abuse of color

4

I’m sorry I didn’t love you enough.

Colors. 

When Jace was young he longed to see colors. To know what everything looked like. To not just see constant blacks and whites and grays. 

His father had told him it was a silly dream, that seeing the world in black and white, that was what was right. Colors can blind you, make you weak and vulnerable. Just like love. (Love is weakness. Jace refused to be weak.)

Jace believed him. 

He didn’t think about colors anymore. (Not even when he was covered in blood and bruises, no, he didn’t wonder how they looked with color. He didn’t. Not once.)

x

The first color Jace saw was brown. 

It was after he got back from Valentine, after he got kicked out of the institute. He was staying at Magnus’ apartment, Magnus and Alec had left, mentioning something about ‘alone time in Italy.’ Jace wasn’t really paying attention.  

Jace had crashed on the couch, staring at the tv without really taking anything in when Simon entered the apartment. 

Magnus was mentoring him and must’ve forgotten to mention to Simon that he wasn’t home that day. 

“Oh,” Simon said, after Jace told him Magnus was off with Alec somewhere in Italy. “Well, in that case, I guess I should, um, be going.” 

“Stay?” Jace wasn’t sure why he suggested it. But being alone didn’t sound too great. “I mean, if you want… We could watch one of those star movies you’re always rambling on about?”

“Really?” Simon looked shocked. 

Jace shrugged. “Yeah,”

Simon grinned. “Alright,”

So Simon joined him on the couch after setting up the first Star Wars movie.

Jace didn’t really pay much attention to the movie, instead he watched Simon, as the vampire rambled excitedly about different things that were happening in the movie. 

It was about an hour into the movie that when Jace glanced at Simon, he noticed his eyes. They weren’t black, or gray, but a softer color. Something warmer. Gentle. Like melted chocolate. Jace couldn’t help but stare. (Don’t fall in love. Don’t fall in love.)

He didn’t say anything about it to anyone. 

x

Keep reading

ah what am I saying the Pearl favoritism has a LOT to do with colorism and I should probably bring that up more often

because remember “Maximum Capacity”? I wasn’t too deep in the fandom then but I remember seeing lots of posts about how Amethyst’s behavior wasn’t okay, brainweird or not. which is true, I don’t dispute it, what she did to Greg was shitty!

but where is that level of outrage about Pearl’s actions? where are the posts saying “it doesn’t matter if she’s autistic, she still hurt people and needs to apologize”? where is the “I don’t trust Pearl anymore, that was pretty abusive”?

sure it’s all over my dashboard right now but I’m following the right people, a quick dive into the tag reveals so much “omg Pearl noooo!! my problematic fave I love you so much ;_;” and “when she called him Rose </3″

when are people gonna recognize that Pearl’s actions are not okay no matter how much of a tragic backstory she has? why won’t you subject a light-skinned character to the same level of scrutiny as a dark-skinned character?

I like who I am when Im with you

And yeah when I started to draw these two my computer told me it was automatically restarting in 15 minutes so here’s the fastest draw I could muster

This year I should have burnt that house down
with you in it.
This year I forgot my mouth wasn’t an apology
and was, 
in fact,
just a mouth.
This year I spent too much time shoveling dead things into my stomach.
This year I refused to become a ghost 
and look what’s become of me.
This year I did not know how to be loved as I deserved,
good and properly.
Nothing like shaking hands and trembling lips,
how you hated looking me in the eyes,
how I kept looking everywhere for sharp things.
This year I tried to write love poems into my thighs
but you never kissed me there. 
This year they all turned into eulogies.
This year I felt so lost because I learned how to hide so well in a man’s shadow.
This year I knew nothing but the rain,
and  how it feels beating down my face.
This year I forgot my body wasn’t an apology
and was,
in fact,
just a body 
or a playground
or a crime scene
or a graveyard.
This year I looked in the mirror and saw nothing but scars
and your hands.

Look at white feminist logic. It takes a special kind of ahistorical delusion to consider your years of deliberate and calculated willful oppression as benevolence. Also peep how they view colorblind erasure as a SOLUTION. These types are so incredibly dangerous.