Some thoughts on supporting survivors / supporting people who have caused harm that I wrote in a fb thread but wanted to save.

I think that people who have caused harm definitely need friends and support. I think the role of those friends is to be supportive in their process of getting the help they need, and also keeping them accountable in respecting the survivors boundaries, as well as just being their friend. The way I make these choices is like this: if I am friends with the survivor I will ask the survivor what they would like me to do, in most cases this looks like completely cutting out the person who caused harm so that the survivor can feel safe and supported. If this is what they need, this is what I do, no questions asked. If I am friends with the person who caused harm but don’t know the survivor I will usually be a support person for the person who caused harm, if they are willing to take steps to get help and do better, and are willing to respect the survivors boundaries. I think this is a very important role. If I am friends with both of them, I will see how I can be useful. There was a situation where I was asked by the survivor to act as a go between and pass on boundaries to the person who caused harm. In this case I am a primary support to the survivor but also act as a support to the person who caused harm, while prioritizing the survivors boundaries and needs. I think it’s really important to think about the complexities of all of this because I really don’t believe in totally ostracizing people. I do believe that no one is disposable BUT I also acknowledge how this phrase is used to dispose of survivors. So my rule is to always prioritize the survivors needs. Like if they both want to be at an event, it is the survivor who gets to go. Support people in the life of the person who caused harm can help by supporting to get their needs met in other ways while respecting the boundaries of the survivor. Just my two cents on the issue. 💜

“Women ruin men’s lives” is a massive lie and nothing will make men happier than when its trotted out to defend them. Tell that to all the victims who will never get justice for what men have done to them. A man can be accused, arrested and even convicted of almost anything and still receive more sympathy than his female victims. Be honest: men ruin women’s lives every day, everywhere, all the time without even a backwards glance. It’s long past time for men to be held accountable.


LANSING, Mich. — A top aide to Michigan’s governor referred to people raising questions about the quality of Flint’s water as an “anti-everything group.” Other critics were accused of turning complaints about water into a “political football.” And worrisome findings about lead by a concerned pediatrician were dismissed as “data,” in quotes.

That view of how the administration of Gov. Rick Snyder initially dealt with the water crisis in the poverty-stricken, black-majority city of Flint emerged from 274 pages of emails, made public by the governor on Wednesday.

The correspondence records mounting complaints by the public and elected officials, as well as growing irritation by state officials over the reluctance to accept their assurances.

It was not until late in 2015, after months of complaints, that state officials finally conceded what critics had been contending: that Flint was in the midst of a major public health emergency, as tap water pouring into families’ homes contained enough lead to show up in the blood of dozens of people in the city. Even small amounts of lead could cause lasting health and developmental problems in children.

The emails were released late in the day, after Mr. Snyder’s State of the State address Tuesday night in which he profusely apologized to the residents of Flint and promised to help remedy the problem and get to the bottom of how it occurred. The Michigan House on Wednesday approved $28 million requested by the governor to assist the city.

Though Mr. Snyder issued the emails as part of an effort to reveal the administration’s transparency on the matter, the documents provide a glimpse of state leaders who were at times dismissive of the concerns of residents, seemed eager to place responsibility with local government and, even as the scientific testing was hinting at a larger problem, were reluctant to acknowledge it.

The messages show that from the moment Flint decided to draw its water from a new source, the Flint River, officials were discounting concerns about its quality and celebrating a change meant to save the cash-starved city millions of dollars. From 2011 to 2015, Flint was in state receivership, its finances controlled by a succession of four emergency managers appointed by Mr. Snyder’s administration.

That upbeat mood lasted for months, even as residents began complaining about the new water’s foul odor, odd color and strange health effects, and began showing up at events with “jugs of brownish water.”

A news release on April 25, 2014, from the City of Flint announcing the change to the water source acknowledged, “Even with a proven track record of providing perfectly good water for Flint, there still remains lingering uncertainty about the quality of the water” by the public.

Keep reading

Here’s an article I wrote that’s been published on X3Church, called:
“3 Quick Tips to Handle the Truth About Yourself.”

It’s about three ways to handle the hard truth about yourself from a friend’s honest intervention. No one handles “rebuke” very well because accountability is painful and messy: but it’s necessary for growth and progress.

Here’s an excerpt:

When you hear the truth about yourself, the person who tells you the truth isn’t perfect and probably won’t say it perfectly, but that’s no excuse not to consider their words.

The temptation when we hear criticism is to use the Mirror Defense, which is saying, “Well, what about you?”

We want to discredit the source of the truth, so we drag up old history and the other person’s weaknesses for self-preservation. Or we say, “I don’t like your tone” and use their voice against them.

The problem is, two wrongs can never make a right. In other words, someone else’s bad thing doesn’t cancel my bad thing. Even if the other person is a hypocrite, it doesn’t magically erase my own hypocrisy. And no one in the history of accountability has ever used perfect intonation and the perfect wording to tell the hard truth. If you find yourself saying, “If only she had said it like this” or “If only he had not said this” — then chances are that you’re trying to wiggle your way out of truth by a technicality.

Read the full post here.



#sparkingthefire - Day 3; Goals

My starting point on this journey was February 2014 at 78.7kg. January 1st 2016 I am 72.5kg. 

Current measurements are:

Bust - 41"
Under bust - 32"
Waist - 33.5" 
Stomach - 40"
Hips - 43"
Thigh - 21.5"
Calf - 14"
Upper arm - 11.5"

My first SMART goal of 2016 is to work towards beating my personal best of 35 minutes when I completed the Race for Life 5k in 2015. This gives me a time frame of 5/6 months, my plan of action involves completing a ParkRun every other Saturday that I am not at work, I am not setting any other days as I never stick to them and then I feel worse that I haven’t been able to get out there and do it. To help me achieve this goal I am going to look into a C25K app and another running app to help me. 

My second goal is water intake; I know for a fact that I do not hit anywhere near my recommended water intake, therefore, I am going to cut out the fizzy drinks and replace it with water. Again I think I will download an app to help me be accountable and hit my water goal!

My third goal is inversions; this one is going to take some time as I need to build up some strength first so I am going to practice yoga every other day and go from there, any videos that anyone can recommend are very welcome just send me a message or tag me in something!

Non-fitness related; 

  1. Knit for half hour every day
  2. Read every night before bed
  3. Time away from social networks and time with partner instead.

Accountability partners - @fromtheseaoftranquillity @creatingkellye @catsiesd
Chicago Police Hid Mics, Destroyed Dashcams To Block Audio, Records Show
KONKOL: Intentional destruction, hiding mics and the curious case of Jason Van Dyke's dashcam.

Why are so many police dashcam videos silent?

Chicago Police Department officers stashed microphones in their squad car glove boxes. They pulled out batteries. Microphone antennas got busted or went missing. And sometimes, dashcam systems didn’t have any microphones at all, DNAinfo Chicago has learned.

Police officials last month blamed the absence of audio in 80 percent of dashcam videos on officer error and “intentional destruction.”

A DNAinfo Chicago review of more than 1,800 police maintenance logs sheds light on the no-sound syndrome plaguing Police Department videos — including its most notorious dashcam case.

Maintenance records of the squad car used by Jason Van Dyke, who shot and killed Laquan McDonald, and his partner, Joseph Walsh, show monthslong delays for two dashcam repairs, including a long wait to fix “intentional damage.”

On June 17, 2014, police technicians reported fixing a dashcam wiring issue in police vehicle No. 6412, the squad shared by Van Dyke and Walsh, about three months after it was reported broken, records show.

A day later, the same vehicle’s dashcam system was reported busted again. It took until Oct. 8, 2014, to complete repairs of what technicians deemed “intentional damage,” according to reports.

Dark Tournament Preliminaries

Hey everyone!

Charley and Andrew here. 

Over the course of the next few months, we will be competing in a series of anime inspired fitness challenges to keep our work out motivation high and our bodies in peak fighting condition. 

This blog is to track our challenges, our milestones, our wins and losses, and to keep us on the track for greatness. Check out our challenge for week one and feel free to get involved. 

This month’s theme is: Dark Tournament Preliminaries
That’s right, this month, Andrew and Charley are gearing up to take on the Demon World with the Yu Yu Hakusho team. In order to qualify, both Andrew and Charley have agreed to take and complete a series of training exercises weekly in order to qualify for the big leagues. This training will be RIGOROUS. Andrew and Charley will need to be at their top game, performing not only high intensity training (to dodge those perilous attacks) but also strength train their bodies. This training style will put both of them for the ultimate test. 

In order for them to move on to the actual tournament (held in March), Andrew and Charley must not ONLY complete each weekly assignment, but complete the Special Weekly Showdown in order to win a week’s challenge. Whoever comes in second for a weekly challenge must be subject to giving up something of their own volition. This is called collateral. Since collateral works only if it’s important to the person, both Andrew and Charley have opted to keep what they’re giving up private (if it comes to it). 

In addition, winner of the weekly challenge will receive an additional prize in their prize themed basket given at the end of the month to each contestant. That’s right. Charley will be giving Andrew a prize based on his participation (higher participation means a better prize) and Andrew will be giving Charley a prize based in his participation. Prizes are to be determined by the individual and the “unknown” aspect makes it all the better. 

Week 1: February 1st to February 6th 

Important: Whatever is not completed by the end of the week, MUST be added on to the following week’s numbers. Yeah, that’s right. You end up falling short, you’ll only have more ground to cover next week. Stay sharp! Keep your eye on the prize. Trust me, it’s worth it. 

Complete by the end of the week (in one workout or divided and spread out throughout the week) Winner is the one who gets closest to these achieved scores.

200 Burpees
500 Push-ups
50 Pull-ups
50 Chin-ups
500 Sit-ups
100 Hanging Leg Raises
500 Squats
100 Standard Dips
30 minutes worth of Planks
1000 Punches

WEEKLY SHOWDOWN: 4 miles running (under 30 minutes) *Person with best time wins additional small prize*
3 Reasons a Journey Is Never Better Alone

Here’s an article I wrote that’s been published on X3Church, called:

3 Reasons a Journey Is Never Better Alone.”

It’s about our need for tough accountability and joy-driven community so we can become the people we were meant to be, and how we live that journey together.

Here’s an excerpt:

“I can do it myself” is one the of the biggest lies we’ve perpetuated today.

It’s easy to get why: because we love independence. We’re threatened by losing our autonomy. The most triumphant modern narrative is, “I’m my own person and I call my own shots.” And certainly there’s great truth in valuing individuality.

But just as much as complete dependence on others is a dangerous trap: so complete independence is a romanticized fairy-tale.

No one is meant to do life alone.
Life alone isn’t life, but merely survival.
Life together is thriving, to truly be alive.

Read the full post here. J.S.

💥💥Transformation Tuesday💥💥

Here’s the thing I didn’t get to my highest weight due to any one day/food/meal 😠

I got there as a culmination of CHOICES😯🍩🍰🍦🍧🍨🍔🍕🍝🍟

I also didn’t lose the weight overnight🌠

There is no straight shot, no overnight fast track way ➡

🌟It’s about progress not perfection

AND here’s my confession🙊

My nutrition has been shitty💩

For like months🙈

This is my accountability post while I’m not gaining, I’m not making gains towards my goals👎

So today I’m committing today that I’m pulling out my containers 👏 I’ll be tracking and cutting the crap💩🙊🙉🙈