abuse is addictive due to brain’s hormonal response to extreme stimuli and it’s still not the victim’s fault if they crave abuse or feel restless and anxious without it, it does not mean they wanted it or deserved it, they’ve been hurt so much their brain is damaged by it, nobody on this planet consents to brain damage or wants to cope with feeling absolutely dreadful all the time and craving pain so much while feeling guilty and ashamed for feeling it, it takes ages to stabilize and have your brain hormones regulated properly again but it can and will happen so just keep hanging in there, you are healing all the time no matter what you do
i see a lot of people on here talk about abusive relationships and they never mention any of this, if anyone is treating you wrongly or you notice warning signs, leave. as much as tumblr would like to believe, not every member of a minority is a wonderful person nor is every woman, be careful and stay safe.
If parents teach a child with any method available that the child must be
silent about their needs
always content with what they get, even if it’s much less than they need
pleasing to everyone around them
giving others what they want even when it’s harmful and painful to do so
expecting punishment at merely displeasuring someone
expecting pain as soon as they don’t meet someone’s expectations
not good enough unless they make everyone else happy
putting their needs last, or not having needs at all
extremely grateful for every little bit of human decency they get
best in the world in everything, or else they’re worthless
recognizing that people who hurt them most likely do it unintentionally or even worse, out of love
accepting hurtful behaviour without calling it out, complaining about it, or even letting the perpetrator know how much they got hurt
extremely forgiving, to the point where they forgive without even getting an apology, or with the hurtful offense still going on
tolerating insults, humiliation, slurs, and hatred being directed at them
never showing outright anger, rage, resentment, or hold a grudge
never fighting for their rights
never refusing to do what’s asked of them
accepting that they might be unlovable and that nobody will ever want them
then the child is being abused. It doesn’t matter if they use violence, guilt, terror, emotional abuse, brainwashing, threats, psychological abuse, punishment, discipline, harsh language, or if they teach it all to the child politely and with explanations to why they have to be like this if they don’t wish to be a burden on society. To shape a person this way out of convenience and send them off into a world that will abuse, exploit, take advantage and destroy a person like this, is abuse. Nobody needs to be any of these things. And people who aren’t any of these things still aren’t a burden on society. Abusive parents are a burden on society, and on their own children. Children aren’t there to be controlled or used by adults. Children are humans in development. Their boundaries should not be crushed before they even have a chance to develop any.
That post about people making sure they don’t ONLY use their friends to vent negativity to has SO many shitty responses, some people called it “problematic”.
And it’s like… It’s not saying don’t be sad, it’s not saying don’t vent… It’s saying don’t ONLY use those people for that purpose? That they are people too and if all you literally EVER do is say negative shit to them and can’t make time to see how they are or say a single nice thing to them… Then they will start to feel negative about you?
It’s not “mean” or “problematic”, if anything it doesn’t go far enough. If that is the way you treat someone then you are using them and, like, fucking stop?
Just because someone is supportive doesn’t mean you should exploit that. Stay aware of your behavior, that doesn’t mean “pretend to be happy when you’re not” or “don’t go to your friend for support”, but it means be AWARE. Ask yourself questions.
-Did you say hello to your friend?
-Did you ask them how they were?
-Have you sent them a cute image, link or interesting article that reminds you of them or think they would be interested in?
-Have you let them know they are valued?
-Have you been observing if they seem tired or distressed by your conversations?
If you can’t say yes top at least one of these then stop, give your friend a break. It is ok to need support and I’m glad people have friends with massive capabilities, but they are still people and still friends.
If being told to appreciate your friend and not ONLY use them as a venting resource is “problematic” then you probably need to investigate the way you treat your friends.