abusive show

anonymous asked:

What did you think of To The Bone on Netflix?

I wrote this on my ED insta after seeing the preview. I haven’t watched the movie yet, I probably won’t watch it at all.

You want to be provocative with an eating disorder movie?

Show me binge purge cycles and water flushing. Show me blood in vomit and still not stopping. Show me someone waking up in a bed so soaked from night sweats they think they’ve wet themselves. Show me a man battling his skewed body image, pumping lasix to be just a little more “cut”, his kidneys be damned. show me someone who’s bowels stopped working from laxative abuse or who’s sodium is depleted from water abuse. Show me someone who never lost extreme weight, who gained weight, who is over weight but who’s heart is dying, show me men, the middle aged, LBGTQ, show me someone who’s anything but white… but for the love of god.. don’t give me another movie about a restrictive anorexic and tell me to be thankful ED’s are getting attention.

This is not the attention ED’s need.. we need to shine a light on the truth, and truth is, we don’t all look like manic pixies, we don’t all restrict (and restricting isn’t the only big ED behavior!), we aren’t all under weight and we don’t all fit in to a neat little box, easily labeled. The sooner we get rid of that expectation, the sooner people who don’t fit the mold can get the help they deserve.

What we needed was a movie that told a new story: an inclusive one. Maybe the side characters in Too The Bone will fill that void but when will we stop relegating the ugly truth to side characters?

There is no room for tradition in animal care.

Animal care should not be stagnant. It should always be evolving and improving.

This applies to breeders, hobbyists, “casual” owners, everyone. It also applies to anyone who keeps animals for profit. If animals are raised to be eaten, they should still have the most up-to date care available.

If you find something that works, great! Use it, recommend it, whatever. But keep doing research. Keep learning and trying to improve. There are very few things that were done 50 years ago, even 20 years ago that have not changed or been improved upon since then.

If a breeder, store, rescue, etc. tells you that they’ve been doing something a certain way for more than a decade, start questioning.

I am really tired yall.

Lemme just preface this with saying that I am a writer. I have been writing for most of my life. I have taken actual classes about writing and about what fiction can offer you, me, and people as a whole. I have won an award for something that I wrote. I know and love fiction, be it in written form, graphic novels, or film. It is all so good and complex and it’s something I am passionate about. That said, let’s get into this.

A good majority of the discourse that goes on in most of the fandoms I’m in stem from the idea that violence and forbidden sexual acts in fiction will encourage those actions in reality. It is important to know, firstly, that the only time this happens is when a person is immature enough or not mentally healthy enough to distinguish reality from fiction. Growing up, my parents would often stop horror movies (back when I first started watching them) to ask me questions. To be fair, they were pretty shitty people, but in this one aspect, they were so good about making sure I knew this difference. “You know this is just a movie, right? None of the stuff on the tv is real.” They’d assure before continuing the film.

It’s not real.

Now, half of the stuff I read or watched back then was nowhere near pushing boundaries or making me think critically about society or whatever. However, I knew that what I watched wasn’t real. It was images on a screen. If I don’t like what I’m seeing, I can walk away. It doesn’t have to affect me, personally,  unless I let it.

Now, lets circle back. School. College. I took a writing class that used this book:

Granted, it was a screenwriting class and most of the chapters were about various script formats, but the beginning chapters focused on why we write and why we make the stories we do.

It had a section in it describing how human needs and desires are met through fiction. It detailed those needs in a list. This list:

Please draw your attention to the ones on the list that say that fictions helps people to:

Be purged of unpleasant emotions

To have vicarious but controlled emotional experiences

To confront, in a controlled situation, the horrible and terrible

To explore taboo subjects without guilt

Just because you personal don’t need various forms of ‘taboo’ media, doesn’t mean that others don’t. Media, in all of its forms, is a way for people to explore things safely. It’s an outlet that doesn’t harm anyone and it offers the creator and viewer/reader a safe way of exploring the complexities of situations (or in some cases relationships) that these people do not want to be involved in irl. Because we can distinguish reality from fiction. Because none of us are going out killing people or getting into abusive relationships or fucking our sibling.

While being critical of the media we consume is important and it is vital to dissect the whys of the media being created, there is a line between creating open discussion about these taboos, about the society and personal experiences that makes one need these outlets, and verbally abusing and harassing strangers.

If you want to create a dialogue about media or a ship you don’t agree with, fine. Talk about it. Dissect it. Really dig deep into the human condition and the psychology behind these outlets, but don’t shame people for them to the point of telling them to kill themselves or telling them they are human garbage or what the fuck ever.

Fiction isn’t always meant to be picturesque. It’s not always going to be SFW. If that isn’t your cup of tea, then great. Stop going into the tags of things that make you feel unhealthy. You do you. Keep yourself safe. Stop continuously exposing yourself to content that you can’t swallow. To keep getting involved, to keep harassing people, to keep abusing strangers shows that you don’t give a damn about the content. You need an excuse to bully someone else and indulge in holier-than-thou circle jerks with other people who also have no sense of what fiction is for.

big little lies masquerades as a show about the cattiness of upper class women in their literal glass mansions and quickly reveals it’s self as a show about the nuances of domestic violence, the intricacies of surviving rape and sexual abuse, the importance of supportive female relationships, overcoming emotional abuse, women standing up to protect other women, and i’m just beside myself it is so VALIDATING to see that kind of content on HBO a channel infamous for shows that abuse rape and kill women like it’s in style. i am so here for women protecting each other, women standing up to abusers, women overcoming their differences and treating each other like sisters. 

tl;dr big little lies breathed life back into my archaic cynical soul and women helping women is the most important thing in the whole damn world. 

sense8: *has a trans lesbian character, exposes the hardships of being gay in a conservative country, deals with arranged marriage issues, has many POC characters from everywhere, shows a great deal of feminism and how hard it is being a women in asia especially, deals with capitalism, abuse of power, shows how better policemen should be, deals with loss of children and PTSD, shows characters with mental illnesses’s, exposes whitewashing, and many different economic problems in many different countries besides america*

everyone else: sens8 is too sexual and inappropriate for me haha, but i love oitnb :)  

2

The Baudelaire’s refusal to be grateful for their unfortunate events seemed like such a good message for kids - so I made a thing.

The only thing Kylo is coded as is a villain. Privileged white boy who uses force against others to get what he thinks he’s owned. You want a character that was actually abused and shows signs of being mentally ill? Finn. You want a q-coded character? Poe. Stop projecting into the fascist white dude because you don’t want to relate to two characters of color.

your parents don’t have to starve you and beat you constantly to be physically abusive.

some parents manipulate their kids into starving themselves. “you need to diet. you look awful. you’re getting fat. you aren’t going to get a date looking like that.”

some parents scare their kids by threatening violence. “I’d beat you if you acted like that. You’re lucky I don’t come over there and slap you.”

some parents are physically abusive without hitting or punching. some parents pull hair and pinch and grab throats. some shove and push and spank. 

though a lot of these behaviors are common, that doesn’t mean they’re normal and you are valid if these behaviors caused you fear. physical abuse is more than the movies show.

2

me @ those haters who’re trying to smear super junior members

2

the raven himself is hoarse
that croaks the fatal entrance of duncan
under my battlements.

  • what she says: avatar is one of my favorite shows.
  • what she means: avatar: the last airbender is one of the best shows i have ever seen. words cannot describe how much this show means to me. every single one of the characters were diverse, three-dimensional, and well-written, with arcs and character development that were all beautifully orchestrated. the characters were all so human, with flaws, and ambitions, and compelling back stories and motivations. it even shows how the antagonists weren't evil and heartless monsters, but how they were just as human as the heroes. the stories the show itself followed were just as beautiful, mixing humor and playfulness with important, hard-hitting life lessons that have shaped me as a person. the show stressed the importance of friendships and familial bonds, and how everyone is not only deserving of redemption, but can achieve it. it showed the strength in kindness and humility and forgiveness, and how you aren't defined by your past. it showed that just because you're related by blood to someone doesn't mean they're your family, and how friends can be your family too. the show even depicted how animals can be like family. it showed how unhealthy relationships and abuse work, and it showed how you can move and work past those things. it taught how to deal with grief and pain, and how those things can help you grow as a person. it showed that even if everyone is telling you something is right, it doesn't mean it is, and that you should stand up for what's truly right. the visuals were absolutely stunning, and the soundtrack is the best soundtrack of any show or movie i've ever heard. the stories and the characters of this show have resonated with me deeply, and are still affecting me today. to me, nothing will ever compare to avatar: the last airbender.
Keith/Lance Dynamic

Alright so the majority of anti-klancers that I’ve seen claim that they don’t like kl/ance because their relationship is “abusive.” I’m here to tell you all that this claim is complete and utter petty bullshit, and the relationship between Keith and Lance is completely healthy. I’m going to capitalize on their symbolic roles as fire and water, because it’s important to understanding their relationship and also I find it interesting as hell.

Let’s start from the beginning.

Right off the bat we can tell that these two don’t like each other. Or more like, Lance doesn’t like Keith and Keith literally does not care. He doesn’t even remember who Lance is at first.

See. Keith literally doesn’t care. He’s just there to rescue Shiro and doesn’t have any strong feelings towards the other three. For now.

As the episode progresses, however, we get to see more of Lance and Keith butting heads.

Keywords: Lance and Keith. A lot of anti-klancers like to say that Lance is the abuser in this situation, but fail to recognize that it’s mutual arguing. (so, y’know, casual colorism). And more importantly, nothing abusive is ever said between the two. They never rip on anything personal or get physical with each other. How you guys manage to pull “abuse” out from childish banter between rivals is the epitome of grasping at straws.

On to episode two.

Throughout this episode we get to see the dynamic between the two, and it’s literally like fire and water. They’re complete opposites and can’t help but rub each other in all the wrong ways.

Competing against the other to prove themselves.

Taking jabs at each other.

They make a really bad team don’t they?

But listen, that’s the point. Keep in mind how this dynamic fits into the theme of the episode. Five people are put together, seemingly at random, to become defenders of the universe. It’s not just Keith and Lance who are struggling. This episode is about all of them learning how to come together as a team. Lance and Keith are especially resistant to each other but that’s what makes their dynamic so gratifying. Fire and water naturally have a turbulent relationship, but by the end of this episode—and the series— we get to see them make real progress towards becoming a team!

Wow, two people who hate each others’ guts are smiling and laughing together, having a good time? Maybe that’s because they don’t actually hate each other. Their personalities (again, remember fire and water symbolism) don’t match, so they argue and resist each other. But if they really hated each other, this could never happen, and not to mention, they wouldn’t even be able to form Voltron if they truly hated each other.

From this point on, we know Lance and Keith do not actually hate each other. Now we really get to see their relationship develop.

Look at that they’re having a normal conversation. Almost as if they could stand each other. Keith’s face tooootally screams “I hate you Lance.”

And look at this: the two sitting next to each other and eating, even though they could literally sit in any chair they wanted to.

Aaaaaaany chair they wanted to. Any chair.

And when they’re celebrating with the Arusians:

This entire exchange is that between friends. No animosity whatsoever. Compare to episode one when they couldn’t even look at each other without scowling. More Progress!! They’ve come pretty far in learning to get along.

Speaking of getting along: And now the moment we’ve all been waiting for!! The Bonding Moment!

Keith goes to check on Lance (because, what?? he cares about Lance’s well-being? Yeah he does) and to help him up.

Except nope he just fucking kneels beside him and holds his hand.

And here you have it!! Lance fully and shamelessly admits that he cares about their relationship. He’s genuinely happy that they could work together and succeed, and he says this all while holding Keith’s hand.

Here have more of it!!! Keith as we already know is a man of few words. But he feels the same way as Lance. He’s also happy that they could work together as a team. Do these two guys, smiling and supporting each other, look like the faces of hatred and abuse? The exact opposite, actually.

Next episode and we’re confirmed way past the apathy of their first encounter.

Remember when Keith only cared about rescuing Shiro and didn’t want anything to do with Lance? Well look at him now. Look how impatient he is to see Lance get better. Allura has to scold him because he’s getting annoying about Lance.

commence pout.

And then we get this scene. We’re reminded that even though they do care for each other, they still have that competitive dynamic. They’re fire and water, so it’s only natural. Ah, rivalry.

More rivalry.

R…ival..ry?

At this point they’re competing to see who did the most for each other. It’s still a competition, but a strange, warm kind of rivalry. And they don’t even notice.

And then Lance got played by Nyma and the team has to go rescue his gullible ass. Let’s take a look at Keith.

Does this look like the face of hate??

Does it look like these two hate each other in any way shape or form??

They’re bantering—of course they are—but it’s playful banter. Look at how much fun they have teasing each other. Where do you see abuse in this?

And then in the Balmera these two actually work together. Without arguing.

Keith is even smiling at this development!

Look how far they’ve come!! Remember when I said their fire and water dynamic was important? Here’s why:

Fire and water are opposites. Lance and Keith are opposites. Their relationship is rocky and they don’t always get along—as we see at the very beginning—but we get to witness their monumental development from being the opposites who couldn’t stand being in the same room together to the opposites who compliment each other and when they work together, make a really good team.

That’s the beauty of symbolism and rivalry, people. They might bicker and get on each others’ nerves sometimes, but it’s undeniable that they’ve formed a strong bond and do care about each other.

You don’t find the rivalry dynamic interesting? Fine. You don’t interpret any of this as romantic? That’s cool, too. But to say Lance and Keith hate each other, that their relationship is abusive, is obscenely far from the truth and trivializes the trauma that real abuse survivors have suffered through. Real abuse is disturbing and damaging. Competition between companions is not. You can have your reasons for not shipping klance but stop with the abuse bullshit, because it’s insensitive and completely unfounded.

Reading tfp meta on starscream is actually really depressing and accurate and wow does it hurt my shriveled caring organ. And I just want one person (or robot) to validate him????

Like Ms. June Darby. Maybe she got accidentally dragged out into an altercation with the decepticons and autobots. And maybe Megatron and Starscream were both present.

And while hiding out of the way of lasers and missiles and large metal feet, she sees this mech flinch every time the leader of the Decepticons looks at him.

She’s a nurse, Ms. Darby knows the signs, she had a training on this just last month. But she is in no way going to get between giant robots so she’ll just report it like procedure. And she goes to Optimus and tells him, “hey that robot with wings, I think he’s in an unsafe environment with the bucket brains? Maybe get him out??”

Would Optimus Prime do something? Considering his morals, maybe. But also considering that it’s Starscream…. who knows.

Whatever the case, wouldn’t it be nice if Ms. Darby finds a way to talk to Starscream, and just tells him:

“How Megatron behaves with you is wrong.”

Is that really too much to ask??

why are people saying connor was abusive? idk where in canon is the fact that connor is abusive to his family addressed in canon? i feel like it isnt. all we see of him interacting with his family is his brief interaction with them in anybody have a map…. he wasn’t abusive, he was a snarky teenager. the only thing we know beyond what we clearly see is what zoe and larry say in requiem… we see zoe very clearly both in anybody have a map and in requiem blame her brother completely for his mental illness, she mirrors her parents opinion on it - connor’s drug problem is HIS fault and we see them view it as an annoyance not as a facet of his illness. larry is mad that connor “threw [the world that larry gave him] away”… i.e. larry gave him a good life, a good house, made sure they were in a good financial situation… basically “you’ve got a good life, why are you depressed.”

yes, we see connor being an ass to his family…. but i don’t think anything he did was anywhere close to abuse? he’s a kid who is sick and he is alone and his family isn’t doing anything to truly help him. connor is in no way perfect. he is not soft or pure…. but none of these characters are perfect. that’s their beauty. don’t put connor murphy into the “cinnamon roll” box, but don’t put him into the villain box either. as much as connor failed his family, they failed him.

(edit: i forgot what zoe said about him banging on her door etc., which is obviously inexcusable. i apologize for my mistake. just… remember that connor is a scared & lonely kid don’t villainize him for exhibiting ugly symptoms of mental illness that you can’t romanticize. obviously mental illness is NOT an excuse for abuse (i was in an emotionally abusive relationship for over a year and my abuser was mentally ill) but… don’t put any of these characters in a box theyre all so beautifully complex and deeply flawed and they deserve more than a box.)

People who slam doors and stomp their feet to show how much they want to physically hurt you shouldn’t be trusted

anonymous asked:

I like Mary. I think she's awesome. I don't see why she has to be evil.

Oh, boy, okay.

Listen you can like Mary all you want – I loved her too before the fucked up her entire story arc – but her entire arc was building up to be a villain, and a badass one that was going to go down with a fight. 

I’m REALLY not trying to be pedantic here, Nonny, but asks like this force me to pull out receipts, all of which I’m sure you’re not going to read, because who likes to be proved wrong, but I digress. I always end up sounding more harsh than I am when all I want to do is educate you on my perspective and what the narrative is teaching us.

THAT’S Why she’s a villain. When a character kills the title character of a show, they are coded as the bad guy unless they do a redemption arc that actually is a redemption.

Mary had NO redemption arc AT ALL. Even in S4, Mary is STILL manipulating and emotionally abusing Sherlock and John against each other with her fucking creepy-assed DVDs and her belittling of John in T6T. She still runs off to go do her little assassin things and still lied and manipulated everyone. And I know the argument is going to come up, but Mary’s gunshot was NOT a redemption. A redemption arc has the ex-villain doing a good deed and being genuinely sorry for their past actions. Not ONCE Mary has ever apologized for any of the shit she put everyone through. All of it was a plan, especially if she had creepy DVDs made FAIRLY RECENTLY (you can tell because of the hair style) to send out to people. Also:

YOU ARE EVIL IF YOU ACTIVELY OR POSTHUMOUSLY TELL SOMEONE TO GO KILL THEMSELVES.

That and Mary’s entire death scene was RIDICULOUS and completely contradicted EVERY rule that was established in this universe only 2 episodes prior on how characters die.

Nonny, Mary’s character arc is one I have been passionate about for many years, even before I was a Johnlocker, because her character was fascinating to me, and helped me understand the psychology and make sense of events that were happening in my life at the time. Right up until TAB, Mary was being coded as the next Moriarty. For some reason or another, Mofftiss decided to turn her into an “assassin with an heart of gold” and failed spectacularly.

If Mary truly was good, she WOULD HAVE TOLD JOHN FROM THE BEGINNING WHO SHE WAS, OR AT LEAST TOLD SHERLOCK SHE NEEDED HELP. HLV would have not played out as it did. Instead deciding that killing Sherlock was her only option so that she could continue to manipulate John, since she knew he was most malleable when he was grieving Sherlock.

You can read Mary’s character however you want, I could care less… well okay apparently I do because of this reply… But please, seriously consider that what became of her character really made no goddamned sense to the narrative arc the built for her and quite frankly really lazy writing. Just because she is a woman, doesn’t mean that she is nice and sweet and not abusive. Excusing her of her brand of emotional abuse and manipulation is really sexist.

People thought my mother was a nice person, too.

anonymous asked:

can you like briefly describe some signs of emotional abuse... like i've read a lot of articles on it but i feel like they are spittng bs at me if that makes sense?? idk

that makes sense, i know the feeling.

the thing about emotional abuse is that it doesn’t take just one form, it can range from complete and repeated neglect of another person’s feelings to straight up manipulation and verbal lambasting. that’s the most insidious thing about it, it’s very hard to pinpoint. because it’s so wide-ranging, it’s hard to accept that you are or have been emotionally abused. in most cases, if you feel like you are being abused by someone, you most likely are. once it gets to the point where you feel like you can use the word ‘abuse’, even if it feels so so heavy, you’re probably there.

i think that if a person is neglecting your feelings, not taking them into account when/if you bring them up, continually doing things that hurt you even when you bring up to them that it hurts you, and making you feel wrong/crazy/irrational when you bring them up, that’s emotional abuse. if the person somehow always seems to make you feel wrong or guilty/they turn it back around on you when you bring up what they’re doing that’s hurting you,that’s manipulation, and that’s emotional abuse. you’ll most likely stop bringing up to them things that hurt you because you know it’s going to be spun back around to make you feel guilty.

if, in your relationship (whether it’s romantic, platonic, or familial), you constantly feel like you are being drained of emotion/energy or being used for constant emotional labor without the person doing anything in return for you, that’s emotional abuse. relationships are about mutual giving and taking. if you are constanty giving and they ate takiny and taking, they’re taking advantage of you, they know they are, and they often don’t feel bad or guilty about it at all. they will continue to take and take from you because they know that they can. that’s emotional abuse.

if you feel like you’re walking on eggshells around this person, if you feel like this person is isolating you from everyone else, if you feel like this person is tearing you down, if you feel like this person is not supporting you the way that you support them, if you feel like this person is completely disregarding your feelings all the time, that’s emotional abuse. and it may come in the form of something like “well, i lied to you/did this because i didn’t want to hurt or upset you, because i knew you’d be upset” which is a way that abusers try to paint themselves as the good guy when they’re hurting you. it makes you, the victim, feel bad and guilty and like you have no right to be upset, even though you absolutely do. they absolve themselves of guilt that way to make themselves feel better, not you, and that’s not fair, and they really don’t care about your feelings.

a common misconception about emotional abuse is that is has to be intentional on the abuser’s part, which isn’t always true. someone can be abusing you without even realizing they’re doing it because they’re so caught up in their own needs that they fail to realize that they’re abusing, taking advantage of, and manipulating you. that doesn’t mean it isn’t abuse; in fact, it shows that they care so little about your feelings that they don’t even realize what they’re doing, and that’s fucked up. (http://thexfiles.tumblr.com/post/157356728735/the-insidious-power-of-abuse-is-that-it-comes-from)

i know you asked for a short response, so i’m sorry that this is so long and scatterbrained. i’m in class and i can’t sit down and formulate a cogent response, but i’m incredibly passionate about this and wanted to respond as soon as i could.

here are some additional links about emotional abuse that i’ve found particularly helpful:
http://thexfiles.tumblr.com/post/157356728735/the-insidious-power-of-abuse-is-that-it-comes-from
http://cannibal-rainbow.tumblr.com/post/137573548343/why-people-get-trapped-by-emotional-abusers-why
http://the-courage-to-heal.tumblr.com/post/104033300849/source
http://internal-acceptance-movement.tumblr.com/post/58161291797
http://thatdiabolicalfeminist.tumblr.com/post/143342352954/some-common-abuse-tactics
https://closet-keys.tumblr.com/post/148173822103/friendlyangryfeminist-abusers-are-really-good
http://cannibal-rainbow.tumblr.com/post/145963754033/hyper-empathys-function-in-abuse-and-trauma

take care. 💛