I’m really upset and scared right now.
After so many years of finding and losing friends, I’ve finally gotten comfortable with an amazing group of close friends who’ve I’ve grown attached to over the past 3 years.
Through my time in high school, people fazed in and out of the group, but these people have stayed. They are the most amazing people with different views on life and they’ve all got their own stories and we all somehow meld together like one big collective.
Just us 6 against the rest of the world.
And now I have to leave them, leave these close friends, family basically, of mine just because my dad and his girlfriend want to live together and due to work reasons, she cannot move here.
I mean, don’t get me wrong I freaking love my dad more than life and I want nothing more than for him to be the happiest man on the planet… But just… argh.
I feel like I’ve done so much for others in my life and I’ve given up so much to make others happy and I’ve stayed awake for so many hours just to finish other peoples work and I’ve stressed over so many things to make sure that everyone is fucking happy…
And somehow the one time I desperately want something, it’s non negotiable.
I can’t live with my grandmother for just a couple or so years until I finish high school, I can’t take a train, I can’t freaking do anything to stay here and I don’t want to leave.
I love my friends so much, I want to cry each time we all laugh, because I know that by the end of December, I won’t get to see them every day.
I won’t get to laugh with them, have inside jokes with them. I won’t be able to complain with them and fangirl with them.
I’m crying so much because they mean the world to me, and I don’t even think they realise just how much they do.
What do I do?
How can I walk into a completely new school with strangers and people who have been at this school longer than me and how will I make friends? It sounds stupid but I’m the most antisocial person there is and the shyest and I just don’t know how I’ll cope.
I feel sick just thinking about it.
I just… I don’t know what to do.
I’ve finally found a small family where I fit in, and now I have to leave it. I have to start the whole process again, or just become a loner.
Seems like loner is a good way to go.