What is wrong with people when they feel the need to tell you what to imagine in your own head and share with others of a like mind? IF YOU DO NOT LIKE IT STAY AWAY FROM IT. It’s that easy. STFU AND GO READ SOMETHING ELSE!
we talk a lot on tumblr about tagging triggers, and being triggered, but we don’t talk a lot about how to be free of our triggers.
we talk a lot about feeling suicidal, and joke a lot about wanting to die, but we don’t talk a lot about how to feel safe being alive, worthy of being alive. happy, joyous, free.
we talk a lot about having zero self-worth, and depending on other people for any self-esteem or validation, and thinking we are a burden on others, and repelling them and avoiding intimacy and avoiding confrontation and all of the other ways we try to control all the things that make us feel threatened. and i can say that cause I have totally one million percent been there. all of this.
but. for most of us, the adults in our lives were supposed to teach us how to cope in a healthy way, and instead they, maybe unintentionally, fucked up our ability to cope with even seemingly minor things?
so we have to help each other. so this is what we’re gonna do.
the reason mod R and I started this group is because the twelve steps have helped us so incredibly much with all of the above. with, basically, cleaning up all of the damage that has been done to us, (and the damage we’ve done to ourselves in the aftermath), so that our trauma is no longer driving everything.
trauma is like driving a car that has really messed-up alignment and suspension. the car looks fine, but it pulls and swerves in horrible ways and jolts you really hard when you even go over a little crack in the road.
so we’re gonna do a step workshop! right here on this tumblr. and that will take you through the 12 things that you can do, that will fix that alignment and suspension.
basically: we will post information and instructions for each step. you don’t HAVE to do anything, we’re just showing you what has helped us. if you want to work the steps, message us and we’ll help, because there are a couple of parts that you do with another person.
you can totally create a new account or a sideblog so that anything you ask here isn’t connected with your main. you are also of course welcome to just read and ask questions.
this is important so listen. as i’m finishing up the episodes for the oa i need something perfectly clear. i better not see a single post along the lines of “i know hap is bad but he’s hot”, or “i just love a good villain”, i don’t care if you’re a jason isaacs mega fan and don’t actually care about the plot i don’t care i better not see a single post uplifting this abuser ever i swear to fucking god
(note: if you are an abuse victim and using hap to cope with what happened to you in any way, you are excluded from this post. if you’re not an abuse victim don’t even @ me because i don’t care. this post is ok 2 reblog.)
I apologize for loving you. You saw stars in my eyes, only to scrape them out with your claws, then complained about the bloodstains as if I were the cause. My sincerest apologies for loving you. You expected unrelenting support whenever you began to crumble, yet when I came to you in ruins, you merely dusted off the dirt from your shoes. I apologize for loving you. You treated your own demons with more affection than you ever treated me. My sincerest fucking apologies for loving you.
Prompt: “I love the new fanfic but but maybe I am sadistic but please idk make a sad ending im just, Jimin was an asshole I’m sorry 😭”
Genre:Angst - One Shot.
Summary: His eyes spiritually intoxicated your soul with their magnetic gaze, illuminated, juxtaposed colours dancing around in his astral irises as he laughed the same silvery laugh that seemed to drown you in its enticing song.
Disclaimer:Mentions sensitive topics, may not be written 100% well as things at home have been questionable and I feel like shit, basically. Sorry if I’ve disappointed any (all) of you.
Tags: Bullying, verbal abuse, mentions of self-harm and depression, etc.
friends, today has just been So Much, i’m honestly just. i’m crying. and i cry at the drop of a hat lately, but i’m sitting here, actively crying.
i’m back in therapy to deal with being an ab*se victim, of all things. the gaslighting has fucked me up so much that i’ve been trying to make sense of what has and hasn’t happened and who i even am, like i’ve had to sort through so much. so much guilt and confusion and disappointment and sadness and FEAR FEAR FEAR and this non-stop nausea. you’d think getting free from it all would alleviate the anxiety, too, but that’s been through the roof. i’ve just been having an impossible time of things – trying to pick up the pieces, trying to not end things, trying to get through a work shift without crying. trying trying trying trying TRYING, and failing. and just totally heartbroken, on top of all that.
but the support i’ve had??? guys. it’s been out of this world.
everyone checking in on me, letting me vent, reminding me of the truth when i’m floundering. sending me little messages of support, encouraging snaps, snaps where the operator of the phone is pretty fucking high (LMAOO YOUR LAUGH THOUGH). hours-long skype calls. taking me out places, making sure i have company, reminding me how much i am loved and who i am and the things and people i enjoy. it’s honestly just been. surreal. i was backed into this corner where i wasn’t sure i really had anyone, but i am so, so loved, and to get out from underneath the haze and see that?? it’s the one thing that’s gotten me through.
trying to find myself in the mess is so painful but i know i can give it a rest every so often, because people have my back. it’s meant the world.
and now, look at this. even yesterday i was like, fuck, how am i going to get out of this??? how do i even begin to get through this??? where do i even start???
but today, we got a place. i am moving out with my best friend in the entire world, who has put up with so much shit over the past few months and who was treated like trash just for the simple ‘crime’ of knowing me. loving me. we’re going to live together.
i’m having an amazing time at work, keep being given more and more responsibility. i now have a permanent position there.
i have a single semester left until my degree is over.
i’m back to writing again.
i’m slowly getting back to being able to eat.
i have a kind-of thing??? happening???? with a girl????? holy shit???
i’m not broke.
and i’m getting my hair dyed amazingly tomorrow!!!
i wouldn’t have been able to get this far without my incredible support network, and the people who love me. i love them so, so much. i’ve been an actual trembling mess for a while now, and they’ve been absolute saints. i know things aren’t automatically easy from here – i was having a great day the other day then lost my usb and like???? had a cry and a Panic and was shit for the rest of the night so clearly it does what it likes – but today was Progress. today allowed me to look at what i have, at who i have, and remind myself that i am more than what happened to me. i can sift through the ashes and find the pieces of me i lost in the fire. i can leave behind the ones that long, important discussions with people (and a whole lot of introspection) have taught me i don’t need, and that we’re all better off without.
I went to an orchestra concert of The Sorcerer’s Stone and i didn’t really know what it would entail, but it was hp related so i was game. Turns out they play the score live while the entire movie plays. I hadn’t seen this movie in years and all the emotions just hit me like a ton of bricks! Good lord I forgot how much Harry Potter - My Favorite Son - meant to me.
Summary: The reader goes to Dean when she needs a safe place. Word Count: 975 Warnings: Mention of physical assault. A/N: Fourth part to Cuddle Buddy, Guy Friend, and Trusted Companion. This is offically a multi-part fic; one more part after this!
ONE ——-Indiana had a constant run of terrible experiences in highschool. Actually, most if not ALL memories from her teens were rather dark, callous ones, which further influenced her displeasure in attention further education like college ( which she never attended. although, if she HAD, she would have pursued law school and aimed to be a lawyer. ) It was the peak & turning point of her life, and the most damaging. The actual schooling hadn’t been that bad, she. . wasn’t a student who received A’s and B’s but hey, she passed. It was the students surrounding her who brought thetainted memories, considering she usually attracted the more outgoing, obnoxious and manipulative types of people into her life ; the wrong types of people which further influenced her in directions that were unfavorable. She’ll deny it, to protect some image of perfection she has been striving towards for years, but she’s not a stranger to being surrounded by illegal substances and activities —HELL, with some persuasion from her ‘ friends ’ she had even experimented ; to do whatever to find approval or feel special in the in-crowd. All to be cool, right? Her WEAKNESS is how malleable she is in the face of deception. Indiana Stokely would believe the earth was on fire in winter if you told her, or drop all her daily activities to do whatever you asked of her, so she did. Because If she hadn’t? she’d be left in the gutter by morning, abandoned, considered weak or worse, a snob just as much as she was a prude—- It was something she eventually grew accustomed to, considered it wasn’t just friendships, her relationships had been the same way. It’s only been the last few years of the APOCALYPSE that she has began biting back —- or more so, barking yapping back.
——-She has over ten different tattoos, her first being imprinted into her skin at only seventeen. It’s always been more of an addictioncoping mechanism rather than a hobby or just a desire to have art decorating her flesh. You know when the world is hitting her hard when she shows up with fresh ink displayed somewhere on her body. It worked, and it’d still work if she had access to a tattooist. She doesn’t regret any, she adores them more than anything. She associates them with certain harsh times in her life, and the harsh times she has overcome. Even if they are just tattoo’s, they make her feel stronger when she feels herself cracking, and makes her feel hopeful when the world is crashing around her.
I wonder tho. Do they actually consummate their relationship? I mean, this relationship is being set up to NOT be like a normal royal marriage, so they wouldn’t have to. (I mean, Richelieu would feel shitty either way, but would they actually want to?)
Good way of
answer: theoretically, they aren’t obligated to do so.
Long answer: Richelieu isn’t worried what they are obligated to do but what
they CAN do. Details under the cut (because I feel it might be a bit spoiler-ish).