breaking news

gay relationships can be abusive 

platonic relationships can be abusive

lesbians can be abusive

women can be abusive

i see a lot of people on here talk about abusive relationships and they never mention any of this, if anyone is treating you wrongly or you notice warning signs, leave. as much as tumblr would like to believe, not every member of a minority is a wonderful person nor is every woman, be careful and stay safe.

shoutout to survivors whose trauma made them less kind.
to survivors whose trauma hinders their ability to feel empathy, and those whose trauma erased every bit of empathy and compassion they once had.
survivors who feel empathy and love towards animals but not towards humans.
survivors who are constantly told “you used to be so nice, what happened?”
survivors who became abrasive and angry instead of soft and passive.
survivors who put on a hard coating to protect their fragile core.

no more apology texts. no more reckless highway speeding. no more scribbled poetry in the back of spanish class. there is nothing left to lose. there is nothing left for you.

you haven’t seen me since i dyed my hair and it’s nice to have something you didn’t get to ruin. i’m dressing different too and lipsticking my way out of the girl you tore apart. i can finally breathe easy. i can finally be grateful that i never really meant it when i kissed you.

look, it’s me without you. look, i’m doing just fine. look, goddamn it, i’m lighter than i’ve been in months. there are seven billion people on the planet. i don’t think you matter so much anymore.

—  I MET SOMEONE WITH YOUR NAME AND DIDNT FLINCH // s. osborn

So today in class we were talking about family and who was our favourite family member, and people started saying stuff like “my dad, he’s the best he always supports me” “my mom, she’s everything to me we are best friends” and i’m there like ???? You mean your parents make you feel good? They help you?? They sincerely love you??? They have never been abusive??? How???

If you don’t send your significant other nudes, inappropriate pictures, sexual texts, or aren’t very sexual in real life, you still don’t deserve to be cheated on.

If you don’t send your significant other nudes, inappropriate pictures, sexual texts, or aren’t very sexual in real life, you still don’t deserve to be cheated on.

I repeat

If you don’t send your significant other nudes, inappropriate pictures, sexual texts, or aren’t very sexual in real life, you still don’t deserve to be cheated on.

A loving partner will respect you and your boundaries. Don’t ever settle for less.

you told me you loved me
but i think
you got your words
confused

because if you loved me
i would not be up
at two am
crying
about you again

you are slowly destroying me
we both know it
and
i do not know
what is worse

the fact that
you know
what you are doing
to me
or that
i am letting you

—  i thought it was love, i thought it was love

they say that thirty meters down in the ocean, a diver loses his senses, forgets which way is up, and swims deeper and deeper and deeper down. they say it’s like being drunk (or stupid) (or maybe some of each) to get dizzy in a dark place and stay, to forget the thing that’s trying to kill you and follow it.

and i am always thirty meters under. it is always dark and i am always forgetting to breathe, always forgetting that you are the thing to escape from. this is the midnight zone they warned you about, i am too deep in to go back up.

—  rapture of the deep || sarah kate o.

Abusive people who try to claim victim status make me so freakin’ angry. Like, no you are not a victim because people “called you out” on your behavior, or don’t “love you unconditionally,” or refused to associate with you anymore, or reported what you did. That’s not abuse, that is simply your victims trying to survive and break free. Honestly, an abusive person claiming that they are the real victims is the ultimate form of manipulation.

What the Hell is “Gaslighting”?

In 1938, a stage play called “Gas Light” debuted for the first time. The play is about a husband who gradually convinces his wife she’s insane by acting strangely and secretly manipulating objects in the house - like dimming the gas lights in the attic - and refusing to acknowledge that they’ve changed. Today, the term “gaslighting” is used to describe any behaviour designed to make another person question their sanity. 

Gaslighting is abusive behaviour. Any person who tries to make you doubt your own sanity does not have your best interests at heart. Gaslighting is a tool to keep you in an abusive relationship, and prevent you from reaching out for help. 

In its weakest form, gaslighting means convincing you that you are misremembering or exaggerating something that happened. “I never said it like that, you’re exaggerating!” or “You’re making it sound worse than it was!” are common examples of gaslighting. At the end of the conversation, you might even find yourself apologizing to the other person, even though you were pretty sure that they were in the wrong. This sort of thing can happen in a normal relationship, especially if one or both parties aren’t very self-aware, but it’s a concern if it happens all the time… especially if only one person seems to have a faulty memory.

Gaslighting can also mean convincing you that events didn’t happen at all. Your abuser can absolve themselves of responsibility, and keep you in check, by convincing you that abuse never took place. “We never had a fight at my brother’s wedding… are you feeling okay?” or “I’ve never thrown anything at you in my life! Do you have a fever or something?” are more serious examples of gaslighting, and they are absolutely not okay. If someone is trying to convince you that a fight or episode of abuse never happened, that’s a huge red flag that cannot be ignored. 

At its very worst, abusers may go out of their way to stage strange events in order to confuse their victims. An abuser trying to keep a victim in check, or socially isolate a victim, may go out of their way to act strangely in order to make their victim doubt their own mind. Abusers may steal things from you, disappear for days on end and claim that they told you where they were going (or deny being gone), or mislabel your reactions as they’re happening (eg. pretending that you are irrationally angry when you are actually calm). These are also huge red flags, and cannot be ignored. 

Gaslighting is not unique to abusive romantic relationships: it is also common in toxic parent/child relationships, sibling relationships, friendships or school bullying. Anyone who mistreats you can gaslight you. 

The best defense against gaslighting is self-confidence, and careful recording. Trust in your own mind. You know when you’ve been abused. You know your own reactions. And write things down - keeping a careful record of abusive incidents and what was said or done gives you a record to consult when someone else gets in your head. 

Gaslighting can make it especially difficult to recognize and leave a bad relationship, and no one deserves to go through it. Know the signs. Protect yourself. You deserve better. 

MAJOR shout-out to Borderlines who have left their abusive or toxic FPs like yall are so freaking strong !!!! You don’t get enough recognition; it’s so hard to leave FPs but you freaking DID IT because you know you’re worth more than that or you want to better your lives or for WHATEVER REASON I’m infinitely proud of you! 💗💗💗💗💗💕💕💕💕

Abusive relationships aren't abusive 100% of the time.

Just because they’ve got good moments doesn’t mean that the abuse is any less real.

Edit: I would also like to clarify that this is about any kind of relationship. This applies to anyone in an abusive situation with any person whether it be friendship, sexual relations, family relations, co-worker relations, peers, neighbors, acquaintances, teachers, students, etc… Abuse comes in many forms, but organized into three categories. Mental, Emotional, and Physical abuse are all very real, and it’s very important to understand the warning signs and even more important to get out of the situation as safely and quickly as possible. Things to Remember: - Don’t be afraid to tell someone what you’re going through. Find someone to act as a safety net of sorts. Make sure it’s someone you trust, and someone you know can and will help you. - Have somewhere to go if you need to get away. Make sure to tell your ‘safety net’ what happened, and where you’re going. - If you’re financially dependent upon your abuser then start saving money up as soon as possible. If you’re planning on leaving you will need some funding to do so. (The easiest way to save money is to stop eating out. Sandwiches are simple enough to not need cooking skills, and the price of ingredients will fit nicely in your budget. Trust me I’ve done this myself.) - Most importantly, don’t go back. I know they’ll say they can change, but the terrifying reality is that abusers rarely change. I’m not saying they’re not capable of change, but please be cautious of reentering a toxic situation.