What people don't understand about abusive parents

What people don’t understand about abusive parents is that we can’t always hate them. We can’t just constantly hate them because a lot of them are quite nice half the time.
It makes it hard to hate them because it’s like “they’ve been horrible to me but they treated me to a present yesterday or a cute little chocolate bar so I’d me rude to hate them because of what they’ve done for me” and it’s destroys your mind because then people questions if they actually are abusive when you seen to like them at that time.

Abusive/Toxic Relationship Starter Sentences
  • { Which can all be taken out of context if desired }
  • "He/She promised he/she'd stop.."
  • "It's nothing, I fell down the stairs."
  • "He/She says he/she loves me.."
  • "It's none of your business!"
  • "No one can know about this."
  • "Promise you won't tell anyone!"
  • "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me."
  • "You know I love you, and I said I was sorry."
  • "I promise, never again."
  • "Y-You hit me.. You've n-never hit me before.."
  • "I only do this because I care."
  • "I don't like doing this, you practically make me."
  • "I didn't tell anyone, I swear!"
  • "Please don't be mad.."
  • "That doesn't look like an 'accident' to me."
  • "Why are you flinching? Are you afraid?"
  • "I don't want you to be afraid of me."
  • "I'm not okay with this."
  • "I said NO."
  • "I'm worried about you."
  • "That's it, I'm going to give him/her a talking to!"
  • "You're not going back to him/her, I'm not going to let you."
  • "Is there something you're not telling me?"
  • "If I didn't love you so darn much, I'd let you go. But I can't do that."
  • "I'm scared."
  • "I'm broken beyond repair, don't just try to fix me now that you think you know everything."
  • "I can't leave him/her, he/she isn't going to let me.."
  • "You deserve to be with someone who doesn't put you through this!"
  • "You can always leave him/her. You need to."
Stop blaming yourself for other people’s shitty doings to you.

They fucked up, not you.

You can’t just treat me like shit and expect nothing to change between us.
—  My head
My abuser has my passport

My abuser has my passport which means that I cannot leave the country to hide. I am mentally ill, unemployed and my depression is getting worse. I need to raise at least $500 to make a new passport and buy a plane ticket.
Please donate any amount to my Paypal: snguyen021095@gmail.com or simply click reblog to help me.

I will be posting screenshots to show how much donations I receive. I may not respond to all messages because of my anxiety but I am grateful for everyone’s help. Thank you SO much.

It's ok to be angry

What abusive parents do to their children is unconscionable. It is indefensible. It is an outrage and a crime against the inherent rights of every human child. It is the lowest of the low. It completely lacks integrity. It lacks all humanity. Abusive parents don’t have even the easiest, basic aspects of humanity. Believe me. That’s what it takes to abuse a child. It takes no humanity. And you deserved humanity. You deserved more than that. You deserved love and instead what you got was constantly stripped of your dignity. It was WRONG.

I want all of you to hear that.

You were not wrong. You did nothing wrong. Nothing you could ever do justifies abuse towards you. They are the ones who are wrong. The abuse you suffered was wrong. It was wrong and it was wrong of them. I know. I’m saying wrong a million times. It’s because it’s hard for us survivors to believe it. But it’s true and I want you to know that unequivocally. THEY were wrong. It was ALL THEIR FAULT. Completely and totally. Not one single iota of it was your fault. NOT ONE. I don’t usually use caps, but they are needed here. Because you were wronged, deeply, and it’s natural and you have every right to be absolutely seething about it.

Abusive parents are particularly oppressive toward any expression of anger from others at their behavior toward them. You may have a hard time feeling angry at them. That’s ok. Don’t force yourself to feel the anger. Just know that it’s ok when you do. That when it finally does come, you are completely within the norm and within your rights to just GO WILD WITH IT.

We need to teach young boys that women can be abusive, manipulative and awful. We need to teach them to recognize the signs of an abusive woman when entering a relationship. They need to be made aware that not all women are saints, and that they can be demons. Society and tumblr teach girls and women all the warning signs, but knowing boys who have been incredibly ruined by women, it’s just as important to teach men how to protect themselves and recognize the signs of an abusive woman.

Why We Tolerate Abusive Relationships

When you’re on the outside of an abusive relationship it seems crazy that people put up with it, but when you’re the one in the relationship it’s a whole other story. Being in an abusive relationship, and tolerating it, often has more to do with ourselves rather than the other person. Here are some of the common reasons why we tolerate abusive relationships:

·        We stay because we have low self-esteem. We get into relationships with abusive people and stay with them as a result of having low self-esteem. When we don’t think very highly of ourselves we attract people that confirm our beliefs by treating us badly.

·        We think we can change them. In abusive relationships we tend to take on all of the responsibility and burden ourselves. Instead of thinking that the abuser needs to make changes on their own, we think it’s up to us to change them, and we believe that if we were good enough we would be able to. We think if we could just be better ourselves it would make them treat us better. We don’t think we are good enough as we are to motivate them to change.

·        We blame ourselves. Even though the abuser is the one doing the hitting or the name calling, we blame ourselves because our self-esteem has become so diminished. We make excuses for the other person and think that it’s our fault, such as “he wouldn’t hit me if I didn’t make him so mad”. Over time in an abusive relationship our self-esteem can get so low that we assume that everything is our fault.

·        We don’t think we can do better. People often stay in abusive relationships because they don’t believe they could get anyone better, or that they deserve to be with someone who treats them better. It all comes back to the low self esteem that people in abusive relationships have – they don’t believe that they are good enough and don’t deserve to be happy.

·        We think we need to improve ourselves. Another way in which we shoulder all of the burden is by thinking we are the ones that need to change, not them. We believe that if we could only be a better person or better partner, we wouldn’t cause them to act the way they do. This is our way of internalizing the abuse and turning the blame onto ourselves.

·        We isolate ourselves. In abusive relationships we tend to isolate ourselves from our family and friends and other people who believe that we deserve better. Their belief that we deserve happiness is incompatible from our own when our self-esteem is that low. People in abusive relationships often cut themselves off from other people so that they don’t have to justify why they are in the relationship and why they stay. It makes them uncomfortable to be around people who want something better for them because they don’t believe that they deserve it.

Read more?

When you hear footsteps coming near your bedroom door and you just hope they won’t come in as you start to worry.

abusive relationship starters

tw: abuse mention

  • what happened to your face?
  • is that a bruise?
  • i’m not covering this up for you anymore, you need to tell someone.
  • he/she didn’t mean to…
  • it was my fault really…
  • i deserved it.
  • so are you going to tell me what really happened?
  • you can do so much better… you don’t deserve this.
  • of course he/she didn’t hit me… i fell, that’s all
  • that doesn’t look like an accident.
  • how can you stay with her/him after all this?
  • i’ve tried to leave him/her… it doesn’t work.
  • i don’t want you getting in the middle of this, it’s not fair to you.
  • how can you stay with someone who does this to you?
  • this is not a healthy relationship!
  • he/she promised never to do it again.
  • do you honestly believe he/she will never do it again?
  • did he/she do this to you?
Abusive relationships aren't abusive 100% of the time.

Just because they’ve got good moments doesn’t mean that the abuse is any less real.