accepting criticism with grace

this is strictly a few of my experiences with my fellow white people in portland.

so a few years ago–two, now?–this woman from wall street decided to retire to portland and use all her money to create an art gallery in an entirely zero carbon footprint building.

She picked a lot in a residential area (my neighbourhood, which if you’ve been following me you know all about and if you don’t, let’s just say in the 15 years or so i’ve lived here it went from being working class ppl of colour and working class/disabled/sex working queer punks, most of whom were white but not all; to being a place where i get to hold out because i’m a sex worker and by working my ass off i can afford my rent but tensions are thru the roof and i do get into fights with my entitled frat neighbours on the regular) which was its own issue to me, because there are fuckall galleries all over the place on the nonresidential streets. so she took what could have been a home for someone from here. unlikely, but possible. She also created an ADU and again could have offered affordable housing to a local, but did not. She started her gallery and hired a white artist to paint a mural of black kids, and there are little signs that say “peace” all over her yard, but nothing about black lives matter, resist, anything.

There’s also a white Portland local who made the news for being like the martha stewart of weed cooking or something. the new yorker just wrote about her. I criticised the article bc jfc more white people are hopping on the marijuana gravy train while we still have young kids of colour facing up to a year in prison for a ridiculously tiny amount of pot, and all the old pot arrests are still rotting in prison despite their crimes NO LONGER BEING CRIMES??? they don’t even get out, let alone reparations, but selling pot has become white people’s game and white people get lauded for it and I’m white but that BOTHERS ME. it’s wrong.

and in each case what I feel are my VALID criticisms get shut down by some of my white acquaintances bc the women in question are NICE and WELL INTENTIONED??? but this isn’t a vacuum! nice and well intentioned doesn’t mean fuck all if you aren’t willing to back up and redirect the attention on you back to communities of colour.

that bitch has 15 “peace” signs across her yard and a mural of black kids and not even a blm sticker.

I’m not separating myself from these women because while i don’t do THESE things I have done others. but I strive for the grace and integrity to accept criticism (real criticism, not fake criticism about being aphobic) and hear it and change and god forbid anyone defend me based on the “niceness” of my character–i am not nice and that’s not a defense.

the"martha stewart of pot" argument has stuck with me because it’s so exceptionally stupid and racist. it shouldn’t have happened. she’s nice? so the fuck what? people are still getting arrested for pot crimes why is she getting a new yorker profile? (i know why: white supremacy)

we just have to keep doing better even when it’s uncomfortable. and that’s the hardest time to maintain graciousness and integrity bc we all want to be comfortable but I pray that I can and that we all can and that we DO actually destroy white supremacy. i don’t want to live like this. purely from selfish reasons i don’t want to live in this fucked up white supremacist patriarchal world, i need it to change.

Recent Allegations

Recently, some very strange allegations have been leveled at me. I didn’t want my very first post on tumblr to be in self-defense, but due to the number of misunderstandings occurring, I feel that it is necessary to type out a response to the claims that are being made about me.

The first allegation is that I hold “Stern hatred for the Skullgirls developers.” This isn’t true. In 2013 I became acquainted with Mike Z, the lead programmer of Skullgirls. Over the course of several months, we spoke in the Skullgirls IRC chatroom about game design and the game industry. From what I remember, our discussions were civil and respectable. Eventually, we had a really big argument about something. Looking back, I’m not proud of how I handled it. Fortunately, we later spoke with one another through private messages and resolved our differences. The end result was that I felt motivated to become a better game developer, and that’s what I choose to focus on when retelling the story. I still love Skullgirls, and I hold a lot of respect for Mike Z, Alex Ahad, and Mariel Cartwright.

The second allegation is that I am a “child solicitor” and “sex offender”. These accusations are almost too silly to dignify with a response, but I’ll respond nonetheless. About 6 years ago, I knew a young woman who did a lot of inappropriate things in order to get people to pay attention to her. One of the things she did was to send nude pictures of herself to lots of people. I was one of the people who she sent nude pictures to. Months later, I learned that she was actually too young to be doing that sort of thing. I deleted her pictures immediately, of course. To be perfectly clear; the pictures were unsolicited; I don’t go around asking kids to send me nude pics.

The third allegation is that I treat my volunteers badly and don’t want to credit them. This is another statement that is so far from reality that it doesn’t seem to warrant a response, but I may as well reply to it. I am extremely grateful and appreciative towards every volunteer who generously lends me their time, and I attempt to let them know how thankful I am for their assistance at every opportunity. However, not every volunteer produces satisfactory work. Sometimes, I have to let someone know that their contribution is too low-quality to meet my standards. Most volunteers are able to accept criticism with grace and maturity, but others are indignant, and react by becoming vindictive and attempting to slander and defame me. If someone can’t handle the fact that their work needs improvement and chooses to childishly lash out on tumblr, they need to grow up before they consider becoming part of a team.

As for the matter of giving credit to volunteers: The game is extremely early into development; it’s practically in its infancy right now. It is extremely likely that any one of the assets included within the game’s debug sandbox will not make it into the final game, or even into the official demo. This is the nature of game development; assets are created, re-imagined, re-envisioned, replaced, and tossed away all the time. There is no guarantee that any asset a volunteer makes for me will be included in the final game. Most volunteers understand this innately. Extremely few volunteers have taken this news poorly; the majority are mature enough to understand the nature of game development, and understand that their work may not meet my standards, or may eventually be replaced.

I can tell you from my experience in the game industry that the credits screen is one of the very last screens that is made for the game. It is illogical to start working on it when the game is only around 5% complete. When the official demo is released, I will credit every volunteer whose assets are included within the game. Until the official demo is released, there is no guarantee that any asset made for the game will actually be used in the final product, and thus it is far too early to consider including credits at this point in time.

Hopefully, this post will prevent others from spreading misinformation about me and Yandere Simulator. Thank you for taking the time to read it.

anonymous asked:

how can a person be humble?

hmmm i’m not really sure? it’s kind of a hard balance to make. it’s good to be proud of the work that you’ve done, but at the same time, you have to consider other people’s feelings and opinions as well.

i guess… try not to be too loud and obnoxious about what you’re proud of? accept your mistakes and other people’s constructive criticism with grace, and thank other people for the work that they’re doing. we’re not all perfect and we don’t know everything in the world, and that’s okay.
just keep on doing your work and put in effort into what you do, and sooner or later, someone will notice that and thank you for it. you don’t have to scream it out loud for everybody to hear.

hope that helped?? i mean, it’s still something that i’m trying to work on, and i’m sure a lot of other people are working on it too. you’re not alone, anon! good luck.

anonymous asked:

I'm overthinking so much and I'm trying to find the meaning of everything I think about and why I daydream all the time. I feel like I'm not creative anymore. I don't daydream as often. love being an infp but this is so motherfucking stressful.

Sweets, you’re not stressed and in a creative rut because you’re an INFP - I’m smelling some external circumstances. :) What else is going on in your life? 

I feel like on Tumblr and especially within this blog it’s easy to forget what a healthy INFP looks like. You shouldn’t be crying yourself to sleep, hating everything you create, being overly critical of yourself and isolating yourself from people, and chalk it up to being an INFP. Absolutely. Not. 

Listen, peaches: healthy INFPs are able to channel negative emotions in ways that aren’t self-destructive or isolating or passive aggressive. They are able to confront themselves without being scared of those feelings or masking them (which generally results in aggressive and devastating breakdowns). Healthy INFPs can use ALL of their functions, loving on others and loving on themselves. Healthy INFPs are deeply intuitive and dedicated to personal improvement, and are able to gently communicate with others, problem-solve, accept constructive criticism with grace. 

Unhealthy INFPs cling to their Introverted Feeling and usually refuse to communicate their needs and feelings to their friends. Lots of denial, usually. They take constructive criticism and advice very personally and feel like they’re being attacked (hence the inclination to avoid asking for help in the first place). A similar reflection of this pattern is also seen in their creative - the perfectionist, sensitive unhealthy INFP will refuse to even try to make anything because they feel like if it’s not perfect, it’s a reflection of the fact that they’re “not even a real artist!!!!” (Believe me, been there. Done that.) So to protect themselves, they isolate themselves socially, refuse to participate in even creative activities they love and it all goes to shit unless someone can get through to them or they give themselves the push they need to come to grips with the situation. 

In short - not saying you have all these issues, or that you’re even an unhealthy INFP. But take a couple steps back and don’t let yourself get wrapped up in a delusion that unhealthy habits are part of your identity instead of simply external factors that are leading to particular responses. My inbox is always always open if you want to come off anon and talk more! Hope this helps. <3 

anonymous asked:

i have no idea if you take prompts, but i found a hilarious au and I'm just imagining Kurt stomping into Blaine's apartment, red in his face with rage; "you write me a bad restaurant review and i force myself into your kitchen so i can cook you my food until you admit it’s good au"

Reminds me of a Friends episode …

Most of the time, Kurt Hummel know how to behave like a perfectly decent human being.

Even in as hostile an environment as a kitchen, he–usually–manages to keep his cool, leading his squad with a firm yet gentle hand, accepting constructive criticisms with grace and making sure, above all else, that his customers leave his restaurant satisfied and happy.

But this …


This fucking asshole, toilet reject of B. D. Anderson?

That … “critic”?

Whoever they are, they managed to make Kurt scream wordlessly while crumpling the newspaper with their latest column.

“Uninspired rack of lamb”?

I’ll show you where you can shove that rack of lamb, you absolute waste of space.

“As for the kale mac’n’cheese, it’s a wonder no one thought its appropriate serving place was the bottom of the river”???

I’ll make you sleep with the fishes.

“Soulless soufflé”?

Go fuck yourself on a rotten cactus.

Actually, that last comment is the one that sends Kurt into a fit of rage strong enough to slam a bottle of chocolate milk (Irished, mind you) on the counter next to his tablet, searching for a B.D. Anderson in the grand city of New York.

Most of the time, Kurt Hummel is not one for seeking confrontation.

But calling his soufflé, his pride and joy, “soulless”???

Kurt is going to find this person and tear them a new one–with his words, more efficient in Kurt’s opinion–before proving to them that his food is not soulless, god fucking dammit.

“Kurt, you need to stop.”

Six pages of results in Brooklyn only, shit.

“Mercedes, you try, he won’t listen to me.”

“Kurt? Chef?”

Keep reading

Yet Another Guide to Moderate Graduate School Success

It is a new academic year, which brings a new spate of fresh-faced little matriculating graduate students who have no idea what all-consuming terror is coming for them. Every year the babies come, and every year I see them make the same few entirely reasonable mistakes. 

Ok. Granted, many of these innocent little academia babies are actually 31-year-olds with a decade’s worth of experience in their professional industry of choice, but still. Babies. Drooling big-eyed sacks of hope, ripe and ready to waste a ton of time and lose a ton of sleep on shit that does not matter. 

I am a jaded slacker half-asser with a PhD and a job, so I have some advice for all them. Including, perhaps, you. 

  1. Don’t read everything assigned in class. Skim. Hell, don’t read anything you don’t have to. 
  2. Do not expect to come up with a “perfect” thesis topic. You will have to settle for something feasible, actionable within a short time frame, and appealing to your adviser. 
  3. Do not be a perfectionist. Work a lot, write a lot, and turn in work as soon as possible. Don’t waste days, weeks, months tweaking. 
  4. Accept criticism with skeptical grace. Your adviser doesn’t know everything, but he/she thinks he/she does. And you probably do need to hear at least 50% of the criticism you receive. 
  5. Set a regular work schedule and stick to it. No one else will force you. 
  6. Allow time for breaks, social contact, and hobbies. Your mind needs time to unwind and incubate. Your work will be better and you will be less miserable. 
  7. Half-ass your course work. Grades do not matter in graduate school as long as you pass, so allot as little time to class as possible. 
  8. Treat your assistantship duties dead fucking seriously. Even if you do not care for your adviser’s research program, get invested in it. Put in time, be conscientious, be respectful, and act like it’s a job.
  9. Prioritize your academic goals. Your utmost goal should be meeting your academic requirements as quickly as possible. Write your thesis, take your exams, make your reading lists, submit shit to your adviser, etc – do it early and often. 
  10. Don’t wait for confidence or competence to magically materialize. Listen, ask questions, make educated suggestions, make honest attempts, and move forward. Expertise will blossom in the back of your brain when you aren’t watching for it. 
  11. Be your own advocate. Your adviser will not cajole you into working, or make sure to schedule regular meetings with you. Push for the time and support you need. 
  12. Do not waste time on “service”. You can piss away years organizing lunches, helping visiting speakers find parking, and sitting in on committees. It will not advance your career and it will delay your graduation. 
  13. Network in a meaningful way – by contacting researchers who are interested in the same things as you. Propose projects, write papers together, and so on. 
  14. Don’t be a rude dick. Faculty are insanely busy teaching an increasing number of undergrad classes, attending bullshit meetings, forming admissions decisions, attending conferences, conducting research, writing papers, and advising countless other graduate students. Make sure you have a huge buffer of time for every request, and be patient. 
  15. Do not be competitive with your peers. Fellow graduate students are often your best source of up-to-date knowledge and technical expertise, and will provide far more vital career connections in the years to come. Being a competitive careerist is super socially isolating anyway. 


Should you go to graduate school? A list of relevant questions. 

Some graduate school survival tips.

anonymous asked:

I'm new to writing What can I do to improve my writing?

Write. Keep writing. After that, write some more. Then, write. 

While you’re writing, let other people read the other stuff you’ve written. Listen to their opinions, consider why they have those opinions, and accept their criticism with grace (and always, always a healthy dose of skepticism).

Be a bit more ambivalent about listening to other people’s suggestions, though. Writing is about coming up with your own solutions. Your critics’ biggest job is to point out where a solution is needed.

If you need a break from writing, read. But learn to read like a writer. That is, pay attention to the way that the writers you love structure their stories and structure their sentences. Pay attention to the way they reveal information. Never stop enjoying the stories you read, but take the time to analyze why you enjoy them.

Then, once you’ve done all that, keep writing.