hyde-from-jekyll  asked:

Translation please? I came out as ace to a coworker. Obv I don’t want sex but a relationship would be nice. I told her as much and she was supportive of my ace-ness, but she said if I ever have a non ace partner then I’d /have/ to let it be an open relationship so they’d have their *needs* taken care of. 😒

Ugh, I’m so sorry about that. That’s just gross and uncalled for, and you deserve better.

Translation: a relationship? Without sex? I’m sorry I can’t believe this my brain just exploded. Obviously all relationships only revolve around sex and not things like having personalities that mesh and enjoying each other’s company. It’s not like the other person can just masturbate or something, no, clearly they must go outside the relationship for sex, that’s the only logical way.

Reblog if you genuinely support asexuals

It terrifies me that there’s so much raging passion in the lgbt+ community that insist on marginalizing asexuals and implying that asexuals don’t deserve to have safe spaces. There’s still so much acephobia so I just wanna know which blogs are genuinely supportive and a safe space for asexuals

I’m not ace myself, so I’m coming at the whole acephobia thing from an outsider’s perspective, and as such, it’s not my place to speak to the experience of those on the receiving end of it.

However, as a bisexual dude, I can observe that many of the arguments that are employed to establish that ace folks have no place in the queer community are strikingly similar - indeed, at times practically word-for-word identical - to the arguments that were for many years (and in some circles still are) employed to establish that bisexual folks have no place in the queer community.

It’s enough to make a guy suspicious on general principle, you know?

stop telling trans kids that everyone has a phase of thinking they’re the opposite gender

stop telling autistic ppl that everyone’s “a little autistic”

stop telling aromantics/asexuals to wait for the right person

stop telling bisexuals that they’re “half straight”

stop invalidating people’s identity and start accepting that people are different to yourself and that’s okay

Radfems: Women are more than just vaginas! Stop reducing us to our sexual organs!

Trans woman: Hi

Radfems: Wait no


Radfems: We need to abolish gender!

Nonbinary person: Hello

Radfems: No not like that


Radfems: Women should be able to do whatever they want!

Bisexual woman: I have a boyfriend.

Radfems: Hold up


Radfems: We should be able to do whatever we wish with our bodies!

Sex worker: Hey

Radfems: What no


Radfems: We don’t need to please men! It’s okay not to like sex!

Asexual people: Hi

Radfems: Yeah no not like that


I’m confused guys. What is it that they want?

Ace/Aro discourse makes me so uncomfortable because like, it’s just the same bullshit that got thrown at me as a bi woman but with a different paint job.

  • “How can you be sure you’re bi ace/aro if you haven’t experimented?”
  • “We support bi ace/aro people, buuut only if they’re a very specific type of bi ace/aro.”
  • “Sure, bi ace/aro people are valid, they just don’t belong in the LGBT+ community”
  • “But the issue is bi ace/aro people are taking up resources from real LGBT+ people!”
  • “It’s just a phase!”
  • “Look, bi ace/aro people aren’t really marginalized. Any issues they face are just misdirected homo/transphobia.”
  • Bi Trans Ace/Aro people are just our oppressors trying to invade our spaces!”

You aren’t that slick, fuck off into the slime pit that is biphobes, terfs, and other assholes.

All aces belong in the LGBTQ+.

All aces belong in the LGBTQ+.

All aces belong in the LGBTQ+.

All aces belong in the LGBTQ+.

All aces belong in the LGBTQ+.

All aces belong in the LGBTQ+.

All aces belong in the LGBTQ+.

All aces belong in the LGBTQ+.

All aces belong in the LGBTQ+.

All aces belong in the LGBTQ+.

All aces belong in the LGBTQ+.

All aces belong in the LGBTQ+.

All aces belong in the LGBTQ+.

All aces belong in the LGBTQ+.

All aces belong in the LGBTQ+.

All aces belong in the LGBTQ+.

All aces belong in the LGBTQ+.

All aces belong in the LGBTQ+.

All aces belong in the LGBTQ+.

All aces belong in the LGBTQ+.

What I don’t get about the ‘resources’ argument is, how exactly do asexuals waste LGBT resources if we don’t need them? If being ace won’t get you kicked out of your home, you won’t need housing. If being ace won’t get you fired, you won’t need the financial backup. If being ace doesn’t put you at physical risk, you won’t need the protective services that the LGBT community can muster.

If, on the other hand, being ace does cause you to deal with any of the above, then the resources aren’t being ‘wasted’ – they’re going toward the safety and well-being of somebody who’s being punished for not being straight. Isn’t that the point of those resources to begin with?

I’m honestly confused how this argument even works. The only way it makes sense is if we’re walking up to a community that we have zero need of, and they’re just going ‘okey-dokey! 8D’ and handing us shit we clearly don’t need. Is that what y’all are trying to say? I’m honestly curious.

Buddy, you wanna talk to me about ace inclusion, bear in mind that I’m old enough to remember when there were Very Serious Discussions being had about whether lesbians truly belong in the “gay community”. That’s my point of reference with respect to anti-inclusion rhetoric. So I know for a goddamn fact that your whole “the LGBT community is and always has been defined by the shared experience of homophobia” spiel is a lie, and I’m betting you do, too.

Character: *Kissing the opposite gender*

Y'all: “Well we don’t know if the character’s hetero. He/She could be bi, or pan, or ace, you know. Ship he/she with whoever you want, we don’t know. It only one kiss, it’s not confirmed or anything….

Another Character: *Kissing the same gender*

Y'all: That character is GAY! Can’t be anything else. He/She can’t be bi, pan, or ace, that’s homophobic. You can’t ship she/he with anyone except the same gender. If you do, you guys are taking away OUR representation. It’s basically confirmed by that one kiss!

TERFs, Biphobes and Acephobes

Although they differ in levels of intensity (TERFS being more organized with more or a long history of violence) when you look at their theories and behavior TERFs, biphobes and acephobes have a lot in common. 

  1. “I face all the oppression ever”. They all have a very simplistic image of how oppression based on gender or sexuality works and deny the possibility that it is possible for sexuality to be multifaceted in which one aspect of your sexuality is cause for one form oppression while another aspect of your sexuality means that you do not have to deal with another form or oppression. The ‘I can not have cis privilege because I’m a woman and I’m already oppressed for my gender’ and ‘I can not have monosexual or allosexual privilege because I am gay and I’m already oppressed for my sexuality’ is pretty much the same shit. 
  2. “You have all the privilege” As a counter attack they all state that the identity of the people they have (bi folk, ace folk, trans folk) is not real and that thus the real identity of those people is a very privileged one. They ignore the experiences of actual bi, ace and trans people and make up a fictional narrative in which trans women have male privilege and bi and ace people have heterosexual privilege regardless of the constant stories by the people themselves about the shit they face for being bi, trans and/or ace. 
  3. “I am more oppressed therefore I am right” They believe in an oppression olympics in which having the most oppression points makes you right. As a result they believe that if they can just convince people that they are more oppressed than the people they’re fighting, that status of most-oppressed with magically make all their writing true and all their bullying justified. 
  4. “Individual trauma justifies my violence against whole groups” They all use individual  real or fake stories of violence (preferably sexual violence) to prove that all bisexuals/aces/transwomen are horrible people. They believe these individual stories justify their violence against whole groups and they use the emotional weight of the story to avoid being held accountable for their shitty opinions. So they’ll go “A … raped me once so all … are horrible” and they will throw a huge tantrum if you dispute the second part of that statement, claiming that you disputed the entire statement. 
  5. “We were safe before you came in here” They believe in a magical perfect concept of the ‘safe space’, be it a womens space or an lgbt space, in which violence does not exist until the dangerous enemy enters. This of course overlooks the fact that most of us already real with racism, ableism, islamophobia, fatphobia, etc in these so-called ‘safe spaces’ and they were only ever truly safe for abled, thin white people. 
  6. “Solidarity is a commodity of which supplies are limited”  They see a group asking for safety within an existing movement (a movement they were already always part of but were exiled from in the past) and they get defensive, instead of seeing an opportunity to extend solidarity. They pretend that when we include new people into our struggles, something is lost, as if our movement is a finite territory. They speak about ‘stolen terminology’ and ‘invaded spaces’ when in reality nothing was lost and all that happened was that one more group now has a place where they feel safe and words that help to describe the oppression they face. 

This is a first look into how these three groups often use pretty much the same tactics to justify being shitty bigots. There might be more similarities and there are obviously differences too, but I think these similarities are worth talking about. 

There are other aspects, like purposely misreading posts, that I think are not so much a feature of these 3 groups put more a feature of anyone trying to defend a hateful bigoted view at all cost.