achilles team

A Brief Summary: Ancient Greek Gods
  • Zeus: Will have sex with anyone and anything as anyone or anything but makes all the rules so no-one can argue
  • Poseidon: Has an extreme problem with walls.
  • Hades: Cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure, which is why he’s in the Underworld. May have handcuffed himself once.
  • Aphrodite: Created from testicles, never stopped loving em. 
  • Hera: “Oh No Zeus, Oh No You Fuckin Didn’t” A novel
  • Hermes: Holy moley I stole Apollo’s cows when I was 0 lol
  • Dionysus: PArtiEs and extreme mother-on-son violence
  • Apollo: Ladies would rather die than sleep with him. It’s a problem both ways. Had it out for the Dream Team (Achilles and Patroklus) 
  • Artemis: Strong, independent woman who don’t need no man
  • Hephaestus: so ugly his mum literally chucked him off a mountain. Poor squish.
  • Hestia: Feed my flames with your fat. Do it.
  • Kronos: (not a god but lol) Was pretty surprised when he threw up his children and probably a Zeus-shaped rock
  • Athena: Has a lot of brains, came from a brain, but doesn’t like watching her heroes eat brains.
  • Demeter: Put my daughter back where she came from or so help me (I’ll literally kill everyone)
  • Persephone: Delicate flower princess turned Queen of DaRKNESS

If you want the stories behind any of these, send me an ask

Story for Poseidon x
Story for Apollo x
Story for Hestia x
Opinions on Ares x
Story for Hades x

A Brief Summary: Ancient Greeks

Things aren’t looking good for team JNPR...

Achilles died after his heel was pierced with an arrow.

Joan of Arc was burned alive.

Thor slays the World Serpent but is poisoned and dies shortly after.

Mulan survived after years of fighting and in the end simply went home. In the Sui Tang Romance, however, Mulan chooses to commit suicide rather than serve as a concubine to the Khan.

Pyrrha died after her heel was pierced with an arrow.

Guys… I’m sensing the beginning of a pattern.

What about another highschool au?

  • Achilles is on track team and Pat is this kid that helps at the infirmary after school 
  • And then one day Achilles trips or something like that and hurts himself. He’s bleeding but says things like “nah i’m fine” and everyone is like “Achilles. You are BLEEDING”
  • At some point Odysseus just take him to the damn infirmary and no, your opinion doesn’t matter, stop complaining for at least five seconds
  • Aaand when they got there, Achilles sees the cute boy that is organizing somethings and he knows hes fucked
  • So he kinda zoned out when Odysseus starts talking about how he got the scratches. The boy just nods and in the end asks something to Achilles and he is like “shit i dont know what he is saying but i have to say something” and this something is very dumb, like “band-aids??? merthiolate???”
  • And then Odysseus smirks while the boy looks really confused and only says “ok right. Anyway my name is Patroclus, now sit down”
  • Why do I do this to myself

anonymous asked:

Could you possibly expound on "Apollo: Ladies would rather die than sleep with him. It’s a problem both ways. Had it out for the Dream Team (Achilles and Patroklus)", please? I'm terribly curious~ <3


Hold on to ur fuckin tea and shit, cause thissun’s gonna be LONG AND I MEAN LONG. Apollo had a lot of lady problems and a couple of man problems to boot.

So let’s start with Daphne. Which kinda means starting with Eros.
So Apollo, being the god of archery, went up to Eros and was like “Wassup kiddo, why are you using a man’s weapon? You don’t know how to use that, go play with your toys.”
Feeling slightly pissed off, Eros shot Daphne through the heart with a lead arrow (or the Arrow of Hatred) and shot Apollo with a golden arrow (the Lurve Arrow). So Apollo fell desperately in love with the nymph and she hated him like fuck. He chased her for a long time, until she became so done with it that she cried out to her father, a river god, for help and was transformed into a bay Laurel tree. And, fun fact, this is why Laurel leaves were sacred to Apollo and were used in Olympics ceremonies etc.

Cue the next tragic lady love, Leucothea. She was a pretty-ass ho, but had a father (Orchamus) who really liked his rules. Introduce Apollo, who spied that beautiful dame and she spied his pretty ass, so it was all going well. Then Apollo disguised himself as her mother (because he couldn’t just appear outta thin air or beam down as sunlight or whatever, noooo) to enter her chambers. However, her jelly sister, who wanted the affections of Apollo, saw him and told Orchamus that his rules had been broken, so he buried Leucothea alive. Such is Ancient Greek life. Apollo, being mad as a cut snake, turned the sister (Clytia) into either a heliotrope or a sunflower, explaining why they follow the sun (Apollo) during the day.

Marpessa was the next in line to knock Apollo’s confidence. She was kidnapped by a bro called Idas (kidnapping was often viewed as a romantic gesture in those days - in some states (probably Sparta tbh) you couldn’t marry a girl unless you kidnapped her). However, Apollo liked her too. Zeus got tired of Apollo’s whining and made her choose between Idas and Apollo. She was like, “Dat godly ho is immortal so he’ll get bored of me. I’ll go with my mortal man, thanks.” And so Apollo probably cried, but moved on.

Castalia was another brief kick to the ol’ ego. She was a nymph who Apollo chased, but jumped into a fuckin spring at Delphi. He didn’t follow her because either he was the sun god and might evaporate if he dove in after her, or perhaps out of pure fuck you, she may have drowned herself. But he never got to be with her and the spring became sacred Oracle water.

CASSANDRA, THE FAMOUS PROPHETESS OF TROY comes into this too. He was like “yo guuurl, if I give you visions of the future will you sleep with me?” In my opinion, Cassandra should have either said full no or said full yes, but she thought she could outsmart a god. Not clever. Not wise. Nope. To be honest, with the gift of prophecy, Apollo should have seen this coming. But what fun would that have been? So she said yes, but when he gave her the Gift she was like “oh no honey, you aint sleepin’ with me”. MISTAKE. He cursed her so that no-one would ever believe her prophecies, and for trying to trick a god, died a tragic death in slavery. Don’t fuckin try trick a god, it never works. Lesson.

But if you didn’t learn that lesson well enough, maybe the Cumaen Sibyl can help. She lived for thousands of years because she thought she could pull a fast one on Apollo. Stupid. Very stupid. Apollo was like, “hey guuuuuuuuuurl, if I grant you a wish, can I plz sleep with you?” She was like “oh yeah, sure thing y not, it’s cool w me” and picked up a handful of sand. She said “yo Apollo my homie, make me live as many years as there are grains of sand.” THIS COULD HAVE BEEN GREAT. THEY COULD HAVE BEEN HOMIES FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS. BUT NO. The Sibyl then refused to sleep with Apollo so he cursed her with having her body age and wither as she grew older. Do not fuckin try and trick a god. Not good plan.

The list goes on, but hey, it ain’t all about the ladies. Apollo’s love life with men was pretty tragic too.

Meet Hyacinth, the prettiest pretty-boy since Ganymede. He was athletic, a prince, Spartan and naked most of the time. BUT HE WAS TOO PRETTY. Zephyr, the god of the west wind liked him too and was a jealous fuck. So when Apollo and Hyacinth were out playing some homo-erotic, oiled up Greek discus, Zephyr blew the discus astray into Hyacinth’s head and killed him. Carrying on his funerary tradition, Apollo turned Hyacinth’s pretty ass into a plant, the Hyacinth.

Cyparissus (I WONDER WHAT HE’S GUNNA GET TURNED INTO) was another lover of Apollo. Apollo, being really grateful that someone actually wanted to be his lover, gave him a tame deer to be his pet. Cyparissus accidentally killed it with a javelin and was so sorry that he asked Apollo to ‘let his tears fall forever’. Apollo, interpreting this as ‘turn me into a fuckin tree’ turned him into a Cypress, which looks like it’s always crying. Either Cyparissus loved that deer more than Apollo or didn’t think the god would turn him into a fuckin tree. Either way, it was a problem.

Achilles and Patroklus is a much shorter story. Basically, Apollo didn’t like the Greeks, so he thought he’d take out their best heroes. With Patroklus, he loosened that bro’s armour and made everything dark for him; this meant that  Euphorbus could spear him and Hector could steal the kill. With Achilles, Apollo either guided Paris’ arrow\told him where to shoot, or in some accounts it is actually just Apollo who shoots him. I haven’t finished the Iliad, so I’ll edit this post when I do c:

If you have finished this GARGANTUAN of a post, I commend you, and I hope your curiousity about Apollo’s Love Problems and his deal with the Dream Team has been sated. Until next time, Anonymous friend! :)

More stories here

bluewire13  asked:

Hi! A little while back you made a prompt about Patroclus being the water boy for the track team and Achilles using dumb water pick up lines to try to get him on a date. If I credit you in the notes on AO3 may I write a fic?


Patrochilles AU 6/?

Murder AU

-The entire university is in uproar because everyone woke up to find plastic knifes had been slipped under their dorm doors
-It’s so bad that people are actually making up teams
-Achilles has been ‘recruited’ by Agamemnon because he’s already went through six people and is a master at the game
-Hector is the ‘leader’ of the other team and is currently keeping a low profile
-Pat doesn’t really like the game but he takes part anyway because he’s trying to keep an eye out for the person with Achilles on their knife
-Briseis is a total deva who slyly takes care of her target-aka slips into the changing rooms and takes them out-but she follows Achilles and Pat around when she isn’t hunting
-Agamemnon starts playing dirty-saying he has somebody’s name when he doesn’t.
-Achilles finds out and goes on strike
-Hector finds out and that’s when he comes out into the open and starts taking care of everyone else
-Meanwhile Pat is being hassled by Agamemnon and his team members to get Achilles back into the game because they are being slaughtered
-It’s a complete no go-in fact Pat was kicked out of the room for a couple of days because of his persistence
-Pats on his way to his class when it happens
-Hector comes out of no where and just slides the plastic knife across his throat
-Pat is gobsmacked because during the entire three months no one has ever gotten close to him, but he laughs it off and passes Hector his knife and bids him good luck
-Pat ends up telling Achilles that he was killed when he comes back from classes -Achilles just stares-poor boy forgets it’s just a game in that moment
-The next day people are screeching bloody murder in the cafeteria because Achilles has joined the game again and how they can’t even turn the corner with out shitting themselves
-Between Achilles and Hector nobody stands a chance
-Achilles is on a hunt for Hectors knife and he’s playing rough
-Like he’s sneaking into people’s rooms, cornering them in the showers just searching for Hectors knife
-When he finally finds the person with it he pokes them then takes Hectors knife
-That’s the day everyone stops
-They’ve all heard about how Hector had Pats knife and how Achilles took it personally
-Hector enters the lunch hall just as Achilles stands from his table
-They stare at one another from across the room
-Hector doesn’t even hesitate, he just turns on his heel and runs
-Achilles is quick behind him
-When they hit into each other, Achilles pins Hector beneath him and jabs the knife into Hectors side
-They stare at each other for a few moments again
-And Hector just laughs because he had chased down the guy who ‘killed’ his girlfriend in the exact same way
-He tells Achilles that his little brother, Paris has his knife and that he should stay away from the hair and beauty classrooms
-After that the game continues as normal
-Achilles is still playing the game but he hardly bothers any more
-Paris throws the knife across the room and manages to hit Achilles on the heel
-Achilles is amazed and actually claps Paris on the shoulder because 'that is some skill’
-Pat is nearly crying int gratitude because now Achilles isn’t pacing the room planning his next attack
-Meanwhile Briseis is crowned victor because she continued hunting when everyone was waiting for the Hector vs Achilles showdown

anonymous asked:

gym class au pls!!

  • achilles and patroclus are always on the same team
  • always
  • at first the gym teacher tried to assign them to different teams but it never works. achilles just goes over to patroclus’s team anyway. they’re a lost cause
  • hector is always put on the opposite team from achilles, because their athleticism pretty much balances out and makes things more even. he and achilles develop a rivalry because of course they do
  • it mostly consists of trash-talking in the hallway, like “think you can stop staring at your boyfriend for long enough to give me a challenge today, pelides?” “i’ll stare at my boyfriend WHILE i kick your ass into next week”
  • briseis is on patroclus’s team about half the time. when she is, they hang out together and occasionally participate but spend most of their time sarcastically imitating achilles because’s he’s way too into it and it’s hilarious
  • achilles always wants to be the one calling the shots, even when they’re playing a game like dodgeball that has no real strategy. he gets into all these pissing contests with agamemnon, who’s the football team captain and thinks that gives him the right to control all sports-related things ever
  • briseis loves the days when they do swimming because she’s far and away the best at it and she likes to remind the boys every now and then that they ain’t shit
  • they’re playing touch football one day and hector accidentally kicks and trips patroclus in trying to get at achilles
  • it messes up patroclus’s ankle and he has to go to the nurse’s office for the rest of the day
  • once patroclus has hobbled out of the gym and achilles can’t hover over him worriedly anymore, achilles rounds on hector, who is just like “oh fuck,” because he really doesn’t want to die today in gym class of all places
  • hector definitely gets illegally tackled on the next play. and the next one. and the next one. until the gym teacher takes pity and makes achilles sit the rest of the class out
  • also!! agamemnon and his bro friends like to harass achilles and patroclus in the locker room, yelling at them not to look at everyone’s junk while they’re changing, as well as other even more immature insults. in retaliation pat and achilles make out against agamemnon’s locker for a solid ten minutes
Patrochilles AU 9/?

Exy AU

Alright…I know what y'all thinking. Exy? The hell is exy? But if you’ve read The Foxhole Court then you know where I’m going with this.

-Achilles was brought up on Exy, his dad was amazing and so was his grandfather but his mum wanted him to /be/ Exy. She wanted him to be the first name people thought off when someone brought up the sport and he was
-No one was as quick as him, or had a better aim or strong enough to bring him down
-He was invincible
-And he loved it
-Then a new kid gets signed to the team, a new kid named Patroclus
-Nothing new, everybody who was mad about playing Exy wanted to play side by side with Achilles
-But this kid actually doesn’t care about Achilles that much?
-Like, yeah, he’s impressed
-But not gobsmacked like everyone else
-Achilles isn’t that bothered, he finds it kind of nice. Patroclus not fawning over him like the others
-Then training starts up again
-The teams divided equally, Patroclus is on one side and Achilles on the other so they can learn from each other
-As always Achilles just zooms past everyone and his team is leading by like five points and it’s only been 20 fucking minutes
-He’s on his way to make his sixth goal when out of no where, his racket is popped up and the ball is flying through the air
-He turns his head just in time to see Patroclus take the ball and shot off down to the other side
-Everybody is stunned af cause nobody has managed to do that to Achilles and the whole game just stops after Patroclus scores
-“what the fuck…” Followed by “Jesus Christ” is heard all around
-Poor Patroclus has no idea what he’s done wrong but he’s grinning from ear to ear because ‘look guys I’ve just scored!’
-Later on that day Achilles basically hunts Patroclus down and forces him to the Exy court
-They play together for the remainder of the day, just jeering each other, tackling and stealing each other’s shots
-The next time the team practices together, Patroclus and Achilles are all over the field-laughing their heads of
-The team are genuinely scared 'cause 'hooww???’
-The fear leaves them after the first couple of matches against the other universities-Achilles could slaughter the team all by himself but now that he’s got someone who can really keep up with him the opposite team might as well sit on the sidelines because they can’t stop anything
-Every match they win Achilles and Patroclus disappear before everyone else, no one knows where they go or where but they always hear the two come back into the sports dorms snickering and hushing each other
-Then the match with the Trojans come up
-Achilles likes playing against them, they’re actually a challenge and the wins have been bouncing between them for years
-Patroclus hasn’t played against them yet but he’s visible shaking with excitement
-The game starts out harsh, body flips and crushing each other into walls because let’s face it they know how good one another are
-Then Patroclus gets the ball and he’s racing to the goal when, bam! He’s flipped right through the air and lands straight in his back
-Hector may or may not have mistaken the guys movements for Achilles but the moment he looks down at the guy that’s on the floor he groans cause “oops that’s not him”
-Patroclus is taken off the field and now Achilles is angry af
-Not even five minutes later, tiny blonde has literally lifted the giant off of the floor and flipped him so he lands on his stomach
-Hectors out of the game then and is taken to the medical area where Patroclus is
-Hector apologies for what he done, Patroclus simply asks is it was Achilles done that to him
-Meanwhile during the bonding time between Hector and Patroclus, Achilles is going head to head with other smol names Paris
-Achilles’s team wins even after Achilles is carried off with an injured heel after Paris kicked him by accident
-It comes to light after that match that Achilles and Patroclus are actually dating and Hector comes to apologise again