex, for showing me that even if you loved hard, because God knows that I loved you so much… You can love harder. And better.

With all the love that I once felt for you,
D.

P.S: I really hope that you’re better now, you were such a fucking mess the last time we spoke (You have to be truly desperate to reach out your ex to fix your relationship with the one you cheated on)

I’m taking my first ceramics class and was complaining to my sister about having to make a coil bowl cus it’s not my style but she told me she felt like I made the assignment my style and it looks like it’s made from my hands and I feel like that’s so sweet I’m glad that ppl can see something and think it’s “me”